00: Trials and Tribulations
I decided to go to the local shop to purchase some cat food for Alice's Diricrawl earlier, which turned into an all out fiasco. I wasn't sure how much I should get for Roger because I knew he likes to eat a lot, so I asked the woman at the counter to give me the biggest bags possible without realizing that the biggest bags possible were half my size. The woman looked like she was happy to sell them to me, and besides, she told me a really long story about her husband who died and got a bit weepy, so I didn't want to disappoint her. Anyway, I bought two, and she cheered up right away. She started laughing after I left the shop, looking like a mad twatter as I tried to balance two Hagrid sized bags of nosh in my skinny twig arms, which makes me thinks that I had just been had by a skilled con artist. Who knew that kind old ladies could be so sadistic?
The walk home was a nightmare. Half a mile of being pointed and laughed at my little children as I hobbled by, grunting like an underfed Hippogriff and stepping in puddles. My best socks were soaked through. Sidney didn't help at all, either, just sat on my head. Some friend he is. Although I'll admit that his lack of opposable thumbs makes it hard for him to do anything at the best of times. Still, giving me some moral support wouldn't have killed him.
When I arrived home, my mother informed me that I could have bewitched the cat food to make it weightless, now that I'm legally an adult. She then spent an hour berating me for my new, 'unhealthy diet'. I think she is under the impression that I bought the cat food with a view to consume it myself. I do not understand why my mother thinks this, because I tried a bit and it was disgusting. My mother is loopy.
She makes great scones, though, so it's not all doom and gloom.
The walk home was a nightmare. Half a mile of being pointed and laughed at my little children as I hobbled by, grunting like an underfed Hippogriff and stepping in puddles. My best socks were soaked through. Sidney didn't help at all, either, just sat on my head. Some friend he is. Although I'll admit that his lack of opposable thumbs makes it hard for him to do anything at the best of times. Still, giving me some moral support wouldn't have killed him.
When I arrived home, my mother informed me that I could have bewitched the cat food to make it weightless, now that I'm legally an adult. She then spent an hour berating me for my new, 'unhealthy diet'. I think she is under the impression that I bought the cat food with a view to consume it myself. I do not understand why my mother thinks this, because I tried a bit and it was disgusting. My mother is loopy.
She makes great scones, though, so it's not all doom and gloom.