MERLIN IS BACK BABY~!!! :DD
THE ONLY THING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT SEASON 3 EPISODE 1 IS THIS:
MERLIN AND ARTHUR ARE GAY. FOR EACH OTHER. LIKE BURNING.
I must first make this disclaimer: I am extremely and painfully hungover right now. Seriously, I have no idea why, but I have never been this hungover in my life. So if this is not up to your expectations or my usual standards, please be kind because I feel like a squirrel is running around my stomach and a monkey is bashing my head against a tree. It’s all rather unpleasant DX
BUT NONETHELESS, THE SQUEE MUST GO ON!
WE BEGIN WITH A SHOT OF LOTS AND LOTS OF DEAD RED SHIRTS CLOAKS TO SET THE GRAVITY OF THE SITUATION. ARTHUR LOOKS ADEQUATELY MOROSE BUT THEN WE SEE MERLIN FUCKING DEVASTATED FACE AND FUUUUUUUUU. THIS SHOW NEEDS TO COME WITH A WARNING BECAUSE DAMN, MORGAN! YOU LOOKING SO UPSET SHOULD NOT BE THIS MUCH OF A TURN ON.
WATCH ME GIGGLE AT THE LITTLE WISPS OF HAIR THAT ARE STICKING ON END IN THIS SHOT. OH COLIN, HOW ARE YOU SO PERFECT, EVEN WITH THAT DREADFUL HAIRCUT?
LOL, MERLIN IS JUST STANDING THERE LOOKING ALL DEVASTATED INSTEAD OF CHECKING FOR SURVIVORS. XD; HE JUST WANTS TO BE WITH YOU ARTHUR, HE CAN’T BEAR TO BE PARTED FROM YOU, ESPECIALLY IN SUCH SERIOUS AND DANGEROUS TIMES.
HE JUST WANTS TO REACH OUT AND TOUCH YOU. OH ARTHUR, YOU CANNOT PUSH YOUR BOYFRIEND AWAY WHEN WE ALL KNOW THIS IS A TIME WHEN YOU NEED HIM MOST.
MERLIN IS CONFUSED - WHY IS HIS ATTEMPT TO COMFORT ARTHUR BEING BRUSHED ASIDE? D:
IT’S OK THOUGH, BECAUSE ARTHUR CALLS HIM “A GIRL’S PETTICOAT” AND AD;LGKJAF;LKGJA;LFKNAJERG;AOIJ FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU I AM FAR TOO HUNGOVER TO BE DEALING WITH THIS. FUCK PEOPLE, WE ARE ONLY 44SECONDS INTO THIS FIRST EPISODE AND ALREADY OUR BOYS ARE TALKING ABOUT THEIR WILD AND KINKY SEXUAL ROMPS!
ADLKFJGHLAKJFHGAKLFHG;JKAH
MERLIN IS CLEARLY THINKING WHAT YOU AND I ARE ALL THINKING. “ARTHUR IS TALKING DIRTY TO ME. MUST FIND A PETTICOAT FOR ROLEPLAY. DEFINITELY GOING TO HAVE SEX WHEN WE GET BACK TO THE CASTLE”.
I MEAN, MERLIN DOESN’T EVEN WANT TO KEEP SEARCHING. THAT THOUGHT HAS GIVEN HIM ~IDEAS~ AND NOW HE WANTS TO RIDE BACK TO THE CASTLE WITH ARTHUR RIGHT THE FUCK NOW SO HE CAN TRY OUT THESE ~IDEAS~.
HOLY FUCK!
NOW WE JUMP BACK TO THE CASTLE (SEE WHAT I MEAN. THIS SHOW IS CLEARLY GIVING US SUBCONSCIOUS MESSAGES: MERLIN + ARTHUR + PETTICOAT x ~SHOT OF CASTLE~ = SEXUAL ROMP IN PROGRESS. I SHIT YOU NOT.) OUR FAVOURITE KING IS BEING “LECTURED” BY HIS FRIEND WHO IS TRYING TO COAX HIM INTO BED STOPPING THIS FIGHT AND JUST GIVING INTO THOSE FEELINGS OF SEXUAL DESIRE YOU HAVE FOR GAIUS.
UTHER IS INSENSITIVE THOUGH AND SAYS HE NO LONGER HAS TIME FOR BOYFRIENDS, HIS DAUGHTER IS MISSING FOR FUCKS SAKE, HOW CAN YOU BE SO INSENSITIVE GAIUS?! GOD!
JUST LOOK AT HIS POOR BB FACE! HE IS CLEARLY IN PAIN.
OH UTHER BB, ALTHOUGH YOUR BOYFRIEND IS NOT COMFORTING YOU TO THE EXTENT OF YOUR NEEDS, WE ALL KNOW THAT MORGANA IS NOT GOING TO SEDUCE YOU INTO HAVING WILD AND MAGICAL SEX WHEN SHE IS FOUND. YOU HAVE TO STOP PINING FOR HER!
CUT BACK TO THE FOREST AND AFL’GAJFGAKJKGFAJ;KLSDFGJAJNFKJK THESE TWO, I CANNOT EVEN FUCKING DEAL. MERLIN IS ALL “OUCH, MY ARSE HURTS” AND ARTHUR IS ALL “YOU KNOW YOU LIKE IT ROUGH, YOU BEGGED FOR IT, SO STOP COMPLAINING”
MERLIN, DO YOU NEED AN IT CROWD MOMENT WHERE ARTHUR “KISSES YOU ON YOUR BOTTOM”? IT CAN BE ARRANGED, YOU KNOW. I EXPECT YOU WOULD LOVE ARTHUR TO MASSAGE, AND THEN KISS, YOUR BOTTOM LIKE THIS:
LOL, THE SHOCKED FACE WOULD BE BECAUSE ARTHUR WAS ACTUALLY A MAN ABOUT IT AND GAVE HIS LOVING BOYFRIEND WHAT HE NEEDS.
INSTEAD OF DOING THAT THOUGH (WHICH WOULD BE INTELLIGENT, NOT TO MENTION HOT AS FUCK), THEY GET INTO A LOVERS TIFF IN WHICH ARTHUR CALLS MERLIN A WIMP AND MERLIN RELATIATES WITH “DOLLOPHEAD” ;ADRLDSGIJA;JKLFGALKDFJG;ALKJGFA;LKJG LULZ! WHAT HAPPENED TO ~CLOTPOLE~? XD I LIKE ‘DOLLOPHEAD’ THOUGH, BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHICH ‘HEAD’ MERLIN IS REFERRING TOO >:D
ARTHUR IS ALL “THERE’S NO SUCH WORD” (OMFG CHILD!) AND MERLIN IS ALL “I SHALL DESCRIBE IT TO YOU IN TWO WORDS, SIMPLETON: PRINCE ARTHUR”
ARTHUR DOES NOT LIKE WHAT YOU ARE IMPLYING HERE MERLIN.
XDDDDDDDDDD
THEY ARE SO FUCKING MARRIED!!!!
FAST FORWARD TO THE OBLIGATORY FOREST ATTACK, IN WHICH MERLIN DEMONSTRATES JUST HOW PATHETIC HE IS WITH A SWORD.
LMFAO @ THE JAZZ HANDS. XDDDDD
BUT THEN HE JUST USES HIS MAGIC TO ATTACH SAUCEPANS ETC (READ: WOMBS) TO THE SWORD OF PHALLIC EVIL, THUS DEFEATING HIS OPPONENT WITH THE POWER OF HIS INNER WOMAN.
HIS EARS ARE SO PLEASED WITH HIMSELF!! HOW IS HE SO ADORABLE?! I DON’T EVEN! 8DDD
LOL HE THEN MANAGES TO DEFEAT ANOTHER OPPONENT WITH THE POWER OF HIS INNER GAY MAN, BY MAKING A TREE (PHALLIC OBJECT) FALL ON TOP OF HIM. LULZ!
THE FIGHT FINISHES WITH ARTHUR CONTINUING HIS EARLIER TIFF WITH MERLIN AND BASICALLY CALLING HIM A COWARD. SO MERLIN INWARDLY ROLLS HIS EYES AND CALLS HIM A ‘DOLLOPHEAD’ WITH A LOOK ON HIS FACE THAT SAYS QUITE PLAINLY “SEE IF I SEX YOU TONIGHT. THERE WILL BE NO ‘DOLLOPS’ ON YOUR HEAD! NO KINKY ROLEPLAY FOR YOU!”
SPEAKING OF THIS SCENE, ARTHUR, YOUR REFERENCE TO “HIDE AND SEEK” I FIND INTRIGUING. ARE YOU REFERENCING NAKED HIDE AND SEEK? THE INFAMOUS FROM TORCHWOOD? I THINK YOU ARE. HO HO HO! THIS JUST MAKES “DOLLOPHEAD” SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH DIRTIER. XDDD
BUT WHO SHOULD APPEAR FROM THE FOG BUT THE LOVELY, FRIGHTENED, DIRTY FACE OF MORGANA!? =O
FUCK YES!!! THIS HBIC IS BACK! ^_______^
ARTHUR IS IN SHOCK AND THEY HAVE A BEAUTIFUL ARTHUR/MORGANA MOMENT THAT MAKES ME SQUEE MY FOOL HEAD OFF. 8DDDD
ARTHUR IS STUNNED INTO SILENCE AT FINALLY FINDING HIS SISTER \O/
GAIUS IS ACTUALLY EXAMING MORGANA AND SHE LOOKS SO FRIGHTENED DDD:
GIRL, IF I DID NOT KNOW THAT YOU WERE EVIL I WOULD WANT TO RUN INTO TV LAND AND HUG YOU UNTIL YOU WERE HAPPY AGAIN. HELL, I’LL STILL DO IT ANYWAY. BUT ITS OK BECAUSE GWEN IS THERE AND SHE IS GOING TO GIVE MORGANA ALL THE LOVE AND COMFORT THAT SHE NEEDS :D
YAY FOR BEAUTIFUL, LESBIANIC LOVE! ♥
UTHER IS WAITING IN THAT BEAUTIFUL ROOM DOWNSTAIRS FROM MORGANA’S CHAMBERS AND PRACTICALLY AMBUSHES GAIUS WHEN HE COMES DOWN. GOD, HE LOOKS SO WORRIED ABOUT MORGANA THAT IT KIND OF HURTS MY HEART FOR A SECOND.
