a dilema
Tonight starts the Jewish holiday of Tishabav. It's basically all the mourning and angst of Judaism poured into one day of fasting, praying, and lamenting for falling out of the grace of G-d and then returning to G-d's "bosom". My problem is, and has been all of this year, that i just don't feel connected to the practical application of my Jewish heritage. Just the thought of spending any time in shule or fasting for 25 hours for something I really don't believe in is revolting to me. However, this whole business is really important to my family and what is important to them becomes important to me by default. It is not the religion or the holiday's fault that i have a lot of negative associations with the dogma and holidays. It just happened that way. But while I'm living under my parents roof, eating their food, and accepting the gift of tuition; how can i rightly just stay away from the holiday? I feel as though I have a duty to my parents and grandparents, not to the religion or to G-d. I honestly don't think that G-d, in whatever form G-d takes, even if it is scientific curiosity will look down on me and say:
"Navah, I'm afraid you've just been damned for not keeping the holidays. You were brought up to know better, sorry but you're going to hell".
My brother is thinking of taking the new Harry Potter book with him and reading it instead of reading Acha *the migilla read on this holiday*. That just seems pointless. Sure, when you're a little kid it could be looked over, but if you're going to go then go with meaning. Don't just sit there reading something else blatantly offending people.
Another thing that troubles me is the double standard fasting seems to have. On the one hand it is used to elevate one to angelic status. On the other hand it is supposed to aid in the degradation and humbling so when one asks for things one can feel one's suffering. How can such an act carry two completely different feelings. I know the point is to separate from the material and corporal, but overall i've always found it to be something that got in the way, rather than a spiritual aid.
In essence I'm torn between saying this holiday and the way we celebrate it means nothing to me and you have no right to make me celebrate it anymore. On the other hand, how hard could it be to put on a show to make my family feel better, even if it is a lie? I just don't know...
"Navah, I'm afraid you've just been damned for not keeping the holidays. You were brought up to know better, sorry but you're going to hell".
My brother is thinking of taking the new Harry Potter book with him and reading it instead of reading Acha *the migilla read on this holiday*. That just seems pointless. Sure, when you're a little kid it could be looked over, but if you're going to go then go with meaning. Don't just sit there reading something else blatantly offending people.
Another thing that troubles me is the double standard fasting seems to have. On the one hand it is used to elevate one to angelic status. On the other hand it is supposed to aid in the degradation and humbling so when one asks for things one can feel one's suffering. How can such an act carry two completely different feelings. I know the point is to separate from the material and corporal, but overall i've always found it to be something that got in the way, rather than a spiritual aid.
In essence I'm torn between saying this holiday and the way we celebrate it means nothing to me and you have no right to make me celebrate it anymore. On the other hand, how hard could it be to put on a show to make my family feel better, even if it is a lie? I just don't know...