Merlin 3x06: Is late because college is attempting to kick my arse.
THIS SHOW, I SWEAR TO GOD, IS TRYING TO DESTROY MY BRAIN.
THE FIRST THING WE SEE IS AN UNKNOWN CASTLE THAT IS OBVIOUSLY SUB-PAR TO CAMELOT.
INSIDE IS A BEAUTIFUL BABY
WHICH IS BEING VISITED BY ITS EVIL BLUE FAIRY GODMOTHER ‘SIDHE’[THAT SRSLY NEEDS A MANICURE]
AND TURNS THE BABY BLUE AS WELL, SO THE SIDHE WON’T BE ~LONELY~ IN ITS BLUE SKIN.
20 YEARS LATER HOWEVER, THE BABY IS A GROWN WOMAN WHO IS NOT BLUE. BUT SHE DOES LIKE PICKING AROUND IN HER TEETH
AND CHEWING WITH HER MOUTH OPEN =\ MY INNER SELF IS CRYING A LITTLE WITH THIS PAINFULLY OBVIOUS ACTING-LIKE-A-SLOB
SHE APPARENTLY DOESN’T LIKE TO WEAR SHOES EITHER
OMG ITS NANNYESSOR SPROUT!!! :DD
BACK IN CAMELOT, THE MOST LOLARIOUS, AWESOME, HILARIOUS FATHER-SON MOMENT IS OCCURING IN FRONT OF *THE WHOLE COURT*.
UTHER IS TRYING TO WARM ARTHUR TO THE ARRIVAL OF LORD GODWYN AND PRINCESS ELENA (LOL ARTHUR DOES NOT CARE FOR HIS FATHER’S FORCING THE HET)
BY SAYING THAT SHE “IS A BEAUTY. WHO IS CHARMING. BEAUTIFUL. PRETTY. WITTY. BEAUTIFUL. STRATEGIC”
ARTHUR IS ALL ‘WTF ARE YOU SMOKING’ AND UTHER BUMBLES AROUND LIKE THE MOST HOPELESS THING IN THE UNIVERSE. OMFGOD HOW AWKWARD WOULD THE BIRDS AND THE BEES TALK HAVE BEEN IF UTHER CAN’T EVEN TALK TO ARTHUR ABOUT ARRANGED MARRIAGE? I MEAN, HE WAITED UNTIL HE WAS ABOUT TO RECEIVE HIS GUESTS BEFORE TELLING ARTHUR ABOUT IT. LMFAO OH UTHER, SOMETIMES YOU FAIL SO HARD AS A PARENT. XDDD;
ARTHUR’S UTTERLY APPROPRIATE REACTION: WHAT. THE. SHIT? I’M STRATEGIC? AND BEAUTIFUL? WTF?! WHY ISN’T ‘BEAUTY’ FIRST ON THAT LIST! HAS HE SEEN MY LUSCIOUS LOCKS? IS THERE A POINT TO THIS!?!?!?
UTHER: I MEAN A LOVE MATCH
ARTHUR: LOVE?!?! BUT DADDY! I’M IN LOVE WITH MERLIN!!!
UTHER: LOVE MEANS NOTHING. I MEANT THE OTHER BIT.
SME: OH. MY FUCKING. GOD! DYING RIGHT NOW. LIKE SERIOUSLY, OMFGOD, THERE ARE NOT WORDS FOR HOW MUCH I AM CRYING WITH LAUGHTER. NO, REALLY:
THIS SHIT IS GONNA BE EPIC. BRINGIN’ OUT MY POPCORN.
ARTHUR’S FACE REFLECTS MINE THE FIRST TIME I HEARD THIS LINE. “LIKE WHAT. THE. FUCK! CHILDREN’S SHOW MY ARSE!”
UTHER, IN AN INSANELY HILARIOUS AND TOTALLY RIDICULOUS WAY ~ALLUDES~ TO MARRIAGE BY CALLING IT A “PERMANENT UNION” (LMFAO, MY DIRTY, DIRTY MIND WAS STILL STUCK IN THE “SEX” ANALOGY AND THOUGHT UTHER WAS TALKING ABOUT A ~MAGICAL~ UNION OF ARTHUR’S PEEN AND MERLIN’S ASSHOLE. OMG, I DON’T EVEN).
ARTHUR HOWEVER, IS NOT ALLOWED TO THINK LIKE ME BEFORE 10PM. SO HE HAS TO SAY THE POLITICALLY CORRECT ANSWER: “MARRIAGE”
LMFAO, HIS FACE SAYS IT ALL.
UTHER IS ALL “KTHXBAI~”
AWW, MERLIN JUST HEARD ARTHUR SAY “MARRIAGE” AND HIS EARS PERKED UP. EITHER THIS COULD GO VERY BADLY OR VERY WELL FOR HIM AND HIS ARSE.
HAHAHA, BRADLEY IS TOTALLY MOUTHING “WHAT THE FUCK!” HERE XDDDDDDD
UTHER GREETS GODWYN WITH A LITTLE TOO MUCH ENTHUSIASM FOR MY SLASH GOGGLES. THEY TOTALLY HAVE ‘WELCOME BACK’ SEX ONCE THEY LEAVE THE ROOM-OF-ALL-OCCASSIONS.
ARTHUR, LOL HIS FACE, IS STILL IN SHOCK.
HE DNW FATHER’S FORCED HET. XDDDD
AND OF COURSE, THE OBJECT OF THE FORCED HET FOR THIS EPISODE, FALLS RIGHT TO THE FLOOR.
SINCE YOU KNOW, THIS SHOW DOESN’T DO SUBTLE WHEN IT COMES TO SHOWING US JUST HOW CLUMSY THIS NEW HET GIRL IS.
ARTHUR AND MERLIN ARE SILENTLY SHOCKED AT THIS TURN OF EVENTS /s
MERLIN CAN’T BELIEVE THAT ARTHUR IS NOT DOING HIS HUSBANDLY DUTIES AND CARRYING THE BAGS FOR THEIR GUESTS. GEEZ ARTHUR, WHEN YOU BROKE THE NEWS TO YOUR WIFE ABOUT YOUR FATHER’S ATTEMPT TO ARRANGE MARRIAGE YOU, SOMETIMES TELLS ME YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE LOADED HIM UP WITH *THEIR* LUGGAGE. YOU REALLY DON’T APPRECIATE HOW GOOD YOUR WIFE IS RIGHT NOW.
SO MERLIN CLOCKS HIM ONE WITH THE BAG TO SHOW HIS IRRITATION. 8D FUCK YEA MERLIN! YOU STAND UP FOR MEDIEVAL WOMEN!
LOL GWEN IS ALL “ARTHUR, YOU AND MERLIN SEEM TO BE HAVING A LOVERS TIFF” I WONDER WHAT MADE HER THINK THAT? APART FROM THE ANNOYING LOOK MERLIN GAVE ARTHUR, NEARLY KNOCKING HIM OVER WITH THE BAGS, LOOKING GRUMPY SINCE PRINCESS ELENA & CO ARRIVED
SO ARTHUR, SINCE HE NEEDS TO GET THIS OFF HIS CHEST AND ASK HIS FRIEND FOR ADVICE, TELLS GWEN THAT HIS FATHER WANTS HIM TO MARRY PRINCESS ELENA.
GWEN’S ALL “MARRY?!?!?! WHAT ABOUT MERLIN?” (LAST BIT NOT NEEDED TO BE SAID - IT’S ALL VERY OBVIOUS)
ARTHUR: DON’T WORRY, I’M NOT GOING TO. OBVIOUSLY.
LOL, GWEN’S LIKE “OF COURSE I WASN’T WORRIED” AND ARTHUR’S LIKE “WHY WOULD YOU BE? I MEAN, NO ONE CAN COME BETWEEN ME AND MERLIN”
LMFAO, OH ARTHUR. YOUR FAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE! IT’S ALL “WELL THAT WAS AWKWARD.” XDDDD
THAT NIGHT, MERLIN AND ARTHUR ARE GETTING READY FOR BED
ARTHUR IS CRAWLING OVER THE MATTRESS WITH HIS MANLY CHEST ON DISPLAY
AND THIS FUCKING “COME HITHER” LOOK
MERLIN IS LIKING THIS VIEW VERY MUCH. UH HUH UH HUH.
MERLIN IS ALL “LET ME JUST COLLECT OUR CLOTHES SO I CAN PUT THEM OUT OF OUR WAY...”
AND THEN MERLIN STARTS THEIR USUAL FOREPLAY BY INSULTING ARTHUR’S BREATH AND TABLE MANNERS TONIGHT. XDDD
ARTHUR RETAILATES BY THROWING A PILLOW AT HIM. LMFAO, BECAUSE HE LIKES IT ROUGH~
(NOM NOM STOMACH!)
AND THEN UTHER WALKS IN.
LMFAO UTHER’S FACE.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY FUCKING GOD, BOTH OF THEM, I SWEAR TO GOD, JUST WANTED TO DIE RIGHT ABOUT NOW. THE KING YOUR DAD WALKING IN ON YOU AS YOU PREPARE FOR BED AND FOREPLAY? OMFGOOOOOOOOOOOOD.
YEP, MERLIN LOOKS PRETTY HORRIFIED.
ARTHUR’S IN QUITE A BIT OF SHOCK TOO. OH DEAR GOD.
UTHER LOOKS SUPREMELY PUT UPON AND TOTALLY REGRETTING OPENING THE DOOR RIGHT THIS SECOND. NONETHELESS, HE WANTS MERLIN TO LEAVE. ALONE.
(OM NOM NOM MY UTHER/MERLIN SHIP WANTS UTHER TO BE JEALOUS ORDERING MERLIN TO HIS BED RTFN FOR FRUSTRATED ‘PARENTING ARTHUR’ SEX. A;FLKGJAF;LGKJAGJ YESSSSSSSSSSS)
ARTHUR IS JUST EMBARRASSED THAT HIS FATHER WALKED IN ON HIS PRE-SEXING TIMES. XDDDD
OH, DOWN TO BORING BUSINESS. UTHER IS ALL “*EYEROLL* YOU’RE SUCH DELICATE FLOWER”
ARTHUR JUST BARELY REFRAINS FROM ROLLING HIS EYES AND HAS TO TAKE A SEAT, BECAUSE THIS IS GOING TO BE TOO MUCH BULLSHIT TO HANDLE STANDING UP.
UTHER’S ARGUMENT: ALLY
ARTHUR: ‘AND YOUR POINT? NOTHING AGAINST HER EXCEPT MARRIAGE’ LMFAOOOOOO.
UTHER: *ENTERS LECTURE MODE*
ARTHUR: “HERE WE GO AGAIN...”
UTHER: BLAHBLAHBLAH HUSBAND
ARTHUR: I’VE ALREADY GOT A HUSBAND!
UTHER: YOU STILL NEED A WIFE! YOU NEED TO MAINTAIN AN IMAGE!
ARTHUR: FML.
ARTHUR IS ALL *WIBBLE* BUT HOW/WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL MERLIN? D:
OH ARTHUR, NEVER FEAR. YOUR GAY LOVE WILL NEVER FADE~!