AND THEN HE THANKS GAIUS WITH SUCH A LOOK OF GRATITUDE THAT I FORGET HOW MUCH OF AN ARSE HE CAN BE AND JUST THINK “AWW BB, EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT NOW THAT YOU HAVE EVERYONE YOU LOVE TOGETHER”. I JUST WISH IT WERE TRUE D:
NEXT WE HAVE MERLIN, CONTEMPLATING BEAUTIFULLY BY THE FIRE. HE IS THINKING ABOUT MORGANA AND HOW HE HAS MISSED HER SO. I BET HE IS ALSO FEELING THE PAIN OF GUILT AT WHAT HE HAD TO DO TO HER LAST YEAR.
AND SURE ENOUGH, THE FIRST THING HE ASKS GAIUS WHEN HE COMES IN IS “DID SHE SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ME?” “SHE’S GOING TO BECAUSE I TRIED TO KILL HER D:” OH GOD MERLIN, YOUR FACE IS SO HEARTBREAKING.
HE’S SO SCARED OF WHAT UTHER MIGHT DO TO HIM. HE CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT HIS TWO LOVERS, THERE MUST BE A MILLION TERRIBLE THOUGHTS RUNNING THROUGH HIS HEAD RIGHT NOW. D:
IT’S OK BB, YOU CAN WIN HER OVER AND GO BACK TO THE PERFECT THREESOME YOU, ARTHUR AND MORGANA HAD BEFORE YOU POISONED HER. YOU JUST NEED TO DO THE RIGHT THING AND EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO HER!
YEA, I KNOW. I LIVE IN A FANTASY WORLD *HEADDESK*
NEXT MORNING, ARTHUR IS REQUESTING HIS PRESENCE. IN HIS PANTS
IN MORGANA’S CHAMBERS.
OH. MY. GOD. MAKE UP THREESOME SEX TIME!! =DDD
NOTE: REFERENCE TO MY 2x12 SPAZZCAP, IN WHICH I REJECT THE SHOWS CANON AND SUBSTITUTE MY OWN
ARTHUR IS COMFORTING MORGANA’S HEARTBREAKING STORY WITH HUGS. TOTALLY PLATONIC HUGGING. IT IS A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT AND IT IS PERFECT.
WHICH IS RUINED BY MORGANA SEEING MERLIN. SHE “KNOWS WHAT HE DID” D: AND GOD, MERLIN’S FACE IS ONE OF PAIN AND MORE PAIN. AND THEN MORGANA SAYS SHE FORGIVES HIM. SHE SAYS THAT SHE UNDERSTANDS WHAT HE DID AND THAT IT’S OK - SHE WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME AND THIS DOESN’T CHANGE ANYTHING. SHE STILL LOVES HIM BUT SHE IS NOT SO NAIVE ANYMORE.
GOD SHE IS SO PERFECT, EVEN WHEN LYING THROUGH HER TEETH.
MERLIN SYMPATHISES WITH HER AND TELLS HER IT’S GREAT TO HAVE HER BACK. THEY SHARE A BEAUTIFUL SMILING MOMENT IN WHICH THEIR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER IS FUCKING PALPABLE!
YES. YES! FUCKING YESSSSS!!!!!!
IT’S LOVE ♥♥
I HAVE MY PERFECT THREESOME OF PERFECTION BACK AND I CAN DIE HAPPY NOW. =D
CUT TO MERLIN, ON ALL FOURS IN ARTHUR’S BEDROOM, LOOKING LIKE HE MIGHT JUST EXPLODE WITH HAPPINESS.
OH YES, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. DOGGY STYLE ON THE FLOOR
HOW COULD ARTHUR RESIST THIS KEEN FACE?
ANSWER: HE CAN’T.
AND THUS BEGINS A NEW ROLEPLAY SEX KINK IN WHICH ARTHUR "KNOWS HOW TO USE A CLOTH AND BUCKET"
MERLIN IS UNSURE OF THIS.
SO ARTHUR SHOWS HIM HOW IT’S DONE:
BY WIPING MERLIN’S FACE AND STICKING HIM IN A BUCKET. LOL ARTHUR, YOU HAVE SUCH WEIRD KINKS. LIKE SRSLY, EVEN KINKIER THAN SOME OF THE FANGIRLS I KNOW. ITS SO AMUSING XD
ARTHUR IS IN HIS KINKY HAPPY PLACE XD
ENTER MORGANA IN HER BEAUTIFUL WHITE DRESS, DISTRACTING UTHER WITH ITS BEAUTY HER BRESTS.
HE COMPLETELY CUTS OFF SIR LEON (OMFGOD YAY SIR LEON IS BAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!! =DDD) AND RUNS TO MORGANA. HE LOOKS SO GODDAMN HAPPY! =D
THE FEELING IS MUTUAL AND MORGANA ALSO LOOKS LIKE SHE IS GOING TO BURST WITH HAPPY TEARS.
AND THEY FALL INTO EACH OTHER’S ARMS WITH ~HALLELUJAH~ MUSIC BLARING IN THE BACKGROUND.
IT IS A PERFECT MOMENT OF PERFECTION AND HOT DAMN I SHIP THESE TWO LIKE MAD. ESPECIALLY WHEN MORGANA REACHES UP TO WIPE THE TEARS OFF UTHER’S FACE. *SPAZZES*
AND THE SCENE ENDS WITH UTHER KISSING MORGANA’S HANDS WITH LOVE ♥
THIS WHOLE SCENE IS JUST GUUUUUUUUUUUUH. UTHER SAYING HE WOULD NEVER HAVE GIVEN UP LOOKING FOR HER. MORGANA SAYING SHE WILL *SHOW* UTHER HER LOVE FOR HIM. CRYING WITH HAPPY TEARS RIGHT NOW. LET ME SHOW YOU THEM.
BUT WAIT! SHE’S EEEEEEEEEEVIL!!!!! DD':
WHYYYYYYYYYY SHOW, WHY?! I KNOW MORGANA LOOKS FABULOUS WHEN SHE’S EVIL BUT DAMMIT, YOU JUST WENT AND RUINED MY PERFECT MOMENT.
IT’S OK THOUGH. MY DELUSIONAL MIND HAS COME UP WITH A PERFECT EXPLANATION:
THAT WHOLE SCENE WAS SO FUCKING CHARGED WITH EMOTION AND LOVE THAT WHEN UTHER KISSED HER HANDS AT THE END SHE *KNEW* THAT UTHER WAS HAPPY IN HIS PANTS. HER WICKED SMILE IS ONE OF KNOWING WHAT THEY WILL BE UP TO TONIGHT. 8DD BWAHAHAHAHAHAA~
AND SURE ENOUGH, COME NIGHTFALL MORGANA IS SNEAKING OUT OF HER CHAMBERS TO VISIT UTHER. IN HER SEXIEST OUTFIT YET
OH BUT WHAT IS THIS?! IT IS NOT UTHER WHOM SHE IS GOING TO SEX, BUT MORGAUSE!
THERE IT IS! THE SMIRK IS BACK!
GUH, THESE TWO I SHIP SO HARD. SO MUCH PRETTY.
THEY ARE MAKING SEX FACES AT EACH OTHER. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO THINK!?!
MORGAUSE MENTIONS MERLIN (LOL “THE BOY”) AND MORGANA HAS THIS MOMENT OF HESITATION OR WITHDRAWAL AND *I* KNOW IT IS BECAUSE SHE STILL LOVES HIM, BUT SHE IS BITTER THAT HE BETRAYED HER AND SO SHE IS LASHING OUT. IT HURTS HER TO HURT HIM BUT HE MADE HIS CHOICE. \O/ OH THIS LOVE TRIANGLE IS SO ROMANTIC *SWOON*
BUT OF COURSE NOW WE HAVE TO HAVE SOME SPELLWORK (AKA SEXING) FROM THE EVIL YET GORGEOUS LADY, AND SHE PICKS UP THIS FUCKING HUGE DILDO-LOOKING PLANT ROOT. MORGANA LOOKS A LITTLE NERVOUS AND I DO NOT BLAME HER.
DAMN, MORGAUSE! YOU’RE JUST AS KINKY AS ARTHUR!
AFTER HER INITIAL HESITATION, SHE ONLY HAS TO WATCH MORGAUSE’S ENTHUSIASM AND MORGANA STARTS TO GET REALLY INTO IT.
I MEAN, DAMN! JUST LOOK AT HOW LUSTFULLY SHE LOOKS AT MORGAUSE. 8DDD
BUT THEN. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT!!!
THE MANDRAKE ROOT IS ALL SLICKED UP AND READY FOR SEXING. MORGANA CAN’T WAIT TO GET HER HANDS ON IT.
WHEN WE CUT BACK TO THE CASTLE, I DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT THIS IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN. BUT I SUSPECT IT IS A EUPHEMISM. FOR THE KINGS’ DRIPPING COCK, NATURALLY.
THEY ARE IN UTHER’S BEDROOM AND HE IS BELTING UP HIS PANTS, FOR FUCKS SAKE. CLEARLY HE JUST SEXED GAIUS VIVACIOUSLY, SINCE HE IS SO RELIEVED TO HAVE FINALLY FOUND MORGANA. NOW HE CAN NOW GO BACK TO HIS ORIGINAL BOYFRIEND AND START BEING A GOOD HUSBAND.
FUCKING DAMN, SHOW. LITTLE LESS SEXING AND A LITTLE MORE PLOT! OR SOMETHING. NOT THAT I’M COMPLAINING, REALLY XDDD
NOW COMES THE BESTEST SCREENCAP EVER. MERLIN, UNABLE TO KEEP HIS EYES OF HIS BOYFRIEND, WHO IS PRACTICING HIS SWORDPLAY. BLINDFOLDED! ARTHUR IS NOW ENJOYING HIS KINKS OUTSIDE OF THE BEDROOM TOO!!!!! ;ALJGA;LFKJGA;LKFKJG;LAKJ
IT IS SUCH A LOOK OF LOVE AND LUST THAT I THINK MY COMPUTER SCREEN IS MELTING.
