On Rediscovering Old Challenges
"Do you believe this Frank? Seriously? We have to start our climb at the bottom again?"
"I believe it Eddie. It has always worked that way. We were dumb to try and take bypass to easy street."
"Well, at least we got some good tans out of it. And you found my watch. That helped a lot, not having to start out with mazuma from a Shylock."
"Yeah, well, we can celebrate after this job is done, and we can afford chinese food instead of ramen. Do you have the box of nails?"
"No, all they had in our price range was picture hanging kits."
"Picture hanging kits? Do those even have nails in them?!"
"Screws. Flathead ones. Oh, and these little drywall plastic thingies. Don't look at me like that Frank, we are on a shoestring budget here. Besides, it has been a while, ok?"
"Next you are going to tell me that instead of dynamite, you got bang-snaps."
"Actually, m-80s. If we tape enough of them together, it will be just like dynamite."
"Right. O.K. Did you get tape? That wasn''t on the list."
"Oh, shit Frank. Um... I have some gum. Yeah, that might work."
"Eddie, seriously? This is not boding well. Instead of nailing the guy with a bang, like the invoice says, we are going to be screwing the guy with a flash, if I can get any of this to work. Remind me to never open a brothel with you. At least tell me you scored the kicks?"
"The wha?"
"The shoes dimwad. Did you at least get the fuckblessed sneakers?"
"No, I got a ziplok bag though."
"Fantastic. So now you are fucking McGuyver the killer. So instead of a bunch of nails and dynamite stuffed into a shoebox, we have a bunch of random wall hanging detrius in a ziplock with fireworks. And bubble gum! How, exactly, were we going to leave this in the store without someone noticing it before close?"
"Frank, I'm surprised at you. That is why I got paper instead of plastic. You can't see through the bag, right?"
"No, Eddie, I cannot see into the bag. But we are not leaving this parcel at a bag store. We are leaving it at a shoe store. Specifically, a shoe store full of shoe boxes, which is how we were supposed to make this work!"
"Don't yell Frank. Why don't we just steal a box when we get there?"
"Apparently, we have been left with little choice. That risk is all you though, with your killer shopping agenda. I'm going to try and make something deadly out of the Tinkertoy-Lego combonation you brought me here. Go wait in the car."
"Frank, about the car..."
"Eddie, what about the car?"
"It is out of gas."
"Jesus Tiddlywink Christ."
"I have a plan though. I just need to borrow a buck."
"Eddie, you can't possibly get enough gas to make it to this job with a buck."
"No, I can't Frank, but I can buy a Grand Gulp Super Slush at 7/13, and use the straw to siphon gas into the container a couple times..."
"Eddie. Here is a dollar. One. The car better be waiting in an hour, or you are walking this Goldberg death trap crosstown, and get to walk all the way back. Got it?"
"Got it Frank. See you in a couple."
"Yeah, don't remind me..."
"I believe it Eddie. It has always worked that way. We were dumb to try and take bypass to easy street."
"Well, at least we got some good tans out of it. And you found my watch. That helped a lot, not having to start out with mazuma from a Shylock."
"Yeah, well, we can celebrate after this job is done, and we can afford chinese food instead of ramen. Do you have the box of nails?"
"No, all they had in our price range was picture hanging kits."
"Picture hanging kits? Do those even have nails in them?!"
"Screws. Flathead ones. Oh, and these little drywall plastic thingies. Don't look at me like that Frank, we are on a shoestring budget here. Besides, it has been a while, ok?"
"Next you are going to tell me that instead of dynamite, you got bang-snaps."
"Actually, m-80s. If we tape enough of them together, it will be just like dynamite."
"Right. O.K. Did you get tape? That wasn''t on the list."
"Oh, shit Frank. Um... I have some gum. Yeah, that might work."
"Eddie, seriously? This is not boding well. Instead of nailing the guy with a bang, like the invoice says, we are going to be screwing the guy with a flash, if I can get any of this to work. Remind me to never open a brothel with you. At least tell me you scored the kicks?"
"The wha?"
"The shoes dimwad. Did you at least get the fuckblessed sneakers?"
"No, I got a ziplok bag though."
"Fantastic. So now you are fucking McGuyver the killer. So instead of a bunch of nails and dynamite stuffed into a shoebox, we have a bunch of random wall hanging detrius in a ziplock with fireworks. And bubble gum! How, exactly, were we going to leave this in the store without someone noticing it before close?"
"Frank, I'm surprised at you. That is why I got paper instead of plastic. You can't see through the bag, right?"
"No, Eddie, I cannot see into the bag. But we are not leaving this parcel at a bag store. We are leaving it at a shoe store. Specifically, a shoe store full of shoe boxes, which is how we were supposed to make this work!"
"Don't yell Frank. Why don't we just steal a box when we get there?"
"Apparently, we have been left with little choice. That risk is all you though, with your killer shopping agenda. I'm going to try and make something deadly out of the Tinkertoy-Lego combonation you brought me here. Go wait in the car."
"Frank, about the car..."
"Eddie, what about the car?"
"It is out of gas."
"Jesus Tiddlywink Christ."
"I have a plan though. I just need to borrow a buck."
"Eddie, you can't possibly get enough gas to make it to this job with a buck."
"No, I can't Frank, but I can buy a Grand Gulp Super Slush at 7/13, and use the straw to siphon gas into the container a couple times..."
"Eddie. Here is a dollar. One. The car better be waiting in an hour, or you are walking this Goldberg death trap crosstown, and get to walk all the way back. Got it?"
"Got it Frank. See you in a couple."
"Yeah, don't remind me..."