Merlin 2x06: AKA The Episode Which Made Fandom Canon
OH GOD, BEN VANSTONE IS MY NEW GOD. THIS WAS THE BEST EPISODE OF MERLIN, EVER. EVER. MY BRAIN IS STILL MUSH FROM THE AWESOME.
There is no way that I can review or share my thoughts on this episode without massive Capslock and Squee’s of fury. Just so you know.
HOW IS IT THAT THE CLIP WE SAW THE OTHER DAY IS IN THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES? OH ARTHUR, YOU’RE PROTECTING YOUR DEAREST LOVE, YOU CANNOT DENY IT. BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT ARTHUR KNEW EXACTLY WHERE MERLIN WAS, AND SENT ALL HIS GUARDS OFF TO WHERE MERLIN WOULDN’T BE. LIKE THE KITCHENS AND THE STABLES. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, AAAAAAAAAAAARTHUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111!!11!111 JUST ADMIT YOU LOVE HIM ALREADY, EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS!!
Right, so this establishes (rather well, I might add - Ben Vanstone, you need a raise, you are by far the most amazing writer on the team) that Catrina is undermining Arthur and his servant, and using her power over Uther to persuade him to do all sorts of terrible things. I mean, more terrible than usual, that is. I LOVED Anthony Head in this episode, he is fantastic all love-drugged, I laughed SO HARD. I nearly wet myself when he came into the room HORNY AS ALL FUCKING HELL and started kissing Catarina’s arm and *swooning* into her and looking like he wants to ravish her. OH SHOW. THIS IS WHAT WE CALL CRACK FOR THE SOUL.
Then we had Merlin being warned by Arthur, and I continue to FLAIL ABOUT LIKE A RETARD PERSON, because of Bradley James’ faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace after he told Merlin to go. Seriously, not gonna lie, it was JUST LIKE he had told Merlin to go and save himself, and that he would hold them off (referring to the guards). Does anyone see my correlation here? So yes, Merlin tries to convince Arthur again and Arthur’s all “I don’t care” in that voice that melts chocolate. He’s too busy worrying about Merlin’s wellbeing. The way that he tells Merlin to go, you just KNOW he wanted to kiss him goodbye. DON’T YOU KNOW IT. :D!!!!!!
After Merlin runs away Arthur confronts his father and MY SLASHIEST DREAMS COME TO LIFE. OH GOOD LORD, ARTHUR IS SO OBVIOUSLY SUPREMELY UNCONCERNED THAT HE HASN’T CAUGHT MERLIN, OF COURSE ANYONE WOULD BE SUSPICIOUS. THIS IS WHY THE WHOLE COURT THINKS YOUR SLEEPING WITH HIM ARTHUR.
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH ARTHUR EVEN SAID THAT “MERLIN’S NOT STUPID” EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? THAT EVEN THOUGH HE CALLS MERLIN AN IDIOT ALL THE TIME, HE DOESN’T REALLY MEAN IT. WE ALL KNEW THAT ANYWAY, BUT NOW ARTHUR HAS ACTUALLY ADMITTED TO IT. THEREFORE, ALL HIS PRETENCE IS JUST DENIAL NOW. A;LKFGJAL;KGJA;LFKJA;LKGJ;LFKJAL;GKJA;LKFJAL;FKJAL;KFJKJ
*DED*
Oh my god, Arthur fidgeting and rubbing his arm and eyes while talking with the King and Queen is SUCH a disrespectful thing to do, he could only have picked it up from Merlin. And then he got all ~indignant~ when Catarina basically told him he was a no-hoper. LOL, ARTHUR YOUR FACE IS PRICELESS. And Arthur like “bitch please, I wouldn’t hand my boyfriend over to you even if you tried to kill me” with his “don’t even know that Merlin’s still in Camelot” business and I am dying from the lulz that Bradley James is inducing. It is so obvious that Merlin is still in Camelot and Arthur is hiding him under his bed. OH SHOW ♥
Right, so we have this Troll moment where we find out that she loves Dung the most? Ewww. Could have done without that knowledge, thanks show. I find the troll kind of amusing when she’s in troll form - she does the same thing, really, all the time. I don’t just mean eating like a pig and farting, I meant by the things she says and the way she says it - it’s always very “dramatic” or using phrases like “Uther is but a puppet on a string” or “My plan to undermine Arthur is underway”. LOL so robotic, so automated, I dunno. Just something I found amusing.