ESPECIALLY SINCE THAT LOOK JUST CONTINUES FOR THE ENTIRE TIME ARTHUR DOES SOME SPECTACULAR BITS OF SWORDPLAY.
ARTHUR COMES OVER TO MERLIN TO “CHANGE WEAPONS” BUT WE ALL KNOW IT’S JUST BECAUSE HE NEEDS HIS BOYFRIEND TO VALIDATE HIS AWESOME FIGHTING ABILITIES.
EVIDENCED IN THE FIRST THING ARTHUR SAYS TO MERLIN: “WHAT DO YOU THINK”
THESE BOYS. ARE SO. FUCKING. IN LOVE!
MEANWHILE, MERLIN IS TRYING TO VALIDATE HIS OWN EXISTENCE BY ATTEMPTING TO EXPLAIN TO HIS BOYFRIEND THAT NO, HE WASN’T HIDING DURING THE MORGANA RESCUE. HE WAS SAVING YOUR ASS.
HIS NEED TO BE LOVED AND APPRECIATED AND PUBLICLY COMPLIMENTED BY ARTHUR IS SO FUCKING CUTE.
ARTHUR HOWEVER, IS AN ARSE AND DID NOT APPRECIATE MERLIN’S DISMISSAL OF ARTHUR’S OWN NEED TO BE PUBLICLY ADORED BY MERLIN. SO HE TAKES THE PISS OUT OF MERLIN FOR A BIT, WHICH CAUSES MERLIN TO RETALIATE BY MAKING ARTHUR’S “SWORD” FLY OUT OF HIS HAND (LUL THIS SHOW AND ITS PHALLIC OBJECTS).
THE RESULT: ARTHUR GETS WHACKED IN THE STOMACH. LUL HIS ‘SURPRISE FACE’
AND EATS DIRT.
OH SHOW, PLEASE STOP. IT’S NOT FUNNY. IT JUST PROVES THAT ARTHUR LIKES IT DIRTY.
MERLIN ALSO LIKES IT DIRTY, IF THIS LOOK IS ANYTHING TO GO BY 8DD
FAST FORWARD TO THE FEAST THAT NIGHT AND UTHER HAS TO MAKE A SPEECH. IT’S REALLY QUITE ADORABLE, ARTHUR CALLING HIM DRUNK (LOL XD) AND UTHER WHACKING ARTHUR IN RESPONSE. XDD AWWW~~
*IS DED FROM BRADLEY’S FUCKING FACE*
*INSERT GORGEOUS SHOT OF MORGANA HERE*
UTHER FAWNS OVER HER PUBLICLY. HE SAYS IT, FOR EVERYONE TO HEAR, JUST HOW MUCH SHE MEANS TO HIM :'D
AND THEY TOAST TO THE PERFECT MORGANA, AND I CAN’T SAY I BLAME THEM. ^_^;
SIDE NOTE: LOL BRADLEY IN THIS SHOT.
UTHER/MORGANA HUGS FTW! =D
ALSO FTW: EVIL SEXY MORGANA SMIRKS.
GUH, SHE IS SO AMAZING. I WANT HER BIOLOGICALLY IMPOSSIBLE BABIES.
UTHER GOES OUTSIDE FOR “AIR” SINCE HE’S SO DRUNK AND IN HIS HAPPY PLACE. MEANING, HE NEEDS TO CONTROL HIMSELF BEFORE HE JIZZES IN HIS PANTS. XD
HE WONDERS OVER TO THE WELL, GIGGLING AT HIS DRUNKEN ANTICS. LOL ASH - FOR FACE IS SO PRES RIGHT HERE.
BUT THEN SOME CREEPY GIRL GRABS HIS HAND! \O/ TALK ABOUT A BONER-KILLER!
UTHER’S REACTION IS TOTALLY REASONABLE.
EVERYONE COMES OUT TO WITNESS UTHER’S MOMENT OF CRAZY AND ARTHUR AND MERLIN TAKE HIM UP TO HIS ROOM
(HEY WAIT A MINUTE SHOW, WOULDN’T SERVANTS DO THIS? O_o DID YOU NOT WANT TO SPEND THE MONEY TO CAST TWO SERVANT BOYS? OH BBC ♥)
MORGANA IS THERE FUSSING LIKE A MOTHER HEN, BLESS HER, AND SHE EVEN KISSES UTHER GOODNIGHT. AWW~
ARTHUR IS IN THE BACKGROUND, IN AWE. PERHAPS HE IS TAKING NOTES ON HOW TO SHOW HIS AFFECTION TO MERLIN. 8D
I MEAN, THE LOOK ON HIS FACE AND HOW QUICKLY HE RUNS OUT OF THERE AFTER MERLIN IS PRETTY TELLING, DON’T YOU THINK? XDD
LET US SIDETRACK TO THE ACTUAL PLOT FOR ONE SECOND. THE CREEPY GIRL WAS APPARENTLY ARTHUR’S MOTHER? WHUT. IT DIDN’T EVEN LOOK LIKE HER! (OK, YES IT DID BUT LAST TIME WE SAW HER SHE WAS CLOTHED. LOL UTHER, I THINK YOU ARE PROJECTING YOUR NEED FOR SATISFATION ONTO THESE HALLUCINATIONS YOU ARE HAVING.) THIS IS ALL RATHER INTERESTING, DON’T YOU THINK? THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES UTHER CRAZY IS IMAGES FROM HIS DEAD WIFE. AWW, POOR GAIUS, HE MUST BE FEELING HEARTBROKEN RIGHT NOW.
I THINK THE EYEBROW SAYS IT ALL, DON’T YOU?
MORGANA HAS GONE TO VISIT HER SISTER AGAIN. THEY ARE PLOTTING EVIL THINGS AND THIS EXCITES MORGANA IN HER PANTIES. JUST LOOK AT THE CHEEKY, KNOWING GRIN SHE FLASHES MORGAUSE.
EVEN MORGAUSE IS BLUSHING UNDER MORGANA’S LUSTFUL GAZE
(DESPITE BEING THE ONE HOLDING THE SEX TOY XD)
MORGANA SNEAKS BACK INTO THE CASTLE AFTER CURFEW AND STABS A WELL MEANING GUARD. AWW, POOR BASTARD. SHE ALSO DISMISSES GWEN, WHICH MAKES ME SADFACE :(
GWEN IS CONFUSED - MORGANA NEVER DENIES HER THE HONOUR OF UNDRESSING HER.
D: I THINK GWEN SUSPECTS THERE IS ANOTHER WOMAN. OH BB, IT’S OK. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FIRST IN MORGANA’S HEART. MORGAUSE MAY BE HER SISTER, BUT YOU WERE MORGANA’S FIRST LOVE. NOTHING CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU.
CUT TO MORGAUSE RIDING INTO A CASTLE AND WALKING THROUGH LIKE SHE OWNS THE PLACE, IN SLOW MOTION.
GOD, SHE IS SO BAMF.
WHY HELLO THERE, MR SEXY WITH THE SEX-NOA GRIN. CLEARLY HE THINKS HE IS GETTING SOME TONIGHT. 8D
BWAHAHAHA, MORGAUSE “HAS TO COME TO HIM” BECAUSE “CENRED HAS LOST HIS LIBIDO NERVE”. CENRED REPLIES THAT “[MORGAUSE] IS BEAUTIFUL WHEN SHE’S ANGRY”. OH I AM NOT EVEN GOING TO FANTASTIC DOMINEERING SEX THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE LATER.
MORGAUSE KNOWS IT TO BE TRUTH.
CENRED: ~I AM GOING TO GET LUCKY TO-NIGHT!~ =D
LULZ AND THEIR FOREPLAY IS TO HAVE A DRINK. OH WE ALL KNOW HOW THIS ENDS. WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE!
THEY TALK ABOUT “BEING CLOSE” AND CENRED NOT “THINKING WITH HIS SWORD PENIS” AND NOT “UNDERTAKING THINGS LIGHTLY”.
LIKE. WOW. SEX TALK MUCH? LEADING CENRED ON MUCH? SHAME ON YOU MORGAUSE! HOW CAN YOU EVEN *THINK* ABOUT CHEATING ON MORGANA? TSK!
UM YEA. THEY CAN’T SHOW SEXING TIEMZ ON TV SO WE NOW HAVE BRADLEY LOOKING FIT AS FUCK. *FANS SELF*
BUT THIS IS A SERIOUS SCENE, IN WHICH UTHER IS SEEING DEAD PEOPLE.
UTHER’S FACE SAYS IT ALL.
LOL, I’M SORRY UTHER. I SHOULD NOT LAUGH AT YOUR PAIN BUT I CAN’T HELP IT. THIS BOY IS RATHER CREEPY THOUGH D:
LOL, HE KIND OF LOOKS LIKE THE BASTARD SON OF FREDDIE HIGHMORE AND ADAM GODLEY (JONAS FROM LAST SEASON).
GAIUS AND MERLIN HAVE A VERY SRS TALK ABOUT SRS BSNS. THE KING’S EVIL DEEDS ARE MAKING HIM LOSE HIS MIND AND NOW CAMELOT MAY BE IN DANGEROUS. *CUE OMINOUS MUSIC*
MERLIN’S EARS ARE VERY SRS RN. ESPECIALLY ONCE THE WARNING BELLS SOUND.
TURNS OUT THEY’VE DISCOVERED THE DUDE THAT GOT STABBED BY MORGANA. AND HE’S STILL ALIVE! OMG CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, HE SURVIVED FALLING OFF THE CASTLE WALL AND BEING STABBED BY MORGANA. IT MUST BE A MIRACLE!
OF COURSE THIS MEANS THAT MORGANA IS GOING TO BE EXPOSED! =O
THIS IS HER “OH FUCK” FACE. BWAHAHA~ YOU BE SCREWED NOW MORGANA!
NOW SHE ENTERS HER PLOTTING EVIL STAGE. HER FABULOUS BOBBIES STRUT DOWN TO GAIUS’ CHAMBERS TO KILL THE SOLIDER BOY DED. BECAUSE YOU CAN’T HAVE HIM EXPOSING HER!
