(no subject)
well i screwed up semi-a lot at nyssma
but somehow...i don't really care, at least its done
i can't wait to learn like duets and stuff...im oddly excited, and no pressure cause its not like i have to go in front of a judge with it
so yea, ive been lazy; really lazy lately
i saw all of these sad people today
i realized a few things...
1) im scared, and becoming scareder (if thats a word)
A-today there was a bug on my plate, and i screamed
i never scream because of bugs
B-i was in wal*mart, and i was getting clothes; but i wouldn't go near any rack or table or whatever if there was anyone else there
if someone was there my heart would skip a beat and i'd look down, make sure not to make eye contact, and hurry away
like i was afraid of anyone/everyone else in the store
another thing ive realized...
2) the world is fucking crap
not like ooh i hate my life yadda yadda yadda
like, the WORLD is fucking CRAP
idk everywhere i went today, i'd catch sight of these people...and it just hurt to look them in the eye
one guy was sitting outside of wal*mart, and he was just looking off into the distance and he looked like the most miserable person in the world and i wished there was something i could do to help him and i imagined going over and asking what was wrong...but my fear of people made me look at my feet, keep walking; and feeling guilty and sad about him for the next 3 hours and still going
you know that guy who's always singing in wal*mart? the guy whos trying to get you to donate money; and you either love him or you hate him
you either go up and seize the moment and give him money
or you purposely park on the other side of the parking lot and avoid him your whole trip, and try not to listen
or the inbetween; where you forget til you're in there and then you feel bad but you don't give him anything and you hope he doesn't see you walk by
well i usually try to avoid him...cause of my intense fear of people
today we walk in, and i see him and im scared, cause one day i gave him money and he had me dance with him and i was petrified
so today hes standing in the middle of one of the entranceways to the store...and the other guy standing there is like please go through the other way...and i look at him and he looked so miserable
i was honestly afraid he was like about to die or something
and again i felt horrible
when we came back from shopping...both guys were gone
and now every sad person i see makes me just want to break down
i like, feel their pain, and i can't help it.
i can't help feeling that everyone who suffers is a victim of circumstance that the world has given them
and i hate technology...like everyones all like ooh this wouldnt be possible without technology and its the best and yadda yadda yadda
but i just wish i lived in like the 70s or the 80s or i dunno
somehwere around there
so i could go outside and not be afraid of being raped or murdered or anything
ugh i can't vent anymore i gotta do a database search again; see if i can find what i need
later
but somehow...i don't really care, at least its done
i can't wait to learn like duets and stuff...im oddly excited, and no pressure cause its not like i have to go in front of a judge with it
so yea, ive been lazy; really lazy lately
i saw all of these sad people today
i realized a few things...
1) im scared, and becoming scareder (if thats a word)
A-today there was a bug on my plate, and i screamed
i never scream because of bugs
B-i was in wal*mart, and i was getting clothes; but i wouldn't go near any rack or table or whatever if there was anyone else there
if someone was there my heart would skip a beat and i'd look down, make sure not to make eye contact, and hurry away
like i was afraid of anyone/everyone else in the store
another thing ive realized...
2) the world is fucking crap
not like ooh i hate my life yadda yadda yadda
like, the WORLD is fucking CRAP
idk everywhere i went today, i'd catch sight of these people...and it just hurt to look them in the eye
one guy was sitting outside of wal*mart, and he was just looking off into the distance and he looked like the most miserable person in the world and i wished there was something i could do to help him and i imagined going over and asking what was wrong...but my fear of people made me look at my feet, keep walking; and feeling guilty and sad about him for the next 3 hours and still going
you know that guy who's always singing in wal*mart? the guy whos trying to get you to donate money; and you either love him or you hate him
you either go up and seize the moment and give him money
or you purposely park on the other side of the parking lot and avoid him your whole trip, and try not to listen
or the inbetween; where you forget til you're in there and then you feel bad but you don't give him anything and you hope he doesn't see you walk by
well i usually try to avoid him...cause of my intense fear of people
today we walk in, and i see him and im scared, cause one day i gave him money and he had me dance with him and i was petrified
so today hes standing in the middle of one of the entranceways to the store...and the other guy standing there is like please go through the other way...and i look at him and he looked so miserable
i was honestly afraid he was like about to die or something
and again i felt horrible
when we came back from shopping...both guys were gone
and now every sad person i see makes me just want to break down
i like, feel their pain, and i can't help it.
i can't help feeling that everyone who suffers is a victim of circumstance that the world has given them
and i hate technology...like everyones all like ooh this wouldnt be possible without technology and its the best and yadda yadda yadda
but i just wish i lived in like the 70s or the 80s or i dunno
somehwere around there
so i could go outside and not be afraid of being raped or murdered or anything
ugh i can't vent anymore i gotta do a database search again; see if i can find what i need
later