(no subject)
so yay. I think i had another panic attack tonight. Matt pretty much freaked out again.
incase you didnt know. My best friend recently told me he wanted to date me. which has put me into a state of extreme emotional stress. Enough to give me fucking panic attacks. And of course lets add on the homework , college and work.
Im pretty much freaking out. because i cant just tell my bestfriend everything anymore. especially rigth now. god I want to talk to him about how i feel. Im compltely torn about my feelings over someone and i have absolutely NO ONE to talk to about it. HE was the one i told these things.
and not only am i worried about my owns self(cuz im so fucking narcissistic) but im incredibly worried about him. and how he is doing and if i might hurt him by saying something to him.
I want my life to just not be stressful. I want to feel special again. and Dont want to feel like im alone. I want to be able to act of my own feelings without feeling guilt. I want to just feel calm. and I want to relax. Just lay with someone and relax. I dont want to worry about a paper that is due the next day. or if my friend hates me, or if my other friend is upset. of if this guy likes me or if i should like this guy.
I had an exstreme sense of calm today. when someone just held my hand while they were cold. That has seriously been the only time in the 4 days where i felt like everything was fine. and where i didtn get clausterphobic that someone was touching me. And even though i was completely calm. i still felt kinda sad. Because i cant just do that with whom ever i want to with. god im feel so selfish and i feel like im incapable of functioning with out liking someone
this time its just killin me inside
fuck. someone make it all better. please.
incase you didnt know. My best friend recently told me he wanted to date me. which has put me into a state of extreme emotional stress. Enough to give me fucking panic attacks. And of course lets add on the homework , college and work.
Im pretty much freaking out. because i cant just tell my bestfriend everything anymore. especially rigth now. god I want to talk to him about how i feel. Im compltely torn about my feelings over someone and i have absolutely NO ONE to talk to about it. HE was the one i told these things.
and not only am i worried about my owns self(cuz im so fucking narcissistic) but im incredibly worried about him. and how he is doing and if i might hurt him by saying something to him.
I want my life to just not be stressful. I want to feel special again. and Dont want to feel like im alone. I want to be able to act of my own feelings without feeling guilt. I want to just feel calm. and I want to relax. Just lay with someone and relax. I dont want to worry about a paper that is due the next day. or if my friend hates me, or if my other friend is upset. of if this guy likes me or if i should like this guy.
I had an exstreme sense of calm today. when someone just held my hand while they were cold. That has seriously been the only time in the 4 days where i felt like everything was fine. and where i didtn get clausterphobic that someone was touching me. And even though i was completely calm. i still felt kinda sad. Because i cant just do that with whom ever i want to with. god im feel so selfish and i feel like im incapable of functioning with out liking someone
this time its just killin me inside
fuck. someone make it all better. please.