i don't want to let bygones be bygones
Work on Saturday was hilarious, what with the "Karl and Christine Sale" and Karl's snide comments about weak handshakes and his love for Gina and me as we put away NEATLY the rugs and slipcovers in the newly beautiful rug room. Chris and Kim - who actually spoke to me! - and I worked on moving Liz into the Nate room and we did quilts and whatnot. Karl glared at us "angrily" as he caught us sitting in chairs and we laughed about his "date" on Monday with Christine. Gina and I hung out plenty, and I think it was good to have each other's company. She's going through hard times of her own, and really, I just needed a distraction to keep my mind off the fact that I really, really can't deal with Jen being gone. It's been a while since I've seen Christine, and I could really use a dose of her sassy, unique weird little sense of humor to cheer me up. If I can't have Jen, she's second best, now.
I miss the days of cleaning the upstairs, when Jen would jump into my arms, Karl would high five me, Christine would, uh, leg-hump me and everyone was grateful for my hard, hard work and long days. Things were so innocent back then and I wasn't constantly preoccupied with how to handle uncomfortable situations. And I miss the kind of fun I had that last night working with Jen, the Chili's outing and my first real glimpse into a social life in a long time, and everything bittersweet from that night.
There's so much I hadn't anticipated; things are NOTHING like I thought they'd be. Adjustment isn't easy, especially for a girl who doesn't, and has never, handled loss well. Everything I thought I could depend on during this transition is falling apart and I'm not sure how to deal. I want to go to Burlington. I want to go to Danvers. I want to bring them back to Reading. I want a social life. I want to go somewhere for spring break. I want to have my friends back. I want to fix the problem I'm in. I want the old days to come back.