(no subject)
Plus, Many People Are Not Particularly Human:
Tuesday Morning Quarterback continues to object to the affectation of saying "humans" rather than "people," a silly sci-fi touch considering there are no known other genera of intelligent beings. The BCS organization says it uses a mix of computer rankings and "human polls." Why haven't Vogon polls been included? (You can generate Vogon poetry, the worst in the universe, using this BBC utility.) The New York Times declared that the new SAT essay section is "graded by humans." So they won't hire Klingons to grade SATs -- that's discrimination! Elisabeth Eaves wrote of pilotless drone aircraft for Slate, "A drone could detect an incipient forest fire with much greater speed than humans in an airplane." Maybe a Cylon in an airplane could get the job done faster. The Times opined that "NASA plans to put humans on the moon again by 2018." Check here for NASA's official "humans space flight" website. Not people in space, humans in space -- in case you were confused about what planet NASA represents.
The International Society for the Preservation of Rats Lauded the Move:
Loss of biodiversity is a serious environmental issue. Nonetheless, check this report (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/derbyshire/4093324.stm) that English authorities are captive-breeding dormice and releasing them to increase the wild mouse population. Mice are ubiquitous on planet Earth; surely they outnumber people by a hefty margin. Emergency efforts to increase the world's mice?
There Was a Recruiting Scandal When Maharishi U. Signed a Sannyasi Whose Eligibility Had Expired:
Sadly there is no football team at Maharishi University in Fairfield, Iowa. Founded by the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, Maharishi University offers business and computer science degrees, plus a minor in world peace, which helps you "develop your own consciousness and simultaneously develop world consciousness." There are no intercollegiate sports, but the college athletics department does have rock climbing and ping-pong.
Obscure College Score of the Week: Wisconsin Whitewater 44, Linfield 41 (Division III semifinal). Located in Whitewater, Wis., the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater offers a 1,532-word mission statement that includes such cryptic objectives as "to increase total student FTE in graduate programs from 6.8 percent of total FTE to 8 percent and from 11.6 percent of total headcount to 16 percent." Attendance for the football game was announced at exactly 5,000.
Retreats of the Week: For two successive weeks, yours truly has written, "Tuesday Morning Quarterback fails to grasp the logic of ordering quarterbacks to sprint backward into their own end zones." Make it three consecutive weeks; Washington and Miami gave up safeties Sunday using this tactic. At least the Dolphins were way behind and had the excuse of playing catch-up. The Redskins led 17-7 with 11:59 remaining in the fourth, had first-and-10 on their 6. Inexplicably, 'Skins coaches ordered Mark Brunell to sprint backward into his own end zone, where the ball was knocked loose; only Brunell alertly whapping the rock out of bounds confined the damage to a safety, rather than a St. Louis touchdown. (Brunell was called for TMQ's favorite penalty, "illegal bat;" the Rams declined in order to get the two points.) You're on the 6-yard line and protecting a late lead, why run backward to the place where bad stuff happens?
http://images.nfl.com/photos/img9078750.jpg -An effective household decoration. A not-so effective defender of Chris Chambers.
An effective household decoration. A not-so effective defender of Chris Chambers.
Sour Play of the Week: It's hard to blow a 20-point fourth-quarter lead -- awful tactics are required on defense as well as offense! Score Buffalo 23, Miami 17 -- the Marine Mammals faced third-and-10 on their 27 with 1:41 remaining, Miami out of timeouts. Now class, where might the pass go? Maybe up the field! Yet Chris Chambers got behind the Bills defense for a 57-yard reception that made possible Miami's fantastic finish. When this play started, Chambers already had 12 receptions for 169 yards -- yet he was covered by third-string cornerback Jabari Greer. Buffalo's starting corners weren't hurt, just nowhere to be seen. Worse, Greer got no safety help; no safety was even in the deep center. Replays show three Buffalo defensive backs standing like topiary in the short slant zones, covering no one at all. The sole Buffalo player who went to the deep center was middle linebacker London Fletcher. Every week there is one play yours truly watches over and over again in rapt fascination, and this week, this was it. Buffalo knows the game is on the line and knows Miami must throw deep; Chambers is having a career day; yet Buffalo has a third-stringer guarding Chambers and a middle linebacker is the only deep help. On the winning touchdown with six seconds remaining, the Bills dropped seven into coverage against four Miami receivers. Yet with seven to guard four, Chambers -- who to that point had 14 receptions for 234 yards -- again was single-covered by Greer. Three Bills starting defensive backs stood around like topiary, covering no one as the third-stringer battles to save the day. On the final Miami drive, either Buffalo defensive coaches made awful calls or the Bills' starting defensive backs turned into high-school players. Ye gods.
