I'm sitting on a building anger..
and I know it's there. As much as I've been ignoring things in my life...I'm starting to hit that point again.
I feel like something is going on that I don't know about.
I feel like no matter what, I can't gain control.
I feel like I'm getting fisted by the world.
And why does it all stay pent up? I dunno. Maybe because I don't have any outlets anymore. I simply can't afford them.
Dreams are getting odd lately. Some good, some bad. And yet, I've been ignoring those also. Where has all my faith gone? Good question. Perhaps the stress and anger in my life pushed me to the point of giving it up, or atleast questioning it.
I have to sit here for for almost 5 more hours before I even get to see a glimpse or Eric, only so we can run off to game. Then I won't get to see him until tonight when my stomach is killing me and I can't be near him. I'm going to isolate myself at game, and once again, sit and ponder life.
You can only re-consider your options so many times. I'm at the end of my rope. I have run out of ideas. Me? Run out of ideas. That doesn't bring an odd feeing to one's life. I've never been so pathetic in my creativity to survive.
I don't even know what I'm tring to think right now. All I want is to sit, not think, but be held by Eric. The way he once held me, to tell me I was ok. So I can feel secure. So I know I'm not dissapearing into the world.
And I want my damn weiners in a blanket...but I can't get them because they are at my parents house. I would kill for those damn things with some green beans. I guess I should eat *rolls head toward kitchen* but that will only make my stomach hurt, so I guess I can forget that.
Not that I'm pessamistic. Considering everything, I think I'm the most optomistic and trying person I know. I just, need a break...
I feel like something is going on that I don't know about.
I feel like no matter what, I can't gain control.
I feel like I'm getting fisted by the world.
And why does it all stay pent up? I dunno. Maybe because I don't have any outlets anymore. I simply can't afford them.
Dreams are getting odd lately. Some good, some bad. And yet, I've been ignoring those also. Where has all my faith gone? Good question. Perhaps the stress and anger in my life pushed me to the point of giving it up, or atleast questioning it.
I have to sit here for for almost 5 more hours before I even get to see a glimpse or Eric, only so we can run off to game. Then I won't get to see him until tonight when my stomach is killing me and I can't be near him. I'm going to isolate myself at game, and once again, sit and ponder life.
You can only re-consider your options so many times. I'm at the end of my rope. I have run out of ideas. Me? Run out of ideas. That doesn't bring an odd feeing to one's life. I've never been so pathetic in my creativity to survive.
I don't even know what I'm tring to think right now. All I want is to sit, not think, but be held by Eric. The way he once held me, to tell me I was ok. So I can feel secure. So I know I'm not dissapearing into the world.
And I want my damn weiners in a blanket...but I can't get them because they are at my parents house. I would kill for those damn things with some green beans. I guess I should eat *rolls head toward kitchen* but that will only make my stomach hurt, so I guess I can forget that.
Not that I'm pessamistic. Considering everything, I think I'm the most optomistic and trying person I know. I just, need a break...