ELSEWHERE IN THE NIGHT, PRINCESS ELENA IS HAVING NIGHTMARES.
AND NANNYESSOR SPROUT JUST HAPPENS TO HAVE A HANDY DANDY POTION REMEDY
THAT LOOKS HILARIOUSLY FAKE IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY
IT REALLY DOESN’T SEEM TO DO ANYTING FOR A MOMENT, JUDGING BY THE FACE ELENA MAKES.
BUT THEN SHE SLIPS OFF INTO PEACEFUL SLEEP, SO SPROUTS’ POTION WORK MUSTN’T BE TOO SHODDY.
IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT SPROUTS SNEAKS OUT TO THE VERY SAME LAKE FROM SEASON ONE
THAT IS FULL OF FAIRY’S
AND THE EXACT SAME ANIMATION AS SEASON ONE TOO!
THE ONLY DIFFERENCE NOW IS THAT SPROUT IS NO LONGER SPROUT BUT A LONG-NOSED, POINTED-EARED, SPOTTED WEREWOLF ‘SIDHE’
BLAHBLAH BORING EVIL PLOT OF THE WEEK, BLAH BLAH. THE SIDHE WANT A SIDHE ON THE THRONE. LMFAO OH THE PUNS TO BE HAD, THEY MAKE ME CRINGE INSIDE.
NEXT MORNING, ARTHUR GOES TO KISS HIS WIFE GOOD MORNING AS HE IS HELPING STRAP UP THEIR GUESTS HORSE.
ARTHUR WISHED TO DO THE GENTLEMANLY THING AND ASSIST ELENA SADDLING UP. BUT HE GOT SHOT DOWN BY ELENA JUMPING STRAIGHT ON AND RIDING AWAY WITHOUT THEM XDDD
ROFL, THEIR FACES SAY IT ALL.
ARTHUR, NOT BE OUTDONE, RACES TO CATCH UP WITH HER. OH YOU FRIGGIN MAN YOU, SUCH A SORE LOSER.
BUT THEY HAVE A SWEET MOMENT BY THE RIVER, WHEN ARTHUR TELLS HER THAT HE DOESN’T HATE HER FATHER FOR WANTING HIM FOR HIS ‘STRATEGIC’ BEAUTY THAT HE’S NOT EASILY IMPRESSED, BUT HER HORSE RIDING IS IMPRESSIVE.
AND THEY BOND OVER THEIR SHARED LOSS OF MOTHERS. AWW~ ISN’T IT NICE WHEN YOU FIND SOMEONE WHO KNOWS EXACTLY HOW CRAP IT IS TO GROW UP WITHOUT THE LOVE AND SUPPORT OF A MOTHER?
BUT ELENA KEEPS STICKING HER FOOT IN HER MOUTH AND IT MAKES ARTHUR AWKWARD.
EVEN MORE SO WHEN HE PULLS OUT A ROSE AND A CORNY LINE
WHICH ELENA THEN SNEEZES ALL OVER. XDDD LOOOOOOOOL.
LMFAOLMFAOLMFAO ARTHUR, YOUR FACE. NO WORDS.
WIFELY!MERLIN ARRIVES WITH THE PICNIC, TO SAVE US ALL FROM THE FAIL!HET. YAY MERLIN!
ARTHUR HAS NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM BEFORE IN HIS LIFE. HE IS VERY SRS WHEN HE SAYS “DO NOT LEAVE ME AGAIN. THE FORCED HET SUBPLOT IS PAINFUL BEYOND MEASURE”
MERLIN REPLIES, IN HIS BEST BITCHFACE + ATTITUDE: “YOU WERE RIDING SO FAST. I THOUGHT YOU WANTED SOME *ALONE* TIME”
SME: DEAD. LIKE OMFGOD DEAD.
ARTHUR IS A LITTLE SLOW. HE MISSES THE ATTITUDE AND IS JUST LIKE “ARE. YOU. FUCKING. MENTAL?!?!”
BUT THEN HE CATCHES ON.
AND BREAKS OUT HIS ULTIMATE WEAPON - MERLIN’S BULLETPROOF KINK: LEATHER GLOVES.
MERLIN IS HAVING TROUBLE KEEPING HIS EYES ABOVE ARTHUR’S NECK/CHEST/WAIST/CROTCH NOW. OH DEAR, AND WITH NO WAY TO RELIEVE THE SEXUAL TENSION! \O/
AFTER, WE NEED SOME MORE AWKWARD HET WITH ELENA SAYING SHE HAD A NICE TIME, AND THEN HUGGING ARTHUR. ROFL, FACES.
BUT I LIKE THIS BECAUSE IT REALLY SHOWS THAT ELENA IS EMOTIONALLY DEPENDANT AND JUST LIKES GOING AROUND BEING AFFECTIONATE. NON!SPECIAL HUG IS NOT MUCH SPECIAL.
LOL, BOYS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO XDD;
FEASTS ALL ROUND FOR THIS ROYAL COURT. METHINKS ITS JUST AN EXCUSE FOR A PARTY FOR UTHER AND GODWYN, WHO JUST WANT TO GET ALL AFFECTIONATE IN PUBLIC. RIGHT BEFORE “[GODWYN’S] HEARTS LIES WITH [UTHER’S]” OMFGOD DED.
LOL THOUGH THEY AREN’T THE ONLY ONES!! GAIUS MUST BE FEELING JEALOUS/ANNOYED THAT HIS BOYFRIEND HAS RACKED UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE RIGHT NOW! XDD
ROFL, ARTHUR IS MAKING FACES AND MERLIN IS GIGGLING AT ARTHUR’S OBVIOUS DNW XDDD
HAHAAA!! EYEBROWS!
AND OHMYFUCKINGGOD, NANNY SPROUT PRACTICALLY SITS HERSELF IN GAIUS’S LAP AND STARTS FLIRTING WITH HIM HARDCORE!!! XDD
GAIUS IS VERY TAKEN ABACK. HE CAN BARELY REMEMBER WHAT A FLIRTING FEMALE IS LIKE, HE’S BEEN WITH UTHER FOR SO LONG.
AND OMFG, SHE GIVES THE MOST PREDATORY “I AM GOING TO SUCK YOUR COCK OFF” LOOKS AT POOR GAIUS
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.
ELENA IS FISHING FOOD FROM HER BOOBS. LOL..
ARTHUR: I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO SAY IT.
AFTER THE FEAST, ELENA GOES BACK TO HER ROOM AND THERE IS A VERY SWEET SCENE INVOLVING HER AND NANNY SPROUT.
“I’M NOT THE PERFECT PRINCESS” “THAT SOUNDS PERFECTLY BORING! YOU’VE GOT SPIRIT!” AWW!
OH MY FUCKING GOD, AND THEN SHE MAKES SOME OBSCENE RUTTING MOTIONS AND I AM ABOUT TO FUCKING DIE. FUCKING DIE, I TELL YOU, BECAUSE NANNYESSOR SPROUT IS PRACTICALLY SAYING “MARRY ARTHUR SO YOU CAN FUCK HIS BRAINS OUT”.
OHMYFUCKINGGOD. SO DEAD RIGHT NOW.
~IGNORING FROG SCENE~
GOOD OL’ MERLIN IS CONVENIENTLY OUT COLLECTING HERBS, WHEN HE SPOTS SOMETHING SUSPICIOUS.
A VERY SPROUT-SHAPED SUSPICIOUS THING.
AND OF COURSE, BECAUSE HE DOESN’T KNOW WHATS GOOD FOR HIM, HE FOLLOWS IT.
BUT SOMETHING IS HAPPENING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT, SO HE ~MAGIC’S~ TIME DOWN
ONLY TO BE WITNESS TO THE MOST LOLARIOUS, HORRIFIC CGI IN THE SHOW YET XDD
OH YES MERLIN, IT WAS PRETTY BAD. LOL DRAMA QUEEN.
MERLIN RUNS TO GAIUS TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE BAD CGI. GAIUS IS ALL “I’VE SEEN SOME BAD TONGUES IN MY TIME”
(OMFGOD, BRAIN, JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN USE YOUR TONGUE TO DO LOTS OF THINGS, DOESN’T MEAN IT IS AN APPROPRIATE TIME TO THINK ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW! SRSLY, KILL MY BRAIN WITH FIRE).
OF COURSE, THIS FUCKING SHOW IS JUST BAITING ME OR SOMETHING, BECAUSE WHILE I’M SITTING HERE TRYING NOT TO THINK ABOUT GAIUS AND UTHER AND HIS TALK OF TONGUES AND HIGHLY SEXUAL ORGY ROMPS, MERLIN GRABS THIS FUCKING PHALLIC OBJECT OF ALL PHALLIC OBJECTS, AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I AM SUPPOSED TO THINK ANYMORE.
GAIUS. SRSLY. DON’T MAKE THAT FUCKING ‘COME HITHER’ FACE! O_O
EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO DIE FOR AWHILE. LIKE SRSLY.
MERLIN: IT WAS *THIS* LONG! IT’S MAGIC!
HE IS TOTALLY TALKING ABOUT MAGIC’ING ARTHUR’S PEEN THIS LONG RIGHT NOW. OMG MERLIN, MAGIC PENIS ENLARGEMENT, WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF NEXT.
NEXT THING YOU KNOW, IT’S *GAIUS* LURKING AROUND CORNERS! LOL!
LMFAO, AND HE JUST DECIDES TO HAVE A GOOD OL’ STICKY BEAK! XDD
BUT THEN! HE FINDS IT! THE BADLY PLACES, POOR DISGUISED, NOT EVEN HIDDEN MAGICAL!BAG OF EVIL.
LOL, FACE SAYS IT ALL: HOSHIT.
NANNY SPROUT ENTERS, LOOKING QUITE PLEASED TO SEE GAIUS INSIDE HER MISTRESSES CHAMBERS.
NANNY SPROUT THEN PROCEEDS TO FUCKING ADVANCE ON GAIUS LIKE A PANTHER. OMG, HER “YOU WANT ME” FACES ARE KILLING ME.
LMFAO AND THEN SHE GOES FOR THE FACE. SHE FUCKING WANTS TO JUMP HIS BONES RIGHT THERE AND NOW.
NO - REALLY. “ELENA WON’T BE BACK FOR AAAAAGES. WE CAN MAKE SWEET ‘PERFUME’ TOGETHER
OH MY FUCKING GOD, I CAN’T EVEN. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS - “PERFUME” IS NOT EVEN BEING DISGUISED AS A EUPHAMISM FOR “LOVE” (AS IN “SEX”) HERE. OMFG SWEET LOVE ON THE BED AS SHE LIES DOWN ON IT. I’M GOING TO EXPLODE, I SRSLY AM.
BACK IN GAIUS’ CHAMBERS (OMFGOD, SPROUT TOTALLY RAPED GAIUS, DIDN’T SHE? AGJA;LGJA), MERLIN IS EFFECTIVELY WALKING, LEANING SEX AS HE LOUNGES AND LISTENS TO GAIUS’ DISCOVERY.
