(no subject)
I don't believe anything they say. I am drunk, a sad drunk. My heart hurts. I'm afraid I will die in my sleep, but anything would be better than the pain. I speak to myself in lies to ease the pain. Nobody loves me. I am all alone. I won't bother to go to work tomorrow. I won't wake up at all. The music sighs to me, a pleasing, lilting, placidly desperate, detached melody. I sink into the shadow of death. I don't want to eat at all. It beats at my ribs, which crack brittle with each breath. Yet there is still so much solid mass connected to this body which requires diminishment. I don't want to die. But I wake up every morning with the realization that it is very close. I don't know why I am torturing myself by trying to make myself lose ten pounds before I can gain them. I thought I had regained hope again.
I lie on the carpet watching the ground spin. I have turned the blinds up so the one thing I see is the sky. I soar through it in my mind. I am in balloons, my mind floating away in pieces. No one is watching me. I can let go, step off whenever I care to. This freedom makes me peaceful but also terribly lonely. I have isolated myself from everyone I love and lied to everyone else. They think I am all right. They will probably be mildly sad when I am dead. Maybe some of them will never know at all.
I lie on the carpet watching the ground spin. I have turned the blinds up so the one thing I see is the sky. I soar through it in my mind. I am in balloons, my mind floating away in pieces. No one is watching me. I can let go, step off whenever I care to. This freedom makes me peaceful but also terribly lonely. I have isolated myself from everyone I love and lied to everyone else. They think I am all right. They will probably be mildly sad when I am dead. Maybe some of them will never know at all.