Keeping Busy
--Work was alright today, but slow. Mostly because my partner, Chuck, lascerrated a vein in his hand while disposing of some broken tile. The toss went perfect, but then he just said "shit, I'm cut." He was not lying. It was on the back of his hand somehow and it was gushing like the slightly broken school water fountain. I made a terniquit out of a peice of a trashbag and drove him to the office in the awesome golf cart. He went to the hospital and will be off for the next two days.
--Other than that, the chat with K-T last night was nice. Glad we could find ourselves at a positive point before she left. I feel sorry for how much family she has to deal with. That, and she was forced to leave her shoes and socks. Compared to here it is freezing up there. On top of that, she has no real time to socialize with her friends. She is going to be pretty busy with the one night(tonight) she has at home helping her mom, then it is off to the hotel in some part of Maryland we both have a hard time pronouncing.
--As per usual, I find it difficult to keep my thoughts positive and not dwell on certain persistant assholes or things that I wish were better between K-T and I. I wish I could lighten-up. I have a life, honestly. K-T just happens to be a large part of my core life, I want it that way, but it does mean that troubles with her effect the rest of everything. I mean, if things are not cool with the castle, the king should not be playing in the village. Anyway, I have a few days to think about that, or try not to. She is to be back by the fifth in time to pay rent, pending no one becomes an asshole and changes the plan.
--In the mean time, I have made a list of things I am determined to accomplish as a sort of self-development excercise, as well as necessity.
1)Stop smoking. I have not smoked a single thing for the past day and all is fine.
2)Get my license. I will call tomorrow and see if they accept Pennsylvania permits.
3)College. I will call tomorrow and fine-tune my financial aid as well as work out the college program with my boss and record K-T's financial aid eligability.
4)Excercise. I think I will do that tonight before my shower. Looking to be a better me.
5)Strengthen my life outside of K-T. Basically get into hobbies and friends. Not really my choice, but it seems to give her some thrill to feel as though she must contend for my attention. I hate such a feeling, really, but whatever.
I am going to keep five priorities until I really just run out. Let us see.
"I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side
To know that you're mine
I will cry for you
I will cry for you
I will wash away your pain with all my tears
And drown your fear
I will pray for you
I will pray for you
I will sell my soul for something pure and true
Someone like you
See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time I am talking
You will believe in me
And I will never be ignored
I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
And tear it apart
I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see
You're just like me
Violate all the love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored
I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I'd do time for you
I would wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sinkships for you
To be close to you
To be a part of you
'Cause I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you" Garbage, "#1 Crush"
--Other than that, the chat with K-T last night was nice. Glad we could find ourselves at a positive point before she left. I feel sorry for how much family she has to deal with. That, and she was forced to leave her shoes and socks. Compared to here it is freezing up there. On top of that, she has no real time to socialize with her friends. She is going to be pretty busy with the one night(tonight) she has at home helping her mom, then it is off to the hotel in some part of Maryland we both have a hard time pronouncing.
--As per usual, I find it difficult to keep my thoughts positive and not dwell on certain persistant assholes or things that I wish were better between K-T and I. I wish I could lighten-up. I have a life, honestly. K-T just happens to be a large part of my core life, I want it that way, but it does mean that troubles with her effect the rest of everything. I mean, if things are not cool with the castle, the king should not be playing in the village. Anyway, I have a few days to think about that, or try not to. She is to be back by the fifth in time to pay rent, pending no one becomes an asshole and changes the plan.
--In the mean time, I have made a list of things I am determined to accomplish as a sort of self-development excercise, as well as necessity.
1)Stop smoking. I have not smoked a single thing for the past day and all is fine.
2)Get my license. I will call tomorrow and see if they accept Pennsylvania permits.
3)College. I will call tomorrow and fine-tune my financial aid as well as work out the college program with my boss and record K-T's financial aid eligability.
4)Excercise. I think I will do that tonight before my shower. Looking to be a better me.
5)Strengthen my life outside of K-T. Basically get into hobbies and friends. Not really my choice, but it seems to give her some thrill to feel as though she must contend for my attention. I hate such a feeling, really, but whatever.
I am going to keep five priorities until I really just run out. Let us see.
"I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side
To know that you're mine
I will cry for you
I will cry for you
I will wash away your pain with all my tears
And drown your fear
I will pray for you
I will pray for you
I will sell my soul for something pure and true
Someone like you
See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time I am talking
You will believe in me
And I will never be ignored
I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
And tear it apart
I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see
You're just like me
Violate all the love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored
I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I'd do time for you
I would wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sinkships for you
To be close to you
To be a part of you
'Cause I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you" Garbage, "#1 Crush"