okay... wow
uhm where do I start. Tonight was amazing. Let me start from whe I woke up.
I happened to be bored this afternoon, so I took a nap and woke up at about 4pm... Then, I'm informed that I'm carrying the household's banner at the household mass at 5pm, and i had to be there at 4:30. Frankly, I had no clue that there was a mass at 5pm today, let alone the big household mass (where the household banners are processed in; I dunno much of the point of it otherwise). Anywho, the homily was amazing. Some Fr. Larry Richards from Erie, the principal of Cathedral Prep boy's school, which I even knew about on the other side of the state (they're a really good school... won state champs in sports few times). Anywho, it was about my life vs your life. Am I living my life, or am I giving my life? Jesus did not live his life thinking about himself at all; rather, he gave it to us every day. He died for us, not just once on the cross, but every day. The priest said, if I go through a day and did not do one unselfish act for someone else, then it was a complete waste of God's time and my life. Take for example Blessed Mother Theresa; She was the most beautiful woman on the planet at the time. Why? Because she died for others every moment.
After the Mass, was dinner, then was a talk on Fatherhood, by the same priest with Righteous B (catholic rapper). RB went first. He talked of wounds. We suffer from our internal wounds, and they're passed onto us from our fathers (keep in mind, this was to a group of young men). We try to just cover them up, with like a bandaid of women, drinking, FOPs, and God.
This next part wasn't from his talk, it was from the Bible study last night.. but we're studying Revelation. In addressing one of the seven churches, it says that they are doing basically everything right: casting out false prophets, caring for the poor, etc. etc. but that they lost the love they had at first. They were doing these great works, but had no love anymore. I kinda feel like that personally; that no matter how I change my life right now, if I can't love, I'm still empty inside. I feel like God has to make that step for me though; that I need to be loved in order to love (which was a statement one of them made). However, the Father does love me. That's all I need. I just need to realize and accept that. So really, it is on me...
Fr. Larry talked about how God is our Father, like noone else is our Father. When we were baptised, he adopted us. Though Jesus then, we are his sons and daughters. He went on to describe a childhood experience he had.. He was with his grandma, and she kept trying to give him money, and like any nice grandchild does, he kept trying to refuse. She cried, and told him it hurt her when he didn't let her give him stuff. Then, he told us of a dream he had (before he entered the seminary), and in it everyone around him was possessed. He kept trying to drive out the devil, saying "in the Name of Jesus Christ, leave this person!" but the devil just laughed at him, and then he possessed him. He looked up and saw God crying. He asked God why he was crying, and he said that it hurt him when he didn't let him love him. He then accepted God's love, and the devil screamed and left him. He then went around and convinced the possessed people of God's love for them, and the devil left them too. This reminded me of a dream I had a few months ago, where I was possessed, and didn't realize it.. I went to a priest's office for some reason (at this university), and he showed me a tape of me getting my haircut, where i was visibly possessed, although i recalled getting my haircut quite normally. My dream ended there, but now it seems to fit right in with this. This priest convinced me that in order to rid myself of this demon I didn't even know I had until I was shown it, I needed to accept God's love and listen. My wound from my father, which I covered up in a computer, in a job, and I have no clue where else, needs healing. I mentioned listening. This was the other thing he talked about during the talk.
Imagine a relationship with your wife as such: You wake up in the morning after having not slept with her, read her some beautiful poetry which is so beautiful you tend to read it most every morning, then you quickly leave and go to work. Then maybe you call her from work: "Hi, hon-" "Hey I was just calling to tell you how much I love you and how great you are." "Th-" "Bye." You get home, watch TV, eat dinner: "Thank you for making this meal for me honey" -silence during meal- "Thank you for the wonderful meal honey" and you finish your evening by entering her room "Good n-" "Shh! Thank you for being a lovely wife, I love you." "I -" "Shh! -insert more poetry read quickly because you're tired- Good night." and you leave the room. How does that relationship sound? Because that's the relationship most of us have with God.
Anywho, I also realized that listening to God while praying is one thing I have rarely, if once, done in my life. And I wonder why I never seem to know what God wants. I have never heard God calling my name, saying "You are my son." I think it was around this point in his talk when the roof sprung a tiny leak or something, because I felt a drop of something wet run down my cheek. I love the Lord. I hunger for him now. I feel stuck here because I want to finish this so I can go to the chapel or the port and be in his presence and rest my head on his shoulder. I know it's going to be hard to start listening; I want to just go and start praying for everyone and be with Him; but He already knows my prayers and I need to listen to him now. The Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of my Lord awaits, and I cannot refuse the force pulling me to the chapel any longer. God bless all of you.
