premier adios.
So school is over in another day and a half. i can't help but feel like i should have done more. high school is great for some people, why not me? did i really not give it much of a chance? hated the people on a whim? a fancy? just cause i 'felt' like it? not really. i give more people chances than i can say about alot of people. maybe i just give up too easy. after rekindling friendships that soon die, why dont i try again? maybe cause i just dont want to be friends with people who dont want me. and i guess thats where it started. i just stopped caring about people because they didnt give two shyts about me.
is that bad?
when im completely pouring myself into college, and hoping it'll be better than my high school experience, is that wrong? well, if it is. i dont really give a fuck. im sick of the high school drama. im glad i didnt make more girl friends.. i got to deal with it less. i may not be glad i didnt join photo club, tho i wanted to. and was too insecure about joining art club, though im told i had no reason to be. but what can you do?
do better the next time around?
im not trying to change my personality for college, cause i like who i am. i like that ive overcome something alot of girls/people cant say they have. ive become someone who won't change for other people, and that's what i felt like i needed to be. maybe thats why i didnt end up with alot of friends at the end of high school. a sad but all too true truth. something ive cried over too many times, and somethig ive learned to accept. at some point i just decided, i had less than a year left with these people, why bother getting close. my therapist says it's alright. that im looking forward to college alot more. sara left early. she said she was thankful. i half-wish i did too. maybe then i wouldnt've been stuck practically by myself with just adam this past year. maybe my senior year would have been good for something other than just my last year in that hell hole. maybe not. who cares.
i can't change anything, nor do i really want to.
if i had the chance to do it again, would i do it differently? dont think so.
im going to miss a small few people in this town. some don't even know it.
but i have to say.
this is my first goodbye to Batavia.
not that any part of it is going to truly miss me.
is that bad?
when im completely pouring myself into college, and hoping it'll be better than my high school experience, is that wrong? well, if it is. i dont really give a fuck. im sick of the high school drama. im glad i didnt make more girl friends.. i got to deal with it less. i may not be glad i didnt join photo club, tho i wanted to. and was too insecure about joining art club, though im told i had no reason to be. but what can you do?
do better the next time around?
im not trying to change my personality for college, cause i like who i am. i like that ive overcome something alot of girls/people cant say they have. ive become someone who won't change for other people, and that's what i felt like i needed to be. maybe thats why i didnt end up with alot of friends at the end of high school. a sad but all too true truth. something ive cried over too many times, and somethig ive learned to accept. at some point i just decided, i had less than a year left with these people, why bother getting close. my therapist says it's alright. that im looking forward to college alot more. sara left early. she said she was thankful. i half-wish i did too. maybe then i wouldnt've been stuck practically by myself with just adam this past year. maybe my senior year would have been good for something other than just my last year in that hell hole. maybe not. who cares.
i can't change anything, nor do i really want to.
if i had the chance to do it again, would i do it differently? dont think so.
im going to miss a small few people in this town. some don't even know it.
but i have to say.
this is my first goodbye to Batavia.
not that any part of it is going to truly miss me.