Gratitude Sunday: Important decisions and the promise of tomorrow
"A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for."
-- William G.T. Shedd
The proverbial "they" say life is about taking risks. If happiness is the desired outcome, you have to sometimes step out of your comfort zone and do things that aren't always logical. Kevin and I did just that when we moved to Boston 15 months ago.
I took another risk this week - one that could hinder our financial situation, but in the long run, could very well be worth it.
I believe I've mentioned before that my bosses at my workplace expressed interest in promoting me to a managerial position. It wasn't a guaranteed thing, but it sounded relatively certain. Afterall, they were the ones who approached me about applying for the job. Other associates had thrown their name in the hat, but they weren't selected like I was. One didn't really want the job and the other wasn't going to get it any way. My only real competition, I felt, was an associate from another store - and even still, it sounded like my supervisors wanted to hire from within. While I had already sat down with my higher-ups for an hour-long conversation about my qualifications for the position, I had yet to have a formal interview. In fact, it's now been 10 or so weeks since I was first approached about the job and still, no interview. I reckon the retail holiday season just isn't a good time to deal with such matters, but two-plus months sure allows one time to think - and this past week especially, I did an awful lot of thinkin'.
On Monday, I attended an orientation for Cambridge Community Television. CCTV is a nationally recognized community media center that serves as the voice and vision of residents, businesses and organizations in the city. CCTV provides tools and training to its members in order to foster free speech and creative expression. The local cable access channel and website involves people from across Cambridge as producers and viewers of media that is informative, engaging and as diverse as the community itself. A variety of multimedia classes and workshops are offered at low costs and cover a number of topics including video editing and recording, audio, lighting, blogging, photo and image editing, mobile phone reporting, documentary film-making, digital storytelling and set production. For someone who was into all this kind of stuff a decade and a half ago - and as an unemployed journalist who needs to add to his list of abilities in order to remain competitive in the field - re-learning all these skills with all the current technologies sure sounds like quite the appealing prospect.
So after attending the orientation, I was pumped - but I was faced with a predicament. To become a manager at my place of employment, I'd need a pretty much open schedule. I could request to have regular days or times off, but these days and times would need to be consistent. For example I could tell my boss that I'd need every Thursday night off, and it would be so. But the classes offered at CCTV don't run on such a schedule. Instead, the days and times I'd need off would be spread out pretty chaotically. For instance, I might need the morning off on Wednesday one week, then the evenings off three days in a row the following week, and then a random handful of nights off the following month. There'd be no rhyme and reason to my availability, and that wouldn't fly if I were to be promoted to this managerial job.
What to do, what to do? On one hand, Kevin and I could really use the money. I'm underwater in bills, we really don't have any spending money, and it sure would be nice to live a more comfortable lifestyle. On the other hand, my past career experience has been in journalism, and this is the field I'd like to stay in. The newspaper industry has been named one of the 10 worst industries to be in for 2013, and the only reasonable way to work and move up in the field is to add a slew of new and multimedia skills under my belt. If last year was about doing whatever I could to survive, this year could be about the potential and promise of tomorrow. If I withdraw my name from consideration for the management position, I could continue working there part-time while taking these classes, volunteering on production crews and possibly landing some freelance writing gigs. While management experience is usually a positive thing to put on a resume, if I'm to continue my career as a journalist - which is what I've decided I want to do - working as a retail manager really adds nothing to my career-related experience.
After two full days of thinking and talking it over with Kevin, I went into work on Thursday and told my manager I was withdrawing my name from consideration for the job. She sat and talked with me for a few minutes to make sure this was what I wanted to do, and I thanked her for the opportunity. I told her it was nice to be recognized and that I appreciated her ability to see leadership skills in me. The talk went more smoothly than expected, and I felt relieved making that decision final. Sure, there's no way to know if I would have actually been offered that job anyway, but to say no to the opportunity is a huge, huge risk - especially considering the financial implications.
But as New York Times Bestselling novelist, Sarah Addison Allen, wrote: "Happiness is a risk. If you're not a little scared, then you're not doing it right." This year, 2013, will be a year of risks - but I'm determined to see to it that these risks lead to greater opportunity. Kevin and I might struggle financially a little while longer, but who knows what opportunities will come from this? We're investing in the future, and I truly believe with everything I've got in me that this decision I made was the right one. I know that great things await me, and if I keep pushing for them and moving in the direction that feels right deep down in my skin and soul, the outcome will be more rewarding than I could ever imagine.
For this, I am grateful.
This week, I am also grateful for:
- The decision Kevin and I made to not move this year. We had toyed with the idea of relocating from Cambridge to Boston's South End, but it became clear that it would be too much of a financial burden. While the South End is a gorgeous neighborhood full of charming brownstones and brick-paved sidewalks, our current neighborhood has one major luxury that's just too good to pass up: a major grocery store right behind us! Plus, we felt it more important to settle down, have some stability in our lives, and invest in making our "house" feel like a "home." The thought of moving and the instability and financial pressure that comes with it had been stressing me out quite a bit. I'm glad we both agreed that staying in our current pad - provided our landlords let us - is the right thing to do.
- Purchasing my airplane ticket to Phoenix for next month! My dad is letting me use his frequent flyer miles to come home in time for my nephew's fifth birthday. I'll be in Arizona from Feb. 2 to the 11th, and I'm very excited to see friends and family once again!