Gundam Wing Fic:- "Learning to communicate part 3"
They had been eating in silence for the last fifteen minutes. This would not normally worry Heero but since he had met Duo the only time he had been quiet for that length of time was during a mission or when asleep. Heero took another bite, taking a covert look at Duo as he did so. Duo was crouched over his plate tense and defensive. Duo had indicated twice that he had something important he wished to share with him but he seemed no more inclined to actually discuss the issue than the previous night. Fear of confrontation had never been something Heero suffered from and so he started the conversation for him
"What did you want to discuss?"
Duo took a deep breath "Us, that is our relationship. It well, we need to clear the air. I can’t live with you without knowing where we stand.”
Heero drew in a breath as a coil of anger that had been sitting in his gut for the last year flared, he carefully squashed it “You tell me Duo,” he said flatly “You’re the one who keeps changing his mind.”
Duo flared up immediately “I didn’t change my mind.” He continued more calmly “Look ‘Ro, you’re important to me, what you need is important to me and well I didn’t think I was what you needed then.”
“I see.” Heero said shortly “I have been making my own decisions since I was six, but obviously you didn’t feel I needed to be consulted. You’re right though Duo, I didn’t need you, I don’t need anyone, I never have.”
“Heero,” Duo sounded almost desperate “That wasn’t what I meant to do. You’re my friend; I was trying to look out for you. Everything about our relationship was screwed up Heero, I think even you know it was. I care about you too much to be the friend you happen to sleep with. I would rather just be your friend, than for us to use each other like that.”
For a second Heero could barely breathe, it felt like being stabbed in the gut with an 8 inch blade. The past was gone months of companionship dismissed as a matter of convenience. Perhaps though that didn’t matter, Duo was after all saying that he would still be here, his friend just not his lover. Heero nodded “I understand, we will be friends then.”
A flash of pain seemed to pass across Duo’s face for a moment, but then it was gone replaced by a grin “Friends again, that’s great ‘Ro.”
*******************************************************************************
Duo lay awake listening to the sounds of Heero breathing in the bed across the room and watching the shadows move across the ceiling. The narrow single bed seemed suddenly larger and colder without Heero lying next to him. After a year to get used to sleeping alone one night with the heat and weight of Heero against him had sent him back to those first lonely nights. The fact that Heero was in another bed just a few feet somehow made the gulf seem that much larger. Friends, he could do friends, and at least now he knew where he stood. Two weeks of broken nights due to a too noisy room mate and now his new room mate was too… distracting.
He closed his eyes and lay counting off Heero’s breaths in the quiet of the room. They had swapped some of their childhood stories, at odd moments during the war and afterwards. Heero had never added any sort of judgement or resentment to his tales, but listening to them Duo had sometimes wondered how much Heero actually understood about human relationships.
“Heero are you awake?”
“Yes, you should sleep Duo.” The calm reply drifted across the room
“I don’t think I can yet, I just ….. I told you about when I was a kid. Back before I met G or became a pilot or anything I had people you know, Solo, Sister Helen, Father Maxwell. They cared about me ‘Ro not because I could pilot, not for anything that I could do for them just because I was me. Did you ever have that ‘Ro?”
There was a long considering pause “Odin cared. I think.” Duo could hear Heero turn on his side as if to look at Duo in through the dark, “It was never discussed, it was mostly a business arrangement. He trained me, provided cover and employment, and in return I was camouflage, backup and a pair of eyes and ears people underestimated. He came back for me once though, when it would have been better to simply silence me, J would have in the same situation.”
“Oh.” Duo lay in silence reconsidering his own rescue by Heero “Did I hurt you?”
“What?”
“When I left, you know, before. Did I hurt you?”
There was a pause, which could have been hesitation or could have been Heero trying to work out what he meant “Yes.”
There was silence as Duo digested that “I’m sorry. I didn’t think it would, I didn’t think you cared. I didn’t think you understood.”
“You were my Partner.” Heero said shortly, wrapping into that one word a thousand layers of meaning: Friend, Lover, back up, ally against all comers, someone who is always there, but then of course Duo wasn’t anymore, because he left. “I understood that, I thought you did too.” Duo winced at the implied accusation behind the soft, almost toneless words.
