tryin to free my mind...and its not workin....
you kno i thought that gettin away from home would do me some good. it has...KINDA...i havent been workin...i havent seen the usual places that im used to seeing. part of me misses that...a loser right? i mean...im not in the states....im away from home...away from certain things i wanted to get away from...partially to clear my head....but i cant seem to do so. LITTLE things remind me of u. i see latino men...im reminded of you...i hear people in florida speakin spanish...i think of u...florida...new york....anyone that has your name...im reminded of you. books that i read that have similarities of our 'relationship' have me thinkin of u.
i cant get u out of my head no matter how hard i try and its ridiculous. *sigh* i miss you more than i want to and i cant help it. i hate that i miss you. i hate that i cant stop thinkin about you. i hate that every poem since you broke the news to me has been about you. *sigh* i gotta let go. i need to let go. i wish i could erase you from my mind. *sigh* if only wishes actually came true. *sigh* who am i kidding. you have a life now...a wife and a daughter...its obvious that you are better off without me. tho why you called 2 fridays ago i have no clue. did u do it to upset me? or did u really want to kno how i was???? i dont know. part of me wants to kno..but then the other half doesnt give a damn. why do i still care???! as fustrating as this all is...ill never get the answers to the questions. ill never kno what would have happened if it was me that was the mother of your child instead of her. ill never know. deeply inside...that never knowin...hurts me. there isnt a time where i think about the fact that you are married now...and its not to me.
i gotta let go
i need to enjoy the rest of this 'vacation' that i can. my dad & i fly out friday morning. i didnt go outside today until my dad came home. i didnt feel good at all. he woke me up to lock the door....then i went back to bed....woke me up when he came back to the apartment for lunch. i ate breakfast. lounged around. got ready to take a shower...and started gaggin. then i threw up...3 times. it was the worst feeling ever. i dont kno what it is. my mom said it might be the weather.....because the humidity is different from back home. i duno. i just hope im better tomorow. i need to get SOME sun. *sigh* i HAVE to enjoy it while im here. my dad didnt pay for my ticket for nothing...im not ungrateful...i just kno that im overly tired of things...wishin i can rid them of my brain.
neways..enuff of my blabbering...and im not complainin. i love the weather...just wish i was in better spirits. i miss my mom...my brothers..my sister...my aggrivating 10 year old nephew....my bestfriends callin me to gab. i miss the ringing of my cell phone. i miss my car....
what i will miss when i leave here...the beach..the sun...the kindness of the people on the island...conch burger....and kalik...the bahamas local beer. mayb ill go down to the restaraunt and get one tomorrow. *sigh* i will enjoy tomorrow....
love you guys...talk to u when i get back!!!
peace & love
becca
i cant get u out of my head no matter how hard i try and its ridiculous. *sigh* i miss you more than i want to and i cant help it. i hate that i miss you. i hate that i cant stop thinkin about you. i hate that every poem since you broke the news to me has been about you. *sigh* i gotta let go. i need to let go. i wish i could erase you from my mind. *sigh* if only wishes actually came true. *sigh* who am i kidding. you have a life now...a wife and a daughter...its obvious that you are better off without me. tho why you called 2 fridays ago i have no clue. did u do it to upset me? or did u really want to kno how i was???? i dont know. part of me wants to kno..but then the other half doesnt give a damn. why do i still care???! as fustrating as this all is...ill never get the answers to the questions. ill never kno what would have happened if it was me that was the mother of your child instead of her. ill never know. deeply inside...that never knowin...hurts me. there isnt a time where i think about the fact that you are married now...and its not to me.
i gotta let go
i need to enjoy the rest of this 'vacation' that i can. my dad & i fly out friday morning. i didnt go outside today until my dad came home. i didnt feel good at all. he woke me up to lock the door....then i went back to bed....woke me up when he came back to the apartment for lunch. i ate breakfast. lounged around. got ready to take a shower...and started gaggin. then i threw up...3 times. it was the worst feeling ever. i dont kno what it is. my mom said it might be the weather.....because the humidity is different from back home. i duno. i just hope im better tomorow. i need to get SOME sun. *sigh* i HAVE to enjoy it while im here. my dad didnt pay for my ticket for nothing...im not ungrateful...i just kno that im overly tired of things...wishin i can rid them of my brain.
neways..enuff of my blabbering...and im not complainin. i love the weather...just wish i was in better spirits. i miss my mom...my brothers..my sister...my aggrivating 10 year old nephew....my bestfriends callin me to gab. i miss the ringing of my cell phone. i miss my car....
what i will miss when i leave here...the beach..the sun...the kindness of the people on the island...conch burger....and kalik...the bahamas local beer. mayb ill go down to the restaraunt and get one tomorrow. *sigh* i will enjoy tomorrow....
love you guys...talk to u when i get back!!!
peace & love
becca