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It's time for an update. I have tried to update a few times in the past few weeks, but nothing really comes out the way I want it to. Adam Duritz says "Things are getting worse, but I feel a lot better... and that's all that really matters to me." In a sense things are getting worse... like this past week I literally was not aloud to pick up any more shifts because then they would have to pay me time in a half. And God forbid they pull out an extra dollar fifty so I get payed 3 dollars an hour instead of 2. There was an incidient last... Friday was it?... where I did something completely and utterly stupid. I'd like to get into it, but I don't need to hear any more criticism, I feel awful enough. The point of that story was that it was such an idiotic choice that it changed me... In a sense I woke up... Here I was lingering for a life I can no longer have... meanwhile, people who care for me were lining up to make sure I was okay. And it's not that I wasn't treating those people nicely, but I sure as hell wasn't giving them the credit/respect/compassion they deserve. I wrote some letters and bought some presents and stayed up to watch the sun come up... and just thought about a lot of things. It's hard to explain to other people why I am still not quite myself... I did something that not many people get the chance to do, and you better believe I am grateful. Every penny I make at the Sweet Onion is worth every second I had there. And I know I am lucky, and I am happy to have seen all that I did. I got to stare history right in the eye. What a blessing. And it's not those moments that make me sad, but... I didn't go on a vacation. South Dakota I learned a lot, but it was a vacation. Ichthus I learned a lot, but it was also a vacation. I lived there. I grew there. I have a place in that culture, with those people, in their lives... and I left it. I guess maybe I'll always feel a little empty now. So yes, things are getting worse, but I do feel a lot better. I have spent a lot of time with my roomates, who have been really supportive. Erino wrote me a facebook message that said "I'm drinking with you on Tuesday. I don't care if we puke or we cry, we're hanging out." And thats how amazing she is. I have spent a lot of time with that Sweet Child of Mine... things are progressing... but I don't really trust it. But how could I? Would you trust someone who has slept with the entire population of Rhode Island? Yea, I don't think so. Plus, my benefit of the doubt theory has not always worked out in my favor in the past... We'll see. Paulie, Aaron, Daniel, and 2 other Brits are coming for my 21st... I am crazy excited. That will definitely brighten my spirits. I'm also missing my girls. Nikki, Ana... Kris, the seeeeeeeesters... Can't wait. CAN NOT WAIT! Alright, Im home in G.R. for a lil while... taking lots of naps and trying to get my ass in shape. Lisa's 21st and Dirt McGirt 24th are just around the corner.