Tuesday Morning Quarterback continues to object to the affectation of saying "humans" rather than "people," a silly sci-fi touch considering there are no known other genera of intelligent beings. The BCS organization says it uses a mix of computer rankings and "human polls." Why haven't Vogon polls been included? (You can generate Vogon poetry, the worst in the universe, using this BBC utility.) The New York Times declared that the new SAT essay section is "graded by humans." So they won't hire Klingons to grade SATs -- that's discrimination! Elisabeth Eaves wrote of pilotless drone aircraft for Slate, "A drone could detect an incipient forest fire with much greater speed than humans in an airplane." Maybe a Cylon in an airplane could get the job done faster. The Times opined that "NASA plans to put humans on the moon again by 2018." Check here for NASA's official "humans space flight" website. Not people in space, humans in space -- in case you were confused about what planet NASA represents.
The International Society for the Preservation of Rats Lauded the Move:
Loss of biodiversity is a serious environmental issue. Nonetheless, check this report (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/derbyshire/4093324.stm) that English authorities are captive-breeding dormice and releasing them to increase the wild mouse population. Mice are ubiquitous on planet Earth; surely they outnumber people by a hefty margin. Emergency efforts to increase the world's mice?
There Was a Recruiting Scandal When Maharishi U. Signed a Sannyasi Whose Eligibility Had Expired:
Sadly there is no football team at Maharishi University in Fairfield, Iowa. Founded by the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, Maharishi University offers business and computer science degrees, plus a minor in world peace, which helps you "develop your own consciousness and simultaneously develop world consciousness." There are no intercollegiate sports, but the college athletics department does have rock climbing and ping-pong.
Obscure College Score of the Week: Wisconsin Whitewater 44, Linfield 41 (Division III semifinal). Located in Whitewater, Wis., the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater offers a 1,532-word mission statement that includes such cryptic objectives as "to increase total student FTE in graduate programs from 6.8 percent of total FTE to 8 percent and from 11.6 percent of total headcount to 16 percent." Attendance for the football game was announced at exactly 5,000.
Retreats of the Week: For two successive weeks, yours truly has written, "Tuesday Morning Quarterback fails to grasp the logic of ordering quarterbacks to sprint backward into their own end zones." Make it three consecutive weeks; Washington and Miami gave up safeties Sunday using this tactic. At least the Dolphins were way behind and had the excuse of playing catch-up. The Redskins led 17-7 with 11:59 remaining in the fourth, had first-and-10 on their 6. Inexplicably, 'Skins coaches ordered Mark Brunell to sprint backward into his own end zone, where the ball was knocked loose; only Brunell alertly whapping the rock out of bounds confined the damage to a safety, rather than a St. Louis touchdown. (Brunell was called for TMQ's favorite penalty, "illegal bat;" the Rams declined in order to get the two points.) You're on the 6-yard line and protecting a late lead, why run backward to the place where bad stuff happens?
http://images.nfl.com/photos/img9078750.jpg -An effective household decoration. A not-so effective defender of Chris Chambers.
An effective household decoration. A not-so effective defender of Chris Chambers.
Sour Play of the Week: It's hard to blow a 20-point fourth-quarter lead -- awful tactics are required on defense as well as offense! Score Buffalo 23, Miami 17 -- the Marine Mammals faced third-and-10 on their 27 with 1:41 remaining, Miami out of timeouts. Now class, where might the pass go? Maybe up the field! Yet Chris Chambers got behind the Bills defense for a 57-yard reception that made possible Miami's fantastic finish. When this play started, Chambers already had 12 receptions for 169 yards -- yet he was covered by third-string cornerback Jabari Greer. Buffalo's starting corners weren't hurt, just nowhere to be seen. Worse, Greer got no safety help; no safety was even in the deep center. Replays show three Buffalo defensive backs standing like topiary in the short slant zones, covering no one at all. The sole Buffalo player who went to the deep center was middle linebacker London Fletcher. Every week there is one play yours truly watches over and over again in rapt fascination, and this week, this was it. Buffalo knows the game is on the line and knows Miami must throw deep; Chambers is having a career day; yet Buffalo has a third-stringer guarding Chambers and a middle linebacker is the only deep help. On the winning touchdown with six seconds remaining, the Bills dropped seven into coverage against four Miami receivers. Yet with seven to guard four, Chambers -- who to that point had 14 receptions for 234 yards -- again was single-covered by Greer. Three Bills starting defensive backs stood around like topiary, covering no one as the third-stringer battles to save the day. On the final Miami drive, either Buffalo defensive coaches made awful calls or the Bills' starting defensive backs turned into high-school players. Ye gods.