Merlin 3x11: Merlin's new boytoy is ~magic~ in the sack
THIS IS SUCH A FILLER EPISODE OF NO CONSEQUENCE. LIKE, SRSLY BBC, GIVE US MORE THREESOME OPPORTUNITIES IF YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL AT PLOT. TSK! (EDIT TO SAY I ENJOYED MOST OF THEN EPISODE, JUST NOT HOW THE WRITERS WENT ABOUT THINGS)
OUR THROW AWAY CHARACTER FOR THIS EPISODE IS A WEE LASS LAD THAT IS GOING TO TEACH ALL THE LITTLE BOYS AND GIRLS ABOUT THE DANGEROUS OF POWER AND HOW IT CORRUPTS. BLAH BLAH BORING FOR THE REST OF SOCIETY THAT HAS AN ACTUAL BRAIN.
SO OUR LESSON-OF-THE-WEEK IS ENCHANTED BY THE FOREST BECAUSE APPARENTLY HE, LIKE MERLIN, FINDS 'NEW' TREES THAT HE MUST SEE EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. TO BE WONDROUS.
UNFORTUNATELY HIS FAIRY TALE IS INTERRUPTED WITH THIS WEEKS EVIL THUGS, WHO GANGRAPE BULLY HIM AND PUSH HIM AROUND. THEY NAME HIM "MONKEY" BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HIS FACE LOOKS LIKE.
AND LOL IN HIS FACE WHEN WEE!MONKEY SAYS HE WILL BE ENTERING THE TOURNAMENT
THEY ALSO GIVE HIM REALLY CREEPY, FLIRTATIOUS WINKS AND KISSES TOUCHES AS THEY LEAVE, PROMISING WILD THINGS ETC WHEN THEY GET TO THE "TOURNAMENT" (IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN).
LOL, WEE!MONKEY WANTS TO GIVE SOME SURPRISE!BUTTSEX OF HIS OWN
BUT HE'S JUST LEFT SPENT AND ... UNSATISFIED? XD;
THIS SCENE EXISTS TO LEAD UP TO THIS PLOT POINT:
MONKEY'S EARS ARE ~MAGICAL~
MERLIN'S WIFELY INSTINCTS ARE TELLING ARTHUR THIS TOURNAMENT IS A REALLY BAD IDEA
THERE ARE CRAZIES OUT THERE! I DON'T WANT MY LOVE TO BE EXPOSED TO THAT KIND OF DANGER! *WIBBLES*
ARTHUR SAYS THAT THERE IS ONLY ONE RULE: THERE ARE NO RULES
AND BECAUSE MERLIN HAS A BRAIN THIS EPISODE, HE SIRIUSLY DOUBTS "THERE IS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT"
I HAVE TO SAY I AGREE WITH MERLIN. WHY WOULD THEY THROW AWAY ~THE KNIGHTS CODE~ WHICH THEY BANG ON ABOUT FOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER AND THEN JUST THROW IT AWAY FOR A TOURNAMENT. THAT HAPPENS ONCE IN A WHILE SO THEREFORE ITS AN EXCUSE FOR MEN TO JUST GET THEIR TESTOSTERONE ON? WHATEVER SHOW, YOUR REASONING IS EVEN MORE RETARDED THAN USUAL.
MAGICAL~ MONKEY~ IS BUSY BEING AMAZED AT CAMELOT'S DECORE
AND HIS WEE FACE ASKS A GRUMP BARTENDER FOR A ROOM
BARTENDER IS JUDGING YOU SO HARD RIGHT NOW, MONKEY BOY
SO HE'S ALL "BUT I HAVE A LETTER!" /WHINY VOICE COZ APPARENTLY LETTERS GET YOU ANYTHING
THE BARTENDER GIVES HIM A ROOM AND A CREEPY SMILE. WHILE ASKING FOR MONEY (LOL, NO TOUCHING THAT CREEPINESS WITH A TEN FOOT PHALLIC POLE)
MAGICAL~ MONKEY~ GOES UP TO HIS NEW SHARED DORM TO GET HIS MOJO ON
THE MOJO THAT HE GETS TO PUT A RING ON IT
ELSEWHERE, MERLIN IS MENDING LIKE A GOOD WIFE
WHEN THE THUGS OF UGH ENTER TO BE DOUCHES
MERLIN'S EARS ARE SO NOT IMPRESSED WITH THIS DISPLAY OF UNSIGHTLY VIRILE BEHAVIOUR.
HE ORDERS MERLIN TO LICK CLEAN HIS BOOTS
MERLIN'S FACE GIVES A CLEAR INSIGHT TO WHAT HE THINKS OF THAT IDEA: YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF, ASSBUTT
EXCEPT THAT GETS HIM A 'WHIPPING' AKA SPANKING WHICH WE WILL STOP THINKING ABOUT RTFN
MERLIN DNW IT EITHER
AND MAGICAL MONKEY BOY TURNS UP TO SAVE THE DAY, ALL DEMANDING AND SRS LIKE
HE FIGHTS THE THUGS OFF WITH MAGIC "SKILL"
AND MERLIN IS VERY GRATEFUL, BECAUSE HEROICS MAKES HIM VERY HAPPY IN HIS PANTS
APPARENTLY MERLIN DIDN'T SEE THE MAGIC? ANYWAY, HE'S ALL "OMG YOUR AMAZING AND I THINK I'M A LITTLE BIT IN LOVE WITH YOU AND WOULD TOTES LET YOU TAKE ME OVER THAT TABLE"
EXCEPT ARTHUR COCKBLOCKS THAT IDEA BY SHOUTING MERLIN'S NAME DOWN THE CORRIDOR.
SEVERAL TIMES. WITH INCREASING URGENCY. BECAUSE ARTHUR *NEEDS* MERLIN FOR OTHER COCK-RELATED ACTIVITIES.
LMFAO AND MERLIN'S DUTIES INCLUDE SERVING THE ROYAL FAMILY AT DINNER
MORGANA IS FLIRTING LIKE WOW WITH UTHER ABOUT HOW ~AMAZING AND ~BRILLIANT HE IS AT FIGHTING
UTHER IS UBER CHUFFED BY THIS PRAISE FROM HIS FAVOURITE
MORGANA CHALLENGES AND GIVES HIM MOAR SEX EYES
AND UTHER IS TOTALLY GIVING HER SEX EYES NOA LOOKS BACK. UNF, APPROVE SO MUCH
ARTHUR REALLY DNW TO WATCH THIS SO HE LEAVES AND DEMANDS MERLIN TO COME WITH EHEHEHE
NEXT MORNING, MERLIN IS HELPING ARTHUR DRESS, LIKE A GOOD WIFE
AND LIKE A GOOD WIFE, HE VOICES HIS CONCERNS TO ARTHUR ABOUT THE TOURNAMENT: PEOPLE DIED. LIKE, DEAD. A DEAD DEATH. ALL IN ONE DAY! DEATHS! SO MANY. DIED.
ARTHUR DOES NOT FIND THIS AS LOL AS I DO XD
ARTHUR JUST WANTS TO GET THROUGH THE FIRST DAY AND GET HIS GODDAMN SWORD ALREADY.
MERLIN'S RESPONSE: YES, LET'S GET THROUGH THE FIRST DAY. CAUSE THAT'S WHEN MOST PEOPLE DIE.