AND LOOK WHAT JUST ~HAPPENS~ TO BE IN SHOT RIGHT NOW. OH I SEE WHAT YOU DID THAR DIRECTOR.
YAY FOR CONTINUITY AND REFERENCES TO SEASON 2!! =DDD *HAPPY DANCE*
OH WAIT ... SHIT, THIS MEANS MORGANA IS GUN BE EVIL! D:
BUT ITS OK, BECAUSE SHE LOOKS ~FABULOUS~ :D
MERLIN AND GAIUS RETURN TO FIND TOKEN DEAD GUY... WELL... DEAD.
THAT NIGHT MERLIN GOES TO UTHER, WHO KIND OF LOOKS PAINED. HE IS SLEEPING THOUGH AND IT LOOKS KIND OF ENDEARING.
IT PRACTICALLY MELTS MERLIN’S INSIDES AND HE TENDS TO THE KIND’S WIFELY NEEDS AND TUCKS HIM INTO BED. AWWWWWWWWW~
I STILL MAINTAIN THAT THEY WOULD HAVE SUPER FUCKING HOT SEX AND THAT UTHER TOTALLY WANTS TO GET INTO MERLIN’S PANTS (I MEAN, WHO DOESN’T?). I BET YOU A MILLION DOLLARS UTHER PAYS MORE ATTENTION TO MERLIN THIS SEASON AND GIVES HIM TEH SEX EYES SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE THE SEASON ENDS.
ANYWAY, WHERE WAS THE PLOT? OH YEA, ON UTHER’S FLOOR. WITH MERLIN PUTTING HIS FINGERS IN THE BLACK LUBE SLICK. GOD I AM SO GLAD HE DID NOT STICK HIS FINGERS IN HIS MOUTH RIGHT HERE (IF HE HAD, THEY MIGHT AS WELL JUST MAKE THIS SHOW A PORNO AND BE DONE WITH IT)
I THINK MERLIN IS LOOKING AT IT SO INTENTLY BECAUSE HE’S LIKE “WHAT A MINUTE. IS UTHER USING LUBE? DOES THIS MEAN-? OMG IT MEANS HE’S HAVING SEX. WITH A MAN. *REALISATION DAWNING*”
BUT THEN HIS THINKING THOUGHTS ARE INTERRUPTED BY HEELS WALKING BRISKLY TOWARD HIM. SO HE DOES THE ONLY FEASIBLE THING: HIDES
BECAUSE CLEARLY IT WOULD BE SUSPICIOUS IF HE WERE TENDING TO THE KING AT NIGHT. THEY WOULD GET THE WRONG IDEA!
ALTHOUGH, I THINK THE SHOW DOES A PRETTY GOOD JOB OF SHOVING THAT PHALLIC FUCKING ROOT IN OUR FACES SO I THINK ITS HARD TO MISINTERPRET THIS SCENE.
HE IS JEALOUS OF MORGANA PLANTING SEX TOYS IN UTHER’S BED.
THE FACE SAYS IT ALL.
SO HE FOLLOWS MORGANA IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT TO SEE WHERE SHE IS GETTING THESE KINKY THINGS FROM. MERLIN WANTS IN DAMMIT!
YOU KNOW MERLIN, STALKING IS KIND OF CREEPY. YOU COULD JUST ASK MORGANA YOU KNOW, I’M SURE SHE’D BE HAPPY TO FILL YOU IN. AND THEN GIVE YOU A DEMONSTRATION ;)
LMFAO, THIS SHOW HAS FALLEN IN LOVE WITH MORGAUSE IN SLOW MOTION.
AND MERLIN, YOUR EARS ARE NOT STEALTHY. AT ALL.
EVERYONE CAN SEE THEM!
AND HOLY FUCKING SHIT! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, MORGANA KNOWS YOU’RE RIGHT. THERE!
FUCK YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
VICTORY DANCE TIME!!!!
FINALLY, A CHARACTER WHO IS NOT COMPLETELY BLIND. FUCK YES MORGANA~! :DDD
RUN, MERLIN, RUN!
OH TOO BAD, HE GOT CAUGHT. NOW YOU SHALL BE A SEX SLAVE AND MORGANA WILL TEACH YOU TO CHOSE ARTHUR OVER HER.
OH, SPEAKING OF ARTHUR!
UNF, HE IS MIGHTY FIIIIIIIIIIINE Y/Y?
ESPECIALLY ALL WORRIED ABOUT THE KINGDOM AND HIS FATHER.
UNF!
GAIUS IS TELLING ARTHUR TO ASSUME CONTROL AND BE A LEADER (OOH I SEE WHAT YOU DID THAR SHOW. GIVING ARTHUR A TASTE OF LEADERSHIP SO HE WILL ~GROW~ FOR THE TIME WHEN HE WILL BE KING. VERY NICE!)
ARTHUR, HOWEVER, IS DISPLEASED TO HEAR ALL THIS DISCUSSION THAT HAS BEEN GOING ON BEHIND HIS BACK.
SUCH A FIERCE FUCKING MOFO. GET INSIDE ME, BRADLEY, GODDAMN.
HAVE SOME MORE GRATUITOUS SHOTS OF BRADLEY LOOKS PRETTY.
ARTHUR IS IN MANPAIN. AND LOOKS SUPER FUCKING HOT WHILST DOING SO. UNF!
CUT TO MERLIN. IN CHAINS. LOOKS LIKE HE HAS JUST BEEN FUCKED TO WITHIN AN INCH OF HIS SANITY.
HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT.
WHAT IS THIS, I DON’T EVEN.
BRB, FLAILING LIKE A MOFO.
MERLIN IS BROUGHT BEFORE MORGAUSE FOR SOME MORE SEXING. UNF, THE WAY SHE LOOKS AT MERLIN. IT PRACTICALLY MELTS HIS CLOTHES OFF.
BUT FIRST, WE MUST HAVE SOME PLOT. MORGAUSE ASKS HIM ABOUT WHY HE IS RISKING EVERYTHING FOR ARTHUR.
MERLIN IS AFRAID TO ANSWER, BUT WE ALL KNOW THE REASON. HIS AND ARTHUR’S BIG GAY DESTINY
HIS FUCKING FACE.
MORGAUSE SEES RIGHT THROUGH YOU. MERLIN, YOUR LOVE AND GAY FOR ARTHUR IS PRACTICALLY PAINTED IN RAINBOW COLOURS ACROSS YOUR FACE. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.
MORGAUSE MENTIONS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM: MERLIN’S WISH TO BE RECOGNISED BY ARTHUR. A;LFGKJA;FLKJGALKCJVA;DNLFAJD;LAMVB;GJHAE;DJKAN
MERLIN DOES NOT DENY IT.
*EXPLODES*
GAIUS IS SHOUTING FOR MERLIN TO GET UP AND GOES TO PULL HIM OUT OF BED. BUT WHEN HE ARRIVES, HE KNOWS INSTANTLY THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG. MERLIN’S ROOM IS CLEAN!
MERLIN IS LOOKING HOT LIKE FIYAHH IN CHAINS
BRAIN. IS. MELTING. *DROOLS OVER KEYBOARD*
MERLIN TRIES TO UNDO THE CHAINS WITH MAGIC, BUT INSTEAD THEY GLOW AND DO SOMETHING TO MERLIN’S INSIDES.
METHINKS MERLIN LIKES IT.
BECAUSE HE KEEPS DOING IT. AND MAKING SEX FACES.
ESPECIALLY WHEN HE THINKS SOMEONE IS WATCHING.
*HYPERVENTILATES*
YOU KINKY BASTARD, MERLIN!
LULZ, ENTER MONSTER OF THE WEEK. THE OVERSIZED SCORPIONS FROM LAST SEASON. ONE OF THEM POKES MERLIN WITH THEIR STINGING PEEN. OH NOES MERLIN! (LMFAO, SUCH AN ORGASMIC FACE HE HAS WHEN HE GOT “POKED” XDDD)
THEN HE USES DRAGONSPEAK TO SUMMON THE DRAGON, AND FALLS OVER, SPENT.
BACK IN CAMELOT, ARTHUR IS SITTING WITH HIS FATHER. MORGANA COMFORTS HIM.
D': OH ARTHUR, YOU’RE WOOBIE FACE IS SO HEARTBREAKING. COME TO MY BOSSOM AND I SHALL COMFORT YOU!
BUGGER. MORGANA GOT THERE FIRST! D:<
CENRED’S ARMY IS CLOSING IN ON CAMELOT.
MERLIN IS STILL TIED UP (FOR SOME REASON ITS NOT NIGHTTIME. LULZ SHOW, YOU ARE SO OBVIOUS)
BUT WAIT! WHO IS COMING TO THE RESCUE?
THE SLASH DRAGON!!!!!!!!! =DDDDDDDDDDDDDD
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!
THE DRAGON GETS ALL ~EXPLOSIVE~ AND THEN SWOOPS DOWN TO CARRY OUR HERO AWAY.
LOOK AT MERLIN’S FACE. L-O-FUCKING-L!
IF THIS ISN’T HIS “AFTER SEX FACE”, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS.
FUCKING HELL SHOW, THEN THE FIRST THING WE SEE OF NEXT WEEK’S EP IS MERLIN, RIDING THE DRAGON LIKE HE’S KING OF THE WORLD.
OH YEA, IT DOES SOUND THAT DIRTY. XDD
OMG I DON’T BELIEVE IT, WE HAVE A TWO-PARTER ALREADY. AND IT’S ALREADY FUCKING FANTASTIC. KEEP IT UP SHOW; THIS SHIT IS BRILLIANT!! IS IT NEXT WEEK ALREADY?!?!
So, eight hours later and I have finally finished. And yes, I am still hungover as fuck and I still feel like I’m dying. Ugh, I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me.
Please let me know if you liked the review and all the ~twisting of canon~ or if you want me to go back to just screaming and flailing at all the Very Obvious Ghei. Also let me know if I’m being too vague or pushy with the sexual “innuendos” (by which I mean sex puns).
