ahhh yes, vacation

[foxypinky]

i guess this is the first day of my vacation. Things have been goin well and I just can't wrap my head around it. I'm cynical i know, but it's just that whenever I get comfortable with my life and all of its happiness, I fuck it up. Almost intentionally. I believe there are those of you who have witnessed the self-sabotage of my happiness at one time or another. I know this because some of you have been there for me or ith me at times in my life where everything is going perfectly and then WHOOMP! There it is! She's done it gain folks! Chelsea's life has gone down the drain. I just don't want to push everyone away again. So please don't let me. I know what I'm like, I'm stubborn and can be a hateful, vindictive little bitch. I'm sorry to all of you. I'm sorry. I can't express just how sorry I am. I know you may not know what the fuck I'm sorry for... but I am and I can't explain it. Damn. I suck. I'm trying to vent and shit and it's just not really happening, i can't just let it all out today for some reason... weird. I must continue cleaning my house... as that is my sole prupose in life... maybe someday I'll make a good bitch...I mean, housewife.

argh. How I love vacation... I have time to breathe and time to reflect. Time to think about how utterly... discouraged I am. ahhh vacation.