SO TO PUT MERLIN'S MIND AT REST, ARTHUR COMFORTS HIM WITH A SHOULDER PAT. NAWW~
THEY SHOWCASE THE TOURNAMENT LINEUP. LOL MONKEY TWINK @ THE END
ARTHUR IS PROUD AND STANDING TALL, CONFIDENT LIKE WHOA
MERLIN'S OFF ON THE SIDE, WATCHING HIS HUSBAND WITH SEX EYES AND PRIDE
MORGANA COMES OUT TO INTRO THE TOURNAMENT
WHICH WAS NOT APART OF THE PLAN AT ALL. ARTHUR R CONFUZZLED.
UTHER IS COMPETING. OMG THE CONTRAST/SIMILARITIES, I CAN'T EVEN.
BLAH BLAH FIGHTING ITS ALL SO FANCY.
UTHER BEATS HIS FIRST CHALLENGER. YAY FOR HIM.
ARTHUR BEATS HIS FIRST OPPONENT IN A LOLARIOUS WAY
OTHER PEOPLE FIGHT THAT NO1CURR ABOUT
THEN THE MAGICAL MONKEY IS THROWN INTHE FIGHTING RING, ALL ODD STAKED AGAINST HIM.
HOW DOES HE WIN? OH RIGHT, MAGIC.
MERLIN HAZ CAUGHT ONTO UR NOT SNEAKY WAYZ, MONKEY
BUT MONKEY IS TOO BUSY ENJOYING THE BANANA'S FAME AND GLORY OF BEING A FAKE BITCH
MERLIN AND GAIUS COME OVER TO SUS HIM OUT LATER. MONKEY IS SHADY.
MERLIN: *POINTING OUT OBVIOUS* MAGIC
GAIUS: RING OF OLD RELIGION. MERLIN > RING MAGIC OF A CERTAIN KIND, ANY DAY.
MERLIN: BRAVER THAN ME, USING MAGIC IN FRONT OF PEOPLE.
GAIUS: *EYEBROWS* I'LL FORGET YOU JUST SAID THAT STUPIDITY.
MONKEY BOY SHOWS HIS INTELLIGENCE LEVEL BY DOING MAGIC. IN A CORRIDOR. WHERE ANYONE COULD SEE.
OF COURSE HE IS CHASED BY GUARDS, BUT THEY ARE STUPID AND HE HIDES BEHIND A PILLAR *FACEPALM*
LATER, IN HIS ROOM, HE IS CHECKING HIS WOUND
WHEN HE COMES TO REALISE HE IS MISSING HIS RING. ROFL HE EVEN GRABS HIS FINGER, AS THOUGH ~MAGICALLY~ HE CAN MAKE IT REAPPEAR AGAIN XDDDD
UTHER FINDS MONKEY'S MAGIC NOT AT ALL AMUSING
LMFAO, BUT GAIUS JUST LIES TO HIS BOYFRIENDS FACE ABOUT HOW IT WAS NO MAGIC, OH NO.
AND THEN LATER HE EXPLAINS SCIENTIFICALLY TO MERLIN HOW MAGIC WAS MAGICAL XDD
OH GAIUS, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT A RELATIONSHIP CANNOT BE BUILT ON LIES. IF/WHEN UTHER FINDS OUT, IT WILL NOT END WELL.
MONKEY BOY IS RATHER EXCITE WHEN HE GETS A VISITOR LOLOLOL *INSERT EAGER FOR SEX JOKE HERE*
MERLIN ENTERS (LMFAO, THAT WHORE!) WANTING TO PLAY DOCTOR
BUT MONKEY IS NOT INTERESTED IN SOMEONE WITH BIGGER EARS THAN HIM
SO MERLIN JUST SETTLES FOR STROKING HIS "EGO" (ROFL SO HARD @ “SOMEONE YOUR SIZE” OMG SHOW, REALLY?)
AND MENTIONING HIS MAGICAL MAGIC MAGICNESS TO INCREASE HIS ‘SIZE’
MAGICAL MONKEY: MAGIC? NOT USING MAGIC. OH NO, NO MAGIC TO BE FOUND HERE.
MERLIN: THE FUNNY THING ABOUT LIES IS THAT YOU CAN HEAR THEM FROM A MILE AWAY...
SO MONKEY BOY JUST GOES INTO A SPIEL ABOUT HIS FATHER FEARING MAGIC OR SOME CRAP. CRY MOAR BITCH, NO1CURR.
ROFL BUT MERLIN HAS TO MAKE IT GAY BY SAYING MONKEY BOY WANTS TO BE OUT AND PROUD
HAHA, MONKEY’S REACTION IS PERFECT. ‘OF COURSE I DOWHAT’S IT TO YOU?’
MERLIN: YOU REMIND ME OF SOMEONE I KNOW.
SME: OH. EM. GEE. PLEASE FUCK RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE ALREADY HAVING THE EXTREME EYE-SHAG GOING ON, FOR FUCKS SAKE “REMIND” YOURSELVES INTO THE BED MERLIN IS FUCKING LYING ON. FFS!
FFFFUUUUUUUU MERLIN IS ALL “YOU SAVED MY LIFE AND I’M TRYING TO SAVE YOURS”
AWW, MUTUAL GRATIFICATION. I MEAN, ATTRACTION. I MEAN.... OH FUCK, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
MONKEY BOY JUST WANTS TO USE HIS 'SPECIAL' TALENTS. BECAUSE WITHOUT THEM, HE'S A NOBODY.
ROFL, I FEEL LIKE, ONCE AGAIN, MAGIC IS BEING USED AS A EUPHEMISM. XDD
MERLIN GET’S HIS SEX!BOSS!VOICE ON - YOU'RE NOT A NOBODY! TO ME
YOU’RE SPECIAL. JUST LIKE ME. WE’RE SPECIAL. TOGETHER.
“THEN LET ME PROVE IT TO YOU”
MERLIN ROLLS HIS EYES BACK IN A WAY THAT CLEARLY EMANATES DESIRE.
AND I WONDER WHEN THIS WILL DERAIL FROM AN EYEFUCK TO A FULL ON SHAG FEST
OH SHOW ♥
NEXT DAY, UTHER IS WINNING AND THUS STRUTTING ABOUT LIKE A FUCKING PEACOCK
ARTHUR IS WINING BY SPECTACULAR DESIGN, AND ALSO PUMPING FIST WITH VICTORY
AFTER WHICH BOTH PENDRAGON’S GO INTO THE TENT AND UTHER IS ALL “MWAHAHA, IMMA BEAT J00 ASS TOMORROW, BOY.” MORGANA IS ENJOYING THIS WAAAAAAAAAY TOO MUCH BECAUSE SHE WILL GET SO. FUCKING. HOT. WHILE WATCHING HER TWO LOVERS FIGHT IT OUT. OVER HER 8D
UTHER IS COCKY BECAUSE HE IS SEXING MORGANA. YOU’D BE COCKY TOO, SURELY.
ELSEWHERE, MONKEY BOY IS BEING PESTERED BY THE GUY WITH THE CREEPY FACE. HE’S ESPECIALLY CREEPY AND IS ALL “YOUR MY NEXT OPPONENT” IN A WAY THAT MAKES ME WANT TO YELL ‘FIRE’ ON THIS KIDS BEHALF.
SO HE WALKS ONTO THE FIELD TO CHEERS ... AND KILLS THE MAN. DON’T BLAME YOU, TWINK.
