(no subject)
Last night I went to The Bulldog with Hayley and Taylor.
Kourtney was there...ughhh, but it didn't really make a difference.
So were Garrett and his troll, but again, didn't really matter.
Jarreth came with Neil & Stevo & company.
He texted me when he got there to say he couldn't really hang out because I was with Hayley & with her & Neil being exes it was weird.
Buuuuut he ended up sitting in the booth with me all night anyway. :)
We're mean to each other, but it's that playful kind of mean.
It's that, hey- we're 5 years old & when I push you down at the playground it's because I think you're cute.
It's also my defense mechanism. I have walls. I'm jaded.
He's cute, though.
He semi-held my hands & rubbed on my legs.
When Hayley & Taylor were ready to go he offered to bring me home.
When he dropped me off he walked me to the door. We kissed.
I think I kind of like him.
It's too bad he lives 40 minutes away, otherwise we could hang out more.
Sigh.
Boys scare me. I feel as though I'll never trust one fully again.
After being bounced around and yo-yoed around by Garrett for two years and living through that whole, "I love you & you mean the world to me & I'm never as comfortable with anyone else as I am with you & I'm empty when you're not around" to the next week being, "I hate you, you psychotic bitch. You make me miserable & it's your fault I hit you because no one else pushes my buttons like you do & makes me mad like you do"... it's just hard to want a relationship again. Even if it won't be anything like that.
I just like who I am better when I'm single.
I'm more independent. I'm more sane.
I'm needy in a relationship.
I need attention and affection constantly or I'm a crazy person.
In the meantime, I may have a cuddle buddy for the fall time. And that's important.
Ha.
Kourtney was there...ughhh, but it didn't really make a difference.
So were Garrett and his troll, but again, didn't really matter.
Jarreth came with Neil & Stevo & company.
He texted me when he got there to say he couldn't really hang out because I was with Hayley & with her & Neil being exes it was weird.
Buuuuut he ended up sitting in the booth with me all night anyway. :)
We're mean to each other, but it's that playful kind of mean.
It's that, hey- we're 5 years old & when I push you down at the playground it's because I think you're cute.
It's also my defense mechanism. I have walls. I'm jaded.
He's cute, though.
He semi-held my hands & rubbed on my legs.
When Hayley & Taylor were ready to go he offered to bring me home.
When he dropped me off he walked me to the door. We kissed.
I think I kind of like him.
It's too bad he lives 40 minutes away, otherwise we could hang out more.
Sigh.
Boys scare me. I feel as though I'll never trust one fully again.
After being bounced around and yo-yoed around by Garrett for two years and living through that whole, "I love you & you mean the world to me & I'm never as comfortable with anyone else as I am with you & I'm empty when you're not around" to the next week being, "I hate you, you psychotic bitch. You make me miserable & it's your fault I hit you because no one else pushes my buttons like you do & makes me mad like you do"... it's just hard to want a relationship again. Even if it won't be anything like that.
I just like who I am better when I'm single.
I'm more independent. I'm more sane.
I'm needy in a relationship.
I need attention and affection constantly or I'm a crazy person.
In the meantime, I may have a cuddle buddy for the fall time. And that's important.
Ha.