Anyway, we have a shot of Arthur’s useless Knights searching for Merlin and I am dying on the inside, because they have about 30 Knights looking on horseback and all in the same area, not scouring the ground properly or anything. And then they ~CONVENIENTLY~ find Merlin’s neckerchief lying on a log (LOL OBVIOUSNESS IS SO OBVIOUS) and a fire that’s ACTUALLY BEEN STONE WALLED *LOLOLOLOL* and I am totally convinced that Arthur was involved with that plan. Though the whole time I couldn’t help but think the show is taking the piss, almost like a parody of the third episode where Merlin’s failure at concealment lead him to be followed right to the Druids. LOL, AND GAIUS WAS IN ON IT. *LOL*
Oh Gwen, this scene really makes me love you. And I think that maybe the writers didn’t forget that Gwen once had a crush on Merlin after all. She looks so scared for Merlin and sounds like she’s about to cry as she’s worrying to Gaius! She knows firsthand how ruthless Uther can be (hello, when she was arrested and her father ordered to be executed?) Gaius is such an arse, just looks smug about it and it’s totally obvious he’s the one harbouring Merlin. -_-;
OH LOOK, I WAS RIGHT. THERE HE IS, MERLIN IN A BARREL. LOL THAT’S FILLED WITH WHEAT. OH HEART. Merlin really doesn’t have any survival instinct whatsoever, because as soon as he gets out of the barrel, RIGHT AFTER GAIUS SAID THAT THE FAKE TRIAL WON’T FOOL THEM FOR LONG, AND WARNED THAT HE WAS STILL A WANTED MAN, he runs off to Queen Catrina’s room. LIKE AN IDIOT. Though I’ll admit it’s pretty brave, he’s being such a good guy in all of this - saving everyone from her when it’s entirely possible he could be killed for it. Oh Merlin, you steal my heart. And the way he looks down at that window? Unf, I would do that. I can just imagine that’s how he much look when he has to kiss someone, because the boy’s got height. *daydreams*
………. What was I talking about again? Oh right, the troll. Apparently she hates being clean all the time and when she’s partially transformed back she gets all itchy? IDEK, it leads to an awesome camera shot though, where Sarah Parish swings her head up over the table, and I lul forever, even though I can’t quite figure out why it’s so funny.
Oh, the CGI in this bit made me giggle as well. The troll’s warts just waver and vanish after she’s taken the potion, they don’t even shrink or nothing fancy like that. LOLOLOLOLOL
We see more evidence of Merlin being totally UNSTEAHTLY, but because everyone in this show is an idiot, they don’t notice him just LURKING IN A CORNER. OR BEHIND A CUPBOARD. Yes, I am talking about the time when he just hid in a corner, behind something jutting out when Arthur told him to run, and the guards walked straight past him. Then you have this, where Catrina herself walks past and doesn’t even notice him standing there. And god, later it’s even worse, when Merlin is walking RIGHT BEHIND QUEEN CATRINA, NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE SNEAKY. Yet somehow he doesn’t get caught. THERE IS A LOGIC FAIL HERE, DO YOU SEE IT, WRITERS? PRODUCERS? DIRECTOR? NOBODY??
Oh heart, if I had any lingering doubts on my lost love of Arthur, let me just tell you now that this next scene had me swooning and aching for Arthur to the Nth degree. He stands up to his father and new step-mother when they propose to decree a new tax. He comes to the defence of his people and it’s so obvious that he doesn’t understand what’s come over his father! \o/ he said it - they’ve lived that way for years and he can’t understand why Uther would raise taxes when there is no need, and when the people can barely survive as it is. OH ARTHUR, MY OVARIES WANT YOU. YOUR CHILVARY - JUST - PWARR!!!