GAIUS CLEARLY HAS TROUBLE TALKING ABOUT SEX WITH MERLIN, BY THE WAY HE ~AWKWARDLY PAUSED~ AND CLEARED HIS THROAT BEFORE HE STARTED MENTIONING “DISTINGUISED GENTLEMAN” AS A POLITE WAY OF SAYING “SHE’S TRYING TO RAPE ME. FOR SRS. ITS CREEPY” XDD
MERLIN STILL DOESN’T GET IT. LMFAO, DO THE FATHER FIGURES ON THIS SHOW JUST REALLY SUCK WITH THE WHOLE BIRDS AND BEES TALK? SRSLY? XDDD
GAIUS: GRINHILDA SPROUT HAS SHOWN INTEREST IN ME AS ARTHUR DOES WHEN HE WANTS TO RUT INTO YOU LIKE A BULLDOZER.
MERLIN: ... SO SHE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU?
MERLIN: OH DUDE! CAN YOU IMAGINE, WITH THAT TONGUE?!?! KISSING? 69’ING?! RIMMING!!
GAIUS: MERLIN!
SME: OH GOD, BRAIN NEEDS TO DIE NOW. OR SOMETHING.
*INSERT MONSTER OF THE WEEK SPIEL* LMFAO “SIDHE QUEEN” - QUEEN’S CAN ONLY BE “SHE”!
ELSEWHERE IN THE CASTLE, THE PENDRAGONS ARE EATING TOGETHER. ARTHUR WISHES TO BRING UP A ‘DELICATE’ MATTER WITH HIS FATHER.
LMFAO, UTHER GETS THE WRONG IDEA, AS USUAL. XDD
UTHER MENTIONS OF HIS OWN WISH TO MAKE A FUSS ABOUT HIS AND MORGANA’S WEDDING DEFERS TO MORGANA, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT LOVERS DO. MORGANA IS PLEASED :D
ARTHUR IS INWARDLY FACEPALMING AT HIS FATHER’S RETARDEDNESS RIGHT NOW.
ARTHUR: “FATHER, THIS AIN’T HAPPENING. ELENA’S A WONDERFUL PERSON, BUT NO FEELINGS. SHE’S NOT MERLIN!”
UTHER: STFU AND GTFO. YOU *ARE* MARRYING HER.
ARTHUR: :'(
MORGANA SPIES YOUR LONGING LOOKS OF UNREQUITED LOVE THERE GWEN!
AND SMIRKS WITH TRIUMPH, BUT I SUSPECT SOME IRRITATION THAT GWEN LOVES ANYONE OTHER THAN *HER* ALONE (OMG HYPOCRIT, WHEN YOU ARE RUNNING OFF TO YOUR SISTER EVERY OTHER EPISODE! SELFISH MORGANA! SHAME ON YOU!)
GOOD ON MERLIN, PEEKS IN THROUGH THE LITTLE TINY WINDOW THAT IS AT THE PERFECT HEIGHT FOR HIM TO NEED TO USE HIS FINGERS TO ELEVATE HIMSELF. GIVES EXCELLENT FINGER PORN, PLEASE SALIVATE AND ENJOY.
THE PRINCESS IS HAVE NIGHTMARES AGAIN AND THE SAME CGI SHOTS AS EARLIER ARE USED AGAIN (LMFAO, THIS SHOW IS SO LAZY).
MERLIN IS ALL SHOCK! HORROR! :O AND FALLS OFF HIS TABLE.
UNF. I WOULD HIT THAT LIKE THE FIST OF AN ANGRY GOD.
JUMPING!RABBIT!MERLIN HOPS DOWN AND SCURRIES OFF
BUT SPROUT SEES YOUR RUNNING ROUND THE CORNER THERE.
AND DOESN’T LOOK TOO HAPPY ABOUT IT!
MERLIN: GAIUS, YOU WERE RIGHT.
GAIUS: MERLIN, I’M ALWAYS RIGHT. SO DON’T TELL THE KING, YOU IDIOT!
MERLIN: BUT MY HUSBAND IS BEING FORCED TO MARRY HER!
GAIUS: THEN TIME TO LEARN SOME THINGS ABOUT SIDHE-MAGIC.
MERLIN: O RLY?
GAIUS: YA RLY.
MERLIN: NO WAI!!
BOYS ARE WAKING IN SYNC~! :DDD
MORGANA FINDS IT CUTE.
AND THEN MAKES LOVELY CONVERSATION WITH GWEN. HER BEAUTIFUL FACE IS ALL “WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WANT ARTHUR WHEN YOU CAN HAVE *ME*?”
GWEN: YOU’RE RIGHT, WHY WOULD I EVER EVEN THINK OF TAKING ARTHUR OVER YOU? THAT WOULD BE SILLY.
MERLIN PROVES THAT HE IS A TERRIBLE STUDENT AND THAT HE WOULD FAIL A TEST REQUIRING A STUDY CRAMMING SESSION, BECAUSE HIS BRAIN IS GOING TO BURST AFTER JUST ONE NIGHT OF SIDHE-MAGIC INVESTIGATION.
ROFL, AND HE PROMPTLY HEADDESKS. XDD
GAIUS IGNORES THE DRAMA QUEEN TO ANNOUNCE HE MAY HAVE FOUND SOMETHING.
MERLIN REEMERGES, HOPEFUL.
GAIUS SAYS THAT “IF HE’S RIGHT” THIS LOOKS LIKE IT MIGHT WORK.
MERLIN’S EARS PERK UP AT THE SOUND OF THAT.
EXCEPT GAIUS DOESN’T KNOW WHAT HALF THE INGREDIENTS ARE IN MODERN [I.E. OLDE] ENGLISH. LMAO. MERLIN IS ALL “...”
“... UUUGGGHHH”
ROFLMFAO!
OH THIS SHOW, THE NEXT SCENE PAINS ME BEYOND WORDS. KILL THOSE FUCKING VIOLINS WITH FIRE, SRSLY. OMFGOD, HATE. ALSO: LOL THAT THIS SHOW LIKES TO FORGET ALL ABOUT THE FACT THAT EVERY KING SINCE LIKE, THE BEGINNING OF TIME, HAS HAD A STRING OF PUBLICALLY ACKNOWLEDGED MISTRESSES AND BASTARD CHILDREN. LIKE ARTHUR COULDN’T JUST MARRY SOME PRINCESS FOR SHOW AND THEN HAVE MERLIN *AND* GWEN *AND* MORGANA ON THE SIDE. PHTT.
ARTHUR AND/OR UTHER MUST HAVE SUMMONDED THE COURT, BECAUSE MERLIN GOES STRAIGHT TO GAIUS AND IS LIKE “MY WOMANLY INSTINCTS HAVE A VERY BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS. PLEASE TELL ME YOU CAN GET MY HUSBAND OUT OF THE STUPID STUNT HE IS ABOUT TO PULL DUE TO HIS DADDY COMPLEX?”
GAIUS: *ATTEMPT AT JOKE* MERLIN: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GAIUS: ALRIGHT, CALM DOWN YOU CRACKPOT. I’M WORKING ON IT!
PRINCESS ELENA AND ARTHUR STAND TOGETHER AS ARTHUR MAKES THE STUPIDEST MISTAKE OF HIS DUMB LIFE.
THOUGH HE REALLY DOESN’T LOOK TOO HAPPY ABOUT IT.
NEITHER DOES SHE THOUGH, TO BE FAIR. XD
AND SO HE GETS ON ONE KNEE, AND PROPOSES.
LMFAO, I LOVE HER REACTION. LIKE WTF ARE YOU DOING ARTHUR, YOU MORON.
UTHER AND GODWYN ARE JUST PEACHY THOUGH. STUPID PARENTS THINKING THEY KNOW WHATS BEST FOR THEIR KIDS.
MERLIN NO WHERE TOO BE SEEN BECAUSE HE RAN OUT CRYING LIKE A LITTLE GIRL RAN STRAIGHT TO THE FOREST TO FIND THE MISSING INGREDIENT FOR THE POTION. HE WAS GOING TO FIX THIS FOR ARTHUR, DAMMIT!
AND HE FOUND IT! XD LOL FUCKING FLOWERS AND THESE BOYS, I SWEAR.
GAIUS SAYS IT’LL FIX THINGS. HOPEFULLY BEFORE THE WEDDING TOMORROW!? WTF, HASTY MUCH.
MERLIN’S ALL HEARTBROKEN JUST HEARING ABOUT IT D: HE DOESN’T WANT TO SHARE ARTHUR!
BUT HE ALSO DOESN’T WANT TO HURT ELENA. AWW, MERLIN, YOU ARE SUCH A KIND HEART. <3
LOL, THE SIDHE SAYS MERLIN’S NAME FUNNY. STILL CAN’T TAKE THE BLUE DUDE SERIOUSLY.
ESPECIALLY WHEN HE FLUTTERS AROUND CAMELOT, AS A BLUE DOT, SNEAKING INTO MERLIN’S BEDROOM UNDER THE DOOR.
OH FUCKING GOD, COLIN. TO BE THAT BED. TO BE THAT SIDHET. OH GOD, WHY SO FUCKING GOREGOUS.
THE SIDHE’S MAGIC AWAKENS HIM RATHER ABRUPTLY THOUGH. BAD FAIRY! MERLIN NEEDS HIS BEAUTY SLEEP!
LUCKY HE WOKE SO QUICKLY THOUGH, BECAUSE HE WAS ABLE TO USE MAGIC
AND GET OUT OF THE WAY BEFORE THIS GUY BLEW HIS BRAINS OUT.
LMFAO, APPARENTLY MERLIN’S KEPT THAT STAFF FROM THE FIRST FAIRY EPISODE UNDER HIS BED THIS WHOLE TIME? XDD
WHILE HE IS AS UNF’LICIOUS AS FUCK IN THE NEXT COUPLE OF SHOTS, WHY THE *HELL* DID MERLIN SHOOT AT THE CUPBOARD WHERE THE POTION WAS BREWING? YOU RETARD!
HE DOES MANAGE A HIT IN THE END! WOOT! DOES THIS MEAN HE’S KILLED THE SIDHE-KING? =\
THE PENNY HAS DROPPED AND MERLIN REALISES HE HAS TERRIBLE AIM AND A STUPID, SLEEPY BRAIN.
NEXT MORNING, ELENA IS ALL “DNW TO MARRY”. “NO LOVE”. “IS RESPECT ENOUGH?”
LOL THIS SHOW, TRYING TO BE ALL PHILOSOPHICAL. CRAZINESS.
GAIUS AND MERLIN MUST HAVE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT REMAKING THE POTION. IT HAS BEEN COMPLETED!!
MERLIN IS ALL RELIEVED. BE MOAR GUILTY AND PAINED, STUPID, IT WAS YOUR FAULT IN THE FIRST PLACE!
MERLIN HAZ DEVIOUS PLANS FOR GETTING ELENA TO DRINK THE POTION. HO. HO. HO!
MERLIN GREAT PLAN (ROFLMAO) IS TO GET GAIUS TO LURE SPROUT TO THE CAMELOT VAULTS WITH PROMISES OF SEX. HAHAHA, YOU TOTALLY KNOW THIS IS A TRICK MERLIN USES ON ARTHUR ALL THE TIME! (THAT’S WHY ITS THE FIRST THING THAT CAME TO MIND XDDD)
GAIUS GOES A-KNOCKING.