Note: if you thought it was a sex joke, it probably was. XD
MERLIN AND ARTHUR ARE GAY. FOR EACH OTHER. LIKE BURNING.
I must first make this disclaimer: I am extremely and painfully hungover right now. Seriously, I have no idea why, but I have never been this hungover in my life. So if this is not up to your expectations or my usual standards, please be kind because I feel like a squirrel is running around my stomach and a monkey is bashing my head against a tree. It’s all rather unpleasant DX
BUT NONETHELESS, THE SQUEE MUST GO ON!
WE BEGIN WITH A SHOT OF LOTS AND LOTS OF DEAD RED SHIRTS CLOAKS TO SET THE GRAVITY OF THE SITUATION. ARTHUR LOOKS ADEQUATELY MOROSE BUT THEN WE SEE MERLIN FUCKING DEVASTATED FACE AND FUUUUUUUUU. THIS SHOW NEEDS TO COME WITH A WARNING BECAUSE DAMN, MORGAN! YOU LOOKING SO UPSET SHOULD NOT BE THIS MUCH OF A TURN ON.
WATCH ME GIGGLE AT THE LITTLE WISPS OF HAIR THAT ARE STICKING ON END IN THIS SHOT. OH COLIN, HOW ARE YOU SO PERFECT, EVEN WITH THAT DREADFUL HAIRCUT?
LOL, MERLIN IS JUST STANDING THERE LOOKING ALL DEVASTATED INSTEAD OF CHECKING FOR SURVIVORS. XD; HE JUST WANTS TO BE WITH YOU ARTHUR, HE CAN’T BEAR TO BE PARTED FROM YOU, ESPECIALLY IN SUCH SERIOUS AND DANGEROUS TIMES.
HE JUST WANTS TO REACH OUT AND TOUCH YOU. OH ARTHUR, YOU CANNOT PUSH YOUR BOYFRIEND AWAY WHEN WE ALL KNOW THIS IS A TIME WHEN YOU NEED HIM MOST.
MERLIN IS CONFUSED - WHY IS HIS ATTEMPT TO COMFORT ARTHUR BEING BRUSHED ASIDE? D:
IT’S OK THOUGH, BECAUSE ARTHUR CALLS HIM “A GIRL’S PETTICOAT” AND AD;LGKJAF;LKGJA;LFKNAJERG;AOIJ FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU I AM FAR TOO HUNGOVER TO BE DEALING WITH THIS. FUCK PEOPLE, WE ARE ONLY 44SECONDS INTO THIS FIRST EPISODE AND ALREADY OUR BOYS ARE TALKING ABOUT THEIR WILD AND KINKY SEXUAL ROMPS!
ADLKFJGHLAKJFHGAKLFHG;JKAH
MERLIN IS CLEARLY THINKING WHAT YOU AND I ARE ALL THINKING. “ARTHUR IS TALKING DIRTY TO ME. MUST FIND A PETTICOAT FOR ROLEPLAY. DEFINITELY GOING TO HAVE SEX WHEN WE GET BACK TO THE CASTLE”.
I MEAN, MERLIN DOESN’T EVEN WANT TO KEEP SEARCHING. THAT THOUGHT HAS GIVEN HIM ~IDEAS~ AND NOW HE WANTS TO RIDE BACK TO THE CASTLE WITH ARTHUR RIGHT THE FUCK NOW SO HE CAN TRY OUT THESE ~IDEAS~.
HOLY FUCK!
NOW WE JUMP BACK TO THE CASTLE (SEE WHAT I MEAN. THIS SHOW IS CLEARLY GIVING US SUBCONSCIOUS MESSAGES: MERLIN + ARTHUR + PETTICOAT x ~SHOT OF CASTLE~ = SEXUAL ROMP IN PROGRESS. I SHIT YOU NOT.) OUR FAVOURITE KING IS BEING “LECTURED” BY HIS FRIEND WHO IS TRYING TO COAX HIM INTO BED STOPPING THIS FIGHT AND JUST GIVING INTO THOSE FEELINGS OF SEXUAL DESIRE YOU HAVE FOR GAIUS.
UTHER IS INSENSITIVE THOUGH AND SAYS HE NO LONGER HAS TIME FOR BOYFRIENDS, HIS DAUGHTER IS MISSING FOR FUCKS SAKE, HOW CAN YOU BE SO INSENSITIVE GAIUS?! GOD!
JUST LOOK AT HIS POOR BB FACE! HE IS CLEARLY IN PAIN.
OH UTHER BB, ALTHOUGH YOUR BOYFRIEND IS NOT COMFORTING YOU TO THE EXTENT OF YOUR NEEDS, WE ALL KNOW THAT MORGANA IS NOT GOING TO SEDUCE YOU INTO HAVING WILD AND MAGICAL SEX WHEN SHE IS FOUND. YOU HAVE TO STOP PINING FOR HER!
CUT BACK TO THE FOREST AND AFL’GAJFGAKJKGFAJ;KLSDFGJAJNFKJK THESE TWO, I CANNOT EVEN FUCKING DEAL. MERLIN IS ALL “OUCH, MY ARSE HURTS” AND ARTHUR IS ALL “YOU KNOW YOU LIKE IT ROUGH, YOU BEGGED FOR IT, SO STOP COMPLAINING”
MERLIN, DO YOU NEED AN IT CROWD MOMENT WHERE ARTHUR “KISSES YOU ON YOUR BOTTOM”? IT CAN BE ARRANGED, YOU KNOW. I EXPECT YOU WOULD LOVE ARTHUR TO MASSAGE, AND THEN KISS, YOUR BOTTOM LIKE THIS:
LOL, THE SHOCKED FACE WOULD BE BECAUSE ARTHUR WAS ACTUALLY A MAN ABOUT IT AND GAVE HIS LOVING BOYFRIEND WHAT HE NEEDS.
INSTEAD OF DOING THAT THOUGH (WHICH WOULD BE INTELLIGENT, NOT TO MENTION HOT AS FUCK), THEY GET INTO A LOVERS TIFF IN WHICH ARTHUR CALLS MERLIN A WIMP AND MERLIN RELATIATES WITH “DOLLOPHEAD” ;ADRLDSGIJA;JKLFGALKDFJG;ALKJGFA;LKJG LULZ! WHAT HAPPENED TO ~CLOTPOLE~? XD I LIKE ‘DOLLOPHEAD’ THOUGH, BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHICH ‘HEAD’ MERLIN IS REFERRING TOO >:D
ARTHUR IS ALL “THERE’S NO SUCH WORD” (OMFG CHILD!) AND MERLIN IS ALL “I SHALL DESCRIBE IT TO YOU IN TWO WORDS, SIMPLETON: PRINCE ARTHUR”
ARTHUR DOES NOT LIKE WHAT YOU ARE IMPLYING HERE MERLIN.
XDDDDDDDDDD
THEY ARE SO FUCKING MARRIED!!!!
FAST FORWARD TO THE OBLIGATORY FOREST ATTACK, IN WHICH MERLIN DEMONSTRATES JUST HOW PATHETIC HE IS WITH A SWORD.
LMFAO @ THE JAZZ HANDS. XDDDDD
BUT THEN HE JUST USES HIS MAGIC TO ATTACH SAUCEPANS ETC (READ: WOMBS) TO THE SWORD OF PHALLIC EVIL, THUS DEFEATING HIS OPPONENT WITH THE POWER OF HIS INNER WOMAN.
HIS EARS ARE SO PLEASED WITH HIMSELF!! HOW IS HE SO ADORABLE?! I DON’T EVEN! 8DDD
LOL HE THEN MANAGES TO DEFEAT ANOTHER OPPONENT WITH THE POWER OF HIS INNER GAY MAN, BY MAKING A TREE (PHALLIC OBJECT) FALL ON TOP OF HIM. LULZ!
THE FIGHT FINISHES WITH ARTHUR CONTINUING HIS EARLIER TIFF WITH MERLIN AND BASICALLY CALLING HIM A COWARD. SO MERLIN INWARDLY ROLLS HIS EYES AND CALLS HIM A ‘DOLLOPHEAD’ WITH A LOOK ON HIS FACE THAT SAYS QUITE PLAINLY “SEE IF I SEX YOU TONIGHT. THERE WILL BE NO ‘DOLLOPS’ ON YOUR HEAD! NO KINKY ROLEPLAY FOR YOU!”
SPEAKING OF THIS SCENE, ARTHUR, YOUR REFERENCE TO “HIDE AND SEEK” I FIND INTRIGUING. ARE YOU REFERENCING NAKED HIDE AND SEEK? THE INFAMOUS FROM TORCHWOOD? I THINK YOU ARE. HO HO HO! THIS JUST MAKES “DOLLOPHEAD” SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH DIRTIER. XDDD
BUT WHO SHOULD APPEAR FROM THE FOG BUT THE LOVELY, FRIGHTENED, DIRTY FACE OF MORGANA!? =O
FUCK YES!!! THIS HBIC IS BACK! ^_______^
ARTHUR IS IN SHOCK AND THEY HAVE A BEAUTIFUL ARTHUR/MORGANA MOMENT THAT MAKES ME SQUEE MY FOOL HEAD OFF. 8DDDD
ARTHUR IS STUNNED INTO SILENCE AT FINALLY FINDING HIS SISTER \O/
GAIUS IS ACTUALLY EXAMING MORGANA AND SHE LOOKS SO FRIGHTENED DDD:
GIRL, IF I DID NOT KNOW THAT YOU WERE EVIL I WOULD WANT TO RUN INTO TV LAND AND HUG YOU UNTIL YOU WERE HAPPY AGAIN. HELL, I’LL STILL DO IT ANYWAY. BUT ITS OK BECAUSE GWEN IS THERE AND SHE IS GOING TO GIVE MORGANA ALL THE LOVE AND COMFORT THAT SHE NEEDS :D
YAY FOR BEAUTIFUL, LESBIANIC LOVE! ♥
UTHER IS WAITING IN THAT BEAUTIFUL ROOM DOWNSTAIRS FROM MORGANA’S CHAMBERS AND PRACTICALLY AMBUSHES GAIUS WHEN HE COMES DOWN. GOD, HE LOOKS SO WORRIED ABOUT MORGANA THAT IT KIND OF HURTS MY HEART FOR A SECOND.
