Bricks in the wall.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Bricks in the wall, parts 1, 2, & 3 from my LJ, private
Current mood: confused
How many bricks go into a wall before it can't be torn down without destroying people and relationships, that's what I am trying to figure out.
I wrote a letter to my husband last night after we had a fight. Well, I was sitting outside and he was yelling at me through the screen.
1 Did you really think asking "Where the fuck's my dinner?" was going to motivate me to do anything for you? If you did, you have forgotten who you married.
2 Is there a reason why it took an hour after you got home to ask about Sammy? If you stay at the bar until 9 PM, there is a good chance your son will be sleeping when you get home.
3 When you locked me out I went to Tony's because he was still up and his kids were sleeping. I was going to sleep in my car, but I wanted my laptop inside.
4 I know his kids were sleeping because he and I battled with 4 cranky tired boys, none of which would take a nap today. All of them had 3 or 4 temper tantrums along with all kinds of other whiny stuff.
5 Which means I was really in no mood to deal with your temper tantrum when you came home. Seriously. After you spend 4 hours at the bar you have the balls to bitch at me for taking some time to myself. Time to sit in the breeze and just be me for a while. Then you accuse me of not taking care of my family.
6 With the wacky weather this week I have had 2 migraines. I'm sorry if you don't understand, I am even sorrier if you really don't believe me, as it seems you don't. I had one this morning and I had one the other day when you were sick. I am not sure what you want from me. If I could wave a magic wand and make them go away, I would. It's not just the pain. Do you remember when I was in labor? That was quite literally a picnic compared to a migraine, and it is not just the pain part. Along with the pain is nausea, a sensitivity to light to the point where the light itself hurts. So do loud screechy sounds.
7 Do you realise your "couple of hours" at the bar sometimes adds up to 30 hours a week?
Mon, Tues, Wed, Fri from 4:30 to 6:30 is 2X4=8
Th, 4:30 to 8:30, Sat, 1 to 5, Sun 1 to 5, if 4X3=12
8 12=20
Unfortunately this is all too typical. Add in a Keno party, a golf outing, someone's birthday and it is pretty easy to get to 30.
Now consider the time available for Sammy to spend with you, if you came right home after work every day.
Mon-Fri 4:30 to 9 = 4.5 X 5 = 22.5
Sat and Sun 7 am to 9 pm = 14 hours X 2 = 28
That's about 50 hours a week. So that means there are some weeks you spend more time at the bar than you do with your son.
8 (this is difficult, but imagine 3 things in a circle)
insomnia<->migraine<->depression<->
These 3 things feed off each other. I went all of April and almost all of May never getting more than 4 hours of sleep in a row. Throw in the last few days of March and it was about 60 days. If you came right home after work a few days a week, I could take a couple of naps a week and that would help everything.
9 Leave my stuff alone. Just because you are drunk and pissed off is no reason to fuck with my computer equipment. 1 I don't do that to you. 2 It's childish.
10 There's more but I am tired.
11 I am writing this because I am not going to fight with a drunk person and I never know what you will be like when you get home.
Bricks in the wall, parts 1, 2, & 3 from my LJ, private
Current mood: confused
How many bricks go into a wall before it can't be torn down without destroying people and relationships, that's what I am trying to figure out.
I wrote a letter to my husband last night after we had a fight. Well, I was sitting outside and he was yelling at me through the screen.
1 Did you really think asking "Where the fuck's my dinner?" was going to motivate me to do anything for you? If you did, you have forgotten who you married.
2 Is there a reason why it took an hour after you got home to ask about Sammy? If you stay at the bar until 9 PM, there is a good chance your son will be sleeping when you get home.
3 When you locked me out I went to Tony's because he was still up and his kids were sleeping. I was going to sleep in my car, but I wanted my laptop inside.
4 I know his kids were sleeping because he and I battled with 4 cranky tired boys, none of which would take a nap today. All of them had 3 or 4 temper tantrums along with all kinds of other whiny stuff.
5 Which means I was really in no mood to deal with your temper tantrum when you came home. Seriously. After you spend 4 hours at the bar you have the balls to bitch at me for taking some time to myself. Time to sit in the breeze and just be me for a while. Then you accuse me of not taking care of my family.
6 With the wacky weather this week I have had 2 migraines. I'm sorry if you don't understand, I am even sorrier if you really don't believe me, as it seems you don't. I had one this morning and I had one the other day when you were sick. I am not sure what you want from me. If I could wave a magic wand and make them go away, I would. It's not just the pain. Do you remember when I was in labor? That was quite literally a picnic compared to a migraine, and it is not just the pain part. Along with the pain is nausea, a sensitivity to light to the point where the light itself hurts. So do loud screechy sounds.
7 Do you realise your "couple of hours" at the bar sometimes adds up to 30 hours a week?
Mon, Tues, Wed, Fri from 4:30 to 6:30 is 2X4=8
Th, 4:30 to 8:30, Sat, 1 to 5, Sun 1 to 5, if 4X3=12
8 12=20
Unfortunately this is all too typical. Add in a Keno party, a golf outing, someone's birthday and it is pretty easy to get to 30.
Now consider the time available for Sammy to spend with you, if you came right home after work every day.
Mon-Fri 4:30 to 9 = 4.5 X 5 = 22.5
Sat and Sun 7 am to 9 pm = 14 hours X 2 = 28
That's about 50 hours a week. So that means there are some weeks you spend more time at the bar than you do with your son.
8 (this is difficult, but imagine 3 things in a circle)
insomnia<->migraine<->depression<->
These 3 things feed off each other. I went all of April and almost all of May never getting more than 4 hours of sleep in a row. Throw in the last few days of March and it was about 60 days. If you came right home after work a few days a week, I could take a couple of naps a week and that would help everything.
9 Leave my stuff alone. Just because you are drunk and pissed off is no reason to fuck with my computer equipment. 1 I don't do that to you. 2 It's childish.
10 There's more but I am tired.
11 I am writing this because I am not going to fight with a drunk person and I never know what you will be like when you get home.