SPROUT IS PLEASED AND HORNY
LOL AWKWARD GAIUS. SO NOT USED TO THIS WHOLE FLIRTING THING. UTHER LIKES IT MUCH MORE DIRECT! XDD
SPROUT IS HUGELY TURNED ON BY GAIUS’ DEVIOUS, CHEEKY, MICHEIVOUS ADVANCES. XDDD
LMFAOOOOOOOOOO
ROFLMFAOOOOOOOOOO
GAIUS: IF SHE IS OVERPOWERING ME, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME.
MERLIN: I WON’T HELP. I’LL JUST WATCH AND WAIT.
OMFGOD LOL, VOYERISTIC!MERLILN! ;ALKFGJAL;FKJG;ALGJ
GIGGLE!FACE!!!!!!!
HAVE I MENTIONED HOW MUCH I AM DYING RN? MERLIN BEHIND A STATUE, SPROUT’S ONE TRACK MIND, GAIUS TRYING TO BE ALL ~SWAUVE~ LADIES MAN TO HELP SAVE HIS BOYFRIEND?
“DREAMING. WAITING. WANTING. LONGING.”
“WE TOO WILL BE AS ONE”
TONGUE!PLAY
SO. DEAD.
OH MERLIN, I KNOW. SOMETIMES I HATE MY BRAIN AS WELL.
SMIRKY MERLIN WAS TOTALLY ENJOYING GAIUS’ DISCOMFORT. WHILE THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE WAS DYING AND CRYING ON THE INSIDE.
EVIL, CRANKY SIDHE-FAIRY IS TRYING TO MAGIC HER WAY OUT.
IN THE END SHE JUST BLOWS UP THE WHOLE THING. XD
SHE COMES STRAIGHT FOR MERLIN AND GAIUS, WHO ARE NOT RUNNING TOWARD ELENA FOR SOME REASON. AND SOMEHOW SPROUT CAN FLY, OR ELSE SHE CAN RUN VERY FAST TO CATCH UP TO GAIUS AND MERLIN.
NEVERTHELESS, MERLIN SHOOTS HER WITH MAGIC. BOOYAH!
... YET SHE CAN GET BACK UP AGAIN. LOL, SHOCKED FACES ARE SHOCKED.
MERLIN: BE QUICK.
LMFAO, BLONDE PRINCESS IS BLONDE AND ALL “WHAT IS THAT? *BLANK LOOK*” AT ALL THE EXPLOSIONS AND YELLING COMING FROM OUTSIDE HER DOOR.
ROFL, SHE IS “SO FLUSTERED” THAT SHE DOESN’T EVEN CARE THAT A FIGHT IS GOING ON (AND CLEARLY AUDIBLE) RIGHT OUTSIDE HER DOOR. LOLOLOLOLOL!
YET SHE CAN’T STOP TALKING LONG ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY DRINK THE POTION.
OUTSIDE, MERLIN IS TURNING THE SIDHE INTO FAIRY DUST.
MERLIN: ABOUT FUCKING TIME!
AND YET WHEN HE BUSTS IN THE ROOM, NOTHING HAS CHANGED.
SO HE DECIDES TO TAKE MATTERS INTO HIS OWN HANDS. BY POURING IT DOWN HER THROAT.
LOL! THE THINGS HE DOES IN THE NAME OF HIS LOVE FOR ARTHUR ;)
ELENA: *FALLS DOWN DEAD*
CHANGELING: *ERUPTS FROM HOST*
MERLIN: *KILLS IT DEAD*
ELENA WAKES UP ‘FEELING GREAT’ AND WANTING HER HOGWARTS NANNYESSOR.
BOTH: ERR ...
XDD LOL!
ARTHUR IS ANGSTING IN HIS ROOM, AND MERLIN BRINGS HIM HIS CEREMONIAL SWORD.
AWW, ARTHUR WANTS TO ‘FALL ON IT’ [AKA DIE] BECAUSE HE HAS TO GET MARRIED TO SOMEONE THAT ISN’T MERLIN! AWW~!!!
AND MERLIN IS JUST LIKE “OH HELL NO! YOU AIN’T LEAVING ME IN THIS WORLD ALL ALONE!”
MERLIN, GOODLY WIFE THAT HE IS, ASKS ARTHUR TO SHARE HIS FEELINGS RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE BAD FEELINGS ARE GOING TO BE EVIDENT. ARTHUR IS ALL “WOE, DESTINY I CAN’T ESCAPE AND YET DNW WITH ALL MY HEART”
MERLIN IS SHARING A SECRET SMILE WITH HIMSELF BECAUSE HE KNOWS ABOUT HIS AND ARTHUR’S ~DESTINED EPIC LOVE~
HE ALSO KNOWS EXACTLY THE RIGHT THING TO SAY.
ARTHUR: “OMG ARE YOU ME? HOW DID YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I’VE BEEN FEELING?”
MERLIN: [SEKRITLY THINKING ‘HEHEE, ILU ♥ AND YOUR FACE WHEN MY WOMANLY TOUCH BRINGS OUT THE BEST IN ME]
ALSO - MERLIN *DEADPANS* “I READ A BOOK” ROFL!!!!!!
ARTHUR IS JUST LIKE “... I GUESS?” AWW~ HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO MERLIN RIGHT NOW. ‘YOU’RE PERFECT’ ‘I LOVE YOU’ ‘PLEASE HELP ME’ WOULD ALL BE REALLY GOOD PLACES TO START, ARTHUR.
ITS ALRIGHT THOUGH BECAUSE MERLIN CAN PRACTICALLY READ IT ALL OVER YOUR FACE. HE LOVES YOU FOR IT ANYWAY AND GIVES ARTHUR THIS LOOK, WHICH IS ACCOMPANIED BY THEIR OWN PERFECT SOUNDTRACK THAT LEAVES NO ONE IN ANY DOUBT THAT MERLIN IS ARTHUR’S EPIC DESTINED LOVE.
ARTHUR EVEN ASKS WHAT MERLIN THINKS ABOUT THE ARRANGED MARRIAGE, BECAUSE FFS, CLEARLY ARTHUR DOESN’T WANT TO LISTEN TO HIMSELF RIGHT NOW.
MERLIN: “I THINK YOU’RE MAD, I THINK YOU’RE *ALL* MAD. PEOPLE SHOULD MARRY FOR LOVE.”
MERLIN: YOU HAVE A CHOICE OF *HOW* YOU CAN RULE CAMELOT YOU CAN CHANGE THE LAWS AND RULE WITH ME BY YOUR SIDE AND WE CAN HAVE PERFECT MAGIC BABIES AND WE WILL BE HAPPY TILL THE END OF OUR DAYS
ARTHUR: *THINKING* THAT SOUNDS LIKE PERFECTION.
YET SADLY, WHEN THE DOORS ARE OPENED, ARTHUR’S DADDY COMPLEX TAKES OVER AND HE MAKES THE WALK OF PAIN DOWN THE MARRIAGE ISLE.
ELENA IS SUDDENLY BEAUTIFUL, BECAUSE SHE GOT RID OF HER UGLY, ALTERNATIVE INSIDE (WILL NOT GET INTO THAT RANT, WILL NOT GET NOT THAT RANT).
SHE LOOKS SPLENDID ON HER FATHER’S ARM AS SHE APPROACHES THE ALTAR/ARTHUR AND GEOFFREY
AS SOON AS THE CEREMONY STARTS, ARTHUR IS RACKED WITH ANXIETY AND PAIN AND WOE. “BUT I WANT MERLIN ♥”
WHEN ASKED IF HE ACTUALLY DOES WANT TO MARRY, ARTHUR SAYS EXTREMELY UNCONVINCINGLY “YES”.
UTHER IS THE ONLY ONE HAPPY ABOUT THIS.
ELENA HAS THE SAME PROBLEM, BUT SLIGHTLY MORE FAKE CONFIDENCE
HER FATHER IS ALSO VERY PLEASED. STUPID PARENTS. THINK THEY KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR THEIR KIDS!
GEOFFREY ASKS IF ANY SAY ‘NAY’, BUT MERLIN DID NOT SPEAK BECAUSE IT WAS NOT HIS PLACE - HE IS NOT A NOBLE AND THEREFORE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO OBJECT TO HIS ONE TRUE LOVE MARRYING ANOTHER. :'( TEAR!
INSTEAD, ARTHUR TELLS GEOFFREY TO ‘WAIT’ JUST BEFORE HE FINALISES THE HANDFASTING.
HE ANNOUNCES TO THE ENTIRE COURT THAT HE CANNOT DENY HIS FEELINGS. HE LOVES ANOTHER, AND HE’S PRETTY CERTAIN ELENA DOESN’T LOVE HIM.
MERLIN IS JUST ABOUT TO START FLOATING HE’S SO HAPPY. IT SEEMS ARTHUR FINALLY LOVES MERLIN MORE THAN HIS DADDY COMPLEX!
OMFGOD YAY! :'D
THE GIRLS ARE HAPPY FOR THEM! :D
UTHER FOLLOWS ARTHUR INTO HIS ROOM IN A RAGE, BUT ARTHUR’S ALL “NO FATHER, I’M DOING THE RIGHT THING. FOR CAMELOT AND MYSELF.”
“I’LL BE A MUCH BETTER KING FOR THE SUPPORT AND STRENGTH FROM THE MAN I LOVE” ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥!!!!!!!!!
OH BOYS, YOU’RE SEEING THEM OFF *TOGETHER*! AS A PAIR! A COUPLE!!
*DANCES ON THE CEILING*
ARTHUR: SHE DOES SEEM DIFFERENT, NO? MERLIN, I NEED YOUR WOMANLY INSTINCTS.
(LMFAO RIGHT HERE, ARTHUR IS SO NOT IN LOVE WITH ANY WOMAN. HE JUST NEEDS A TROPHY WIFE THAT HE ACTUALLY LIKES SO INSTEAD HE CAN BE OFF SHAGGING MERLILN LEFT RIGHT AND CENTRE XDD; AND NOW ELENA MIGHT BE A BIT MORE ATTRACTIVE, NOW SHE’S A RESPECTABLE WOMAN. OMFGOD SHOW, WAY TO BE SEXIST.)
GODWYN/UTHER LOVE! :DD
DO YOU SEE THE HEARTS?!?!
THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE ABOUT GWEN ACTING LIKE MERLIN IN A DRESS, COMPLETE WITH SARCASTIC BANTER AND ALL, BUT IT PAINS ME TO MENTION IT, SO I WON’T.
AND ON THAT NOTE, SO ENDS THIS WEEK. IT WAS ENTIRELY USELESS AND DEVOID OF PLOT, BUT YOU KNOW. WE HAVE TO HAVE HALF A SERIES OF FILLERS; OTHERWISE OUR CRAP WRITERS WOULDN’T HAVE ENOUGH MATERIAL FOR A FULL SEASON.
TOMORROW’S/NEXT WEEK’S (LOL MY LATENESS), I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING MOAR PLOT, GWEN’S BROTHER AND MORGANA/MORGAUSE LOVE. MWAHAHAHA~ IT’S GOING TO BE AWESOME!