AFTERWARDS, HE IS ANGSTING LIKE A LITTLE EMO BOY IN THE WEAPONS ROOM. MERLIN IS OBVIOUSLY PRESENT FOR HURT/COMFORT SEX THAT COMES AFTER
BUT THE BOY IS REALLY ANGSTING ABOUT HOW HE IS NOT A KILLER
SO MERLIN PROVIDES ADVICE (WITHDRAW) AND SEX
PROBLEM WITH ALL THIS THOUGH IS THAT *NOW* MONKEY BOY IS TREATED LIKE A STALLION HERO FOR SHAGGING THE PRINCE’S WIFE KILLING THE ASSHOLE GUY
AND THE BOY IS GETTING FREE BEER (LOL, LIKE THAT KID CAN HOLD HIS ALCOHOL. THEY ALL JUST WANT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HIM)
METHINKS HE LIKES THESE PROCEEDINGS
*FACEPALMS*
NOW BACK TO MERLIN AND ARTHUR.
ARTHUR, WHO IS SULKING ON THE TABLE.
WHILE MERLIN SHARPENS HIS SWORD. FOR ONCE I AM ACTUALLY NOT USING THIS AS A METAPHOR
BECAUSE ARTHUR IS ACTUALLY BEING ALL ~DEEP AND ~EMOTIONAL WITH MERLIN.
HE ASKS MERLIN: WHAT DO I DO ABOUT FIGHTING MY FATHER
AND MY OVARIES EXPLODED, BECAUSE ARTHUR ACTUALLY ASKING MERLIN FOR ADVICE?! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! *GIDDY DANCE*
MERLIN IS ALSO SHOCKED BY THIS TURN OF EVENTS. ARTHUR NEVER LISTENS TO HIS WIFELY INSTINCTS! HIS EARS ARE SO VERY FUCKING PLEASED THAT ARTHUR MAY JUST BE STARTING TO NOW 8D
ARTHUR LISTENS WITH RAPT ATTENTION. LOL HIS EYEBROWS, SO CONCERNED FOR HIS FATHER AND HIMSELF xD
MERLIN JUST SAYS THE OBVIOUS - YOU GOTTA LET HIM WIN. AND NOT BE A BITCH ABOUT IT.
ARTHUR BITCHES ABOUT IT.
NEXT DAY, UTHER AND ARTHUR FACE OFF WITH A RIDIC AMOUNT OF SEXY VOICES THAT MAKE ME MELT
WHILE MORGANA IS IN THE BACKGROUND, CLEARLY PLOTTING. AND LOOKING BEAUTIFUL ♥
AND MERLIN IS ALL WORRIED ABOUT HIS HUSBAND ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
THE FIGHT [WHICH IS RATHER... SPECTACULAR] ENDS WITH ARTHUR FLAT ON HIS BACK. DESIRABLY SO. UNF.
AND IN A PROFOUND FATHER/SON MOMENT, UTHER HAULS ARTHUR BACK ONTO HIS FEET
UTHER IS SMUG XD
ARTHUR IS PISSY
THE FUCKING EYES MERLIN GIVES ARTHUR AFTER HIS FIGHT. FUCK. JUST FUCK ALREADY!
ARTHUR IS STILL BITCHIN’ COZ HE HATES TO LOSE. “IF HE WASN’T MY FATHER”.
MERLIN IS GOING TO HAVE RUTTING, FILTHY SEX IN THE WEAPONS ROOM WITH ARTHUR NOW. RELEASE SOME OF THAT TENSION IN HIM 8D
BUT GAIUS IS A BUZZKILL AND TOLD MERLIN HIS BOYTOY IS IN THE RUNNING FOR THE FINAL.
MERLIN IS NOT IMPRESSED
LOL, NEEDS SOME HOT ROUGH SEXING OF HIS OWN TO RELEASE TENSION RIGHT NOW, METHINKS. XDD
MONKEY BITCH IT VICTORIOUS. BWAHAA.
MERLIN IS EMOTING WITH MANPAIN
GAIUS SAYS THEY HAVE TO WARN HIS BOYFRIEND THE KING. MAGIC IS ‘CORRUPTING’ AND ‘INTOXICATING’ THE BOY, SO THE KING HAS TO BE WARNED. BECAUSE NOW SUDDENLY THAT HIS PRECIOUS BOYFRIEND IS IN DANGER, APPARENTLY THE BOY HAS TO DIE.
MERLIN, THANK FUCK, TELLS GAIUS TO STFU AND LET MERLIN CHANGE HIS MIND. MERLIN WANTS TO ‘CHANGE HIM FOR THE BETTER’ AND ‘GUIDE HIM LIKE A MENTOR’ INTO BEING A BETTER PERSON, SO MAGIC WILL CEASE TO CORRUPT HIM SO.
HMM. SEX KINKS ARE IN THERE SOMEWHERE, WHY IS THIS NOT ANY PLAINER? XDDD
GAIUS RELENTS BECAUSE HE CANNOT RESIST MERLIN’S GOREGOUS PUPPY EYES WANTS TO BE A GOOD PERSON? IDK, SOMETHING ABOUT PROTECTING HIS BOYFRIEND THAT HE JUST REMEMBERED HE LOVED
MERLIIN GOES TO SEE BOYTOY MONKEY BITCH AS HE IS BOASTING TO THE PUB. MERLIN’S BITCHFACE IS SO NOT IMPRESSED. XD
THEY IMMEDIATELY GO UP TO BOYTOY’S MONKEY BITCH’S ROOM, WITH MONKEY TRYING TO ALSO PULL OUT ATTITUDE (“WHAT’S THIS ABOUT”) AND A BITCH FACE.
LMFAO, MERLIN HAS GOT YOU SO BEAT THERE BOY. HE IS SO NOT IMPRESSED!
MERLIN WANTS TO SHOW MONKEY A SPECIAL TRICK WHAT TO DO WITH THAT ATTITUDE JUST HOW MUCH HE ‘UNDERSTANDS’ MONKEY’S NEED FOR ATTENTION. SO HE CLOSES THE DOOR
ROFL AND MONKEY IS TOTES THINKING LIKE A FRIGHTENED VIRGIN RIGHT NOW, NGL XDDD
NNNRRRGGGGG IMPURE THOUGHTS ARE NOT HELPED BY COLIN MORGAN’S FUCKING FINGERS IN THIS SHOT AS HE BREATHES MAGIC INTO HIS HANDS A;LKFGJ;DFLJ
BOYTOY MONKEY IS LOOKING AT MERLIN WITH NEW SEXEYES
BUT MERLIN PUTS ON HIS MENTOR HAT AND SAYS IT IS LONELY HENCE WHY WE ARE HERE WHEN YOU ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN EVERYONE AND YET HAVE TO ‘PRETEND’ TO BE A FOOL.
ROFLMFAO MERLIN, WHAT PRETENCE? DON’T MISTAKE BOY - YOU ARE AN IDIOT. IT HAS BEEN PROVEN IN JUST ABOUT EVERY EPISODE SO FAR. LOOOOL “PRETEND” *DIES LAUGHING*
MERLIN’S ACTIONS/WORDS HAVE THE WRONG EFFECT BECAUSE BOYTOY MONKEY GETS ALL UPSET AND SHOUTS ABOUT HOW HE ‘WON’T APOLOGISE FOR WHO HE IS’ AND THAT UTHER DESERVES TO DIE BECAUSE MAGIC PEOPLE SHOULD FIGHT BACK - NOT TO PROTECT THE KING
MERLIN SAYS THAT HE HAS TO LEARN TO USE MAGIC FOR GOOD AND THAT HE IS TRYING TO PROTECT HIM
MONKEY STRIKES A VERY VALID POINT FOR MERLIN THOUGH - MERLIN HAS BEEN PRETENDING FOR SO LONG THAT HE’S FORGOTTEN WHO HE IS (MERLIN TRIES TO DENY BUT ITS NO USE. OH HONEY!)
