Hey. Probably not the best place to introduce myself but Hi anyways.
I like the connection you make between High School students and voters though it does ignore the fact that most young people don't vote even though they can a fact that is probably outside the scope of this paper though I could see it being worked in.
The only piece that really stuck out to me as floating was "take on these conformist ideals". For something that sits so nicely in your conclusion I'd want it to be a little more concrete sounding as the very least. The later use of the pronoun 'them' doesn't help to solidify it. A good possible change would be "The ideals of conformity" in which case you are definining the ideals as conformist... just a thing, and probably not a big help to a pretty good paper.
It's nice to meet you! I'm going to add you to my friends list! Thank you for the concrit, I really appreciate it. I've already turned the paper in, so hopefully my teacher will think it's good too!
lol, nah...it was only supposed to be 500 words...the paper we just finished was 10 pages though. And it was a serious pain in the ass.
And I'm usually not bitchy about adding people to my friends list...I hate when girls are like "blah blah blah leave a comment and i MIGHT add you if you're cool enough...blah blah blah" I just think it's obnoxious <3
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Probably not the best place to introduce myself but Hi anyways.
I like the connection you make between High School students and voters though it does ignore the fact that most young people don't vote even though they can a fact that is probably outside the scope of this paper though I could see it being worked in.
The only piece that really stuck out to me as floating was "take on these conformist ideals". For something that sits so nicely in your conclusion I'd want it to be a little more concrete sounding as the very least. The later use of the pronoun 'them' doesn't help to solidify it. A good possible change would be "The ideals of conformity" in which case you are definining the ideals as conformist... just a thing, and probably not a big help to a pretty good paper.
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I'm going to add you to my friends list!
Thank you for the concrit, I really appreciate it. I've already turned the paper in, so hopefully my teacher will think it's good too!
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The only way I can really see your teacher not liking it is if it was supposed to be like ten pages in which case you shoulda followed the directions.
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And I'm usually not bitchy about adding people to my friends list...I hate when girls are like "blah blah blah leave a comment and i MIGHT add you if you're cool enough...blah blah blah" I just think it's obnoxious <3
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