AND THEN HE THANKS GAIUS WITH SUCH A LOOK OF GRATITUDE THAT I FORGET HOW MUCH OF AN ARSE HE CAN BE AND JUST THINK “AWW BB, EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT NOW THAT YOU HAVE EVERYONE YOU LOVE TOGETHER”. I JUST WISH IT WERE TRUE D:
NEXT WE HAVE MERLIN, CONTEMPLATING BEAUTIFULLY BY THE FIRE. HE IS THINKING ABOUT MORGANA AND HOW HE HAS MISSED HER SO. I BET HE IS ALSO FEELING THE PAIN OF GUILT AT WHAT HE HAD TO DO TO HER LAST YEAR.
AND SURE ENOUGH, THE FIRST THING HE ASKS GAIUS WHEN HE COMES IN IS “DID SHE SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ME?” “SHE’S GOING TO BECAUSE I TRIED TO KILL HER D:” OH GOD MERLIN, YOUR FACE IS SO HEARTBREAKING.
HE’S SO SCARED OF WHAT UTHER MIGHT DO TO HIM. HE CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT HIS TWO LOVERS, THERE MUST BE A MILLION TERRIBLE THOUGHTS RUNNING THROUGH HIS HEAD RIGHT NOW. D:
IT’S OK BB, YOU CAN WIN HER OVER AND GO BACK TO THE PERFECT THREESOME YOU, ARTHUR AND MORGANA HAD BEFORE YOU POISONED HER. YOU JUST NEED TO DO THE RIGHT THING AND EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO HER!
YEA, I KNOW. I LIVE IN A FANTASY WORLD *HEADDESK*
NEXT MORNING, ARTHUR IS REQUESTING HIS PRESENCE. IN HIS PANTS
IN MORGANA’S CHAMBERS.
OH. MY. GOD. MAKE UP THREESOME SEX TIME!! =DDD
NOTE: REFERENCE TO MY 2x12 SPAZZCAP, IN WHICH I REJECT THE SHOWS CANON AND SUBSTITUTE MY OWN
ARTHUR IS COMFORTING MORGANA’S HEARTBREAKING STORY WITH HUGS. TOTALLY PLATONIC HUGGING. IT IS A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT AND IT IS PERFECT.
WHICH IS RUINED BY MORGANA SEEING MERLIN. SHE “KNOWS WHAT HE DID” D: AND GOD, MERLIN’S FACE IS ONE OF PAIN AND MORE PAIN. AND THEN MORGANA SAYS SHE FORGIVES HIM. SHE SAYS THAT SHE UNDERSTANDS WHAT HE DID AND THAT IT’S OK - SHE WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME AND THIS DOESN’T CHANGE ANYTHING. SHE STILL LOVES HIM BUT SHE IS NOT SO NAIVE ANYMORE.
GOD SHE IS SO PERFECT, EVEN WHEN LYING THROUGH HER TEETH.
MERLIN SYMPATHISES WITH HER AND TELLS HER IT’S GREAT TO HAVE HER BACK. THEY SHARE A BEAUTIFUL SMILING MOMENT IN WHICH THEIR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER IS FUCKING PALPABLE!
YES. YES! FUCKING YESSSSS!!!!!!
IT’S LOVE ♥♥
I HAVE MY PERFECT THREESOME OF PERFECTION BACK AND I CAN DIE HAPPY NOW. =D
CUT TO MERLIN, ON ALL FOURS IN ARTHUR’S BEDROOM, LOOKING LIKE HE MIGHT JUST EXPLODE WITH HAPPINESS.
OH YES, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. DOGGY STYLE ON THE FLOOR
HOW COULD ARTHUR RESIST THIS KEEN FACE?
ANSWER: HE CAN’T.
AND THUS BEGINS A NEW ROLEPLAY SEX KINK IN WHICH ARTHUR "KNOWS HOW TO USE A CLOTH AND BUCKET"
MERLIN IS UNSURE OF THIS.
SO ARTHUR SHOWS HIM HOW IT’S DONE:
BY WIPING MERLIN’S FACE AND STICKING HIM IN A BUCKET. LOL ARTHUR, YOU HAVE SUCH WEIRD KINKS. LIKE SRSLY, EVEN KINKIER THAN SOME OF THE FANGIRLS I KNOW. ITS SO AMUSING XD
ARTHUR IS IN HIS KINKY HAPPY PLACE XD
ENTER MORGANA IN HER BEAUTIFUL WHITE DRESS, DISTRACTING UTHER WITH ITS BEAUTY HER BRESTS.
HE COMPLETELY CUTS OFF SIR LEON (OMFGOD YAY SIR LEON IS BAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!! =DDD) AND RUNS TO MORGANA. HE LOOKS SO GODDAMN HAPPY! =D
THE FEELING IS MUTUAL AND MORGANA ALSO LOOKS LIKE SHE IS GOING TO BURST WITH HAPPY TEARS.
AND THEY FALL INTO EACH OTHER’S ARMS WITH ~HALLELUJAH~ MUSIC BLARING IN THE BACKGROUND.
IT IS A PERFECT MOMENT OF PERFECTION AND HOT DAMN I SHIP THESE TWO LIKE MAD. ESPECIALLY WHEN MORGANA REACHES UP TO WIPE THE TEARS OFF UTHER’S FACE. *SPAZZES*
AND THE SCENE ENDS WITH UTHER KISSING MORGANA’S HANDS WITH LOVE ♥
THIS WHOLE SCENE IS JUST GUUUUUUUUUUUUH. UTHER SAYING HE WOULD NEVER HAVE GIVEN UP LOOKING FOR HER. MORGANA SAYING SHE WILL *SHOW* UTHER HER LOVE FOR HIM. CRYING WITH HAPPY TEARS RIGHT NOW. LET ME SHOW YOU THEM.
BUT WAIT! SHE’S EEEEEEEEEEVIL!!!!! DD':
WHYYYYYYYYYY SHOW, WHY?! I KNOW MORGANA LOOKS FABULOUS WHEN SHE’S EVIL BUT DAMMIT, YOU JUST WENT AND RUINED MY PERFECT MOMENT.
IT’S OK THOUGH. MY DELUSIONAL MIND HAS COME UP WITH A PERFECT EXPLANATION:
THAT WHOLE SCENE WAS SO FUCKING CHARGED WITH EMOTION AND LOVE THAT WHEN UTHER KISSED HER HANDS AT THE END SHE *KNEW* THAT UTHER WAS HAPPY IN HIS PANTS. HER WICKED SMILE IS ONE OF KNOWING WHAT THEY WILL BE UP TO TONIGHT. 8DD BWAHAHAHAHAHAA~
AND SURE ENOUGH, COME NIGHTFALL MORGANA IS SNEAKING OUT OF HER CHAMBERS TO VISIT UTHER. IN HER SEXIEST OUTFIT YET
OH BUT WHAT IS THIS?! IT IS NOT UTHER WHOM SHE IS GOING TO SEX, BUT MORGAUSE!
THERE IT IS! THE SMIRK IS BACK!
GUH, THESE TWO I SHIP SO HARD. SO MUCH PRETTY.
THEY ARE MAKING SEX FACES AT EACH OTHER. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO THINK!?!
MORGAUSE MENTIONS MERLIN (LOL “THE BOY”) AND MORGANA HAS THIS MOMENT OF HESITATION OR WITHDRAWAL AND *I* KNOW IT IS BECAUSE SHE STILL LOVES HIM, BUT SHE IS BITTER THAT HE BETRAYED HER AND SO SHE IS LASHING OUT. IT HURTS HER TO HURT HIM BUT HE MADE HIS CHOICE. \O/ OH THIS LOVE TRIANGLE IS SO ROMANTIC *SWOON*
BUT OF COURSE NOW WE HAVE TO HAVE SOME SPELLWORK (AKA SEXING) FROM THE EVIL YET GORGEOUS LADY, AND SHE PICKS UP THIS FUCKING HUGE DILDO-LOOKING PLANT ROOT. MORGANA LOOKS A LITTLE NERVOUS AND I DO NOT BLAME HER.
DAMN, MORGAUSE! YOU’RE JUST AS KINKY AS ARTHUR!
AFTER HER INITIAL HESITATION, SHE ONLY HAS TO WATCH MORGAUSE’S ENTHUSIASM AND MORGANA STARTS TO GET REALLY INTO IT.
I MEAN, DAMN! JUST LOOK AT HOW LUSTFULLY SHE LOOKS AT MORGAUSE. 8DDD
BUT THEN. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT!!!
THE MANDRAKE ROOT IS ALL SLICKED UP AND READY FOR SEXING. MORGANA CAN’T WAIT TO GET HER HANDS ON IT.
WHEN WE CUT BACK TO THE CASTLE, I DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT THIS IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN. BUT I SUSPECT IT IS A EUPHEMISM. FOR THE KINGS’ DRIPPING COCK, NATURALLY.
THEY ARE IN UTHER’S BEDROOM AND HE IS BELTING UP HIS PANTS, FOR FUCKS SAKE. CLEARLY HE JUST SEXED GAIUS VIVACIOUSLY, SINCE HE IS SO RELIEVED TO HAVE FINALLY FOUND MORGANA. NOW HE CAN NOW GO BACK TO HIS ORIGINAL BOYFRIEND AND START BEING A GOOD HUSBAND.
FUCKING DAMN, SHOW. LITTLE LESS SEXING AND A LITTLE MORE PLOT! OR SOMETHING. NOT THAT I’M COMPLAINING, REALLY XDDD
NOW COMES THE BESTEST SCREENCAP EVER. MERLIN, UNABLE TO KEEP HIS EYES OF HIS BOYFRIEND, WHO IS PRACTICING HIS SWORDPLAY. BLINDFOLDED! ARTHUR IS NOW ENJOYING HIS KINKS OUTSIDE OF THE BEDROOM TOO!!!!! ;ALJGA;LFKJGA;LKFKJG;LAKJ
IT IS SUCH A LOOK OF LOVE AND LUST THAT I THINK MY COMPUTER SCREEN IS MELTING.
