what I want...
I read one of Ben Stiths posts and it inspired me to write in this journal after about a month.
I want to do what I want for a change, not what other people want for me. I want to do what makes me happy. Why should I care what other people think or want? Its not that I don't care, I value my friends opinions, its that I know what I like and want more than anyone else. High Schools over, real life is a step closer, so why shouldn't I do what I want?
I guess all of these thoughts is a reason why I don't want to do anything with Nicole. Everybody forces the idea on you that you don't have to accept, and everybody lets you know about it all the time. To put things blatantly, I hate the idea of people getting mad at me or argueing with me over something that I've had absolutely NO obligation to do in the first place. I get really mad when people say I let them down, or get pissed off because I didn't give them a ride or some stupid shit like that. And then I hear about how much of a bad person I am because I only care about myself and I do nothing for other people. I am a fucking nice person and I help people out all the fucking time so when I decide to do something I want instead of something for someone else that I am NOT obligated to do people fucking get pissed at that makes me pissed because they have NO RIGHT AT ALL TO GET MAD!
Theres nothing wrong with doing what I want to do for a change. I wish everyone would stop pressuring idea's and fictional obligations on me.
I just realized my Dad is my favorite person in the world right now. Out of every friend I've ever had, out of anyone I've ever known, he is the only person who makes me do things that actually need to be done. He asks me to do things when no one else can. He can be harsh some times, and completely un reasonable, which can really make me mad... but hes the one who pushed me to do all of my college stuff, hes the one who pushed me to do homework *on the rare occasions I did it at home*. He is the only one who put obligations on me... REAL obligations, things that I had to do, things that I couldn't blow off.
I want to do what I want for a change, not what other people want for me. I want to do what makes me happy. Why should I care what other people think or want? Its not that I don't care, I value my friends opinions, its that I know what I like and want more than anyone else. High Schools over, real life is a step closer, so why shouldn't I do what I want?
I guess all of these thoughts is a reason why I don't want to do anything with Nicole. Everybody forces the idea on you that you don't have to accept, and everybody lets you know about it all the time. To put things blatantly, I hate the idea of people getting mad at me or argueing with me over something that I've had absolutely NO obligation to do in the first place. I get really mad when people say I let them down, or get pissed off because I didn't give them a ride or some stupid shit like that. And then I hear about how much of a bad person I am because I only care about myself and I do nothing for other people. I am a fucking nice person and I help people out all the fucking time so when I decide to do something I want instead of something for someone else that I am NOT obligated to do people fucking get pissed at that makes me pissed because they have NO RIGHT AT ALL TO GET MAD!
Theres nothing wrong with doing what I want to do for a change. I wish everyone would stop pressuring idea's and fictional obligations on me.
I just realized my Dad is my favorite person in the world right now. Out of every friend I've ever had, out of anyone I've ever known, he is the only person who makes me do things that actually need to be done. He asks me to do things when no one else can. He can be harsh some times, and completely un reasonable, which can really make me mad... but hes the one who pushed me to do all of my college stuff, hes the one who pushed me to do homework *on the rare occasions I did it at home*. He is the only one who put obligations on me... REAL obligations, things that I had to do, things that I couldn't blow off.