random thoughts
Im back in St. Helens. Its still the same. But in a way I kinda like it. I came back so broken up and thinking that this was going to be a horrible summer and all i felt like doing was curling up into a ball and crying. But I'm not. And even though some stuff still kinda sucks, and every once in awhile i get that ache of missing someone and knowing things will never been the same, in others ways im so much happier, at least trying to be. I find that spending time alone is not as hard as it use to be. That im finding ways of filling up my time, which i had such a hard time doing before.
I went on a blind date today with a guy and my friends sister and her bf. I wouldn't call it a date. It just felt like hanging out with people. Definately not interested in the guy but the movie was good lol.
My ex boyfriends band finally got music up on their myspace. I really enjoy their music a lot, but as I was listening to it, I couldnt anymore. It just brings up a lot of stuff that I don't want to put myself through right now, especially when Im just feeling so much better.
sometimes i get sad. not very often. I dont really know what to do about it, because i don't want to really talk to people about it. I just tell myself everything will be okay and to stay focused. just every once in a while i stray. im kinda proud of myself in a way, because i saw myself doing a lot worse than i really am. and i think its because im telling myself it will be okay and not allowing myself to just brood in self pity. as my mother reminds me, there are people out there are having a much more rougher time than I am.
Its weird seeing how people have changed and havent changed. I'm seeing different things in people now. I don't know if thats because i have changed, they have, or both. but its interesting. I also find myself realizing a lot of stuff about how i used to be with certain people, and its odd thinking back on old times thinking what if? or whats next?
I just feel so thoughtful right now, and now that i feel like talkking about it, no one is online or around to talk to so I'm writing in LJ for the first time in forever.
Ive also taken up drawing again. I want to get into some painting and start some fun projects. I'm also reading more, which is probably because I now have no homework. So if anyone has fun project ideas or good book suggestions, let me know!
I also feel really confused, and silly, all lol,but not about sean anymore. that is not a very confusing subject at all, and i think thats why Im not allowing myself to be hung up on it. but with other people do wonder why i think the things I do when i know i shouldnt be thinking them. But i can't help it. Cuz sometimes those random thoughts make me smile and feel warm inside, even if they are just thoughts.
I think I will read now because this is a lot longer than i thought it was going to be, but isnt that how it always is?
goodnight
I went on a blind date today with a guy and my friends sister and her bf. I wouldn't call it a date. It just felt like hanging out with people. Definately not interested in the guy but the movie was good lol.
My ex boyfriends band finally got music up on their myspace. I really enjoy their music a lot, but as I was listening to it, I couldnt anymore. It just brings up a lot of stuff that I don't want to put myself through right now, especially when Im just feeling so much better.
sometimes i get sad. not very often. I dont really know what to do about it, because i don't want to really talk to people about it. I just tell myself everything will be okay and to stay focused. just every once in a while i stray. im kinda proud of myself in a way, because i saw myself doing a lot worse than i really am. and i think its because im telling myself it will be okay and not allowing myself to just brood in self pity. as my mother reminds me, there are people out there are having a much more rougher time than I am.
Its weird seeing how people have changed and havent changed. I'm seeing different things in people now. I don't know if thats because i have changed, they have, or both. but its interesting. I also find myself realizing a lot of stuff about how i used to be with certain people, and its odd thinking back on old times thinking what if? or whats next?
I just feel so thoughtful right now, and now that i feel like talkking about it, no one is online or around to talk to so I'm writing in LJ for the first time in forever.
Ive also taken up drawing again. I want to get into some painting and start some fun projects. I'm also reading more, which is probably because I now have no homework. So if anyone has fun project ideas or good book suggestions, let me know!
I also feel really confused, and silly, all lol,but not about sean anymore. that is not a very confusing subject at all, and i think thats why Im not allowing myself to be hung up on it. but with other people do wonder why i think the things I do when i know i shouldnt be thinking them. But i can't help it. Cuz sometimes those random thoughts make me smile and feel warm inside, even if they are just thoughts.
I think I will read now because this is a lot longer than i thought it was going to be, but isnt that how it always is?
goodnight