grateful
it is strange how i can feel so much suffering, and yet.. in a way i feel as if i live a charmed life. i feel as though things happen exactly as they were meant to. i follow the random currents of my life, as they slowly guide me in the right direction, paying careful attention to messages others will never receive because they never got that deeply into paying attention to life's currents. people come into my life who are exactly the people that are supposed to be there; for whatever reason; whatever lessons or love they need to give me, and they are there at the right moments. everything is like a very meticulous, elaborate work of art; though i am not exactly controlling it; i am colluding with other forces in life; mysterious ones; and it is still all so unfinished. still so in the middle of the storm before the calm.