MONKEY STRIDES OUT SAYING THAT ‘IT’S ABOUT TIME SOMEONE STRUCK A BLOW FOR THE LIKES OF YOU AND ME’ AND CALLS MERLIN WEAK. LOL
OH BOY, YOU IS SO DED.
....... SO MERLIN GOES TO SEEK THE DRAGON. OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD. REALLY? REALLY SHOW? *FACEPALMS* AWESOME AS THE SLASHDRAGON IS... WHY?!
THE SLASH DRAGON, WHO IS AWESOME, GREETS MERLIN IN THE WAY THAT I WANT TO: WITH A SLAP IN THE FACE AND “I WISH YOU HAD FORGOTTEN ME” XDDD
OMFGOD I LOVE YOU SLASH DRAGON
HEEEEEEEEEEH MERLIN IS TOTES GIGGLING AT THE DRAGON’S BITCHINESS. LOVE!
OH GOOOOOOOOD, DRAGON GIVES MERLIN ANOTHER BITCHSLAP BY SAYING THAT HE “ONLY WISHES TO TALK - NOT TO LISTEN” OUCH
HAHA, MERLIN FELT THAT BLOW
ANYWAY, THEY HAVE THEIR MAGIC CREATURE BONDING SESSION ABOUT WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE BOY.
SIDE NOTE: ROFL THIS SHOT IS SO OBVIOUSLY REUSED. MERLIN ISN’T EVEN WEARING THE SAME CLOTHES! LOL SFM @ CGI FAIL XDDDDDDD
MERLIN DI’NT LIKE THE DRAGONS ANSWER (I.E. LET THE BOY DIE) AND GETS ALL WEEPY.
DRAGON IS AWESOME AND WANTS TO PROVIDE COMFORT. INSTEAD HE JUST BLOWS MY FUCKING MIND WITH HOW GODDAMN AWESOME HE SOUNDS.
NEXT DAY, UTHER IS GETTING READY
AND ARTHUR COMES TO WISH HIM GOOD LUCK
BUT UTHER SHUTS THE BOY DOWN BY UNINTENTIONALLY INSULTING HIS FIGHTING ABILITIES. OH ARTHUR, HONEY, YOU LOOK SO BROKEN!
MERLIN IS STILL CONFLICTED AS ALL HELL WHILE WAITING FOR THE MONKEY TO ARRIVE
WHO STRUTS AWFULLY FUCKING CONFIDENT Y/Y?
MERLIN HAS AN INTENSE EYEFUCK MOMENT WITH HIM
AND THE FUCKINGBOYTOY MONKEY JUST RAISES. HIS. EYEBROWS. JUST BEGGING MERLIN TO SPANK HIM LIKE THE NAUGHTY BOY HE IS CHALLENGE HIM.
AFKJGA;DLFKJGA;DLFKKGJA;GLJ
FUCK. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK OMG.
UTHER AND MONKEY BOY FACE OFF
AND MONKEY GETS HIS SRS BSNS FACE ON WHEN HAILING ‘FOR GLORY’
THEY FIGHT AND MONKEY IS ABOUT TO USE MAGIC TO KILL UTHER WHEN MERLIN INTERVENES
ROFL, IN THE MOST OBVIOUSLY MAGICAL WAY POSSIBLE XDDDDD
MONKEY BOY KNOWS IT WAS YOU, MERLIN, AND HE IS PISSED!
THEY FIGHT SOME MORE, MERLIN ANGSTS SOME MORE AND MONKEY BOY USES MAGIC RIGHT IN UTHERS’ FACE OMG YOU IDIOT!
IT ALL ENDS WITH MONKEY BOY FLAT ON HIS BACK
YAY UTHER WINS AND EVERYONE IS HAPPY.
EXCEPT ... LOTSA PEOPLE. ESP MERLIN WHO APOLOGISES
BUT MONKEY BOY JUST TELLS HIM TO TALK TO THE HAND, BITCH SHOVE IT
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN
LATER, MERLIN COMES TO SEX SAY GOODBYE
MERLIN GETS HIS MENTOR HAT ON AND MENTORS ABOUT HOW MAGIC IS NOT MEANT TO BRING GLORY
AND FOR SOME REASON, BOYTOY MONKEY BOY HAS A COMPLETE CHANGE OF HEART AND SUDDENLY REALISED THAT MAGIC CORRUPTS AND THAT HIS FATHER WAS ‘STRONG’ FOR NOT USING MAGIC.
UM. WHUT?
MERLIN IS PLEASANTLY PLEASED WITH THIS CHANGE OF HEART AND TELLS HIM THINGS WILL GET BETTER.
THEY ARE KIN AND THEY WILL SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN.
OH MY FUCK THIS SHOW IS SO TRANSPARENT
MERLIN IS EVEN WATCHING HIM LEAVE. LIKE A CREEPER
MERLIN THEN GOES TO SERVE ARTHUR AT THE FEAST HIS FATHER IS HAVING TO CELEBRATE.
ARTHUR IS LOOKING AT MERLIN ALL NECK PORN AK;LKFGJ;ALFKGJAD;LKGJAD;LFGJAL;GKJ
MERLIN LIKES WHAT HE SEES (GRINNING LIKE A FUCKING SMUG BITCH AT HIS HUSBAND) WHILE UTHER AND MORGANA ARE PRANCING ABOUT ARM IN ARM ♥ WHILE UTHER BRAGS ABOUT HIS WIN ♥ AND HOW HE FELT “AT ONE WITH THE SWORD” ♥ ROFLMFAO SO HARD OMG ♥ OH THE CUTE, I CAN’T EVEN ♥
AND MORGANA DECIDES TO BE BAMF AND IS ALL “MAYBE YOU SHOULD GIVE ARTHUR SOME LESSONS” XD
OH ARTHUR AND YOUR INNER MANPAIN~~~
BUT THEN. OH BUT THEN, UTHER, IN A MOMENT OF COMPLETE WIN AND AWESOME, LETS IT BE KNOWN THAT ARTHUR THREW THE FIGHT
ARTHUR NEARLY CHOKED ON HIS WINE, HE’S SO SHOCKED.
UTHER IS ALL SMILEY AND PROUD AND ‘ETERNALLY GRATEFUL’ AND THAT ‘HE IS NOW READY TO BE KING’. AL;KKJG AWWWWWWWWWWWW THIS IS SUCH A PRECIOUS FATHER-SON MOMENT. I THINK MY OVARIES ARE EXPLODING WITH JOY 8DD
A TOAST TO ARTHUR’S SACRIFICE AND KINGLY INSIGHT
MERLIN IS SO PROUD OF HIS HUSBAND. OMFGOD THAT SMILE!!!!! AL;KLGJA;LGJAG;LKJ
LATER, GAIUS GIVES MERLIN A PLATE (AGAIN WITH THE TOMATOES! OMG SHOW, YOU ARE NOW MAKING A FUCKING POINT OF THIS ANACHRONISM) AND WORDS SPEAKING OF HIS ‘PRIDE’. BUT MERLIN IS A WOOBIE AND DOESN’T THINK HE DESERVES IT
ROFL, SO GAIUS SAYS THAT HE’LL EAT IT INSTEAD. XD
AND TEASES MERLIN WITH CHICKEN AND DESTINY. LMAO *KNOWLEDGE THAT COLIN IS A VEGETARIAN MAKES THIS ENTIRELY TOO FUNNY*
BUT THEN HE PULLS OUT A SECOND PLATE AND GIVES IT TO MERLIN. MERLIN GIGGLES AND SMILE ALL ADORKABLE LIKE AND ♥
WHY HELLO, RESET BUTTON ENDING. HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN A WHILE.
THIS IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU. FOR NOW!