ESPECIALLY SINCE THAT LOOK JUST CONTINUES FOR THE ENTIRE TIME ARTHUR DOES SOME SPECTACULAR BITS OF SWORDPLAY.
ARTHUR COMES OVER TO MERLIN TO “CHANGE WEAPONS” BUT WE ALL KNOW IT’S JUST BECAUSE HE NEEDS HIS BOYFRIEND TO VALIDATE HIS AWESOME FIGHTING ABILITIES.
EVIDENCED IN THE FIRST THING ARTHUR SAYS TO MERLIN: “WHAT DO YOU THINK”
THESE BOYS. ARE SO. FUCKING. IN LOVE!
MEANWHILE, MERLIN IS TRYING TO VALIDATE HIS OWN EXISTENCE BY ATTEMPTING TO EXPLAIN TO HIS BOYFRIEND THAT NO, HE WASN’T HIDING DURING THE MORGANA RESCUE. HE WAS SAVING YOUR ASS.
HIS NEED TO BE LOVED AND APPRECIATED AND PUBLICLY COMPLIMENTED BY ARTHUR IS SO FUCKING CUTE.
ARTHUR HOWEVER, IS AN ARSE AND DID NOT APPRECIATE MERLIN’S DISMISSAL OF ARTHUR’S OWN NEED TO BE PUBLICLY ADORED BY MERLIN. SO HE TAKES THE PISS OUT OF MERLIN FOR A BIT, WHICH CAUSES MERLIN TO RETALIATE BY MAKING ARTHUR’S “SWORD” FLY OUT OF HIS HAND (LUL THIS SHOW AND ITS PHALLIC OBJECTS).
THE RESULT: ARTHUR GETS WHACKED IN THE STOMACH. LUL HIS ‘SURPRISE FACE’
AND EATS DIRT.
OH SHOW, PLEASE STOP. IT’S NOT FUNNY. IT JUST PROVES THAT ARTHUR LIKES IT DIRTY.
MERLIN ALSO LIKES IT DIRTY, IF THIS LOOK IS ANYTHING TO GO BY 8DD
FAST FORWARD TO THE FEAST THAT NIGHT AND UTHER HAS TO MAKE A SPEECH. IT’S REALLY QUITE ADORABLE, ARTHUR CALLING HIM DRUNK (LOL XD) AND UTHER WHACKING ARTHUR IN RESPONSE. XDD AWWW~~
*IS DED FROM BRADLEY’S FUCKING FACE*
*INSERT GORGEOUS SHOT OF MORGANA HERE*
UTHER FAWNS OVER HER PUBLICLY. HE SAYS IT, FOR EVERYONE TO HEAR, JUST HOW MUCH SHE MEANS TO HIM :'D
AND THEY TOAST TO THE PERFECT MORGANA, AND I CAN’T SAY I BLAME THEM. ^_^;
SIDE NOTE: LOL BRADLEY IN THIS SHOT.
UTHER/MORGANA HUGS FTW! =D
ALSO FTW: EVIL SEXY MORGANA SMIRKS.
GUH, SHE IS SO AMAZING. I WANT HER BIOLOGICALLY IMPOSSIBLE BABIES.
UTHER GOES OUTSIDE FOR “AIR” SINCE HE’S SO DRUNK AND IN HIS HAPPY PLACE. MEANING, HE NEEDS TO CONTROL HIMSELF BEFORE HE JIZZES IN HIS PANTS. XD
HE WONDERS OVER TO THE WELL, GIGGLING AT HIS DRUNKEN ANTICS. LOL ASH - FOR FACE IS SO PRES RIGHT HERE.
BUT THEN SOME CREEPY GIRL GRABS HIS HAND! \O/ TALK ABOUT A BONER-KILLER!
UTHER’S REACTION IS TOTALLY REASONABLE.
EVERYONE COMES OUT TO WITNESS UTHER’S MOMENT OF CRAZY AND ARTHUR AND MERLIN TAKE HIM UP TO HIS ROOM
(HEY WAIT A MINUTE SHOW, WOULDN’T SERVANTS DO THIS? O_o DID YOU NOT WANT TO SPEND THE MONEY TO CAST TWO SERVANT BOYS? OH BBC ♥)
MORGANA IS THERE FUSSING LIKE A MOTHER HEN, BLESS HER, AND SHE EVEN KISSES UTHER GOODNIGHT. AWW~
ARTHUR IS IN THE BACKGROUND, IN AWE. PERHAPS HE IS TAKING NOTES ON HOW TO SHOW HIS AFFECTION TO MERLIN. 8D
I MEAN, THE LOOK ON HIS FACE AND HOW QUICKLY HE RUNS OUT OF THERE AFTER MERLIN IS PRETTY TELLING, DON’T YOU THINK? XDD
LET US SIDETRACK TO THE ACTUAL PLOT FOR ONE SECOND. THE CREEPY GIRL WAS APPARENTLY ARTHUR’S MOTHER? WHUT. IT DIDN’T EVEN LOOK LIKE HER! (OK, YES IT DID BUT LAST TIME WE SAW HER SHE WAS CLOTHED. LOL UTHER, I THINK YOU ARE PROJECTING YOUR NEED FOR SATISFATION ONTO THESE HALLUCINATIONS YOU ARE HAVING.) THIS IS ALL RATHER INTERESTING, DON’T YOU THINK? THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES UTHER CRAZY IS IMAGES FROM HIS DEAD WIFE. AWW, POOR GAIUS, HE MUST BE FEELING HEARTBROKEN RIGHT NOW.
I THINK THE EYEBROW SAYS IT ALL, DON’T YOU?
MORGANA HAS GONE TO VISIT HER SISTER AGAIN. THEY ARE PLOTTING EVIL THINGS AND THIS EXCITES MORGANA IN HER PANTIES. JUST LOOK AT THE CHEEKY, KNOWING GRIN SHE FLASHES MORGAUSE.
EVEN MORGAUSE IS BLUSHING UNDER MORGANA’S LUSTFUL GAZE
(DESPITE BEING THE ONE HOLDING THE SEX TOY XD)
MORGANA SNEAKS BACK INTO THE CASTLE AFTER CURFEW AND STABS A WELL MEANING GUARD. AWW, POOR BASTARD. SHE ALSO DISMISSES GWEN, WHICH MAKES ME SADFACE :(
GWEN IS CONFUSED - MORGANA NEVER DENIES HER THE HONOUR OF UNDRESSING HER.
D: I THINK GWEN SUSPECTS THERE IS ANOTHER WOMAN. OH BB, IT’S OK. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FIRST IN MORGANA’S HEART. MORGAUSE MAY BE HER SISTER, BUT YOU WERE MORGANA’S FIRST LOVE. NOTHING CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU.
CUT TO MORGAUSE RIDING INTO A CASTLE AND WALKING THROUGH LIKE SHE OWNS THE PLACE, IN SLOW MOTION.
GOD, SHE IS SO BAMF.
WHY HELLO THERE, MR SEXY WITH THE SEX-NOA GRIN. CLEARLY HE THINKS HE IS GETTING SOME TONIGHT. 8D
BWAHAHAHA, MORGAUSE “HAS TO COME TO HIM” BECAUSE “CENRED HAS LOST HIS LIBIDO NERVE”. CENRED REPLIES THAT “[MORGAUSE] IS BEAUTIFUL WHEN SHE’S ANGRY”. OH I AM NOT EVEN GOING TO FANTASTIC DOMINEERING SEX THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE LATER.
MORGAUSE KNOWS IT TO BE TRUTH.
CENRED: ~I AM GOING TO GET LUCKY TO-NIGHT!~ =D
LULZ AND THEIR FOREPLAY IS TO HAVE A DRINK. OH WE ALL KNOW HOW THIS ENDS. WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE!
THEY TALK ABOUT “BEING CLOSE” AND CENRED NOT “THINKING WITH HIS SWORD PENIS” AND NOT “UNDERTAKING THINGS LIGHTLY”.
LIKE. WOW. SEX TALK MUCH? LEADING CENRED ON MUCH? SHAME ON YOU MORGAUSE! HOW CAN YOU EVEN *THINK* ABOUT CHEATING ON MORGANA? TSK!
UM YEA. THEY CAN’T SHOW SEXING TIEMZ ON TV SO WE NOW HAVE BRADLEY LOOKING FIT AS FUCK. *FANS SELF*
BUT THIS IS A SERIOUS SCENE, IN WHICH UTHER IS SEEING DEAD PEOPLE.
UTHER’S FACE SAYS IT ALL.
LOL, I’M SORRY UTHER. I SHOULD NOT LAUGH AT YOUR PAIN BUT I CAN’T HELP IT. THIS BOY IS RATHER CREEPY THOUGH D:
LOL, HE KIND OF LOOKS LIKE THE BASTARD SON OF FREDDIE HIGHMORE AND ADAM GODLEY (JONAS FROM LAST SEASON).
GAIUS AND MERLIN HAVE A VERY SRS TALK ABOUT SRS BSNS. THE KING’S EVIL DEEDS ARE MAKING HIM LOSE HIS MIND AND NOW CAMELOT MAY BE IN DANGEROUS. *CUE OMINOUS MUSIC*
MERLIN’S EARS ARE VERY SRS RN. ESPECIALLY ONCE THE WARNING BELLS SOUND.
TURNS OUT THEY’VE DISCOVERED THE DUDE THAT GOT STABBED BY MORGANA. AND HE’S STILL ALIVE! OMG CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, HE SURVIVED FALLING OFF THE CASTLE WALL AND BEING STABBED BY MORGANA. IT MUST BE A MIRACLE!
OF COURSE THIS MEANS THAT MORGANA IS GOING TO BE EXPOSED! =O
THIS IS HER “OH FUCK” FACE. BWAHAHA~ YOU BE SCREWED NOW MORGANA!
NOW SHE ENTERS HER PLOTTING EVIL STAGE. HER FABULOUS BOBBIES STRUT DOWN TO GAIUS’ CHAMBERS TO KILL THE SOLIDER BOY DED. BECAUSE YOU CAN’T HAVE HIM EXPOSING HER!