*TOTALLY IGNORING A/G EVERYTHING, BTW* XD
THE FIRST THING WE SEE IS AN UNKNOWN CASTLE THAT IS OBVIOUSLY SUB-PAR TO CAMELOT.
INSIDE IS A BEAUTIFUL BABY
WHICH IS BEING VISITED BY ITS EVIL BLUE FAIRY GODMOTHER ‘SIDHE’[THAT SRSLY NEEDS A MANICURE]
AND TURNS THE BABY BLUE AS WELL, SO THE SIDHE WON’T BE ~LONELY~ IN ITS BLUE SKIN.
20 YEARS LATER HOWEVER, THE BABY IS A GROWN WOMAN WHO IS NOT BLUE. BUT SHE DOES LIKE PICKING AROUND IN HER TEETH
AND CHEWING WITH HER MOUTH OPEN =\ MY INNER SELF IS CRYING A LITTLE WITH THIS PAINFULLY OBVIOUS ACTING-LIKE-A-SLOB
SHE APPARENTLY DOESN’T LIKE TO WEAR SHOES EITHER
OMG ITS NANNYESSOR SPROUT!!! :DD
BACK IN CAMELOT, THE MOST LOLARIOUS, AWESOME, HILARIOUS FATHER-SON MOMENT IS OCCURING IN FRONT OF *THE WHOLE COURT*.
UTHER IS TRYING TO WARM ARTHUR TO THE ARRIVAL OF LORD GODWYN AND PRINCESS ELENA (LOL ARTHUR DOES NOT CARE FOR HIS FATHER’S FORCING THE HET)
BY SAYING THAT SHE “IS A BEAUTY. WHO IS CHARMING. BEAUTIFUL. PRETTY. WITTY. BEAUTIFUL. STRATEGIC”
ARTHUR IS ALL ‘WTF ARE YOU SMOKING’ AND UTHER BUMBLES AROUND LIKE THE MOST HOPELESS THING IN THE UNIVERSE. OMFGOD HOW AWKWARD WOULD THE BIRDS AND THE BEES TALK HAVE BEEN IF UTHER CAN’T EVEN TALK TO ARTHUR ABOUT ARRANGED MARRIAGE? I MEAN, HE WAITED UNTIL HE WAS ABOUT TO RECEIVE HIS GUESTS BEFORE TELLING ARTHUR ABOUT IT. LMFAO OH UTHER, SOMETIMES YOU FAIL SO HARD AS A PARENT. XDDD;
ARTHUR’S UTTERLY APPROPRIATE REACTION: WHAT. THE. SHIT? I’M STRATEGIC? AND BEAUTIFUL? WTF?! WHY ISN’T ‘BEAUTY’ FIRST ON THAT LIST! HAS HE SEEN MY LUSCIOUS LOCKS? IS THERE A POINT TO THIS!?!?!?
UTHER: I MEAN A LOVE MATCH
ARTHUR: LOVE?!?! BUT DADDY! I’M IN LOVE WITH MERLIN!!!
UTHER: LOVE MEANS NOTHING. I MEANT THE OTHER BIT.
SME: OH. MY FUCKING. GOD! DYING RIGHT NOW. LIKE SERIOUSLY, OMFGOD, THERE ARE NOT WORDS FOR HOW MUCH I AM CRYING WITH LAUGHTER. NO, REALLY:
THIS SHIT IS GONNA BE EPIC. BRINGIN’ OUT MY POPCORN.
ARTHUR’S FACE REFLECTS MINE THE FIRST TIME I HEARD THIS LINE. “LIKE WHAT. THE. FUCK! CHILDREN’S SHOW MY ARSE!”
UTHER, IN AN INSANELY HILARIOUS AND TOTALLY RIDICULOUS WAY ~ALLUDES~ TO MARRIAGE BY CALLING IT A “PERMANENT UNION” (LMFAO, MY DIRTY, DIRTY MIND WAS STILL STUCK IN THE “SEX” ANALOGY AND THOUGHT UTHER WAS TALKING ABOUT A ~MAGICAL~ UNION OF ARTHUR’S PEEN AND MERLIN’S ASSHOLE. OMG, I DON’T EVEN).
ARTHUR HOWEVER, IS NOT ALLOWED TO THINK LIKE ME BEFORE 10PM. SO HE HAS TO SAY THE POLITICALLY CORRECT ANSWER: “MARRIAGE”
LMFAO, HIS FACE SAYS IT ALL.
UTHER IS ALL “KTHXBAI~”
AWW, MERLIN JUST HEARD ARTHUR SAY “MARRIAGE” AND HIS EARS PERKED UP. EITHER THIS COULD GO VERY BADLY OR VERY WELL FOR HIM AND HIS ARSE.
HAHAHA, BRADLEY IS TOTALLY MOUTHING “WHAT THE FUCK!” HERE XDDDDDDD
UTHER GREETS GODWYN WITH A LITTLE TOO MUCH ENTHUSIASM FOR MY SLASH GOGGLES. THEY TOTALLY HAVE ‘WELCOME BACK’ SEX ONCE THEY LEAVE THE ROOM-OF-ALL-OCCASSIONS.
ARTHUR, LOL HIS FACE, IS STILL IN SHOCK.
HE DNW FATHER’S FORCED HET. XDDDD
AND OF COURSE, THE OBJECT OF THE FORCED HET FOR THIS EPISODE, FALLS RIGHT TO THE FLOOR.
SINCE YOU KNOW, THIS SHOW DOESN’T DO SUBTLE WHEN IT COMES TO SHOWING US JUST HOW CLUMSY THIS NEW HET GIRL IS.
ARTHUR AND MERLIN ARE SILENTLY SHOCKED AT THIS TURN OF EVENTS /s
MERLIN CAN’T BELIEVE THAT ARTHUR IS NOT DOING HIS HUSBANDLY DUTIES AND CARRYING THE BAGS FOR THEIR GUESTS. GEEZ ARTHUR, WHEN YOU BROKE THE NEWS TO YOUR WIFE ABOUT YOUR FATHER’S ATTEMPT TO ARRANGE MARRIAGE YOU, SOMETIMES TELLS ME YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE LOADED HIM UP WITH *THEIR* LUGGAGE. YOU REALLY DON’T APPRECIATE HOW GOOD YOUR WIFE IS RIGHT NOW.
SO MERLIN CLOCKS HIM ONE WITH THE BAG TO SHOW HIS IRRITATION. 8D FUCK YEA MERLIN! YOU STAND UP FOR MEDIEVAL WOMEN!
LOL GWEN IS ALL “ARTHUR, YOU AND MERLIN SEEM TO BE HAVING A LOVERS TIFF” I WONDER WHAT MADE HER THINK THAT? APART FROM THE ANNOYING LOOK MERLIN GAVE ARTHUR, NEARLY KNOCKING HIM OVER WITH THE BAGS, LOOKING GRUMPY SINCE PRINCESS ELENA & CO ARRIVED
SO ARTHUR, SINCE HE NEEDS TO GET THIS OFF HIS CHEST AND ASK HIS FRIEND FOR ADVICE, TELLS GWEN THAT HIS FATHER WANTS HIM TO MARRY PRINCESS ELENA.
GWEN’S ALL “MARRY?!?!?! WHAT ABOUT MERLIN?” (LAST BIT NOT NEEDED TO BE SAID - IT’S ALL VERY OBVIOUS)
ARTHUR: DON’T WORRY, I’M NOT GOING TO. OBVIOUSLY.
LOL, GWEN’S LIKE “OF COURSE I WASN’T WORRIED” AND ARTHUR’S LIKE “WHY WOULD YOU BE? I MEAN, NO ONE CAN COME BETWEEN ME AND MERLIN”
LMFAO, OH ARTHUR. YOUR FAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE! IT’S ALL “WELL THAT WAS AWKWARD.” XDDDD
THAT NIGHT, MERLIN AND ARTHUR ARE GETTING READY FOR BED
ARTHUR IS CRAWLING OVER THE MATTRESS WITH HIS MANLY CHEST ON DISPLAY
AND THIS FUCKING “COME HITHER” LOOK
MERLIN IS LIKING THIS VIEW VERY MUCH. UH HUH UH HUH.
MERLIN IS ALL “LET ME JUST COLLECT OUR CLOTHES SO I CAN PUT THEM OUT OF OUR WAY...”
AND THEN MERLIN STARTS THEIR USUAL FOREPLAY BY INSULTING ARTHUR’S BREATH AND TABLE MANNERS TONIGHT. XDDD
ARTHUR RETAILATES BY THROWING A PILLOW AT HIM. LMFAO, BECAUSE HE LIKES IT ROUGH~
(NOM NOM STOMACH!)
AND THEN UTHER WALKS IN.
LMFAO UTHER’S FACE.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY FUCKING GOD, BOTH OF THEM, I SWEAR TO GOD, JUST WANTED TO DIE RIGHT ABOUT NOW. THE KING YOUR DAD WALKING IN ON YOU AS YOU PREPARE FOR BED AND FOREPLAY? OMFGOOOOOOOOOOOOD.
YEP, MERLIN LOOKS PRETTY HORRIFIED.
ARTHUR’S IN QUITE A BIT OF SHOCK TOO. OH DEAR GOD.
UTHER LOOKS SUPREMELY PUT UPON AND TOTALLY REGRETTING OPENING THE DOOR RIGHT THIS SECOND. NONETHELESS, HE WANTS MERLIN TO LEAVE. ALONE.
(OM NOM NOM MY UTHER/MERLIN SHIP WANTS UTHER TO BE JEALOUS ORDERING MERLIN TO HIS BED RTFN FOR FRUSTRATED ‘PARENTING ARTHUR’ SEX. A;FLKGJAF;LGKJAGJ YESSSSSSSSSSS)
ARTHUR IS JUST EMBARRASSED THAT HIS FATHER WALKED IN ON HIS PRE-SEXING TIMES. XDDDD
OH, DOWN TO BORING BUSINESS. UTHER IS ALL “*EYEROLL* YOU’RE SUCH DELICATE FLOWER”
ARTHUR JUST BARELY REFRAINS FROM ROLLING HIS EYES AND HAS TO TAKE A SEAT, BECAUSE THIS IS GOING TO BE TOO MUCH BULLSHIT TO HANDLE STANDING UP.
UTHER’S ARGUMENT: ALLY
ARTHUR: ‘AND YOUR POINT? NOTHING AGAINST HER EXCEPT MARRIAGE’ LMFAOOOOOO.
UTHER: *ENTERS LECTURE MODE*
ARTHUR: “HERE WE GO AGAIN...”
UTHER: BLAHBLAHBLAH HUSBAND
ARTHUR: I’VE ALREADY GOT A HUSBAND!
UTHER: YOU STILL NEED A WIFE! YOU NEED TO MAINTAIN AN IMAGE!
ARTHUR: FML.
ARTHUR IS ALL *WIBBLE* BUT HOW/WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL MERLIN? D:
OH ARTHUR, NEVER FEAR. YOUR GAY LOVE WILL NEVER FADE~!
ELSEWHERE IN THE NIGHT, PRINCESS ELENA IS HAVING NIGHTMARES.
