If you'd a been there..
For some reason, still unknown to me, I feel like making an actual update.
I'm still in that weird stage, like i just kind of exist, watching everything else change around me. And I pretty much mean everything. It's funny because I could say one thing, and it would apply to three or four different areas of my life or relationships. "I wish things were the same as they used to be between us"..definatly applies to more than one area. And it upsets me that things are always changing like that. I finally find something I like or that I'm happy with for once and it changes..it *all* changes. I miss the memories. That's me..always getting stuck on the past. It seems like things were so much better...easier...back then. I wish I could tell myself to just cherish the memories and move on. Pretend like things are good. But I can't. I've lost friendships that have lasted for years, and some friendships that I just can't let go of. I've been through the awkwardness, the replacement, the arguments...and I just want to go back to when things were easy.
Aside from all this, I have to remember to live in the present. I can dwell on the past all I want--but it won't help. It might only make things worse. I guess there's not a whole lot I can do. I am however, completely and entirely excited about this weekend. A little nervous about this lock-in action..i'm pretty ridiculous when it comes to staying up late.
Now i've found..the greatest love of all is mine...
It simply amazes me how some people can be so absorbed with themselves or other people. Especially in the way of other people--it just seems to me like everyone else gets pushed away in the process. Maybe I've just never found someone to revolve my entire life around..
Honestly, I'm just at the point where I'm drained. Emotionally, mentally, physically--I'm stressed...amazingly not as much as I expected to be..and I'm definatly worn down from the complication I create. It takes so much energy to exist in my head.