"& how in the world can the words that I said send somebody so over the edge?"
Okay I haven't updated this thing in literally forever. I'm sorry. Not that anyone really cares I'm sure. I've just been mostly having a pity party for myself for the past month or so I guess and I should probably start to get over that.
I'm not happy. I was. A while ago. New Year's maybe. But that was the last time. Actually no I'm a liar. Last time I was actually happy was Martin Luther King Day. We went to see Pan's Labyrinth and everything was just normal. And okay. And there was no fighting. Or crying. Or bullshit. Or lies. Why can't I just get back to that?
School's okay. Overwhelming, and a constant source of stress and confusion but I don't have that nagging, empty, hatred feeling for it anymore. Which is probably a good thing. It's so exhausting. I'm not sure what I was thinking when I decided three 8 o'clocks and a 7:30 were a wicked good plan but whatever. I'm dealing.
I feel like that's all my life is: dealing. Coping. Putting up with bullshit. And okay sure maybe I'm "playing the victim" but you know what? I don't care.
I'd tired of girls. And their drama. You know what people talk about other people. Without that they'red be very little to discuss in the world. So get the fuck over it. And you cannot possibly get mad for someone to be supposedly talking about you, when you talk just as much shit in return. Glass houses folks.
Friday night I tried to drink myself into a coma. I pretty much succeeded save for the whole pesky waking up action that came Saturday morning. Too bad really.
I miss the way things were. Granted I said I was miserable everyday... but I wasn't. That was a lie. I was displeased that I couldn't have my way and that was it. But now, I really am miserable. I really do cry every single day. I really do lose sleep everynight to the point where a funny blue bottle labled "Sleep" is my new best friend. And I really do feel my chest ache when I think about everything that hasn't worked out right.
My dog accidently bit me yesterday. This coming just the day after he his head off my chin and made my bite through my lip and have a wicked attractive fatlip. The bruise is absolutely disgusting. I'll leave the picture at the end in case you think I'm exaggerating.
I need it to be spring break. I just need to be away from Winthrop. Away from everyone. Away from school. Away from myself even though that can't possibly happen.
Okay well I'm done I guess. See you all in three months or so. Ha.
xxoo.
I'm not happy. I was. A while ago. New Year's maybe. But that was the last time. Actually no I'm a liar. Last time I was actually happy was Martin Luther King Day. We went to see Pan's Labyrinth and everything was just normal. And okay. And there was no fighting. Or crying. Or bullshit. Or lies. Why can't I just get back to that?
School's okay. Overwhelming, and a constant source of stress and confusion but I don't have that nagging, empty, hatred feeling for it anymore. Which is probably a good thing. It's so exhausting. I'm not sure what I was thinking when I decided three 8 o'clocks and a 7:30 were a wicked good plan but whatever. I'm dealing.
I feel like that's all my life is: dealing. Coping. Putting up with bullshit. And okay sure maybe I'm "playing the victim" but you know what? I don't care.
I'd tired of girls. And their drama. You know what people talk about other people. Without that they'red be very little to discuss in the world. So get the fuck over it. And you cannot possibly get mad for someone to be supposedly talking about you, when you talk just as much shit in return. Glass houses folks.
Friday night I tried to drink myself into a coma. I pretty much succeeded save for the whole pesky waking up action that came Saturday morning. Too bad really.
I miss the way things were. Granted I said I was miserable everyday... but I wasn't. That was a lie. I was displeased that I couldn't have my way and that was it. But now, I really am miserable. I really do cry every single day. I really do lose sleep everynight to the point where a funny blue bottle labled "Sleep" is my new best friend. And I really do feel my chest ache when I think about everything that hasn't worked out right.
My dog accidently bit me yesterday. This coming just the day after he his head off my chin and made my bite through my lip and have a wicked attractive fatlip. The bruise is absolutely disgusting. I'll leave the picture at the end in case you think I'm exaggerating.
I need it to be spring break. I just need to be away from Winthrop. Away from everyone. Away from school. Away from myself even though that can't possibly happen.
Okay well I'm done I guess. See you all in three months or so. Ha.
xxoo.