AND NANNYESSOR SPROUT JUST HAPPENS TO HAVE A HANDY DANDY POTION REMEDY
THAT LOOKS HILARIOUSLY FAKE IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY
IT REALLY DOESN’T SEEM TO DO ANYTING FOR A MOMENT, JUDGING BY THE FACE ELENA MAKES.
BUT THEN SHE SLIPS OFF INTO PEACEFUL SLEEP, SO SPROUTS’ POTION WORK MUSTN’T BE TOO SHODDY.
IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT SPROUTS SNEAKS OUT TO THE VERY SAME LAKE FROM SEASON ONE
THAT IS FULL OF FAIRY’S
AND THE EXACT SAME ANIMATION AS SEASON ONE TOO!
THE ONLY DIFFERENCE NOW IS THAT SPROUT IS NO LONGER SPROUT BUT A LONG-NOSED, POINTED-EARED, SPOTTED WEREWOLF ‘SIDHE’
BLAHBLAH BORING EVIL PLOT OF THE WEEK, BLAH BLAH. THE SIDHE WANT A SIDHE ON THE THRONE. LMFAO OH THE PUNS TO BE HAD, THEY MAKE ME CRINGE INSIDE.
NEXT MORNING, ARTHUR GOES TO KISS HIS WIFE GOOD MORNING AS HE IS HELPING STRAP UP THEIR GUESTS HORSE.
ARTHUR WISHED TO DO THE GENTLEMANLY THING AND ASSIST ELENA SADDLING UP. BUT HE GOT SHOT DOWN BY ELENA JUMPING STRAIGHT ON AND RIDING AWAY WITHOUT THEM XDDD
ROFL, THEIR FACES SAY IT ALL.
ARTHUR, NOT BE OUTDONE, RACES TO CATCH UP WITH HER. OH YOU FRIGGIN MAN YOU, SUCH A SORE LOSER.
BUT THEY HAVE A SWEET MOMENT BY THE RIVER, WHEN ARTHUR TELLS HER THAT HE DOESN’T HATE HER FATHER FOR WANTING HIM FOR HIS ‘STRATEGIC’ BEAUTY THAT HE’S NOT EASILY IMPRESSED, BUT HER HORSE RIDING IS IMPRESSIVE.
AND THEY BOND OVER THEIR SHARED LOSS OF MOTHERS. AWW~ ISN’T IT NICE WHEN YOU FIND SOMEONE WHO KNOWS EXACTLY HOW CRAP IT IS TO GROW UP WITHOUT THE LOVE AND SUPPORT OF A MOTHER?
BUT ELENA KEEPS STICKING HER FOOT IN HER MOUTH AND IT MAKES ARTHUR AWKWARD.
EVEN MORE SO WHEN HE PULLS OUT A ROSE AND A CORNY LINE
WHICH ELENA THEN SNEEZES ALL OVER. XDDD LOOOOOOOOL.
LMFAOLMFAOLMFAO ARTHUR, YOUR FACE. NO WORDS.
WIFELY!MERLIN ARRIVES WITH THE PICNIC, TO SAVE US ALL FROM THE FAIL!HET. YAY MERLIN!
ARTHUR HAS NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM BEFORE IN HIS LIFE. HE IS VERY SRS WHEN HE SAYS “DO NOT LEAVE ME AGAIN. THE FORCED HET SUBPLOT IS PAINFUL BEYOND MEASURE”
MERLIN REPLIES, IN HIS BEST BITCHFACE + ATTITUDE: “YOU WERE RIDING SO FAST. I THOUGHT YOU WANTED SOME *ALONE* TIME”
SME: DEAD. LIKE OMFGOD DEAD.
ARTHUR IS A LITTLE SLOW. HE MISSES THE ATTITUDE AND IS JUST LIKE “ARE. YOU. FUCKING. MENTAL?!?!”
BUT THEN HE CATCHES ON.
AND BREAKS OUT HIS ULTIMATE WEAPON - MERLIN’S BULLETPROOF KINK: LEATHER GLOVES.
MERLIN IS HAVING TROUBLE KEEPING HIS EYES ABOVE ARTHUR’S NECK/CHEST/WAIST/CROTCH NOW. OH DEAR, AND WITH NO WAY TO RELIEVE THE SEXUAL TENSION! \O/
AFTER, WE NEED SOME MORE AWKWARD HET WITH ELENA SAYING SHE HAD A NICE TIME, AND THEN HUGGING ARTHUR. ROFL, FACES.
BUT I LIKE THIS BECAUSE IT REALLY SHOWS THAT ELENA IS EMOTIONALLY DEPENDANT AND JUST LIKES GOING AROUND BEING AFFECTIONATE. NON!SPECIAL HUG IS NOT MUCH SPECIAL.
LOL, BOYS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO XDD;
FEASTS ALL ROUND FOR THIS ROYAL COURT. METHINKS ITS JUST AN EXCUSE FOR A PARTY FOR UTHER AND GODWYN, WHO JUST WANT TO GET ALL AFFECTIONATE IN PUBLIC. RIGHT BEFORE “[GODWYN’S] HEARTS LIES WITH [UTHER’S]” OMFGOD DED.
LOL THOUGH THEY AREN’T THE ONLY ONES!! GAIUS MUST BE FEELING JEALOUS/ANNOYED THAT HIS BOYFRIEND HAS RACKED UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE RIGHT NOW! XDD
ROFL, ARTHUR IS MAKING FACES AND MERLIN IS GIGGLING AT ARTHUR’S OBVIOUS DNW XDDD
HAHAAA!! EYEBROWS!
AND OHMYFUCKINGGOD, NANNY SPROUT PRACTICALLY SITS HERSELF IN GAIUS’S LAP AND STARTS FLIRTING WITH HIM HARDCORE!!! XDD
GAIUS IS VERY TAKEN ABACK. HE CAN BARELY REMEMBER WHAT A FLIRTING FEMALE IS LIKE, HE’S BEEN WITH UTHER FOR SO LONG.
AND OMFG, SHE GIVES THE MOST PREDATORY “I AM GOING TO SUCK YOUR COCK OFF” LOOKS AT POOR GAIUS
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.
ELENA IS FISHING FOOD FROM HER BOOBS. LOL..
ARTHUR: I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO SAY IT.
AFTER THE FEAST, ELENA GOES BACK TO HER ROOM AND THERE IS A VERY SWEET SCENE INVOLVING HER AND NANNY SPROUT.
“I’M NOT THE PERFECT PRINCESS” “THAT SOUNDS PERFECTLY BORING! YOU’VE GOT SPIRIT!” AWW!
OH MY FUCKING GOD, AND THEN SHE MAKES SOME OBSCENE RUTTING MOTIONS AND I AM ABOUT TO FUCKING DIE. FUCKING DIE, I TELL YOU, BECAUSE NANNYESSOR SPROUT IS PRACTICALLY SAYING “MARRY ARTHUR SO YOU CAN FUCK HIS BRAINS OUT”.
OHMYFUCKINGGOD. SO DEAD RIGHT NOW.
~IGNORING FROG SCENE~
GOOD OL’ MERLIN IS CONVENIENTLY OUT COLLECTING HERBS, WHEN HE SPOTS SOMETHING SUSPICIOUS.
A VERY SPROUT-SHAPED SUSPICIOUS THING.
AND OF COURSE, BECAUSE HE DOESN’T KNOW WHATS GOOD FOR HIM, HE FOLLOWS IT.
BUT SOMETHING IS HAPPENING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT, SO HE ~MAGIC’S~ TIME DOWN
ONLY TO BE WITNESS TO THE MOST LOLARIOUS, HORRIFIC CGI IN THE SHOW YET XDD
OH YES MERLIN, IT WAS PRETTY BAD. LOL DRAMA QUEEN.
MERLIN RUNS TO GAIUS TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE BAD CGI. GAIUS IS ALL “I’VE SEEN SOME BAD TONGUES IN MY TIME”
(OMFGOD, BRAIN, JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN USE YOUR TONGUE TO DO LOTS OF THINGS, DOESN’T MEAN IT IS AN APPROPRIATE TIME TO THINK ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW! SRSLY, KILL MY BRAIN WITH FIRE).
OF COURSE, THIS FUCKING SHOW IS JUST BAITING ME OR SOMETHING, BECAUSE WHILE I’M SITTING HERE TRYING NOT TO THINK ABOUT GAIUS AND UTHER AND HIS TALK OF TONGUES AND HIGHLY SEXUAL ORGY ROMPS, MERLIN GRABS THIS FUCKING PHALLIC OBJECT OF ALL PHALLIC OBJECTS, AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I AM SUPPOSED TO THINK ANYMORE.
GAIUS. SRSLY. DON’T MAKE THAT FUCKING ‘COME HITHER’ FACE! O_O
EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO DIE FOR AWHILE. LIKE SRSLY.
MERLIN: IT WAS *THIS* LONG! IT’S MAGIC!
HE IS TOTALLY TALKING ABOUT MAGIC’ING ARTHUR’S PEEN THIS LONG RIGHT NOW. OMG MERLIN, MAGIC PENIS ENLARGEMENT, WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF NEXT.
NEXT THING YOU KNOW, IT’S *GAIUS* LURKING AROUND CORNERS! LOL!
LMFAO, AND HE JUST DECIDES TO HAVE A GOOD OL’ STICKY BEAK! XDD
BUT THEN! HE FINDS IT! THE BADLY PLACES, POOR DISGUISED, NOT EVEN HIDDEN MAGICAL!BAG OF EVIL.
LOL, FACE SAYS IT ALL: HOSHIT.
NANNY SPROUT ENTERS, LOOKING QUITE PLEASED TO SEE GAIUS INSIDE HER MISTRESSES CHAMBERS.
NANNY SPROUT THEN PROCEEDS TO FUCKING ADVANCE ON GAIUS LIKE A PANTHER. OMG, HER “YOU WANT ME” FACES ARE KILLING ME.
LMFAO AND THEN SHE GOES FOR THE FACE. SHE FUCKING WANTS TO JUMP HIS BONES RIGHT THERE AND NOW.
NO - REALLY. “ELENA WON’T BE BACK FOR AAAAAGES. WE CAN MAKE SWEET ‘PERFUME’ TOGETHER
OH MY FUCKING GOD, I CAN’T EVEN. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS - “PERFUME” IS NOT EVEN BEING DISGUISED AS A EUPHAMISM FOR “LOVE” (AS IN “SEX”) HERE. OMFG SWEET LOVE ON THE BED AS SHE LIES DOWN ON IT. I’M GOING TO EXPLODE, I SRSLY AM.
BACK IN GAIUS’ CHAMBERS (OMFGOD, SPROUT TOTALLY RAPED GAIUS, DIDN’T SHE? AGJA;LGJA), MERLIN IS EFFECTIVELY WALKING, LEANING SEX AS HE LOUNGES AND LISTENS TO GAIUS’ DISCOVERY.
