Looking Back
Lately I've been tooling through my LJ looking at old entries I've made, tagging and retagging a lot of them to make my journal more accessible, as well as removing some of the more idiotic entries I've made. As I was doing so, some of my editings took me back to the month of July 2K8...you know, the one month where I had my depressional breakdown of doom. It just got me to wondering something and that is, HOW IN THE BLUE HELL WERE ALL OF YOU ABLE TO PUT UP WITH ME IN MY TIME OF STUPIDITY? Seriously, I was really an annoying, ignorant, stupid prick back then. How were you guys able to put up with all of that? And for that matter, how did I manage to survive it all?
I don't know why I'm asking this, but when I go back into that one month, a lot of thoughts come to my mind. I mean, I did in fact delve way too deep into (what I now consider) the most idiotic emotions one can have...sadness and depression. And of course, it was over another thing that I (now) consider stupid and idiotic...love and a girl. Now I wasn't that much younger, but still it's amazing what the course of two years can do to a person. Honestly, why did it take me so long to wise up to my past idiocys? I can't give a straight answer to that, but it does make me think a little. However, one thing is for sure. I'm glad that I no longer harbor sadness or depression anymore. Looking back on it, I just think that it's a stupid emotion, one that's gotten me into trouble many times in my past. I don't have time to get sad about anything anymore. I have a dozen other more important priorities that I need to focus on, and I can't let (any of) my emotions get in my way. I think this is one of the reasons why I've become so very stoic as of late. Maybe it's a survival technique, or maybe it's something trying to tell me something. Which one it is, I don't know, but I don't really care. I'm glad it's opened my eyes to this and I know it'll make me a better survivor because of it. Besides, I have nothing left to loose out of it all anyway, so it's a win-win situation for me.
I don't know why I'm asking this, but when I go back into that one month, a lot of thoughts come to my mind. I mean, I did in fact delve way too deep into (what I now consider) the most idiotic emotions one can have...sadness and depression. And of course, it was over another thing that I (now) consider stupid and idiotic...love and a girl. Now I wasn't that much younger, but still it's amazing what the course of two years can do to a person. Honestly, why did it take me so long to wise up to my past idiocys? I can't give a straight answer to that, but it does make me think a little. However, one thing is for sure. I'm glad that I no longer harbor sadness or depression anymore. Looking back on it, I just think that it's a stupid emotion, one that's gotten me into trouble many times in my past. I don't have time to get sad about anything anymore. I have a dozen other more important priorities that I need to focus on, and I can't let (any of) my emotions get in my way. I think this is one of the reasons why I've become so very stoic as of late. Maybe it's a survival technique, or maybe it's something trying to tell me something. Which one it is, I don't know, but I don't really care. I'm glad it's opened my eyes to this and I know it'll make me a better survivor because of it. Besides, I have nothing left to loose out of it all anyway, so it's a win-win situation for me.