I happened to be bored this afternoon, so I took a nap and woke up at about 4pm... Then, I'm informed that I'm carrying the household's banner at the household mass at 5pm, and i had to be there at 4:30. Frankly, I had no clue that there was a mass at 5pm today, let alone the big household mass (where the household banners are processed in; I dunno much of the point of it otherwise). Anywho, the homily was amazing. Some Fr. Larry Richards from Erie, the principal of Cathedral Prep boy's school, which I even knew about on the other side of the state (they're a really good school... won state champs in sports few times). Anywho, it was about my life vs your life. Am I living my life, or am I giving my life? Jesus did not live his life thinking about himself at all; rather, he gave it to us every day. He died for us, not just once on the cross, but every day. The priest said, if I go through a day and did not do one unselfish act for someone else, then it was a complete waste of God's time and my life. Take for example Blessed Mother Theresa; She was the most beautiful woman on the planet at the time. Why? Because she died for others every moment.
After the Mass, was dinner, then was a talk on Fatherhood, by the same priest with Righteous B (catholic rapper). RB went first. He talked of wounds. We suffer from our internal wounds, and they're passed onto us from our fathers (keep in mind, this was to a group of young men). We try to just cover them up, with like a bandaid of women, drinking, FOPs, and God.
This next part wasn't from his talk, it was from the Bible study last night.. but we're studying Revelation. In addressing one of the seven churches, it says that they are doing basically everything right: casting out false prophets, caring for the poor, etc. etc. but that they lost the love they had at first. They were doing these great works, but had no love anymore. I kinda feel like that personally; that no matter how I change my life right now, if I can't love, I'm still empty inside. I feel like God has to make that step for me though; that I need to be loved in order to love (which was a statement one of them made). However, the Father does love me. That's all I need. I just need to realize and accept that. So really, it is on me...
Fr. Larry talked about how God is our Father, like noone else is our Father. When we were baptised, he adopted us. Though Jesus then, we are his sons and daughters. He went on to describe a childhood experience he had.. He was with his grandma, and she kept trying to give him money, and like any nice grandchild does, he kept trying to refuse. She cried, and told him it hurt her when he didn't let her give him stuff. Then, he told us of a dream he had (before he entered the seminary), and in it everyone around him was possessed. He kept trying to drive out the devil, saying "in the Name of Jesus Christ, leave this person!" but the devil just laughed at him, and then he possessed him. He looked up and saw God crying. He asked God why he was crying, and he said that it hurt him when he didn't let him love him. He then accepted God's love, and the devil screamed and left him. He then went around and convinced the possessed people of God's love for them, and the devil left them too. This reminded me of a dream I had a few months ago, where I was possessed, and didn't realize it.. I went to a priest's office for some reason (at this university), and he showed me a tape of me getting my haircut, where i was visibly possessed, although i recalled getting my haircut quite normally. My dream ended there, but now it seems to fit right in with this. This priest convinced me that in order to rid myself of this demon I didn't even know I had until I was shown it, I needed to accept God's love and listen. My wound from my father, which I covered up in a computer, in a job, and I have no clue where else, needs healing. I mentioned listening. This was the other thing he talked about during the talk.
Imagine a relationship with your wife as such: You wake up in the morning after having not slept with her, read her some beautiful poetry which is so beautiful you tend to read it most every morning, then you quickly leave and go to work. Then maybe you call her from work: "Hi, hon-" "Hey I was just calling to tell you how much I love you and how great you are." "Th-" "Bye." You get home, watch TV, eat dinner: "Thank you for making this meal for me honey" -silence during meal- "Thank you for the wonderful meal honey" and you finish your evening by entering her room "Good n-" "Shh! Thank you for being a lovely wife, I love you." "I -" "Shh! -insert more poetry read quickly because you're tired- Good night." and you leave the room. How does that relationship sound? Because that's the relationship most of us have with God.
Anywho, I also realized that listening to God while praying is one thing I have rarely, if once, done in my life. And I wonder why I never seem to know what God wants. I have never heard God calling my name, saying "You are my son." I think it was around this point in his talk when the roof sprung a tiny leak or something, because I felt a drop of something wet run down my cheek. I love the Lord. I hunger for him now. I feel stuck here because I want to finish this so I can go to the chapel or the port and be in his presence and rest my head on his shoulder. I know it's going to be hard to start listening; I want to just go and start praying for everyone and be with Him; but He already knows my prayers and I need to listen to him now. The Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of my Lord awaits, and I cannot refuse the force pulling me to the chapel any longer. God bless all of you.