Duo sighed “It’s difficult sometimes Heero to tell what you are really feeling. You say I’m your partner and yes I am, was, will be as long as I live. I would take a bullet for you and I know you would take one for me, but I want...” He closed his eyes taking in a minute to work out what to say “You would do that for any of the guys, for Relena or well any close ally or politician you were asked to protect. There is nothing, absolutely nothing you have ever said or done that tells me I am any more important to you than any of them or even any important piece of hardware.” Duo could hear his voice as it rose in anger, he took another breath “And you know that’s OK ‘Ro ‘cos I understand that, I lived that, we all did, but it’s not wartime anymore and I want to be more than a set of skills, or a tactical advantage.”
“You’re not just a tactical advantage, Duo. You are more important to me than hardware or other people, you’re my best friend Duo, my first friend.”
Duo winced “I am sorry that I hurt you Heero, I swear I never meant to. I wouldn’t do that to you, you are my best friend too.” He paused thinking, his tone lightening “Hey ‘Ro how about we go out tomorrow night, just you know friends hanging out no worrying about what it all means.”
“Alright.”
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Two cafeteria lunches in a row had to be a new record for him, reheated chips and micro-waved lasagne was not normal Winner fare but the short message from Duo had worried Quatre and the lunch break was the only time they were both free. Trowa half smirked in amusement as Quatre doubtfully took his tray to find an unoccupied table. Duo sauntered in, looking considerably more refreshed than the previous day, before Trowa had time to do more than lean down slightly and whisper “Try not to interfere too much,”
Quatre watched and listened as Duo described his conversation with Heero, Duo seemed calmer and relieved but there was just a trace of resignation, which had Quatre worrying at his lower lip as he considered “So you agreed to be friends?”
“Yes. That’s what I’ve been saying Quat, and really I think maybe it’s best you know, Heero just doesn’t feels that way about me.”
“Are you sure Duo?” He asked persistently, his empathic connection with Heero had always been strong, he was almost certain Heero was in love with Duo, but then interpreting the former Wing pilot had always been tricky. It was always possible that Heero himself didn’t realise his feelings
“Of course I’m sure.” Duo said irritably “I’m hardly going to force him to be in a relationship he doesn’t want.”
“What about what you want? Do you think you can be just friends,” Quatre stopped as Trowa pressed his leg against his knee, a quick reminder not to meddle.
“We can, we have to Quat, we agreed. Heero wants us to be friends, we’ll be friends.”
“So being friends was Heero’s idea?” Quatre asked, surprised as Duo nodded taking another bite of his burger.
Quatre opened his mouth to say more, Trowa or no Trowa but was interrupted by Heero’s arrival. Stifling a frown of annoyance Quatre turned a happy smile on his arriving friend and Wufei who stalked in behind him obviously irritated at being pulled from his second home, the library. Much like Duo, Heero looked and felt calmer today and more settled, there was a hint of lurking pain but his eyes were clearer than they had been since the break up and perhaps even before then. That more than anything persuaded Quatre to leave things be, however much he wanted them back together. So he put the experience and training of being The Winner heir to good use in keeping the conversation light and on other subjects.
Duo had labs early after lunch and Wufei used the opportunity to escape also leaving Trowa and Heero to entertain Quatre, which left them eating mostly in silence with the occasional short conversation about courses and professors. It was Trowa though who finally broached the subject of Duo, as Heero was standing to leave “So you and Duo have decided to be just friends.”
“Yes, it seemed the best solution.” Heero said shortly
Quatre opened his mouth to say something but was stopped by a quick kick from Trowa under the table, to say ‘You dealt with Duo, let me handle Heero’. Trowa nodded as Heero gathered up left over wrappers dropping them in the bin “So who decided you should just be friends.”
Heero looked up at them steadily “Duo’s.”
“I see.” Trowa said simply, Heero nodded to them and walked off. Trowa shared a long look with Quatre and shrugged quickly, a clear message that Trowa thought they should let them work it out between them. Quatre stared back annoyed, he wanted to help his friends but looking at the start Duo and Heero had made he nodded his agreement to stay out of it. For now.
