Umm...yeah.
So I've had death on my mind a lot lately. Death, dying, funerals, memorials, caskets the works. On 02/29/08 one of my cousins hung himself from the gas line in his basement and then the house blew up and pushed it off the foundation. The investigators said that the fittings of the pipe he hung himself from broke causing a gas leak that caused the explosion. There is a number of things that bother me about this whole thing that I won't get into because the list is long boring and involves a number of family members who don't have a clue. What troubles me is my preoccupation with all things death related; I've even gone as far as noting particular pieces of music for other peoples funerals and memorials as well as my own. I don't think I fear death, I've seen it many times and in many situations both peaceful and violent and not to sound too existencial but, I find it quiet. No matter how many times I've looked upon the dead and no matter how near or, distant to me, related or not; I find it quiet.
I myself am not unfamiliar with the flavor of gun metal. I as one time before my divorce was seriously considering taking my own life but, with the help of The Blond and realizing that it's a selfish way out I got past it. Well maybe not past it. The thoughts of suicide bubble up every once in a while but, it's not something that comtrols me any more I control it. I'm glad for my life and over all I'm happy; of course I have the same problems as every one else money, work and just the state of the world we live in but, the troubles are not worth killing my self over. I also wonder at times that if I were to die (not by my own hand) who would be the ones to go to my memorial. I know the obvious ones; The Blond, my folks, my brother but, that's sort of expected. Well now I'm starting to sound self-absorbed so, I'm going to quit. I'm not depressed or anything just, thinking too much. Enough for now.
I myself am not unfamiliar with the flavor of gun metal. I as one time before my divorce was seriously considering taking my own life but, with the help of The Blond and realizing that it's a selfish way out I got past it. Well maybe not past it. The thoughts of suicide bubble up every once in a while but, it's not something that comtrols me any more I control it. I'm glad for my life and over all I'm happy; of course I have the same problems as every one else money, work and just the state of the world we live in but, the troubles are not worth killing my self over. I also wonder at times that if I were to die (not by my own hand) who would be the ones to go to my memorial. I know the obvious ones; The Blond, my folks, my brother but, that's sort of expected. Well now I'm starting to sound self-absorbed so, I'm going to quit. I'm not depressed or anything just, thinking too much. Enough for now.