GAIUS CLEARLY HAS TROUBLE TALKING ABOUT SEX WITH MERLIN, BY THE WAY HE ~AWKWARDLY PAUSED~ AND CLEARED HIS THROAT BEFORE HE STARTED MENTIONING “DISTINGUISED GENTLEMAN” AS A POLITE WAY OF SAYING “SHE’S TRYING TO RAPE ME. FOR SRS. ITS CREEPY” XDD
MERLIN STILL DOESN’T GET IT. LMFAO, DO THE FATHER FIGURES ON THIS SHOW JUST REALLY SUCK WITH THE WHOLE BIRDS AND BEES TALK? SRSLY? XDDD
GAIUS: GRINHILDA SPROUT HAS SHOWN INTEREST IN ME AS ARTHUR DOES WHEN HE WANTS TO RUT INTO YOU LIKE A BULLDOZER.
MERLIN: ... SO SHE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU?
MERLIN: OH DUDE! CAN YOU IMAGINE, WITH THAT TONGUE?!?! KISSING? 69’ING?! RIMMING!!
GAIUS: MERLIN!
SME: OH GOD, BRAIN NEEDS TO DIE NOW. OR SOMETHING.
*INSERT MONSTER OF THE WEEK SPIEL* LMFAO “SIDHE QUEEN” - QUEEN’S CAN ONLY BE “SHE”!
ELSEWHERE IN THE CASTLE, THE PENDRAGONS ARE EATING TOGETHER. ARTHUR WISHES TO BRING UP A ‘DELICATE’ MATTER WITH HIS FATHER.
LMFAO, UTHER GETS THE WRONG IDEA, AS USUAL. XDD
UTHER MENTIONS OF HIS OWN WISH TO MAKE A FUSS ABOUT HIS AND MORGANA’S WEDDING DEFERS TO MORGANA, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT LOVERS DO. MORGANA IS PLEASED :D
ARTHUR IS INWARDLY FACEPALMING AT HIS FATHER’S RETARDEDNESS RIGHT NOW.
ARTHUR: “FATHER, THIS AIN’T HAPPENING. ELENA’S A WONDERFUL PERSON, BUT NO FEELINGS. SHE’S NOT MERLIN!”
UTHER: STFU AND GTFO. YOU *ARE* MARRYING HER.
ARTHUR: :'(
MORGANA SPIES YOUR LONGING LOOKS OF UNREQUITED LOVE THERE GWEN!
AND SMIRKS WITH TRIUMPH, BUT I SUSPECT SOME IRRITATION THAT GWEN LOVES ANYONE OTHER THAN *HER* ALONE (OMG HYPOCRIT, WHEN YOU ARE RUNNING OFF TO YOUR SISTER EVERY OTHER EPISODE! SELFISH MORGANA! SHAME ON YOU!)
GOOD ON MERLIN, PEEKS IN THROUGH THE LITTLE TINY WINDOW THAT IS AT THE PERFECT HEIGHT FOR HIM TO NEED TO USE HIS FINGERS TO ELEVATE HIMSELF. GIVES EXCELLENT FINGER PORN, PLEASE SALIVATE AND ENJOY.
THE PRINCESS IS HAVE NIGHTMARES AGAIN AND THE SAME CGI SHOTS AS EARLIER ARE USED AGAIN (LMFAO, THIS SHOW IS SO LAZY).
MERLIN IS ALL SHOCK! HORROR! :O AND FALLS OFF HIS TABLE.
UNF. I WOULD HIT THAT LIKE THE FIST OF AN ANGRY GOD.
JUMPING!RABBIT!MERLIN HOPS DOWN AND SCURRIES OFF
BUT SPROUT SEES YOUR RUNNING ROUND THE CORNER THERE.
AND DOESN’T LOOK TOO HAPPY ABOUT IT!
MERLIN: GAIUS, YOU WERE RIGHT.
GAIUS: MERLIN, I’M ALWAYS RIGHT. SO DON’T TELL THE KING, YOU IDIOT!
MERLIN: BUT MY HUSBAND IS BEING FORCED TO MARRY HER!
GAIUS: THEN TIME TO LEARN SOME THINGS ABOUT SIDHE-MAGIC.
MERLIN: O RLY?
GAIUS: YA RLY.
MERLIN: NO WAI!!
BOYS ARE WAKING IN SYNC~! :DDD
MORGANA FINDS IT CUTE.
AND THEN MAKES LOVELY CONVERSATION WITH GWEN. HER BEAUTIFUL FACE IS ALL “WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WANT ARTHUR WHEN YOU CAN HAVE *ME*?”
GWEN: YOU’RE RIGHT, WHY WOULD I EVER EVEN THINK OF TAKING ARTHUR OVER YOU? THAT WOULD BE SILLY.
MERLIN PROVES THAT HE IS A TERRIBLE STUDENT AND THAT HE WOULD FAIL A TEST REQUIRING A STUDY CRAMMING SESSION, BECAUSE HIS BRAIN IS GOING TO BURST AFTER JUST ONE NIGHT OF SIDHE-MAGIC INVESTIGATION.
ROFL, AND HE PROMPTLY HEADDESKS. XDD
GAIUS IGNORES THE DRAMA QUEEN TO ANNOUNCE HE MAY HAVE FOUND SOMETHING.
MERLIN REEMERGES, HOPEFUL.
GAIUS SAYS THAT “IF HE’S RIGHT” THIS LOOKS LIKE IT MIGHT WORK.
MERLIN’S EARS PERK UP AT THE SOUND OF THAT.
EXCEPT GAIUS DOESN’T KNOW WHAT HALF THE INGREDIENTS ARE IN MODERN [I.E. OLDE] ENGLISH. LMAO. MERLIN IS ALL “...”
“... UUUGGGHHH”
ROFLMFAO!
OH THIS SHOW, THE NEXT SCENE PAINS ME BEYOND WORDS. KILL THOSE FUCKING VIOLINS WITH FIRE, SRSLY. OMFGOD, HATE. ALSO: LOL THAT THIS SHOW LIKES TO FORGET ALL ABOUT THE FACT THAT EVERY KING SINCE LIKE, THE BEGINNING OF TIME, HAS HAD A STRING OF PUBLICALLY ACKNOWLEDGED MISTRESSES AND BASTARD CHILDREN. LIKE ARTHUR COULDN’T JUST MARRY SOME PRINCESS FOR SHOW AND THEN HAVE MERLIN *AND* GWEN *AND* MORGANA ON THE SIDE. PHTT.
ARTHUR AND/OR UTHER MUST HAVE SUMMONDED THE COURT, BECAUSE MERLIN GOES STRAIGHT TO GAIUS AND IS LIKE “MY WOMANLY INSTINCTS HAVE A VERY BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS. PLEASE TELL ME YOU CAN GET MY HUSBAND OUT OF THE STUPID STUNT HE IS ABOUT TO PULL DUE TO HIS DADDY COMPLEX?”
GAIUS: *ATTEMPT AT JOKE* MERLIN: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GAIUS: ALRIGHT, CALM DOWN YOU CRACKPOT. I’M WORKING ON IT!
PRINCESS ELENA AND ARTHUR STAND TOGETHER AS ARTHUR MAKES THE STUPIDEST MISTAKE OF HIS DUMB LIFE.
THOUGH HE REALLY DOESN’T LOOK TOO HAPPY ABOUT IT.
NEITHER DOES SHE THOUGH, TO BE FAIR. XD
AND SO HE GETS ON ONE KNEE, AND PROPOSES.
LMFAO, I LOVE HER REACTION. LIKE WTF ARE YOU DOING ARTHUR, YOU MORON.
UTHER AND GODWYN ARE JUST PEACHY THOUGH. STUPID PARENTS THINKING THEY KNOW WHATS BEST FOR THEIR KIDS.
MERLIN NO WHERE TOO BE SEEN BECAUSE HE RAN OUT CRYING LIKE A LITTLE GIRL RAN STRAIGHT TO THE FOREST TO FIND THE MISSING INGREDIENT FOR THE POTION. HE WAS GOING TO FIX THIS FOR ARTHUR, DAMMIT!
AND HE FOUND IT! XD LOL FUCKING FLOWERS AND THESE BOYS, I SWEAR.
GAIUS SAYS IT’LL FIX THINGS. HOPEFULLY BEFORE THE WEDDING TOMORROW!? WTF, HASTY MUCH.
MERLIN’S ALL HEARTBROKEN JUST HEARING ABOUT IT D: HE DOESN’T WANT TO SHARE ARTHUR!
BUT HE ALSO DOESN’T WANT TO HURT ELENA. AWW, MERLIN, YOU ARE SUCH A KIND HEART. <3
LOL, THE SIDHE SAYS MERLIN’S NAME FUNNY. STILL CAN’T TAKE THE BLUE DUDE SERIOUSLY.
ESPECIALLY WHEN HE FLUTTERS AROUND CAMELOT, AS A BLUE DOT, SNEAKING INTO MERLIN’S BEDROOM UNDER THE DOOR.
OH FUCKING GOD, COLIN. TO BE THAT BED. TO BE THAT SIDHET. OH GOD, WHY SO FUCKING GOREGOUS.
THE SIDHE’S MAGIC AWAKENS HIM RATHER ABRUPTLY THOUGH. BAD FAIRY! MERLIN NEEDS HIS BEAUTY SLEEP!
LUCKY HE WOKE SO QUICKLY THOUGH, BECAUSE HE WAS ABLE TO USE MAGIC
AND GET OUT OF THE WAY BEFORE THIS GUY BLEW HIS BRAINS OUT.
LMFAO, APPARENTLY MERLIN’S KEPT THAT STAFF FROM THE FIRST FAIRY EPISODE UNDER HIS BED THIS WHOLE TIME? XDD
WHILE HE IS AS UNF’LICIOUS AS FUCK IN THE NEXT COUPLE OF SHOTS, WHY THE *HELL* DID MERLIN SHOOT AT THE CUPBOARD WHERE THE POTION WAS BREWING? YOU RETARD!
HE DOES MANAGE A HIT IN THE END! WOOT! DOES THIS MEAN HE’S KILLED THE SIDHE-KING? =\
THE PENNY HAS DROPPED AND MERLIN REALISES HE HAS TERRIBLE AIM AND A STUPID, SLEEPY BRAIN.
NEXT MORNING, ELENA IS ALL “DNW TO MARRY”. “NO LOVE”. “IS RESPECT ENOUGH?”
LOL THIS SHOW, TRYING TO BE ALL PHILOSOPHICAL. CRAZINESS.
GAIUS AND MERLIN MUST HAVE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT REMAKING THE POTION. IT HAS BEEN COMPLETED!!
MERLIN IS ALL RELIEVED. BE MOAR GUILTY AND PAINED, STUPID, IT WAS YOUR FAULT IN THE FIRST PLACE!
MERLIN HAZ DEVIOUS PLANS FOR GETTING ELENA TO DRINK THE POTION. HO. HO. HO!
MERLIN GREAT PLAN (ROFLMAO) IS TO GET GAIUS TO LURE SPROUT TO THE CAMELOT VAULTS WITH PROMISES OF SEX. HAHAHA, YOU TOTALLY KNOW THIS IS A TRICK MERLIN USES ON ARTHUR ALL THE TIME! (THAT’S WHY ITS THE FIRST THING THAT CAME TO MIND XDDD)
GAIUS GOES A-KNOCKING.
