"Baby It's Cold Outside," Uncreeped
Inspired by the article I linked last time (again, TW for rapey stuff), I attempted my own de-creepified lyrics for the holiday song that's been annoying me the most. I also identified the voices as just "guest" and "host" to make it more gender-neutral. Feel free to give feedback or spread it around if you like it!
EDIT TO ADD: Now on Ao3 with a few revised lines.
Baby It's Cold Outside (revised and updated)
CC-BY
GUEST: I really can’t stay
HOST: They tell me it’s cold outside
G: I got to go ‘way
H: Be careful, it’s cold outside
G: This evening has been so very nice
H: I’m glad - I’ll help you ‘cross that ice
G: I’m glad I met your sister
H: I’m glad you’re jibin’ with her
G: This kind of thing’s what Christmas is for
H: It really is, yeah
G: I really have got to go but…
(Beat)
G: Well maybe just a half a drink more
H: Should you be driving??
G: I really must go
H: I’ll give you a ride, my dear
G: Just look at that snow
H: We’ll take our sweet time, my dear
G: It’s so hard to leave, we’re so cozy and warm
H: I’ll drive so careful through that storm
G: My mother will be getting worried
H: Let’s give her a call, yeah
G: The gossip stories won’t be denied
H: I’ll be there on your side
G: I really can’t stay
(Beat)
G: O but it’s cold outside!
(instrumental interlude)
H: Look, do you wanna stay?
G: I wanna be with you, dear
H: Well, why didn’t you say?
G: But I don’t know what I’ll hear
H: Well, who should complain, if I love you?
G: What’s that you say? You love me, too!
H: I guess I should’a said it
G: Say it again, please!
H: Instead of just assuming you knew
(Beat)
G: I should be brave and say it-
BOTH: O Baby, ‘cause I love you!
G: Just watchin’ the snow
H: O Baby, it’s cold outside
G: In the fireplace glow
H: O Baby, it’s cold outside
G: This evening has been so very grand
H: Out there’s a winter wonderland
G: It’s better to be together
H: This is the best Christmas ever!
G: We’re cuddled up side by side
Both: And here we will stay
‘Cause Baby, it’s cold
Baby it’s cold outside!
‡ original post at Dreamwidth ‡
EDIT TO ADD: Now on Ao3 with a few revised lines.
Baby It's Cold Outside (revised and updated)
CC-BY
GUEST: I really can’t stay
HOST: They tell me it’s cold outside
G: I got to go ‘way
H: Be careful, it’s cold outside
G: This evening has been so very nice
H: I’m glad - I’ll help you ‘cross that ice
G: I’m glad I met your sister
H: I’m glad you’re jibin’ with her
G: This kind of thing’s what Christmas is for
H: It really is, yeah
G: I really have got to go but…
(Beat)
G: Well maybe just a half a drink more
H: Should you be driving??
G: I really must go
H: I’ll give you a ride, my dear
G: Just look at that snow
H: We’ll take our sweet time, my dear
G: It’s so hard to leave, we’re so cozy and warm
H: I’ll drive so careful through that storm
G: My mother will be getting worried
H: Let’s give her a call, yeah
G: The gossip stories won’t be denied
H: I’ll be there on your side
G: I really can’t stay
(Beat)
G: O but it’s cold outside!
(instrumental interlude)
H: Look, do you wanna stay?
G: I wanna be with you, dear
H: Well, why didn’t you say?
G: But I don’t know what I’ll hear
H: Well, who should complain, if I love you?
G: What’s that you say? You love me, too!
H: I guess I should’a said it
G: Say it again, please!
H: Instead of just assuming you knew
(Beat)
G: I should be brave and say it-
BOTH: O Baby, ‘cause I love you!
G: Just watchin’ the snow
H: O Baby, it’s cold outside
G: In the fireplace glow
H: O Baby, it’s cold outside
G: This evening has been so very grand
H: Out there’s a winter wonderland
G: It’s better to be together
H: This is the best Christmas ever!
G: We’re cuddled up side by side
Both: And here we will stay
‘Cause Baby, it’s cold
Baby it’s cold outside!
‡ original post at Dreamwidth ‡