(no subject)
So i haven't updated here in a year-ish...
weird night tonight. My friend's dad passed away yesterday, so I went out drinking with him and some of his other friends who i didn't know. He and I slipped into easy conversation as did one of the other girls, but the rest of them just stood around awkwardly with "I feel so sorry for you" written all over their faces. it made me think about how it's always easy like that, with a real friend...there's no pretense that you have to act a certain way in a certain situation. when you're the most fragile that's when you most need to be treated like yourself by people who love you.
been thinking a lot about my first love. i really miss him lately. it's like he was such a part of me for so long that even 6 years later i feel like that is part of me i can never get back. it's weird, because i've been in love with other people since then, but i don't have that feeling that i left a piece of myself with anyone but him. i signed on tonight and saw he had deleted his livejournal (which i think i knew already...not sure) and it made me weirdly sad. i have made some attempts to keep in touch, but i think it's just too weird, so i stopped. i guess i'll see him in a couple of months at his sister's wedding...so we'll see how that goes. it's like i feel like if he were to get to know me as i am now, he wouldn't be proud of me, and that makes me really sad.
some days you just can't get rid of a bomb.
weird night tonight. My friend's dad passed away yesterday, so I went out drinking with him and some of his other friends who i didn't know. He and I slipped into easy conversation as did one of the other girls, but the rest of them just stood around awkwardly with "I feel so sorry for you" written all over their faces. it made me think about how it's always easy like that, with a real friend...there's no pretense that you have to act a certain way in a certain situation. when you're the most fragile that's when you most need to be treated like yourself by people who love you.
been thinking a lot about my first love. i really miss him lately. it's like he was such a part of me for so long that even 6 years later i feel like that is part of me i can never get back. it's weird, because i've been in love with other people since then, but i don't have that feeling that i left a piece of myself with anyone but him. i signed on tonight and saw he had deleted his livejournal (which i think i knew already...not sure) and it made me weirdly sad. i have made some attempts to keep in touch, but i think it's just too weird, so i stopped. i guess i'll see him in a couple of months at his sister's wedding...so we'll see how that goes. it's like i feel like if he were to get to know me as i am now, he wouldn't be proud of me, and that makes me really sad.
some days you just can't get rid of a bomb.