Well there we go, I'm off to do some more of my other work. For those of you waiting for Zero X should come out later this week, and I have some highlander stuff coming too. Is the LJ cut going to work this time? It always takes me ages to sort it out afterwards when it doesn't.
Part 4 is now up available here ....
"What did you want to discuss?"
Duo took a deep breath "Us, that is our relationship. It well, we need to clear the air. I can’t live with you without knowing where we stand.”
Heero drew in a breath as a coil of anger that had been sitting in his gut for the last year flared, he carefully squashed it “You tell me Duo,” he said flatly “You’re the one who keeps changing his mind.”
Duo flared up immediately “I didn’t change my mind.” He continued more calmly “Look ‘Ro, you’re important to me, what you need is important to me and well I didn’t think I was what you needed then.”
“I see.” Heero said shortly “I have been making my own decisions since I was six, but obviously you didn’t feel I needed to be consulted. You’re right though Duo, I didn’t need you, I don’t need anyone, I never have.”
“Heero,” Duo sounded almost desperate “That wasn’t what I meant to do. You’re my friend; I was trying to look out for you. Everything about our relationship was screwed up Heero, I think even you know it was. I care about you too much to be the friend you happen to sleep with. I would rather just be your friend, than for us to use each other like that.”
For a second Heero could barely breathe, it felt like being stabbed in the gut with an 8 inch blade. The past was gone months of companionship dismissed as a matter of convenience. Perhaps though that didn’t matter, Duo was after all saying that he would still be here, his friend just not his lover. Heero nodded “I understand, we will be friends then.”
A flash of pain seemed to pass across Duo’s face for a moment, but then it was gone replaced by a grin “Friends again, that’s great ‘Ro.”
*******************************************************************************
Duo lay awake listening to the sounds of Heero breathing in the bed across the room and watching the shadows move across the ceiling. The narrow single bed seemed suddenly larger and colder without Heero lying next to him. After a year to get used to sleeping alone one night with the heat and weight of Heero against him had sent him back to those first lonely nights. The fact that Heero was in another bed just a few feet somehow made the gulf seem that much larger. Friends, he could do friends, and at least now he knew where he stood. Two weeks of broken nights due to a too noisy room mate and now his new room mate was too… distracting.
He closed his eyes and lay counting off Heero’s breaths in the quiet of the room. They had swapped some of their childhood stories, at odd moments during the war and afterwards. Heero had never added any sort of judgement or resentment to his tales, but listening to them Duo had sometimes wondered how much Heero actually understood about human relationships.
“Heero are you awake?”
“Yes, you should sleep Duo.” The calm reply drifted across the room
“I don’t think I can yet, I just ….. I told you about when I was a kid. Back before I met G or became a pilot or anything I had people you know, Solo, Sister Helen, Father Maxwell. They cared about me ‘Ro not because I could pilot, not for anything that I could do for them just because I was me. Did you ever have that ‘Ro?”
There was a long considering pause “Odin cared. I think.” Duo could hear Heero turn on his side as if to look at Duo in through the dark, “It was never discussed, it was mostly a business arrangement. He trained me, provided cover and employment, and in return I was camouflage, backup and a pair of eyes and ears people underestimated. He came back for me once though, when it would have been better to simply silence me, J would have in the same situation.”
“Oh.” Duo lay in silence reconsidering his own rescue by Heero “Did I hurt you?”
“What?”
“When I left, you know, before. Did I hurt you?”
There was a pause, which could have been hesitation or could have been Heero trying to work out what he meant “Yes.”
There was silence as Duo digested that “I’m sorry. I didn’t think it would, I didn’t think you cared. I didn’t think you understood.”
“You were my Partner.” Heero said shortly, wrapping into that one word a thousand layers of meaning: Friend, Lover, back up, ally against all comers, someone who is always there, but then of course Duo wasn’t anymore, because he left. “I understood that, I thought you did too.” Duo winced at the implied accusation behind the soft, almost toneless words.
