this thing called ---- hey they never said it was easy
i am having difficulty with my mental capabilities,
she said.
the doctor, he prescribed love to you when you ran out screaming names
katherine, susan, linda, nancy,
empty boxes filled with ink stained my cheeks as i ran away backwards for your push down i fell up.
here, she said, you should have this because i wrote it for you, and handed me a poem. it was real cold that day and when she leaned over to kiss me i didn't want to close my eyes. the hand of a person on your side is really something. today i was lying there and i looked into the blank screen of the tv and i saw our reflection. his arm was around me and i saw myself staring back. why is it difficult for me to close my eyes... something horrible happens and my heart slows down again and again comes this wall built around me. feels like i'm inside the blank screen looking out watching it all happen and sometimes catching my glance back. its easy to smile, to kiss, to eat the dinner they cook, to play along. is it really playing along? when does it ever feel like you're not playing along but living. why does the feeling of being alive only come in desperation... when it seems like it can't get worse and the pain in your stomach is so sharp that you stay in bed leave the lights out stop answering the phone then all of a sudden realize that is what makes you alive, the pain. why is the pain the life. they told me i wasn't going to have an easy life, it would be hard. now i smile when i think of a memory or something that could happen but doesn't. sometimes i even laugh out loud. as though i'm laughing at a life i watch being lived. its the places and the people that remind me to open my eyes, and i do from time to time. i find new places, new people. then it happens and i remember. i came home tonite it was after midnite and i found on my doorstep a tape, no paper no note. "it'll take some time" . this person knows and this song, i remember it from back, and i smile again....and then laugh....and then sleep.
she said.
the doctor, he prescribed love to you when you ran out screaming names
katherine, susan, linda, nancy,
empty boxes filled with ink stained my cheeks as i ran away backwards for your push down i fell up.
here, she said, you should have this because i wrote it for you, and handed me a poem. it was real cold that day and when she leaned over to kiss me i didn't want to close my eyes. the hand of a person on your side is really something. today i was lying there and i looked into the blank screen of the tv and i saw our reflection. his arm was around me and i saw myself staring back. why is it difficult for me to close my eyes... something horrible happens and my heart slows down again and again comes this wall built around me. feels like i'm inside the blank screen looking out watching it all happen and sometimes catching my glance back. its easy to smile, to kiss, to eat the dinner they cook, to play along. is it really playing along? when does it ever feel like you're not playing along but living. why does the feeling of being alive only come in desperation... when it seems like it can't get worse and the pain in your stomach is so sharp that you stay in bed leave the lights out stop answering the phone then all of a sudden realize that is what makes you alive, the pain. why is the pain the life. they told me i wasn't going to have an easy life, it would be hard. now i smile when i think of a memory or something that could happen but doesn't. sometimes i even laugh out loud. as though i'm laughing at a life i watch being lived. its the places and the people that remind me to open my eyes, and i do from time to time. i find new places, new people. then it happens and i remember. i came home tonite it was after midnite and i found on my doorstep a tape, no paper no note. "it'll take some time" . this person knows and this song, i remember it from back, and i smile again....and then laugh....and then sleep.