Deserted hearts and anxious minds
Here I sit in the internet cafe waiting. I am waiting to leave here. I am waiting for this to end. Stress coupled with 125+ degree weather does wonders for a body, especially when that body is working with all ones gear on. I never knew it could get this hot anywhere. Sure, I heard about tempratures reaching 140 degrees, but I never though I
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well, even though i am legally an adult, im still not allowed to go and even visit patrick up at the university of toledo. obviously staying for a weekend up there would be way out of the question, but even thought mom and brian threatened to sell my car if i went up there, no matter if i drove or had other transportation (unless i went up with his parents), they would sell my car... wow, this completely sucks... im hoping to go up to lakewood this weekend, my friends kaylyn and hannah have a condo up there. its definately nowhere near toledo, but i doubt they will even let me go there.. in less than a year i will be in college, and at this point i am going to make a huge impact on the partying world! yeah, if they refuse to allow me to grow up for however much longer, i will sooo rebel. not with drugs or sex, but with having the time of my life partying! i know for a fact that if fate leads me to still be with patrick by the time i go to college, i will be at his dorm, appartment, or whereever he is almost every weekend, or he will be at mine. if i stay this confined up until college,well it may not be to pretty. i know you may not get this for a while, or if you even read this, but i really needed someone to vent to... right now brian and i just got done talking... mom and him hardly talk and sort any problems out. they talk to me about everything, but not to eachother.. it gets so fucking stressful. brian and mom are both under some stress from different things, but they take it all out on one another. ever since they offically became engaged at christmas last year, everything has gone downhill, almost to the point of them splitting up. that was a fucking grand ol' time. i know brian wants to protect me, and hes done a great job. sometimes he was wayyy to over protective, but its almost time for them to allow me to see what is out there all on my own. yeah, ive snuck around their backs dozens of times, what teenager doesnt. but i have never done anything to get me into any trouble with the law, nor have i done anything remotly stupid to hurt myself or someone else. i have never once experimented with drugs, nor will i ever. yet, with me being a pretty good kid (as i would say :) ) i still have hardly any leaniency.... i miss you t, i cant wait for you to come home, and i cant wait to actually talk to you, rather than typing on here and wondering if you will even read this.... grr... 18 year in distress....
well i guess it was nice venting to a computer. :)
hopefully your packing up right now over there....
have a safe trip home t!!!
and hopefully when you are back and setteled back up in alaska, i can get a beautiful plane ticket and come and stay with you for a weekend/ week or so :)))
i love you tristan,
love,
allie
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