Again about Snape
Many Hp fans, including me, believe that Snape changed sides because he was deeply, hopelessly in love with Lily Evans Potter, and her death changed everything for him. He was guilty of it, having given an account of at least part of the prophecy to the Dark Lord, and this changed his attitude to the point where he went over to Dumbledore. HBP is full of small pieces of evidence that Snape has been keeping Dumbledore very well informed, and - as I pointed out elsewhere - that he has deliberately lied to Narcissa and Bellatrix. In other words, we know that he has been capable of lying to "the greatest Legilimens the world has ever seen" - as he sycophantically calls him to Bellatrix. Bellatrix, who is besotted with Voldemort, would be the last to challenge this description. But Snape HAS managed to do so. For that there has to be a reason.
Now, pardon me if I pull rank here. Not every one of us knows what being in love, really being in love, is about. Being in love means staking your whole being on another person. It means that Debbie, or Clare, or Ruth, or Kathy, is your reason to live or to die. It means that you will do ANYTHING she asks - to the point where she has to be careful of what she says, because you will perform every wish like a serving genie. And it means that if you lose her for any reason, the hole in your soul is as great as your whole life; the pain of Hell on earth; and yet you would rather keep the pain that lose it, because losing it would mean losing the love of her - and that is the greatest thing by far you have ever experienced.
This is love for anyone who has ever been in love. And it is a fact that some Harry fans are too young to have experienced it; and that at least one adult in her thirties I know never has. Not everyone does.
Now think of this colossal experience and cast it against Snape's miserable childhood. The revelation of love would have been, if anything, even more shattering to him than to the average person, set against a loveless background of abuse. Then comes the appalling realization that the beloved is herself in love - with your worst enemy. To be humiliated in front of her would be more than enough for the savage insult Snape throws at her in the "worst memory" scene. The sense of betrayal must be overwhelming. I am sure, myself, that it would be at this point that Snape would pledge himself to the Enemy and receive the Mark. He would consciously renounce the ways of his enemies and forget about Lily; her memory would be poisoned for him. Or at least, he would cradle himself in the convinction that it would be.
This delusion would be rudely shattered the moment he bore his intelligence of Sybil Trelawney's prophecy to the Dark Lord. Within a few minutes, he would find that Lily's son would be one of the two children in danger. That would be a shattering revelation; and in one split-second, it would make clear, lightning-white clear, to him, that he had never for a minute stopped loving Lily.
Another important side effect of this would be that he would find the power - the power that lasted him years - to reinforce his defences, to lie to the Dark Lord with a straight face. The need to save Lily at first, to avenge her afterwards, would give him the strength; the power of love, that power that Voldemort could never understand - according to Dumbledore. And I reckon that Snape sooner or later would understand the implications of this. He would understand that the Dark Lord, with all his wisdom, had not understood one thing - the most central thing in all the human soul; the thing that gives meaning to our lives, the thing for which we live and die. And having understood this, he would understand that Voldemort was simply and plainly wrong; and have an intellectual as well as an emotional reason to fight him.
AT the same time there is his moroseness, his ever-smoldering inner anger, his desire to hurt. Can you wonder? First, he could never have the one woman he ever loved; second, she is dead, and he is the cause of her death. Would this not cause enough pain and grief and anger to want to share it - especially to someone who, except for Lily and Dumbledore, has never known anything in his life except abuse and rejection?
Finally, his attitude to Harry and Neville is particularly telling. Harry is not only the son of the man who took Lily from him - and with the same face and mannerisms - but also the direct reason why Lily died. How could Snape not hate him? But Neville's case is even worse. Neville could have been the Chosen One. He could have been chosen by Voldemort; and if he had, Lily would not have died. Can you wonder that, every time he sees this harmless but rather hopeless boy in his classroom, Snape feels "Lily could have lived - and this useless blob is alive in her place"? Can you wonder that he not only sees him as worthless, but does his best to make his feelings felt? Snape does not have to suppress his feelings everywhere.
Now, pardon me if I pull rank here. Not every one of us knows what being in love, really being in love, is about. Being in love means staking your whole being on another person. It means that Debbie, or Clare, or Ruth, or Kathy, is your reason to live or to die. It means that you will do ANYTHING she asks - to the point where she has to be careful of what she says, because you will perform every wish like a serving genie. And it means that if you lose her for any reason, the hole in your soul is as great as your whole life; the pain of Hell on earth; and yet you would rather keep the pain that lose it, because losing it would mean losing the love of her - and that is the greatest thing by far you have ever experienced.
This is love for anyone who has ever been in love. And it is a fact that some Harry fans are too young to have experienced it; and that at least one adult in her thirties I know never has. Not everyone does.
Now think of this colossal experience and cast it against Snape's miserable childhood. The revelation of love would have been, if anything, even more shattering to him than to the average person, set against a loveless background of abuse. Then comes the appalling realization that the beloved is herself in love - with your worst enemy. To be humiliated in front of her would be more than enough for the savage insult Snape throws at her in the "worst memory" scene. The sense of betrayal must be overwhelming. I am sure, myself, that it would be at this point that Snape would pledge himself to the Enemy and receive the Mark. He would consciously renounce the ways of his enemies and forget about Lily; her memory would be poisoned for him. Or at least, he would cradle himself in the convinction that it would be.
This delusion would be rudely shattered the moment he bore his intelligence of Sybil Trelawney's prophecy to the Dark Lord. Within a few minutes, he would find that Lily's son would be one of the two children in danger. That would be a shattering revelation; and in one split-second, it would make clear, lightning-white clear, to him, that he had never for a minute stopped loving Lily.
Another important side effect of this would be that he would find the power - the power that lasted him years - to reinforce his defences, to lie to the Dark Lord with a straight face. The need to save Lily at first, to avenge her afterwards, would give him the strength; the power of love, that power that Voldemort could never understand - according to Dumbledore. And I reckon that Snape sooner or later would understand the implications of this. He would understand that the Dark Lord, with all his wisdom, had not understood one thing - the most central thing in all the human soul; the thing that gives meaning to our lives, the thing for which we live and die. And having understood this, he would understand that Voldemort was simply and plainly wrong; and have an intellectual as well as an emotional reason to fight him.
AT the same time there is his moroseness, his ever-smoldering inner anger, his desire to hurt. Can you wonder? First, he could never have the one woman he ever loved; second, she is dead, and he is the cause of her death. Would this not cause enough pain and grief and anger to want to share it - especially to someone who, except for Lily and Dumbledore, has never known anything in his life except abuse and rejection?
Finally, his attitude to Harry and Neville is particularly telling. Harry is not only the son of the man who took Lily from him - and with the same face and mannerisms - but also the direct reason why Lily died. How could Snape not hate him? But Neville's case is even worse. Neville could have been the Chosen One. He could have been chosen by Voldemort; and if he had, Lily would not have died. Can you wonder that, every time he sees this harmless but rather hopeless boy in his classroom, Snape feels "Lily could have lived - and this useless blob is alive in her place"? Can you wonder that he not only sees him as worthless, but does his best to make his feelings felt? Snape does not have to suppress his feelings everywhere.