On a serious note: the last two episodes I will treat as one long two-hour special, because then I can just keep posting over however many entries I need. The problem with this is that I am going through some extremely personal shit right now, and I do not have an extra 20 hours to spare to write up the Merlin recaps. I will update as soon as I can though. :)
OUR THROW AWAY CHARACTER FOR THIS EPISODE IS A WEE LASS LAD THAT IS GOING TO TEACH ALL THE LITTLE BOYS AND GIRLS ABOUT THE DANGEROUS OF POWER AND HOW IT CORRUPTS. BLAH BLAH BORING FOR THE REST OF SOCIETY THAT HAS AN ACTUAL BRAIN.
SO OUR LESSON-OF-THE-WEEK IS ENCHANTED BY THE FOREST BECAUSE APPARENTLY HE, LIKE MERLIN, FINDS 'NEW' TREES THAT HE MUST SEE EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. TO BE WONDROUS.
UNFORTUNATELY HIS FAIRY TALE IS INTERRUPTED WITH THIS WEEKS EVIL THUGS, WHO GANGRAPE BULLY HIM AND PUSH HIM AROUND. THEY NAME HIM "MONKEY" BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HIS FACE LOOKS LIKE.
AND LOL IN HIS FACE WHEN WEE!MONKEY SAYS HE WILL BE ENTERING THE TOURNAMENT
THEY ALSO GIVE HIM REALLY CREEPY, FLIRTATIOUS WINKS AND KISSES TOUCHES AS THEY LEAVE, PROMISING WILD THINGS ETC WHEN THEY GET TO THE "TOURNAMENT" (IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN).
LOL, WEE!MONKEY WANTS TO GIVE SOME SURPRISE!BUTTSEX OF HIS OWN
BUT HE'S JUST LEFT SPENT AND ... UNSATISFIED? XD;
THIS SCENE EXISTS TO LEAD UP TO THIS PLOT POINT:
MONKEY'S EARS ARE ~MAGICAL~
MERLIN'S WIFELY INSTINCTS ARE TELLING ARTHUR THIS TOURNAMENT IS A REALLY BAD IDEA
THERE ARE CRAZIES OUT THERE! I DON'T WANT MY LOVE TO BE EXPOSED TO THAT KIND OF DANGER! *WIBBLES*
ARTHUR SAYS THAT THERE IS ONLY ONE RULE: THERE ARE NO RULES
AND BECAUSE MERLIN HAS A BRAIN THIS EPISODE, HE SIRIUSLY DOUBTS "THERE IS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT"
I HAVE TO SAY I AGREE WITH MERLIN. WHY WOULD THEY THROW AWAY ~THE KNIGHTS CODE~ WHICH THEY BANG ON ABOUT FOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER AND THEN JUST THROW IT AWAY FOR A TOURNAMENT. THAT HAPPENS ONCE IN A WHILE SO THEREFORE ITS AN EXCUSE FOR MEN TO JUST GET THEIR TESTOSTERONE ON? WHATEVER SHOW, YOUR REASONING IS EVEN MORE RETARDED THAN USUAL.
MAGICAL~ MONKEY~ IS BUSY BEING AMAZED AT CAMELOT'S DECORE
AND HIS WEE FACE ASKS A GRUMP BARTENDER FOR A ROOM
BARTENDER IS JUDGING YOU SO HARD RIGHT NOW, MONKEY BOY
SO HE'S ALL "BUT I HAVE A LETTER!" /WHINY VOICE COZ APPARENTLY LETTERS GET YOU ANYTHING
THE BARTENDER GIVES HIM A ROOM AND A CREEPY SMILE. WHILE ASKING FOR MONEY (LOL, NO TOUCHING THAT CREEPINESS WITH A TEN FOOT PHALLIC POLE)
MAGICAL~ MONKEY~ GOES UP TO HIS NEW SHARED DORM TO GET HIS MOJO ON
THE MOJO THAT HE GETS TO PUT A RING ON IT
ELSEWHERE, MERLIN IS MENDING LIKE A GOOD WIFE
WHEN THE THUGS OF UGH ENTER TO BE DOUCHES
MERLIN'S EARS ARE SO NOT IMPRESSED WITH THIS DISPLAY OF UNSIGHTLY VIRILE BEHAVIOUR.
HE ORDERS MERLIN TO LICK CLEAN HIS BOOTS
MERLIN'S FACE GIVES A CLEAR INSIGHT TO WHAT HE THINKS OF THAT IDEA: YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF, ASSBUTT
EXCEPT THAT GETS HIM A 'WHIPPING' AKA SPANKING WHICH WE WILL STOP THINKING ABOUT RTFN
MERLIN DNW IT EITHER
AND MAGICAL MONKEY BOY TURNS UP TO SAVE THE DAY, ALL DEMANDING AND SRS LIKE
HE FIGHTS THE THUGS OFF WITH MAGIC "SKILL"
AND MERLIN IS VERY GRATEFUL, BECAUSE HEROICS MAKES HIM VERY HAPPY IN HIS PANTS
APPARENTLY MERLIN DIDN'T SEE THE MAGIC? ANYWAY, HE'S ALL "OMG YOUR AMAZING AND I THINK I'M A LITTLE BIT IN LOVE WITH YOU AND WOULD TOTES LET YOU TAKE ME OVER THAT TABLE"
EXCEPT ARTHUR COCKBLOCKS THAT IDEA BY SHOUTING MERLIN'S NAME DOWN THE CORRIDOR.
SEVERAL TIMES. WITH INCREASING URGENCY. BECAUSE ARTHUR *NEEDS* MERLIN FOR OTHER COCK-RELATED ACTIVITIES.
LMFAO AND MERLIN'S DUTIES INCLUDE SERVING THE ROYAL FAMILY AT DINNER
MORGANA IS FLIRTING LIKE WOW WITH UTHER ABOUT HOW ~AMAZING AND ~BRILLIANT HE IS AT FIGHTING
UTHER IS UBER CHUFFED BY THIS PRAISE FROM HIS FAVOURITE
MORGANA CHALLENGES AND GIVES HIM MOAR SEX EYES
AND UTHER IS TOTALLY GIVING HER SEX EYES NOA LOOKS BACK. UNF, APPROVE SO MUCH
ARTHUR REALLY DNW TO WATCH THIS SO HE LEAVES AND DEMANDS MERLIN TO COME WITH EHEHEHE
NEXT MORNING, MERLIN IS HELPING ARTHUR DRESS, LIKE A GOOD WIFE
AND LIKE A GOOD WIFE, HE VOICES HIS CONCERNS TO ARTHUR ABOUT THE TOURNAMENT: PEOPLE DIED. LIKE, DEAD. A DEAD DEATH. ALL IN ONE DAY! DEATHS! SO MANY. DIED.
ARTHUR DOES NOT FIND THIS AS LOL AS I DO XD
ARTHUR JUST WANTS TO GET THROUGH THE FIRST DAY AND GET HIS GODDAMN SWORD ALREADY.
MERLIN'S RESPONSE: YES, LET'S GET THROUGH THE FIRST DAY. CAUSE THAT'S WHEN MOST PEOPLE DIE.
SO TO PUT MERLIN'S MIND AT REST, ARTHUR COMFORTS HIM WITH A SHOULDER PAT. NAWW~
THEY SHOWCASE THE TOURNAMENT LINEUP. LOL MONKEY TWINK @ THE END
ARTHUR IS PROUD AND STANDING TALL, CONFIDENT LIKE WHOA
MERLIN'S OFF ON THE SIDE, WATCHING HIS HUSBAND WITH SEX EYES AND PRIDE
MORGANA COMES OUT TO INTRO THE TOURNAMENT
WHICH WAS NOT APART OF THE PLAN AT ALL. ARTHUR R CONFUZZLED.