Merlin manages to stealthy sneak in Jonas’s room and actually manages to steal the potion without waking Jonas up. Can you believe it. *giggles at Jonas’s flailing in the bed XDD*
He takes it back to Gaius to see if he can’t make a copy of it, because LO AND BEHOLD. Merlin actually has a plan! And a very, very good plan! One that doesn’t involve magic and will actually do the job of exposing the bad guy. I am very impressed with Merlin’s intelligence this week. :D
Gaius sets to work finding out what is in the potion (aww, poor Gaius having to work through the night) and Merlin … goes off to sleep? Whatever, next morning we have the best moment in the history of Merlin/Gaius.
BUT FIRST. WE HAVE UTHER, SKULKING IN THE SHADOWS LIKE A CREEPY CREEP, WHO COMES BEARING FLOWERS. HE’S ALL ~SWAUVE~ TRYING TO BED HIS QUEEN, AND SHE’S ALL EEWWWWWWWWW, GTFO CREEPSTER. SO TO AVOID HAVING TO GO TO BED WITH HIM, SHE BREATHS ON HIM. HER STINKY BREATH KNOCKS HIM OUT AND I AM STILL LAUGHING, TWENTY MINUTES LATER. OH UTHER, YOUR LOVE~STRUCK FACE IS THE BEST THING SINCE ARTHUR/MERLIN. XDD
AND NOW, WE HAVE COLIN MORGAN’S TONGUE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AS HE TASTES THE MOST DISGUSTING POTION I’VE EVER HEARD. OMG, I AM NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT I DIDN’T EVEN PAY ATTENTION FIRST TIME ROUND, I WAS TOO BUSY STARING AT COLIN’S CHEEK’S AND HIS RIDICULOUSLY GOREGOUS FACE AS HE REACTS TO ALL THE HORRIBLE INGREDIENTS. MERLIN, YOU WALKED RIGHT INTO THAT ONE WITH YOUR SASSY, SARCASTIC “SOUNDS DELICIOUS” - GAIUS WAS EVER SO SMUG, TELLING YOU TO TASTE IT. LOLOLOLOLOL BRB, DYING.
;ALGKJ;ALFKJGA;LKFKJG;LAKFJLAKJ
COLIN’S RELUCTANT, SQUICKY FACE IS JUST … UUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNFFFFFFFF. AND THEN, THE FANGIRL GODS BLESSED US TODAY WITH A PROLONGED SHOT OF COLIN WITH HIS TONGUE OUT, LICKING HIS FINGER. AND HE WIPES IT ON HIS SLEEVE. ALKFJGAL;FKJAL;KGJFA;LKJJ
I CAN’T TELL YOU ALL OF THE PERVERTED PLACES MY MIND WENT. THOUGH THEY WERE NAMELY INVOLVING ARTHUR, HIS BEDS AND BETWEEN HIS SHEETS.
Ahhhhh haaaaaaa haaaaaaa …… right, still brain dead. Though Merlin manages to sneak past some more guards back into Catrina’s room and deposits the fake potion, BUT FORGETS TO CLOSE THE DOOR. YOU IDIOT. I’M TELLIN’ YA, NO SURVIVAL SKILLS WHATSOEVER. OF COURSE JONAS IS GOING TO HEAR THE SOUND OF YOUR MAGICING IT CLOSED, DUMMY. Thankfully he doesn’t get caught though. I love the actor playing Jonas, btw. He is really quite amazing, all the weird quirks he gave his character. XD
Now we have more amazing Arthur! Apparently the Crown Prince regularly strolls down the streets of Camelot without a guard or even an escort, despite the fact that everyone and everything has been trying to kill him since the show started. But no matter, he comes across his Knights or Guards carrying out the King’s bidding of robbing the people collecting taxes, and demands to see the money. Arthur then proceeds to order all of the villagers have their money returned, and I melt and *AWWWWWWW* because he did it all of his own goodwill (i.e., not having to be guided by Gwen or Merlin). And did anyone else notice the extras/villagers bowing quickly to Arthur as he left? LOL THAT’S WHAT REAL COMMONERS ARE MEANT TO DO, TAKE NOTE MERLIN. But I thought it was really adorable, because they still did it and it showed how much respect the townspeople have for Arthur. ♥
Merlin extras = AWESOME
Arthur stands up to his father and step-mother again (though mostly his step-mother), and tells her, basically, that she’s a cunt. LOL ARTHUR, YOUR SASS IS BARELY HIDDEN THERE. I C U.
