(no subject)
First of all I wanted to say sorry to my lover Mehdi because I made a terrible mistake thinking he wasn't calling because he was just being mean or absent minded whereas in reality he was at the police station for three days...
But I guess that the fact that he did it before, and that there were no good reasons these previous times, made me think nothing happenned to him...
It's quite dangerous in fact, I might stop worrying ;)
Well well I guess I'm also not in the perfect shape these days...
I haven't worked in more than three months now and I'm starting to feel the bad effects.
Being in a bad mood for nothing, worrying, starting to get scared of stupid things, of the world in general.
I'm sarting to feel a certain distance with the active ones.
To be jalous of them and think to myself "I'll never be like that..." I can't do that" etc.
I'm just generally starting to get negative thoughts in my mind.
And I don't like it at all.
And I have to say that I love my mother, but she is so pessimistic, so hard on life and people.
Her opinions are so different than mines, yet I'm all day with her so I'm starting get influenced... And her crisis all the time, her sensibility, her paranoia...
I need to get out and get some air ASAP.
But there is no money. I'm starting to see that living on unemployment rates is just fucking hard. Not enough. At least not for me.
I want to get a flat in Spetember, I probably won't be able to. I want to go on holidays, will I?
Oh and I realise how superficial that sounds, but fuck it's life.
And Mehdi used to earn 2600 €, and be a manager, now he's only a salesman, on 1100 €....
And that changed in only three months. He doesn't speak to his father anymore, lives in a tiny cheap appartment with his mother and sister...
All these problems have been hard on our couple. But yet we've stayed together. I don't know why, or how much I love him but I do love him.
At least I care a lot.
He'll always be my favourite. My little baby.
But I guess that the fact that he did it before, and that there were no good reasons these previous times, made me think nothing happenned to him...
It's quite dangerous in fact, I might stop worrying ;)
Well well I guess I'm also not in the perfect shape these days...
I haven't worked in more than three months now and I'm starting to feel the bad effects.
Being in a bad mood for nothing, worrying, starting to get scared of stupid things, of the world in general.
I'm sarting to feel a certain distance with the active ones.
To be jalous of them and think to myself "I'll never be like that..." I can't do that" etc.
I'm just generally starting to get negative thoughts in my mind.
And I don't like it at all.
And I have to say that I love my mother, but she is so pessimistic, so hard on life and people.
Her opinions are so different than mines, yet I'm all day with her so I'm starting get influenced... And her crisis all the time, her sensibility, her paranoia...
I need to get out and get some air ASAP.
But there is no money. I'm starting to see that living on unemployment rates is just fucking hard. Not enough. At least not for me.
I want to get a flat in Spetember, I probably won't be able to. I want to go on holidays, will I?
Oh and I realise how superficial that sounds, but fuck it's life.
And Mehdi used to earn 2600 €, and be a manager, now he's only a salesman, on 1100 €....
And that changed in only three months. He doesn't speak to his father anymore, lives in a tiny cheap appartment with his mother and sister...
All these problems have been hard on our couple. But yet we've stayed together. I don't know why, or how much I love him but I do love him.
At least I care a lot.
He'll always be my favourite. My little baby.