sad days
.ive forgotten how to dream.
More importantly... i remembered... there is nothing to dream about.
everyday i wake up and i attempt to make it a happy day, go to school, do my work, not even skipping... but actually in class. dont want to go home.. home just brings 6 hour fights and arguments on this and that. 2 jobs but no money. alone.
i hate feeling this way. i hate feeling anyway. my favorite way to feel is the numb sensation of not giving a fuck that i often experience. i wish i could live my entire life with that numbness that makes me oh so happy.
jack makes me ecstatically happy when shes not attacking me or being a complete shithead. shes so curious about everything. shes my kitten. the two things that keep me company and give me a lil joy are the two things my folks are always threatening to get rid of..
my stomach hurts.
im going tanning... then to mcdonalds to let them know i cant come in til after 6pm tonight.. due to an appointment. gah =\
More importantly... i remembered... there is nothing to dream about.
everyday i wake up and i attempt to make it a happy day, go to school, do my work, not even skipping... but actually in class. dont want to go home.. home just brings 6 hour fights and arguments on this and that. 2 jobs but no money. alone.
i hate feeling this way. i hate feeling anyway. my favorite way to feel is the numb sensation of not giving a fuck that i often experience. i wish i could live my entire life with that numbness that makes me oh so happy.
jack makes me ecstatically happy when shes not attacking me or being a complete shithead. shes so curious about everything. shes my kitten. the two things that keep me company and give me a lil joy are the two things my folks are always threatening to get rid of..
my stomach hurts.
im going tanning... then to mcdonalds to let them know i cant come in til after 6pm tonight.. due to an appointment. gah =\