AND ARTHUR WANTS TO BE FRIENDS WITH THE COMMON PEOPLE. THAT MEANS MERLIN PEOPLE, NEVER FORGET. HE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS WITH HIS SERVANT - I COULDN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP.
AS IF I COULD LOVE ARTHUR ANYMORE THIS EPISODE, HE TELLS HIS FATHER WHERE TO STICK IT. HE TELLS UTHER THAT HE’S WRONG AND THERE IS NO CAMELOT WITHOUT THE PEOPLE. OH HEART, ARTHUR, HOW CAN YOU BE SO FANTASTIC. ♥
Can I just take a moment here to say that Bradley is looking mighty fucking fine in those brown clothes of his. Are those pants/trousers leather? Because I want in those. Or off those, whatever. THEY MAKE HIM LOOK HOT, OK.
Uther is all ~indignant~ that his son is being disrespectful and Catrina gives him a shoulder rub. Almost rubbing his shoulders off in the process. LOL UTHER, YOUR PAIN!FACE IS AWESOME. LOVE THAT, GIMME MORE. PLEASE TELL ME I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE THINKING DIRTY THOUGHTS WHEN HIS VOICE SHUDDERS LIKE IT DOES, AND HE’S BREATHING SO HARD? NO? JUST ME? OK THEN.
*wants to ravish his sprawled body, in that throne*
Catrina goes back to her room to get more potion, and I lol at the obviously bad attempt at suspense, when you think Merlin might get caught (but you know he won’t). Instead Catrina just checks herself out in the mirror, going on about how lovely the crown will look on her head with those fluttery eyes of her. XD *LOL*
We have a sort of sweet moment between Gwen and Arthur, and I was kind of sad that it wasn’t Merlin who came in the door, especially after the last scene (with Merlin’s michevious giggling face, obviously up to something). I can actually stomach this Gwen/Arthur scene, because it’s like the last seasons interactions and it’s Ben Vanstone, so he likes to tone down the het. XD; I especially loved the “don’t ever change, not for anyone” remark, since it’s in such contradiction to the Gwen we knew of episode 2, where she was trying to stop him from being a prat. LOLWUT. *ignores that fact in favour of Bradley’s smiling face*
D: ARTHUR IS BEING DISINHERITED. OMG, WTF. BBQ!!! ARTHUR’S DEVASTATED FACE!! D: OH NOES, YOU POOR BABY!! D: OH, MY HEART!! HE EVEN STOPS GAIUS FROM INTERFERRING. D: AND THE WAY THE CAMERA IS ANGLED, SO THAT ARTHUR IS LOOKING UP AT UTHER, EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE THAT CLOSE. OH I C WOT U DID THAR SHOW, ALL YOUR SYMBOLOGY AND UTHER BEING ON HIS HIGH HORSE HERE.
Oh god, I can’t handle Bradley’s devastated face in this. My heart is bleeding for him, it really is. D: Though I’m glad to see everyone else in the room is like WTF at the news. Especially when everyone starts clapping belatedly at the news of Queen Catrina being the new Crown, but only after Hunky Knight performs what he sees to be his duty. XD Oh show
Merlin bursts into Gaius’s room looking all SQUEEEEEEEEEEE I DID IT!!!! :D!! looking like a child who wants a treat. I even see tears of happiness in his eyes!! *dies* Dammit Colin, you know I can’t resist your tear-eyes! Anyway, he realises something’s wrong and Gaius explains that Arthur has been disinherited. He also manages to realise what this means - that if Uther dies, Catrina will be ruler of Camelot. OH NOES, thinks Merlin. His Great Big Gay Destiny is in jeopardy!