AND LOOK WHAT JUST ~HAPPENS~ TO BE IN SHOT RIGHT NOW. OH I SEE WHAT YOU DID THAR DIRECTOR.
YAY FOR CONTINUITY AND REFERENCES TO SEASON 2!! =DDD *HAPPY DANCE*
OH WAIT ... SHIT, THIS MEANS MORGANA IS GUN BE EVIL! D:
BUT ITS OK, BECAUSE SHE LOOKS ~FABULOUS~ :D
MERLIN AND GAIUS RETURN TO FIND TOKEN DEAD GUY... WELL... DEAD.
THAT NIGHT MERLIN GOES TO UTHER, WHO KIND OF LOOKS PAINED. HE IS SLEEPING THOUGH AND IT LOOKS KIND OF ENDEARING.
IT PRACTICALLY MELTS MERLIN’S INSIDES AND HE TENDS TO THE KIND’S WIFELY NEEDS AND TUCKS HIM INTO BED. AWWWWWWWWW~
I STILL MAINTAIN THAT THEY WOULD HAVE SUPER FUCKING HOT SEX AND THAT UTHER TOTALLY WANTS TO GET INTO MERLIN’S PANTS (I MEAN, WHO DOESN’T?). I BET YOU A MILLION DOLLARS UTHER PAYS MORE ATTENTION TO MERLIN THIS SEASON AND GIVES HIM TEH SEX EYES SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE THE SEASON ENDS.
ANYWAY, WHERE WAS THE PLOT? OH YEA, ON UTHER’S FLOOR. WITH MERLIN PUTTING HIS FINGERS IN THE BLACK LUBE SLICK. GOD I AM SO GLAD HE DID NOT STICK HIS FINGERS IN HIS MOUTH RIGHT HERE (IF HE HAD, THEY MIGHT AS WELL JUST MAKE THIS SHOW A PORNO AND BE DONE WITH IT)
I THINK MERLIN IS LOOKING AT IT SO INTENTLY BECAUSE HE’S LIKE “WHAT A MINUTE. IS UTHER USING LUBE? DOES THIS MEAN-? OMG IT MEANS HE’S HAVING SEX. WITH A MAN. *REALISATION DAWNING*”
BUT THEN HIS THINKING THOUGHTS ARE INTERRUPTED BY HEELS WALKING BRISKLY TOWARD HIM. SO HE DOES THE ONLY FEASIBLE THING: HIDES
BECAUSE CLEARLY IT WOULD BE SUSPICIOUS IF HE WERE TENDING TO THE KING AT NIGHT. THEY WOULD GET THE WRONG IDEA!
ALTHOUGH, I THINK THE SHOW DOES A PRETTY GOOD JOB OF SHOVING THAT PHALLIC FUCKING ROOT IN OUR FACES SO I THINK ITS HARD TO MISINTERPRET THIS SCENE.
HE IS JEALOUS OF MORGANA PLANTING SEX TOYS IN UTHER’S BED.
THE FACE SAYS IT ALL.
SO HE FOLLOWS MORGANA IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT TO SEE WHERE SHE IS GETTING THESE KINKY THINGS FROM. MERLIN WANTS IN DAMMIT!
YOU KNOW MERLIN, STALKING IS KIND OF CREEPY. YOU COULD JUST ASK MORGANA YOU KNOW, I’M SURE SHE’D BE HAPPY TO FILL YOU IN. AND THEN GIVE YOU A DEMONSTRATION ;)
LMFAO, THIS SHOW HAS FALLEN IN LOVE WITH MORGAUSE IN SLOW MOTION.
AND MERLIN, YOUR EARS ARE NOT STEALTHY. AT ALL.
EVERYONE CAN SEE THEM!
AND HOLY FUCKING SHIT! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, MORGANA KNOWS YOU’RE RIGHT. THERE!
FUCK YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
VICTORY DANCE TIME!!!!
FINALLY, A CHARACTER WHO IS NOT COMPLETELY BLIND. FUCK YES MORGANA~! :DDD
RUN, MERLIN, RUN!
OH TOO BAD, HE GOT CAUGHT. NOW YOU SHALL BE A SEX SLAVE AND MORGANA WILL TEACH YOU TO CHOSE ARTHUR OVER HER.
OH, SPEAKING OF ARTHUR!
UNF, HE IS MIGHTY FIIIIIIIIIIINE Y/Y?
ESPECIALLY ALL WORRIED ABOUT THE KINGDOM AND HIS FATHER.
UNF!
GAIUS IS TELLING ARTHUR TO ASSUME CONTROL AND BE A LEADER (OOH I SEE WHAT YOU DID THAR SHOW. GIVING ARTHUR A TASTE OF LEADERSHIP SO HE WILL ~GROW~ FOR THE TIME WHEN HE WILL BE KING. VERY NICE!)
ARTHUR, HOWEVER, IS DISPLEASED TO HEAR ALL THIS DISCUSSION THAT HAS BEEN GOING ON BEHIND HIS BACK.
SUCH A FIERCE FUCKING MOFO. GET INSIDE ME, BRADLEY, GODDAMN.
HAVE SOME MORE GRATUITOUS SHOTS OF BRADLEY LOOKS PRETTY.
ARTHUR IS IN MANPAIN. AND LOOKS SUPER FUCKING HOT WHILST DOING SO. UNF!
CUT TO MERLIN. IN CHAINS. LOOKS LIKE HE HAS JUST BEEN FUCKED TO WITHIN AN INCH OF HIS SANITY.
HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT.
WHAT IS THIS, I DON’T EVEN.
BRB, FLAILING LIKE A MOFO.
MERLIN IS BROUGHT BEFORE MORGAUSE FOR SOME MORE SEXING. UNF, THE WAY SHE LOOKS AT MERLIN. IT PRACTICALLY MELTS HIS CLOTHES OFF.
BUT FIRST, WE MUST HAVE SOME PLOT. MORGAUSE ASKS HIM ABOUT WHY HE IS RISKING EVERYTHING FOR ARTHUR.
MERLIN IS AFRAID TO ANSWER, BUT WE ALL KNOW THE REASON. HIS AND ARTHUR’S BIG GAY DESTINY
HIS FUCKING FACE.
MORGAUSE SEES RIGHT THROUGH YOU. MERLIN, YOUR LOVE AND GAY FOR ARTHUR IS PRACTICALLY PAINTED IN RAINBOW COLOURS ACROSS YOUR FACE. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.
MORGAUSE MENTIONS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM: MERLIN’S WISH TO BE RECOGNISED BY ARTHUR. A;LFGKJA;FLKJGALKCJVA;DNLFAJD;LAMVB;GJHAE;DJKAN
MERLIN DOES NOT DENY IT.
*EXPLODES*
GAIUS IS SHOUTING FOR MERLIN TO GET UP AND GOES TO PULL HIM OUT OF BED. BUT WHEN HE ARRIVES, HE KNOWS INSTANTLY THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG. MERLIN’S ROOM IS CLEAN!
MERLIN IS LOOKING HOT LIKE FIYAHH IN CHAINS
BRAIN. IS. MELTING. *DROOLS OVER KEYBOARD*
MERLIN TRIES TO UNDO THE CHAINS WITH MAGIC, BUT INSTEAD THEY GLOW AND DO SOMETHING TO MERLIN’S INSIDES.
METHINKS MERLIN LIKES IT.
BECAUSE HE KEEPS DOING IT. AND MAKING SEX FACES.
ESPECIALLY WHEN HE THINKS SOMEONE IS WATCHING.
*HYPERVENTILATES*
YOU KINKY BASTARD, MERLIN!
LULZ, ENTER MONSTER OF THE WEEK. THE OVERSIZED SCORPIONS FROM LAST SEASON. ONE OF THEM POKES MERLIN WITH THEIR STINGING PEEN. OH NOES MERLIN! (LMFAO, SUCH AN ORGASMIC FACE HE HAS WHEN HE GOT “POKED” XDDD)
THEN HE USES DRAGONSPEAK TO SUMMON THE DRAGON, AND FALLS OVER, SPENT.
BACK IN CAMELOT, ARTHUR IS SITTING WITH HIS FATHER. MORGANA COMFORTS HIM.
D': OH ARTHUR, YOU’RE WOOBIE FACE IS SO HEARTBREAKING. COME TO MY BOSSOM AND I SHALL COMFORT YOU!
BUGGER. MORGANA GOT THERE FIRST! D:<
CENRED’S ARMY IS CLOSING IN ON CAMELOT.
MERLIN IS STILL TIED UP (FOR SOME REASON ITS NOT NIGHTTIME. LULZ SHOW, YOU ARE SO OBVIOUS)
BUT WAIT! WHO IS COMING TO THE RESCUE?
THE SLASH DRAGON!!!!!!!!! =DDDDDDDDDDDDDD
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!
THE DRAGON GETS ALL ~EXPLOSIVE~ AND THEN SWOOPS DOWN TO CARRY OUR HERO AWAY.
LOOK AT MERLIN’S FACE. L-O-FUCKING-L!
IF THIS ISN’T HIS “AFTER SEX FACE”, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS.
FUCKING HELL SHOW, THEN THE FIRST THING WE SEE OF NEXT WEEK’S EP IS MERLIN, RIDING THE DRAGON LIKE HE’S KING OF THE WORLD.
OH YEA, IT DOES SOUND THAT DIRTY. XDD
OMG I DON’T BELIEVE IT, WE HAVE A TWO-PARTER ALREADY. AND IT’S ALREADY FUCKING FANTASTIC. KEEP IT UP SHOW; THIS SHIT IS BRILLIANT!! IS IT NEXT WEEK ALREADY?!?!
So, eight hours later and I have finally finished. And yes, I am still hungover as fuck and I still feel like I’m dying. Ugh, I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me.
Please let me know if you liked the review and all the ~twisting of canon~ or if you want me to go back to just screaming and flailing at all the Very Obvious Ghei. Also let me know if I’m being too vague or pushy with the sexual “innuendos” (by which I mean sex puns).
Note: if you thought it was a sex joke, it probably was. XD