current mood: cold
This is me alright...I just need to break. And the sad part is I just cant. I always try to act strong for everyone around me, but inside I am just dying to break down. I always feel like I just need to scream but of course I cant. People depend on me to be the strong one, to help them through their problems, so what would they do if I broke down? How would they handle it? They wouldn’t...that just the problem. If I broke down, if I just quit...everyone around me would too. Its like I am the wall holding everyone up, and God I hate it.
Forget about perfect, I was trying not to be worthless.
I look at other people and I think, "He lives without meds. She does. What is wrong with me? Am I so biochemically screwed up, so neurotic, so narcissistically self-absorbed that every hour is an obstacle course for me?" I don't know, but this can't continue. I feel like I am dying. A slow torturous death. And the worst thing is that I'm taking people along for the ride. But I swear, I don't know how to do it differently.
I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't know what I want right now. All I know is that I'm hurting so much inside that it's eating me, and one day, there won't be any of me left. Everything that ever caused a tear to trickle down my cheeks, I run away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me. And I don't know what to do.
I just know that the pain I felt so long ago, it's hurting ten times more.
I don't feel loved. I go through each day and I don't think anybody loves me. And I know it's pathetic but it's the way I feel, and I'm too young to feel this way.
Forget about perfect, I was trying not to be worthless.
I look at other people and I think, "He lives without meds. She does. What is wrong with me? Am I so biochemically screwed up, so neurotic, so narcissistically self-absorbed that every hour is an obstacle course for me?" I don't know, but this can't continue. I feel like I am dying. A slow torturous death. And the worst thing is that I'm taking people along for the ride. But I swear, I don't know how to do it differently.
I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't know what I want right now. All I know is that I'm hurting so much inside that it's eating me, and one day, there won't be any of me left. Everything that ever caused a tear to trickle down my cheeks, I run away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me. And I don't know what to do.
I just know that the pain I felt so long ago, it's hurting ten times more.
I don't feel loved. I go through each day and I don't think anybody loves me. And I know it's pathetic but it's the way I feel, and I'm too young to feel this way.