UTHER IS COMPETING. OMG THE CONTRAST/SIMILARITIES, I CAN'T EVEN.
BLAH BLAH FIGHTING ITS ALL SO FANCY.
UTHER BEATS HIS FIRST CHALLENGER. YAY FOR HIM.
ARTHUR BEATS HIS FIRST OPPONENT IN A LOLARIOUS WAY
OTHER PEOPLE FIGHT THAT NO1CURR ABOUT
THEN THE MAGICAL MONKEY IS THROWN INTHE FIGHTING RING, ALL ODD STAKED AGAINST HIM.
HOW DOES HE WIN? OH RIGHT, MAGIC.
MERLIN HAZ CAUGHT ONTO UR NOT SNEAKY WAYZ, MONKEY
BUT MONKEY IS TOO BUSY ENJOYING THE BANANA'S FAME AND GLORY OF BEING A FAKE BITCH
MERLIN AND GAIUS COME OVER TO SUS HIM OUT LATER. MONKEY IS SHADY.
MERLIN: *POINTING OUT OBVIOUS* MAGIC
GAIUS: RING OF OLD RELIGION. MERLIN > RING MAGIC OF A CERTAIN KIND, ANY DAY.
MERLIN: BRAVER THAN ME, USING MAGIC IN FRONT OF PEOPLE.
GAIUS: *EYEBROWS* I'LL FORGET YOU JUST SAID THAT STUPIDITY.
MONKEY BOY SHOWS HIS INTELLIGENCE LEVEL BY DOING MAGIC. IN A CORRIDOR. WHERE ANYONE COULD SEE.
OF COURSE HE IS CHASED BY GUARDS, BUT THEY ARE STUPID AND HE HIDES BEHIND A PILLAR *FACEPALM*
LATER, IN HIS ROOM, HE IS CHECKING HIS WOUND
WHEN HE COMES TO REALISE HE IS MISSING HIS RING. ROFL HE EVEN GRABS HIS FINGER, AS THOUGH ~MAGICALLY~ HE CAN MAKE IT REAPPEAR AGAIN XDDDD
UTHER FINDS MONKEY'S MAGIC NOT AT ALL AMUSING
LMFAO, BUT GAIUS JUST LIES TO HIS BOYFRIENDS FACE ABOUT HOW IT WAS NO MAGIC, OH NO.
AND THEN LATER HE EXPLAINS SCIENTIFICALLY TO MERLIN HOW MAGIC WAS MAGICAL XDD
OH GAIUS, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT A RELATIONSHIP CANNOT BE BUILT ON LIES. IF/WHEN UTHER FINDS OUT, IT WILL NOT END WELL.
MONKEY BOY IS RATHER EXCITE WHEN HE GETS A VISITOR LOLOLOL *INSERT EAGER FOR SEX JOKE HERE*
MERLIN ENTERS (LMFAO, THAT WHORE!) WANTING TO PLAY DOCTOR
BUT MONKEY IS NOT INTERESTED IN SOMEONE WITH BIGGER EARS THAN HIM
SO MERLIN JUST SETTLES FOR STROKING HIS "EGO" (ROFL SO HARD @ “SOMEONE YOUR SIZE” OMG SHOW, REALLY?)
AND MENTIONING HIS MAGICAL MAGIC MAGICNESS TO INCREASE HIS ‘SIZE’
MAGICAL MONKEY: MAGIC? NOT USING MAGIC. OH NO, NO MAGIC TO BE FOUND HERE.
MERLIN: THE FUNNY THING ABOUT LIES IS THAT YOU CAN HEAR THEM FROM A MILE AWAY...
SO MONKEY BOY JUST GOES INTO A SPIEL ABOUT HIS FATHER FEARING MAGIC OR SOME CRAP. CRY MOAR BITCH, NO1CURR.
ROFL BUT MERLIN HAS TO MAKE IT GAY BY SAYING MONKEY BOY WANTS TO BE OUT AND PROUD
HAHA, MONKEY’S REACTION IS PERFECT. ‘OF COURSE I DOWHAT’S IT TO YOU?’
MERLIN: YOU REMIND ME OF SOMEONE I KNOW.
SME: OH. EM. GEE. PLEASE FUCK RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE ALREADY HAVING THE EXTREME EYE-SHAG GOING ON, FOR FUCKS SAKE “REMIND” YOURSELVES INTO THE BED MERLIN IS FUCKING LYING ON. FFS!
FFFFUUUUUUUU MERLIN IS ALL “YOU SAVED MY LIFE AND I’M TRYING TO SAVE YOURS”
AWW, MUTUAL GRATIFICATION. I MEAN, ATTRACTION. I MEAN.... OH FUCK, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
MONKEY BOY JUST WANTS TO USE HIS 'SPECIAL' TALENTS. BECAUSE WITHOUT THEM, HE'S A NOBODY.
ROFL, I FEEL LIKE, ONCE AGAIN, MAGIC IS BEING USED AS A EUPHEMISM. XDD
MERLIN GET’S HIS SEX!BOSS!VOICE ON - YOU'RE NOT A NOBODY! TO ME
YOU’RE SPECIAL. JUST LIKE ME. WE’RE SPECIAL. TOGETHER.
“THEN LET ME PROVE IT TO YOU”
MERLIN ROLLS HIS EYES BACK IN A WAY THAT CLEARLY EMANATES DESIRE.
AND I WONDER WHEN THIS WILL DERAIL FROM AN EYEFUCK TO A FULL ON SHAG FEST
OH SHOW ♥
NEXT DAY, UTHER IS WINNING AND THUS STRUTTING ABOUT LIKE A FUCKING PEACOCK
ARTHUR IS WINING BY SPECTACULAR DESIGN, AND ALSO PUMPING FIST WITH VICTORY
AFTER WHICH BOTH PENDRAGON’S GO INTO THE TENT AND UTHER IS ALL “MWAHAHA, IMMA BEAT J00 ASS TOMORROW, BOY.” MORGANA IS ENJOYING THIS WAAAAAAAAAY TOO MUCH BECAUSE SHE WILL GET SO. FUCKING. HOT. WHILE WATCHING HER TWO LOVERS FIGHT IT OUT. OVER HER 8D
UTHER IS COCKY BECAUSE HE IS SEXING MORGANA. YOU’D BE COCKY TOO, SURELY.
ELSEWHERE, MONKEY BOY IS BEING PESTERED BY THE GUY WITH THE CREEPY FACE. HE’S ESPECIALLY CREEPY AND IS ALL “YOUR MY NEXT OPPONENT” IN A WAY THAT MAKES ME WANT TO YELL ‘FIRE’ ON THIS KIDS BEHALF.
SO HE WALKS ONTO THE FIELD TO CHEERS ... AND KILLS THE MAN. DON’T BLAME YOU, TWINK.
AFTERWARDS, HE IS ANGSTING LIKE A LITTLE EMO BOY IN THE WEAPONS ROOM. MERLIN IS OBVIOUSLY PRESENT FOR HURT/COMFORT SEX THAT COMES AFTER
BUT THE BOY IS REALLY ANGSTING ABOUT HOW HE IS NOT A KILLER
SO MERLIN PROVIDES ADVICE (WITHDRAW) AND SEX
PROBLEM WITH ALL THIS THOUGH IS THAT *NOW* MONKEY BOY IS TREATED LIKE A STALLION HERO FOR SHAGGING THE PRINCE’S WIFE KILLING THE ASSHOLE GUY
AND THE BOY IS GETTING FREE BEER (LOL, LIKE THAT KID CAN HOLD HIS ALCOHOL. THEY ALL JUST WANT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HIM)
METHINKS HE LIKES THESE PROCEEDINGS
*FACEPALMS*
NOW BACK TO MERLIN AND ARTHUR.