At the Crowning of Queen Catrina, I want to cuddle Arthur so much. Even Morgana wants to cuddle him, he looks so helpless. Merlin’s skulking on a balcony, looking mighty pleased when Catrina starts scratching and he realises that his plan has worked. Catrina is rather uncomfortable, and I’m LOLing forever at her discomfort!face XDD; GAIUS’S SMUG GRIN, OMG TIS EPIC. And everyone is all ZOMGWTFBBQ when she’s quite rude to poor Geoffrey, Morgana’s :O face was made of pure WIN and Arthur is ONTO YOU. LOL AT UTHER’S BESOTTED, SMILING FACE AT HIS WIFE WHILE THE REST OF THE COURT GASPS AT HER RUDENESS. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL NO ONE KNOWS WHAT TO DO WHEN SHE RUNS OUT. LOLING FOREVER, HALF OF THEM BOW BELATEDLY, GWEN LOOKS AROUND BEMUSED AND ARTHUR AND MORGANA RUN AFTER THEM. AHAHAHA, THIS SHIT IS EPIC.
LOL @ THE GUARDS POINTING AFTER CATRINA. THE INNUENDO IS BLANTANT. DYING HERE GUYS, DYING.
Now isn’t this interesting that Merlin can suddenly run down some stairs and around corners without being seen, AND THEN CAN DO MAGIC WITHOUT SPEAKING? REALLY MERLIN, THIS WOULD BE SUCH A USEFUL TRICK AT OTHER TIMES. LIKE FIVE SECONDS LATER, WHEN YOU NEED TO LOCK THE DOORS. WTF, HOW DOES MERLIN’S MAGIC WORK ANYWAY?
Whatever, WE HAVE ARTHUR’S BITCH FACE. OMG HE LOOKS LIKE HE’S ABOUT TO SAY “BITCH, YOU CAN’T EVEN OPEN A DOOR?? PLEASE!” AND THEN SEES THE HAND. AT LEAST, THE PENNY DROPS. LOLOLOL AT ARTHUR’S REACTION TO SEEING THE HAND. BWAHAHAHA, BACKTRACK LIKE WHOA. MORGANA JUST THINKS SOMETHING GOING WRONG, BUT OH NO - ARTHUR KNOWS WHAT THIS BUSINESS IS ALL ABOUT. AND MERLIN IS RIGHT THERE, GIGGLING SMUGLY IN THE CORNER.
BRADLEY DISBELIEVING LOOK WHEN CATRINA IS ACTUALLY A TROLL. OMG, AND UTHER’S LOVE STRUCK LOOK CHANGING INTO ONE OF INDIGNATION ON HIS WIFE’S PART. OMGOMGOMG LOLOLOLOLOLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!11 XDDDDDD
“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.” INDEED ARTHUR, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR FATHER. OH MY GOD, PLEASE SAY THAT AGAIN. EVERY EPISODE, I INSIST. AND MORGANA/ARTHUR JUMPING IN FRIGHT FROM THE DOOR BEING RIPPED OFF.
“SHE JUST RIPPED A DOOR, OFF IT’S HINGES. DOESN’T THAT TELL YOU SOMETHING” INDEED ARTHUR, INDEED. LOLING AT YOUR FACE, FOREVER AND A DAY. ILU BB, SFM.
MORGANA/ARTHUR INSULTING TEAMWORK FTW. WHY ARE THEY NOT HAVING SEX, I DON’T UNDERSTAND. THEIR BABIES WOULD RULE THE WORLD WITH THEIR COMBINED AWESOMENESS.
Erm, right. We go from one epic scene to another, where I want to curl up in a ball and die, because I can’t quite figure out if I should love it or be repulsed. UTHER!TROLL LOVING, OMG. THEY EVEN GET ON THE BED, ALL INNUENDO AND SEXUAL LIKE. HOLY FUCKING SHIT, DON’T YOU DARE TELL ME THIS IS A KIDS SHOW. BBC, YOU HAVE NO FUCKING EXCUSE NOW WHY I CAN’T HAVE MY MERLIN/ARTHUR CANON.
