trying for something insightful
A few nights ago I had this great insight to life. Sadly enough, I had the insight shortly before falling asleep at 1 am, so it's pretty much lost except for the feeling that I understood life better for at least a moment. I'd like to think that I'm making an effort at living my life to the fullest, doing what I'm here to do, etc., but actually, I got lazy, self-centered, and more egocentric. Today, at the grocery store, I was paying for some picutres I took at prom, but I didn't have enough money. Thank heaven the young man at the register was kind enough to fudge the numbers, and I got away with being $3 short. Good karma? or good looks? I'd prefer to think that karma was on my side, as it is longer lasting, and doesn't depend on a good hair day. Sometimes I wonder how life would be if I was more average, or even fairly unatractive. I would hope that if I weren't as "pretty" as people are always insisting I am, that I would still be happy, and be me {personality wise}-with a little more self esteem, cause that's always nice to have-. Since I left the state back in September, something's made me feel like I've just not been able to be my full self. Sort of like I'm being true to myself, but there's a little more to me that I've not been able to share yet, and it's the best part, my happiest 'side'. Perhaps it's the feeling of being vulnerable again, even though I've been in this place fore a year now. Just not good at letting people get close...and I can't remember why. Things will pick up, they did before, and they will again. It's the sweet and the sour of life. Now, I've got to go and spread that good karma, you get what you give & vise versa.