ARTHUR, WHO IS SULKING ON THE TABLE.
WHILE MERLIN SHARPENS HIS SWORD. FOR ONCE I AM ACTUALLY NOT USING THIS AS A METAPHOR
BECAUSE ARTHUR IS ACTUALLY BEING ALL ~DEEP AND ~EMOTIONAL WITH MERLIN.
HE ASKS MERLIN: WHAT DO I DO ABOUT FIGHTING MY FATHER
AND MY OVARIES EXPLODED, BECAUSE ARTHUR ACTUALLY ASKING MERLIN FOR ADVICE?! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! *GIDDY DANCE*
MERLIN IS ALSO SHOCKED BY THIS TURN OF EVENTS. ARTHUR NEVER LISTENS TO HIS WIFELY INSTINCTS! HIS EARS ARE SO VERY FUCKING PLEASED THAT ARTHUR MAY JUST BE STARTING TO NOW 8D
ARTHUR LISTENS WITH RAPT ATTENTION. LOL HIS EYEBROWS, SO CONCERNED FOR HIS FATHER AND HIMSELF xD
MERLIN JUST SAYS THE OBVIOUS - YOU GOTTA LET HIM WIN. AND NOT BE A BITCH ABOUT IT.
ARTHUR BITCHES ABOUT IT.
NEXT DAY, UTHER AND ARTHUR FACE OFF WITH A RIDIC AMOUNT OF SEXY VOICES THAT MAKE ME MELT
WHILE MORGANA IS IN THE BACKGROUND, CLEARLY PLOTTING. AND LOOKING BEAUTIFUL ♥
AND MERLIN IS ALL WORRIED ABOUT HIS HUSBAND ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
THE FIGHT [WHICH IS RATHER... SPECTACULAR] ENDS WITH ARTHUR FLAT ON HIS BACK. DESIRABLY SO. UNF.
AND IN A PROFOUND FATHER/SON MOMENT, UTHER HAULS ARTHUR BACK ONTO HIS FEET
UTHER IS SMUG XD
ARTHUR IS PISSY
THE FUCKING EYES MERLIN GIVES ARTHUR AFTER HIS FIGHT. FUCK. JUST FUCK ALREADY!
ARTHUR IS STILL BITCHIN’ COZ HE HATES TO LOSE. “IF HE WASN’T MY FATHER”.
MERLIN IS GOING TO HAVE RUTTING, FILTHY SEX IN THE WEAPONS ROOM WITH ARTHUR NOW. RELEASE SOME OF THAT TENSION IN HIM 8D
BUT GAIUS IS A BUZZKILL AND TOLD MERLIN HIS BOYTOY IS IN THE RUNNING FOR THE FINAL.
MERLIN IS NOT IMPRESSED
LOL, NEEDS SOME HOT ROUGH SEXING OF HIS OWN TO RELEASE TENSION RIGHT NOW, METHINKS. XDD
MONKEY BITCH IT VICTORIOUS. BWAHAA.
MERLIN IS EMOTING WITH MANPAIN
GAIUS SAYS THEY HAVE TO WARN HIS BOYFRIEND THE KING. MAGIC IS ‘CORRUPTING’ AND ‘INTOXICATING’ THE BOY, SO THE KING HAS TO BE WARNED. BECAUSE NOW SUDDENLY THAT HIS PRECIOUS BOYFRIEND IS IN DANGER, APPARENTLY THE BOY HAS TO DIE.
MERLIN, THANK FUCK, TELLS GAIUS TO STFU AND LET MERLIN CHANGE HIS MIND. MERLIN WANTS TO ‘CHANGE HIM FOR THE BETTER’ AND ‘GUIDE HIM LIKE A MENTOR’ INTO BEING A BETTER PERSON, SO MAGIC WILL CEASE TO CORRUPT HIM SO.
HMM. SEX KINKS ARE IN THERE SOMEWHERE, WHY IS THIS NOT ANY PLAINER? XDDD
GAIUS RELENTS BECAUSE HE CANNOT RESIST MERLIN’S GOREGOUS PUPPY EYES WANTS TO BE A GOOD PERSON? IDK, SOMETHING ABOUT PROTECTING HIS BOYFRIEND THAT HE JUST REMEMBERED HE LOVED
MERLIIN GOES TO SEE BOYTOY MONKEY BITCH AS HE IS BOASTING TO THE PUB. MERLIN’S BITCHFACE IS SO NOT IMPRESSED. XD
THEY IMMEDIATELY GO UP TO BOYTOY’S MONKEY BITCH’S ROOM, WITH MONKEY TRYING TO ALSO PULL OUT ATTITUDE (“WHAT’S THIS ABOUT”) AND A BITCH FACE.
LMFAO, MERLIN HAS GOT YOU SO BEAT THERE BOY. HE IS SO NOT IMPRESSED!
MERLIN WANTS TO SHOW MONKEY A SPECIAL TRICK WHAT TO DO WITH THAT ATTITUDE JUST HOW MUCH HE ‘UNDERSTANDS’ MONKEY’S NEED FOR ATTENTION. SO HE CLOSES THE DOOR
ROFL AND MONKEY IS TOTES THINKING LIKE A FRIGHTENED VIRGIN RIGHT NOW, NGL XDDD
NNNRRRGGGGG IMPURE THOUGHTS ARE NOT HELPED BY COLIN MORGAN’S FUCKING FINGERS IN THIS SHOT AS HE BREATHES MAGIC INTO HIS HANDS A;LKFGJ;DFLJ
BOYTOY MONKEY IS LOOKING AT MERLIN WITH NEW SEXEYES
BUT MERLIN PUTS ON HIS MENTOR HAT AND SAYS IT IS LONELY HENCE WHY WE ARE HERE WHEN YOU ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN EVERYONE AND YET HAVE TO ‘PRETEND’ TO BE A FOOL.
ROFLMFAO MERLIN, WHAT PRETENCE? DON’T MISTAKE BOY - YOU ARE AN IDIOT. IT HAS BEEN PROVEN IN JUST ABOUT EVERY EPISODE SO FAR. LOOOOL “PRETEND” *DIES LAUGHING*
MERLIN’S ACTIONS/WORDS HAVE THE WRONG EFFECT BECAUSE BOYTOY MONKEY GETS ALL UPSET AND SHOUTS ABOUT HOW HE ‘WON’T APOLOGISE FOR WHO HE IS’ AND THAT UTHER DESERVES TO DIE BECAUSE MAGIC PEOPLE SHOULD FIGHT BACK - NOT TO PROTECT THE KING
MERLIN SAYS THAT HE HAS TO LEARN TO USE MAGIC FOR GOOD AND THAT HE IS TRYING TO PROTECT HIM
MONKEY STRIKES A VERY VALID POINT FOR MERLIN THOUGH - MERLIN HAS BEEN PRETENDING FOR SO LONG THAT HE’S FORGOTTEN WHO HE IS (MERLIN TRIES TO DENY BUT ITS NO USE. OH HONEY!)
MONKEY STRIDES OUT SAYING THAT ‘IT’S ABOUT TIME SOMEONE STRUCK A BLOW FOR THE LIKES OF YOU AND ME’ AND CALLS MERLIN WEAK. LOL
OH BOY, YOU IS SO DED.