OH GOD, SLOW MO LOVING MAKING WITH A TROLL. I CAN’T EVEN.
AND THEN THE COUNCIL COME IN TO TELL UTHER HIS WIFE IS A TROLL. LOL AND INSULT HIS WIFE AND UTHER IS ALL PISSY AGAIN. XDDDDDD “IN CASE IT HAS ESCAPED YOUR NOTICE … YOU’RE WIFE IS A TROLL, SIRE. WHAT WITH THE WARTS … SMELL … TUSKS … NOT THAT WE’RE SAYING IT’S NECESSSARILY A BAD THING, JUST THOUGHT WE’D POINT IT OUT TO YOU, IN CASE IT HAD PASSED YOU BY” LOL GAIUS, YOU WIN AT LIFE!!! THOUGH, UTHER DIDN’T LIKE THAT. XDDDDDD NOT ONCE BIT. XDDD
Merlin is busy studying up on trying to find a spell to break Catrina’s troll magic spell over Uther …when Gaius says they have no other option but to go to the Slash Dragon. OMG YAY, IT’S BEEN TOO LONG SLASH DRAGON!! ;D I wondered when he was going to show up again, and I am so fucking happy he’s here again, even if Merlin looks like he’d rather drink the rats gusts/sheep brain/ground toad Troll Transforming Potion than go down and ask for the Slash Dragon’s help.
Lets ignore the Catrina/Uther eating moment of eww, for the much more epic, much more awesome, moment that follows.
THE SLASH DRAGON’S LAUGHING AT YOU MERLIN. OH MY GOD, HE IS LAUGHING RIGHT AT YOUR FACE. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, MERLIN IS SO NOT AMUSED, DRAGON, BUT WE ALSO ARE DYING LAUGHING. XDDDDD I MUST AGREE WITH THE DRAGON WHEN HE SAYS IT IS INDEED, QUITE HILARIOUS. XDD
DRAGON’S LAUGH, JUST OHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOD. HIS SMILING FAAAAAAAACE!!!
*DEAD FROM AWESOME*
Slash Dragon calms himself down enough once Merlin mentions Arthur not becoming King and uniting Albion. Hmm, but I was under the impression that Merlin didn’t know this? Just that Arthur would be a great King and it was his destiny to rule Camelot? I could have sworn the Slash Dragon never said anything about Arthur actually uniting the lands. Though, maybe he worked it out on his own then?
BUT ANYWAY, WHO CARES ABOUT THAT. SLASH DRAGON SAID UTHER HAS TO CRY. THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS.
The Dragon reminds us that Merlin was there forever ago and he made a promise to free the Dragon. So Merlin aint getting help for free these days. And Merlin’s annoyed because the Dragon’s too cryptic and less helpful than he would like. XD
Anyway, back in the eating chamber, there is a Royal Council being held (I’m guessing) with Troll Catrina feasting on dung while being surrounded by the Royal Council. I’d say see looks happy as a pig in shit … but she is quite literally, a pig in shit. O_o;
But Uther/Catrina plan to introduce new taxes, and this time Knight Hunky-pants [Leroy? Was that his name?] objects on behalf of the absent Arthur, since the people are destitute anyway. Uther’s an arse and still enchanted, so he forces them to access his dumb new law. Knight Hunky-Pants also tells Uther it’s a bad idea for King Behard (sp?), from last season, to come visit and honour their marriage. Obviously its for the obvious Troll In The Room, but he says instead that it’s because you can’t trust him. BECAUSE HELLO, LAST TIME YOU THOUGHT HE TRIED TO POSION YOU SON. DUH.
CLEARLY MERLIN NEVER THINKS OF ANYONE BUT ARTHUR. Evidently Uther is going to be mindful of his son - probably the only person he allows his heart to be opened up to - but I still squee a little bit because I’m a slash fangirl. XD;
But yes, Gaius tells Merlin that Uther has to see his son die and I go \o/ OMGWTFBBQ!!!
