Title: I've Always Loved You
Title: I've Always Loved You
Author: frankierosgirl
Rating: PG-13 I think
Warnings: some cursing
Summary: Frank loves Gerard. He always draws him in his secretive art book. But how much longer can he hide it?
Author's Note: This is my first slash story, so please no rude comments. Constructive criticism is accepted. And yea, that drawing did take about three hours.
Disclaimer: I don't own MCR. They own themselves. I only own the words you read.
Beta: she doesn't have an lj account, so it doesn't matter :]
I stand and look down, examining my hands. They're covered in red, black, and purple chalk. I sigh, close my art book and drag my feet on the way to the tour bus bathroom. It's a shitty bathroom, we don't even have a shower. That's sooo not cool. Quickly, I scrub my hands under the freezing cold tap and hurry back to my bunk. My bandmates aren't allowed to look at my art book, and I would freak out if they did. But I wouldn't put it past them to try it anyway. When I return to the room, though, Mikey and Gee still aren't back yet, and Ray's watching TV out in the other room.
So, I throw myself back on my bed and flip my art book back to my latest drawing. It is, like all my other drawings, one of Gee. I examine the facial features and the hands. I'm not completely satisfied, but it's pretty good, and it took me three hours to draw. I brush my fingers over it, lightly so as not to smear the the colors, wishing Gee was MINE not Lyn-Z's. She doesn't deserve Gee. Only I do. Yeah, that may sound selfish, but it's true.
After all, who was the one who started this band because Gee was suicidal? Me. Who was the one to listen to every problem he had? Me. Who was the one to wipe away every single tear he shed? Me. Who was it that held his hair while he was doubled over in front of the toilet because he drank too much again? Me. Who was the one who helped him get clean after his drinking problem had gone on far too long? Me. Who was the one keeping him happy when he broke up with all his exes? Still ME. And who , who is the one that no matter how much their heart fucking breaks over him, loves Gee with all their heart? The one who would do anything for him? Her? Oh, hell no. Me. It's always BEEN me. She CHEATED on him, after all. And I, I would never do that.
During my internal rant, I don't realize that I'm sobbing uncontrollably until I feel the bed dip. I flip my art book shut in an instant, shoving it under my pillow, eyes wide. Then I look up to see Gee, staring at me with wide, concerned eyes. He reaches out and gently takes my hand, whispering, "What's wrong Frankie?"
You! I scream internally. But instead of yelling that, I wipe away the tears and say, "Oh... J-just a little sad about my divorce with J-jamia," I lie, hoping he'd be convinced. Apparently, he is.
He pulls me into a warm hug and whispers, "Shhh... It's alright Frankie, it's okay. You'll find someone else." At that, I jump out of his arms, rage clear on my face, shock plain on his.
"NO! It WON'T be okay, I WON'T find someone! Y'know why? Because the only person I've ever loved is married! And she doesn't even love him like I do!" My eyes widen as I realize I just told Gee that I love him, whether he catches that or not. My hand flys to my mouth as I spin around, running toward the door. But before I can get out, he's there, grabbing my wrist and spinning me back so I'm facing him.
"Frankie..." he whispers, eyes confused and sad, "Who are you talking about?" He finishes softly.
But tears are streaming down my face, and I only shake my head. "I-I can't. I-I just c-can't," I choke the words out.
He shakes his head sadly. "You can tell me anything Frankie. I'll never jude you. You know that, right?" His eyes are loving and worried, and for a second I wonder if he feels the same as me. But he's married. To a girl. He has to be straight. I dismiss my prior thought, but then another flys through my head. It says, you were married to a girl too Frank. And then, I'm questioning everything, replaying every moment he could've hinted he felt the same. And I look up into his gorgeous eyes. In them, I see nothing but love.
I take a deep breath, looking down at my hands. "W-well... I-I... Gee, I... I love you! I always have! It's the reason nobody's allowed in my art book. You're all I ever draw, and I couldn't risk you figuring it out, cause I was afraid you'd reject me. And if you did, I couldn't---" He cuts me off, placing one finger over my lips. "Shhh" is all he says.
He walks over to my art book and glances at me, asking permission. I nod, and he flips through every drawing of him, every poem about him. I feel extremely vulnerable as he does so, knowing I'm completely in love with him. When he reads the poems, reads about how much pain I'm in, his eyes fill with tears that quickly spill when he sees all the tear stains I left.
He looks up at me, tears staining his perfect face. "Frank..." he begins but, unable to form a sentence, he just gets up and wRaps his arms around me, holding me tight. I start crying loudly and he pushes my hair away, whispering comforting words and he asks me not to cry.
"I'm s-sorry" I choke out, but he just shakes his head.
"No, no, no don't be. Shhh." Then he cups my face in his hands and softly presses our lips together. My tears stop and I stand there in shock.
When he pulls back, I whisper, "Gee? Why?" He smiles softly.
"Because I love you Frankie. I always have. The only reason I married Lyn-Z is because you had Jamia, and I figured I needed to get over it. But I never could."
I smile, still shocked. "But now what? You're still married!"
Gerard smiles softly and holds up a finger, pressing his phone against his ear. When the person on the other side answers, he says, "Lyn-Z? I want a divorce." My eyes almost pop out of my head, they get so wide. And Gerard just smiles, pressing a soft kiss to my lips.
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