Duo sighed “It’s difficult sometimes Heero to tell what you are really feeling. You say I’m your partner and yes I am, was, will be as long as I live. I would take a bullet for you and I know you would take one for me, but I want...” He closed his eyes taking in a minute to work out what to say “You would do that for any of the guys, for Relena or well any close ally or politician you were asked to protect. There is nothing, absolutely nothing you have ever said or done that tells me I am any more important to you than any of them or even any important piece of hardware.” Duo could hear his voice as it rose in anger, he took another breath “And you know that’s OK ‘Ro ‘cos I understand that, I lived that, we all did, but it’s not wartime anymore and I want to be more than a set of skills, or a tactical advantage.”
“You’re not just a tactical advantage, Duo. You are more important to me than hardware or other people, you’re my best friend Duo, my first friend.”
Duo winced “I am sorry that I hurt you Heero, I swear I never meant to. I wouldn’t do that to you, you are my best friend too.” He paused thinking, his tone lightening “Hey ‘Ro how about we go out tomorrow night, just you know friends hanging out no worrying about what it all means.”
“Alright.”
************************************************************************
Two cafeteria lunches in a row had to be a new record for him, reheated chips and micro-waved lasagne was not normal Winner fare but the short message from Duo had worried Quatre and the lunch break was the only time they were both free. Trowa half smirked in amusement as Quatre doubtfully took his tray to find an unoccupied table. Duo sauntered in, looking considerably more refreshed than the previous day, before Trowa had time to do more than lean down slightly and whisper “Try not to interfere too much,”
Quatre watched and listened as Duo described his conversation with Heero, Duo seemed calmer and relieved but there was just a trace of resignation, which had Quatre worrying at his lower lip as he considered “So you agreed to be friends?”
“Yes. That’s what I’ve been saying Quat, and really I think maybe it’s best you know, Heero just doesn’t feels that way about me.”
“Are you sure Duo?” He asked persistently, his empathic connection with Heero had always been strong, he was almost certain Heero was in love with Duo, but then interpreting the former Wing pilot had always been tricky. It was always possible that Heero himself didn’t realise his feelings
“Of course I’m sure.” Duo said irritably “I’m hardly going to force him to be in a relationship he doesn’t want.”
“What about what you want? Do you think you can be just friends,” Quatre stopped as Trowa pressed his leg against his knee, a quick reminder not to meddle.
“We can, we have to Quat, we agreed. Heero wants us to be friends, we’ll be friends.”
“So being friends was Heero’s idea?” Quatre asked, surprised as Duo nodded taking another bite of his burger.
Quatre opened his mouth to say more, Trowa or no Trowa but was interrupted by Heero’s arrival. Stifling a frown of annoyance Quatre turned a happy smile on his arriving friend and Wufei who stalked in behind him obviously irritated at being pulled from his second home, the library. Much like Duo, Heero looked and felt calmer today and more settled, there was a hint of lurking pain but his eyes were clearer than they had been since the break up and perhaps even before then. That more than anything persuaded Quatre to leave things be, however much he wanted them back together. So he put the experience and training of being The Winner heir to good use in keeping the conversation light and on other subjects.
Duo had labs early after lunch and Wufei used the opportunity to escape also leaving Trowa and Heero to entertain Quatre, which left them eating mostly in silence with the occasional short conversation about courses and professors. It was Trowa though who finally broached the subject of Duo, as Heero was standing to leave “So you and Duo have decided to be just friends.”
“Yes, it seemed the best solution.” Heero said shortly
Quatre opened his mouth to say something but was stopped by a quick kick from Trowa under the table, to say ‘You dealt with Duo, let me handle Heero’. Trowa nodded as Heero gathered up left over wrappers dropping them in the bin “So who decided you should just be friends.”
Heero looked up at them steadily “Duo’s.”
“I see.” Trowa said simply, Heero nodded to them and walked off. Trowa shared a long look with Quatre and shrugged quickly, a clear message that Trowa thought they should let them work it out between them. Quatre stared back annoyed, he wanted to help his friends but looking at the start Duo and Heero had made he nodded his agreement to stay out of it. For now.
Well there we go, I'm off to do some more of my other work. For those of you waiting for Zero X should come out later this week, and I have some highlander stuff coming too. Is the LJ cut going to work this time? It always takes me ages to sort it out afterwards when it doesn't.
Part 4 is now up available here ....