NOW IS THE BEST PART OF THIS EPISODE SO FAR. ARTHUR IS CLIMBING INTO BED (LOL, HE’S WEARING A SHIRT I SEE) AND THEN MERLIN WHISPERS HIS NAAAAAAAAAAME IN AN ENTIRELY INAPPROPRIATE WAY FOR A CHILDRENS PROGRAMME, AND ALREADY THE SLASH GOGGLES ARE SPARKLING. PWAR, I DID SEE THAT FLASH OF HIP FLESH FROM UNDER BRADLEY SHIRT. BUT THEN MERLIN POPS OUT FROM UNDER ARTHUR’S BED AND ZOMG, MY BRAIN IS DEAD EVEN WITH THE FAKE SURPRISE GASP OF ARTHUR’S (YOU TOTALLY KNOW THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE~!), I AM DYING, UTTERLY DYING AT MERLIN’S GIGGLING, SQUEEFUL FACE.
ARTHUR IS WORRIED THAT MERLIN’S BEEN HIDING UNDER HIS BED THE WHOLE TIME. OH MY FUCKING GOD, MY BRAIN CAN’T EVEN DEAL. OH WHY SO WORRIED ARTHUR, WHAT NAUGHTINESS HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO, I WONDER. 8D EVEN MERLIN’S WONDERING WHAT’S YOUR DEAL.
WE HAVE A REPEAT PERFORMANCE OF “I TOLD YOU SO” PLEASE COLIN, DO THE MOUTH/LIPS THING. ARTHUR COULD NOT RESIST THOSE LIPS AND MOST DEFINITELY NOT IN THAT PURSUED WAY, SO JUST GET ON WITH IT ALREADY.
AND MERLIN REPAYS THE FAVOUR TO ARTHUR, OF NOT MAKING HIM WORRY ABOUT POTENTIAL UPCOMING DEATH SCENE BY FAILING TO MENTION THE POTION IS A POISION (*LOL*) AND THAT WITHOUT THE ANTIDOTE, HE COULD DIE. LOL, WAY TO MAKE YOUR LOVER WORRY, MERLIN.
ARTHUR’S DADDY ISSUES ARE BACK IN FULL FORCE, BECAUSE HE’S CONVINCED DADDY ~DOESN’T LOVE ME ANYMORE~ A;FKGJALGJALKJGA;LKJ
MERLIN HAS BEEN ENTRUSTED WITH ARTHUR’S LIFE, MAKING SURE HE GETS TO HIM WITH THE ANTIDOTE IN TIME. OMG, MERLIN DIDN’T WANT TO WORRY HIM SO HE DIDN’T TELL HIM ABOUT THE ANTIDOTE, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS ACTUALLY QUITE IMPORTANT. I AM SEEING GIANT BABY RATS HERE PEOPLE, WHAT ABOUT YOU?
THE EYESEX, I CAN’T EVEN.
AND THEN ARTHUR TAKES ONE LAST LOOK AT MERLIN, DRINKS THE POSION POTION AND FALLS INTO MERLIN’S ARMS.
MERLIN CRADDLING ARTHUR’S HEAD.
*DIES AN EPIC, FLAILING, FANGIRL DEATH*
Oh god, I can’t even deal after that scene. Thankfully they put some rather stupid bit about Merlin leaving the room here (why didn’t he just hide in a corner???) and getting a vase dropped on his head *LOL* by Jonas as revenge for last week. But oh noes, the potion has smashed!! D: D: D:!!
Uther rushes to Arthur’s “dead” body and I am NGL, I was checking out his manpackage. I mean, I was wibbling at Uther’s devastated face. Yes, that’s it. Yes, yes. Elsewhere Merlin wakes up and desperately tries to mop up the antidote with his neckerchief (now aren’t you glad he had one!). Troll!Catrina tries to stop Uther from crying - but OHMYGOD, UTHER’S CRYING FACE!! \O/ I am melting, I’m not gonna lie. SUCH AMAZING ACTING while still crying but scared out of his wits that he’s now seeing that his wife’s a troll. \o/ Anthony Head, you are amazing. His repulsed, disgusted look as the troll describes all the naughty things that happened over the last few weeks. XDDDDD DYING FROM LULZ HERE.