....... SO MERLIN GOES TO SEEK THE DRAGON. OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD. REALLY? REALLY SHOW? *FACEPALMS* AWESOME AS THE SLASHDRAGON IS... WHY?!
THE SLASH DRAGON, WHO IS AWESOME, GREETS MERLIN IN THE WAY THAT I WANT TO: WITH A SLAP IN THE FACE AND “I WISH YOU HAD FORGOTTEN ME” XDDD
OMFGOD I LOVE YOU SLASH DRAGON
HEEEEEEEEEEH MERLIN IS TOTES GIGGLING AT THE DRAGON’S BITCHINESS. LOVE!
OH GOOOOOOOOD, DRAGON GIVES MERLIN ANOTHER BITCHSLAP BY SAYING THAT HE “ONLY WISHES TO TALK - NOT TO LISTEN” OUCH
HAHA, MERLIN FELT THAT BLOW
ANYWAY, THEY HAVE THEIR MAGIC CREATURE BONDING SESSION ABOUT WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE BOY.
SIDE NOTE: ROFL THIS SHOT IS SO OBVIOUSLY REUSED. MERLIN ISN’T EVEN WEARING THE SAME CLOTHES! LOL SFM @ CGI FAIL XDDDDDDD
MERLIN DI’NT LIKE THE DRAGONS ANSWER (I.E. LET THE BOY DIE) AND GETS ALL WEEPY.
DRAGON IS AWESOME AND WANTS TO PROVIDE COMFORT. INSTEAD HE JUST BLOWS MY FUCKING MIND WITH HOW GODDAMN AWESOME HE SOUNDS.
NEXT DAY, UTHER IS GETTING READY
AND ARTHUR COMES TO WISH HIM GOOD LUCK
BUT UTHER SHUTS THE BOY DOWN BY UNINTENTIONALLY INSULTING HIS FIGHTING ABILITIES. OH ARTHUR, HONEY, YOU LOOK SO BROKEN!
MERLIN IS STILL CONFLICTED AS ALL HELL WHILE WAITING FOR THE MONKEY TO ARRIVE
WHO STRUTS AWFULLY FUCKING CONFIDENT Y/Y?
MERLIN HAS AN INTENSE EYEFUCK MOMENT WITH HIM
AND THE FUCKINGBOYTOY MONKEY JUST RAISES. HIS. EYEBROWS. JUST BEGGING MERLIN TO SPANK HIM LIKE THE NAUGHTY BOY HE IS CHALLENGE HIM.
AFKJGA;DLFKJGA;DLFKKGJA;GLJ
FUCK. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK OMG.
UTHER AND MONKEY BOY FACE OFF
AND MONKEY GETS HIS SRS BSNS FACE ON WHEN HAILING ‘FOR GLORY’
THEY FIGHT AND MONKEY IS ABOUT TO USE MAGIC TO KILL UTHER WHEN MERLIN INTERVENES
ROFL, IN THE MOST OBVIOUSLY MAGICAL WAY POSSIBLE XDDDDD
MONKEY BOY KNOWS IT WAS YOU, MERLIN, AND HE IS PISSED!
THEY FIGHT SOME MORE, MERLIN ANGSTS SOME MORE AND MONKEY BOY USES MAGIC RIGHT IN UTHERS’ FACE OMG YOU IDIOT!
IT ALL ENDS WITH MONKEY BOY FLAT ON HIS BACK
YAY UTHER WINS AND EVERYONE IS HAPPY.
EXCEPT ... LOTSA PEOPLE. ESP MERLIN WHO APOLOGISES
BUT MONKEY BOY JUST TELLS HIM TO TALK TO THE HAND, BITCH SHOVE IT
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN
LATER, MERLIN COMES TO SEX SAY GOODBYE
MERLIN GETS HIS MENTOR HAT ON AND MENTORS ABOUT HOW MAGIC IS NOT MEANT TO BRING GLORY
AND FOR SOME REASON, BOYTOY MONKEY BOY HAS A COMPLETE CHANGE OF HEART AND SUDDENLY REALISED THAT MAGIC CORRUPTS AND THAT HIS FATHER WAS ‘STRONG’ FOR NOT USING MAGIC.
UM. WHUT?
MERLIN IS PLEASANTLY PLEASED WITH THIS CHANGE OF HEART AND TELLS HIM THINGS WILL GET BETTER.
THEY ARE KIN AND THEY WILL SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN.
OH MY FUCK THIS SHOW IS SO TRANSPARENT
MERLIN IS EVEN WATCHING HIM LEAVE. LIKE A CREEPER
MERLIN THEN GOES TO SERVE ARTHUR AT THE FEAST HIS FATHER IS HAVING TO CELEBRATE.
ARTHUR IS LOOKING AT MERLIN ALL NECK PORN AK;LKFGJ;ALFKGJAD;LKGJAD;LFGJAL;GKJ
MERLIN LIKES WHAT HE SEES (GRINNING LIKE A FUCKING SMUG BITCH AT HIS HUSBAND) WHILE UTHER AND MORGANA ARE PRANCING ABOUT ARM IN ARM ♥ WHILE UTHER BRAGS ABOUT HIS WIN ♥ AND HOW HE FELT “AT ONE WITH THE SWORD” ♥ ROFLMFAO SO HARD OMG ♥ OH THE CUTE, I CAN’T EVEN ♥
AND MORGANA DECIDES TO BE BAMF AND IS ALL “MAYBE YOU SHOULD GIVE ARTHUR SOME LESSONS” XD
OH ARTHUR AND YOUR INNER MANPAIN~~~
BUT THEN. OH BUT THEN, UTHER, IN A MOMENT OF COMPLETE WIN AND AWESOME, LETS IT BE KNOWN THAT ARTHUR THREW THE FIGHT
ARTHUR NEARLY CHOKED ON HIS WINE, HE’S SO SHOCKED.
UTHER IS ALL SMILEY AND PROUD AND ‘ETERNALLY GRATEFUL’ AND THAT ‘HE IS NOW READY TO BE KING’. AL;KKJG AWWWWWWWWWWWW THIS IS SUCH A PRECIOUS FATHER-SON MOMENT. I THINK MY OVARIES ARE EXPLODING WITH JOY 8DD
A TOAST TO ARTHUR’S SACRIFICE AND KINGLY INSIGHT
MERLIN IS SO PROUD OF HIS HUSBAND. OMFGOD THAT SMILE!!!!! AL;KLGJA;LGJAG;LKJ
LATER, GAIUS GIVES MERLIN A PLATE (AGAIN WITH THE TOMATOES! OMG SHOW, YOU ARE NOW MAKING A FUCKING POINT OF THIS ANACHRONISM) AND WORDS SPEAKING OF HIS ‘PRIDE’. BUT MERLIN IS A WOOBIE AND DOESN’T THINK HE DESERVES IT
ROFL, SO GAIUS SAYS THAT HE’LL EAT IT INSTEAD. XD
AND TEASES MERLIN WITH CHICKEN AND DESTINY. LMAO *KNOWLEDGE THAT COLIN IS A VEGETARIAN MAKES THIS ENTIRELY TOO FUNNY*
BUT THEN HE PULLS OUT A SECOND PLATE AND GIVES IT TO MERLIN. MERLIN GIGGLES AND SMILE ALL ADORKABLE LIKE AND ♥
WHY HELLO, RESET BUTTON ENDING. HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN A WHILE.
THIS IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU. FOR NOW!
On a serious note: the last two episodes I will treat as one long two-hour special, because then I can just keep posting over however many entries I need. The problem with this is that I am going through some extremely personal shit right now, and I do not have an extra 20 hours to spare to write up the Merlin recaps. I will update as soon as I can though. :)