fpb

A drabble

Oct 04, 2004 00:27

Please be kind to this one. I have an idea that it might not go down well, but it is represents a vision I tried to achieve - how successfully, I don't know...
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harry potter fan fic

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bruno_greengras October 3 2004, 17:33:00 UTC
Okay - disclaimer: I'm no H/G fan. ;)
What struck me first is that some of the lyrics should go; in a songfic you should only keep the few lines that underline the point of your text. For instance:
Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be...is repeated twice. Remove them both, I'd say; keep two/three lines from each verse ( ... )

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bruno_greengras October 3 2004, 17:35:14 UTC
...And of course I forgot to close the tag. *is annoyed*
Sorry 'bout that.

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