cash out, back down, that's the city for you.

[fragilegirl101]

This is a challenge, much like any other challenge. I've been dragging myself out of bed every day, scared of the stress which awaits to fall onto my shoulders. And as one chip disappears into the night, another one begins. "Forgive me I'm trying to find, my calling - I'm calling at night." What if this isn't where I'm supposed to be? Why are 'what if's' an option for me? They have never been before. There is one absolute, there is no other choice, no other path. This is where I am and where I will be. This is where I have to remain. I can run with this. I can shake the bad thoughts and make it through. Nothing can take this away from me. Not this school, not my teachers, not my friends - this is who I am, this is what I want, this is what I do. And I wouldn't change that for the world. And I never will. I could see then, and I could see now, if I just open my eyes - I can hear all the sounds and feel all the noise and I can sense the rain about to fall and the storm clouds gathering and I know what I'm meant to do and the way I choose. I stopped and I started to see things I never thought I'd see again, and I need to get back there so I will get back there. I'm going to see again, I'm going to see everything I used to see without trying and I'm going to beat myself down until I can't breathe and I can't speak and everything's a blur and I'm gonna pick myself back up and I'm going to realize it's all worth it. Cause it's all worth it if it's what I love. And I'm here now, and I hate it and I'm supposed to hate it, I don't want to be here and I don't want my creativity to be stunted and I don't want to follow the rules and that's what they want from me. And I can do that for them, for myself, to get through this and become who I want without the structure anymore. You need to know the law to rebel from it and that's what this is. I have to prove to myself I can do what they ask of me, what they believe is correct and only then can I turn my back and make something truly amazing because I'll understand the equipment I use and the reasoning behind the photograph, and maybe they won't understand, but I will and I'll prove them all wrong.

MOOD:
ready