SPROUT IS PLEASED AND HORNY
LOL AWKWARD GAIUS. SO NOT USED TO THIS WHOLE FLIRTING THING. UTHER LIKES IT MUCH MORE DIRECT! XDD
SPROUT IS HUGELY TURNED ON BY GAIUS’ DEVIOUS, CHEEKY, MICHEIVOUS ADVANCES. XDDD
LMFAOOOOOOOOOO
ROFLMFAOOOOOOOOOO
GAIUS: IF SHE IS OVERPOWERING ME, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME.
MERLIN: I WON’T HELP. I’LL JUST WATCH AND WAIT.
OMFGOD LOL, VOYERISTIC!MERLILN! ;ALKFGJAL;FKJG;ALGJ
GIGGLE!FACE!!!!!!!
HAVE I MENTIONED HOW MUCH I AM DYING RN? MERLIN BEHIND A STATUE, SPROUT’S ONE TRACK MIND, GAIUS TRYING TO BE ALL ~SWAUVE~ LADIES MAN TO HELP SAVE HIS BOYFRIEND?
“DREAMING. WAITING. WANTING. LONGING.”
“WE TOO WILL BE AS ONE”
TONGUE!PLAY
SO. DEAD.
OH MERLIN, I KNOW. SOMETIMES I HATE MY BRAIN AS WELL.
SMIRKY MERLIN WAS TOTALLY ENJOYING GAIUS’ DISCOMFORT. WHILE THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE WAS DYING AND CRYING ON THE INSIDE.
EVIL, CRANKY SIDHE-FAIRY IS TRYING TO MAGIC HER WAY OUT.
IN THE END SHE JUST BLOWS UP THE WHOLE THING. XD
SHE COMES STRAIGHT FOR MERLIN AND GAIUS, WHO ARE NOT RUNNING TOWARD ELENA FOR SOME REASON. AND SOMEHOW SPROUT CAN FLY, OR ELSE SHE CAN RUN VERY FAST TO CATCH UP TO GAIUS AND MERLIN.
NEVERTHELESS, MERLIN SHOOTS HER WITH MAGIC. BOOYAH!
... YET SHE CAN GET BACK UP AGAIN. LOL, SHOCKED FACES ARE SHOCKED.
MERLIN: BE QUICK.
LMFAO, BLONDE PRINCESS IS BLONDE AND ALL “WHAT IS THAT? *BLANK LOOK*” AT ALL THE EXPLOSIONS AND YELLING COMING FROM OUTSIDE HER DOOR.
ROFL, SHE IS “SO FLUSTERED” THAT SHE DOESN’T EVEN CARE THAT A FIGHT IS GOING ON (AND CLEARLY AUDIBLE) RIGHT OUTSIDE HER DOOR. LOLOLOLOLOL!
YET SHE CAN’T STOP TALKING LONG ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY DRINK THE POTION.
OUTSIDE, MERLIN IS TURNING THE SIDHE INTO FAIRY DUST.
MERLIN: ABOUT FUCKING TIME!
AND YET WHEN HE BUSTS IN THE ROOM, NOTHING HAS CHANGED.
SO HE DECIDES TO TAKE MATTERS INTO HIS OWN HANDS. BY POURING IT DOWN HER THROAT.
LOL! THE THINGS HE DOES IN THE NAME OF HIS LOVE FOR ARTHUR ;)
ELENA: *FALLS DOWN DEAD*
CHANGELING: *ERUPTS FROM HOST*
MERLIN: *KILLS IT DEAD*
ELENA WAKES UP ‘FEELING GREAT’ AND WANTING HER HOGWARTS NANNYESSOR.
BOTH: ERR ...
XDD LOL!
ARTHUR IS ANGSTING IN HIS ROOM, AND MERLIN BRINGS HIM HIS CEREMONIAL SWORD.
AWW, ARTHUR WANTS TO ‘FALL ON IT’ [AKA DIE] BECAUSE HE HAS TO GET MARRIED TO SOMEONE THAT ISN’T MERLIN! AWW~!!!
AND MERLIN IS JUST LIKE “OH HELL NO! YOU AIN’T LEAVING ME IN THIS WORLD ALL ALONE!”
MERLIN, GOODLY WIFE THAT HE IS, ASKS ARTHUR TO SHARE HIS FEELINGS RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE BAD FEELINGS ARE GOING TO BE EVIDENT. ARTHUR IS ALL “WOE, DESTINY I CAN’T ESCAPE AND YET DNW WITH ALL MY HEART”
MERLIN IS SHARING A SECRET SMILE WITH HIMSELF BECAUSE HE KNOWS ABOUT HIS AND ARTHUR’S ~DESTINED EPIC LOVE~
HE ALSO KNOWS EXACTLY THE RIGHT THING TO SAY.
ARTHUR: “OMG ARE YOU ME? HOW DID YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I’VE BEEN FEELING?”
MERLIN: [SEKRITLY THINKING ‘HEHEE, ILU ♥ AND YOUR FACE WHEN MY WOMANLY TOUCH BRINGS OUT THE BEST IN ME]
ALSO - MERLIN *DEADPANS* “I READ A BOOK” ROFL!!!!!!
ARTHUR IS JUST LIKE “... I GUESS?” AWW~ HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO MERLIN RIGHT NOW. ‘YOU’RE PERFECT’ ‘I LOVE YOU’ ‘PLEASE HELP ME’ WOULD ALL BE REALLY GOOD PLACES TO START, ARTHUR.
ITS ALRIGHT THOUGH BECAUSE MERLIN CAN PRACTICALLY READ IT ALL OVER YOUR FACE. HE LOVES YOU FOR IT ANYWAY AND GIVES ARTHUR THIS LOOK, WHICH IS ACCOMPANIED BY THEIR OWN PERFECT SOUNDTRACK THAT LEAVES NO ONE IN ANY DOUBT THAT MERLIN IS ARTHUR’S EPIC DESTINED LOVE.
ARTHUR EVEN ASKS WHAT MERLIN THINKS ABOUT THE ARRANGED MARRIAGE, BECAUSE FFS, CLEARLY ARTHUR DOESN’T WANT TO LISTEN TO HIMSELF RIGHT NOW.
MERLIN: “I THINK YOU’RE MAD, I THINK YOU’RE *ALL* MAD. PEOPLE SHOULD MARRY FOR LOVE.”
MERLIN: YOU HAVE A CHOICE OF *HOW* YOU CAN RULE CAMELOT YOU CAN CHANGE THE LAWS AND RULE WITH ME BY YOUR SIDE AND WE CAN HAVE PERFECT MAGIC BABIES AND WE WILL BE HAPPY TILL THE END OF OUR DAYS
ARTHUR: *THINKING* THAT SOUNDS LIKE PERFECTION.
YET SADLY, WHEN THE DOORS ARE OPENED, ARTHUR’S DADDY COMPLEX TAKES OVER AND HE MAKES THE WALK OF PAIN DOWN THE MARRIAGE ISLE.
ELENA IS SUDDENLY BEAUTIFUL, BECAUSE SHE GOT RID OF HER UGLY, ALTERNATIVE INSIDE (WILL NOT GET INTO THAT RANT, WILL NOT GET NOT THAT RANT).
SHE LOOKS SPLENDID ON HER FATHER’S ARM AS SHE APPROACHES THE ALTAR/ARTHUR AND GEOFFREY
AS SOON AS THE CEREMONY STARTS, ARTHUR IS RACKED WITH ANXIETY AND PAIN AND WOE. “BUT I WANT MERLIN ♥”
WHEN ASKED IF HE ACTUALLY DOES WANT TO MARRY, ARTHUR SAYS EXTREMELY UNCONVINCINGLY “YES”.
UTHER IS THE ONLY ONE HAPPY ABOUT THIS.
ELENA HAS THE SAME PROBLEM, BUT SLIGHTLY MORE FAKE CONFIDENCE
HER FATHER IS ALSO VERY PLEASED. STUPID PARENTS. THINK THEY KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR THEIR KIDS!
GEOFFREY ASKS IF ANY SAY ‘NAY’, BUT MERLIN DID NOT SPEAK BECAUSE IT WAS NOT HIS PLACE - HE IS NOT A NOBLE AND THEREFORE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO OBJECT TO HIS ONE TRUE LOVE MARRYING ANOTHER. :'( TEAR!
INSTEAD, ARTHUR TELLS GEOFFREY TO ‘WAIT’ JUST BEFORE HE FINALISES THE HANDFASTING.
HE ANNOUNCES TO THE ENTIRE COURT THAT HE CANNOT DENY HIS FEELINGS. HE LOVES ANOTHER, AND HE’S PRETTY CERTAIN ELENA DOESN’T LOVE HIM.
MERLIN IS JUST ABOUT TO START FLOATING HE’S SO HAPPY. IT SEEMS ARTHUR FINALLY LOVES MERLIN MORE THAN HIS DADDY COMPLEX!
OMFGOD YAY! :'D
THE GIRLS ARE HAPPY FOR THEM! :D
UTHER FOLLOWS ARTHUR INTO HIS ROOM IN A RAGE, BUT ARTHUR’S ALL “NO FATHER, I’M DOING THE RIGHT THING. FOR CAMELOT AND MYSELF.”
“I’LL BE A MUCH BETTER KING FOR THE SUPPORT AND STRENGTH FROM THE MAN I LOVE” ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥!!!!!!!!!
OH BOYS, YOU’RE SEEING THEM OFF *TOGETHER*! AS A PAIR! A COUPLE!!
*DANCES ON THE CEILING*
ARTHUR: SHE DOES SEEM DIFFERENT, NO? MERLIN, I NEED YOUR WOMANLY INSTINCTS.
(LMFAO RIGHT HERE, ARTHUR IS SO NOT IN LOVE WITH ANY WOMAN. HE JUST NEEDS A TROPHY WIFE THAT HE ACTUALLY LIKES SO INSTEAD HE CAN BE OFF SHAGGING MERLILN LEFT RIGHT AND CENTRE XDD; AND NOW ELENA MIGHT BE A BIT MORE ATTRACTIVE, NOW SHE’S A RESPECTABLE WOMAN. OMFGOD SHOW, WAY TO BE SEXIST.)
GODWYN/UTHER LOVE! :DD
DO YOU SEE THE HEARTS?!?!
THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE ABOUT GWEN ACTING LIKE MERLIN IN A DRESS, COMPLETE WITH SARCASTIC BANTER AND ALL, BUT IT PAINS ME TO MENTION IT, SO I WON’T.
AND ON THAT NOTE, SO ENDS THIS WEEK. IT WAS ENTIRELY USELESS AND DEVOID OF PLOT, BUT YOU KNOW. WE HAVE TO HAVE HALF A SERIES OF FILLERS; OTHERWISE OUR CRAP WRITERS WOULDN’T HAVE ENOUGH MATERIAL FOR A FULL SEASON.
TOMORROW’S/NEXT WEEK’S (LOL MY LATENESS), I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING MOAR PLOT, GWEN’S BROTHER AND MORGANA/MORGAUSE LOVE. MWAHAHAHA~ IT’S GOING TO BE AWESOME!
*TOTALLY IGNORING A/G EVERYTHING, BTW* XD