(no subject)
Been a while and with no point in doing anything I'm still doing something. Nobody may care but it is ok because I'm used to being by myself. I'm used to all the agony and pain that can be endured by a small person like myself. I have not experienced like the major or extreme lonliness yet but I fear that I soon may. Owell everything has been horrible with what I have done with my "life". Grr I never knew I'd be by myself so often and I never knew allthat I had come to know would surpass me in everything and I never knew I'd allow myself to be left behind..ooh reminds me of a good song called Left behind by Slipknot....none of you would like it since my friends and I dont share the same interests.. Probably a good reason why I feel so distant from everyone. I never knew I'd allow myself to drop down to this level of sadness but hey everything that I dont expect seems to be happening a lot lately. I dont expect the world to end but hey that just might happen! Heh owell everything about me sucks. I dont see how I could hold a relationship with Tina. I lack all the attributes that someone of her status would want. We arent in the same math or Eng/Hist class. Her grades are doing way better then mine. We even talked about our interests and how they arent the same. Our tastes in music is so different. She is always happy and able to make jokes but I always have a fake laugh or snicker and after a joke I would think for a minute and still wont understand. I dont really know what to do with anything anymore and I'm too scared to end it all. I afraid of the physical pain but hmm after its all over the pain would be gone right? Not if I totally fuck up since I fuck everything up all the time. Today in French I sat alone until Gamboni made us get into groups and then at my turn I froze and fucked it all up. they expressed words of anger to me but owell even if they didnt mean anything Im still really hurt inside. Ugh I had the worst morning...let see
I actually woke up earlier like 630 when I panicked and thought it was an hour late. Then I go change and comb my hair and my hair wouldnt work with me today. Then I go back downstairs and realized I forgot my food upstairs and I hit something..forgot what..heh..then.. I go to my backpack and it wasnt fixed and I hadda pull this binder out and stick all my shit inside..>< Then I went to the car and left my CD player on my bed so I walked back to get it. I finally get into the car..before my dad opened the door :)..and my headphone wires are all tangled around me and I struggled to free myself and eventually unplugged it all and unwrapped it off my arm and then sat down listening to my CD..After a few minutes of relaxation derick comes into the car..grr I wanted to be alone in the dark and here comes derick..with me in the dark....ugh. Then he kicks my backpack off the floor and it lands on my feet and grr......
>< Bad day. There is a reason why I got so easily irritated but I dont feel to share with you. Just say I had no idea what was going on at the time and Sorry if what I said wasnt satisfactory with you..I WAS HALF ASLEEP!
I actually woke up earlier like 630 when I panicked and thought it was an hour late. Then I go change and comb my hair and my hair wouldnt work with me today. Then I go back downstairs and realized I forgot my food upstairs and I hit something..forgot what..heh..then.. I go to my backpack and it wasnt fixed and I hadda pull this binder out and stick all my shit inside..>< Then I went to the car and left my CD player on my bed so I walked back to get it. I finally get into the car..before my dad opened the door :)..and my headphone wires are all tangled around me and I struggled to free myself and eventually unplugged it all and unwrapped it off my arm and then sat down listening to my CD..After a few minutes of relaxation derick comes into the car..grr I wanted to be alone in the dark and here comes derick..with me in the dark....ugh. Then he kicks my backpack off the floor and it lands on my feet and grr......
>< Bad day. There is a reason why I got so easily irritated but I dont feel to share with you. Just say I had no idea what was going on at the time and Sorry if what I said wasnt satisfactory with you..I WAS HALF ASLEEP!