i need some sleep
i cant effin sleep. i think way too much at night.
its mostly about my mom
next weekend the 17th it will be three years since my mom has been gone. the fucking bad part about that is i remember everything for that week and a half i remember everyfucking thing. the night she went into the hospital i cried laying on my bed i told myself everything was gonna be okay. it musta been something she ate it will be gone. then when she had to switch hospitals in an abumbulance they almost lost her three times but my mom faught.. she told me she wasnt going anywhere without me. St jospeh's hospital was alright the family was together the lady at the desk let us sleep there i didnt untill the last night we were there.. we had our fun trying to keep each other laughing. my uncle lost his pants and mooned a doctor, we ate way too much subway, and the chairs were wait too uncomfortable. there was an area with snack machine and stuff like that where you looked behind you and you saw my moms room and to the side of you was the Port doscovery hot air ballon. i would sit back there and watch it and tell myself were fine its gonna be okay. my mom went threw her first sergery (sp??) and she came out fine but she would have to eat through a tube. we were alright with that . the doctor said she was fine. it was her birthday July 9 2002, she was better. i went to see her and she smiled and said im doing fine but the funnie thing was she had this thing to press for novicain or somethin like that and she kept pressin that damn button the whole ten mins we were talking to her. before we left i turned and looked at her smile... she said i love you and thats the last words that I ever heard from her. the next day something happened with her small intestine the blocage was gone but it wasnt together right.. they did another sergery... only this time she wasnt good afterwords.. her liver and kidneys were shutting down. they put her on dialisis and she had to be on life support.... i remember coming home and talking to Mr.Roberts online crying and then going to the diner and crying with the watresses. Finally on the 17th we talked about letting her go we didnt want her to live the way she was. We all stood around the ICU room... it was the worst thing that ever happened to me i tried to stay strong for everyone but i couldnt. the most heartbreaking thing was walking into the waiting room and looking at my little cousin emily who my mom adored.. she say aunt Jeaninne is fine right.. i held my tears back and told her no em shes not and the look on her face and the heart broken crys all the way to the car hurt me more then anything. she died of the blood clot in her small intestine even though they got it out something went wrong and her body shut down.
so here i sit at 5:15 still maybe an hour of sleep... what the hell am i gonna do this sunday. if you kidds wanna go mini golfing sometime this week lemme know. i wanna keep myself busy
its mostly about my mom
next weekend the 17th it will be three years since my mom has been gone. the fucking bad part about that is i remember everything for that week and a half i remember everyfucking thing. the night she went into the hospital i cried laying on my bed i told myself everything was gonna be okay. it musta been something she ate it will be gone. then when she had to switch hospitals in an abumbulance they almost lost her three times but my mom faught.. she told me she wasnt going anywhere without me. St jospeh's hospital was alright the family was together the lady at the desk let us sleep there i didnt untill the last night we were there.. we had our fun trying to keep each other laughing. my uncle lost his pants and mooned a doctor, we ate way too much subway, and the chairs were wait too uncomfortable. there was an area with snack machine and stuff like that where you looked behind you and you saw my moms room and to the side of you was the Port doscovery hot air ballon. i would sit back there and watch it and tell myself were fine its gonna be okay. my mom went threw her first sergery (sp??) and she came out fine but she would have to eat through a tube. we were alright with that . the doctor said she was fine. it was her birthday July 9 2002, she was better. i went to see her and she smiled and said im doing fine but the funnie thing was she had this thing to press for novicain or somethin like that and she kept pressin that damn button the whole ten mins we were talking to her. before we left i turned and looked at her smile... she said i love you and thats the last words that I ever heard from her. the next day something happened with her small intestine the blocage was gone but it wasnt together right.. they did another sergery... only this time she wasnt good afterwords.. her liver and kidneys were shutting down. they put her on dialisis and she had to be on life support.... i remember coming home and talking to Mr.Roberts online crying and then going to the diner and crying with the watresses. Finally on the 17th we talked about letting her go we didnt want her to live the way she was. We all stood around the ICU room... it was the worst thing that ever happened to me i tried to stay strong for everyone but i couldnt. the most heartbreaking thing was walking into the waiting room and looking at my little cousin emily who my mom adored.. she say aunt Jeaninne is fine right.. i held my tears back and told her no em shes not and the look on her face and the heart broken crys all the way to the car hurt me more then anything. she died of the blood clot in her small intestine even though they got it out something went wrong and her body shut down.
so here i sit at 5:15 still maybe an hour of sleep... what the hell am i gonna do this sunday. if you kidds wanna go mini golfing sometime this week lemme know. i wanna keep myself busy