AND NOW WE HAVE A CLOSE UP OF ARTHUR’S LIPS. AS MERLIN’S DROPS A SINGLE DROP OF POTION INTO HIS MOUTH. TELL ME YOU WEREN’T THINKING NAUGHTY THOUGHTS. I KNOW MY MIND WENT STRAIGHT TO FANFIC
Merlin helps Arthur up (*squee*) and Arthur decides to take on the Troll that manages to beat up Uther’s guards with relative ease. He runs into her and I expect it’s like running into a train. LOL BRADLEY’S FACE. And ZOMG, see that shot of Merlin, with tears in his eyes! I’m willing to bet everything I own that they’re from before, when he was really worried about whether he would be able to administer that one drop of antidote. IT’S LOVE PEOPLE, ON EPIC SCALE.
AND THEN BRADLEY JAMES IS THROWN AGAINST A WALL, AND THAT FACE HE MAKES GETS ME ALL HOT AND BOTHERED. I DON’T KNOW WHY, IT JUST DOES.
*CREAMS PANTS*
When Jonas comes in to help his mistress fight, I was so certain that just before he goes to stab Arthur, that Merlin would use magic to protect Arthur. I was like OMG WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU CAN’T USE MAGIC IN FRONT OF THE KING. Though I don’t really know if the King is knocked out or not … one would think so, but MERLIN, YOU IDIOT, DO YOU WANT TO DIE?
TROLL AND JONAS DEATH SCENE = MADE OF WIN. LOL @ JONAS’S DEATH FACE. LOLING @ ARTHUR’S DISGUSTED FACE. LOLING AT TROLL DYING. XDD
AWKWARD DINING MOMENT, FTW. UTHER APOLOGIES AND THEN GROSSES ARTHUR OUT TO THE NTH DEGREE, WHILE EVERYONE AT HOME DIES A LITTLE INSIDE. OMG, THE SEXUAL INNENDO - YOU TOTALLY KNOW THE TROLL AND UTHER *DID IT*. CLEARLY ARTHUR FINDS IT HIGHLY AMUSING. DID YOU CHECK OUT THAT LAUGH?!?!?!?! XDDD
AND AS IF THE EPISODE COULD GET NO FUCKING BETTER, WE HAVE THE LAST 60 SECONDS WITH PURE, SLASH GOLD.
ARTHUR ADMITS TO MERLIN BEING RIGHT.
ARTHUR SAYS THERE IS SOMETHING SHIFTY ABOUT MERLIN. THAT HE HAS A SECRET.
YEA, ARTHUR. IT’S A GAY SECRET. YOU SHARE IT.
MERLIN RESPONDS THAT “HE IS AN OPEN BOOK” AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT “I HAVE OPEN LEGS” BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT SLASH GOGGLES DO TO YOU.
THEY HAVE AN AWKWARD SILENT MOMENT OF SQUEALABLE FABULOUSNESS, BECAUSE YOU JUST KNOW SOMETHING AWESOME IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
AND IT DOES. MERLIN GOES TO HUG ARTHUR. A;LFGJALGKJALJA
BUT ARTHUR IS ALL “WHOOOOOOOOOOA NOW, NOT SO FAST. GOTTA TAKE THESE THINGS SLOW”
AAAAAAAAAH, ARTHUR’S FACE WHEN HE SAYS “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo”
THEY HAVE SYNCONISED HAND LOWERING, AND ARTHUR ALMOST LOOKS LIKE HE WANTS TO DO IT ANYWAY, BUT EVENTUALLY STALKS OFF.
MERLIN TOTALLY KNOWS YOU WANTED IT, STOP BEING SUCH A BITCH AND JUST GIVE HIM THE HUG DAMMIT. BY THAT LOOK, EVEN MERLIN’S FIGURED OUT YOU LOVES HIM BY NOW.
I.
AM.
DEAD.
There is no way that I can review or share my thoughts on this episode without massive Capslock and Squee’s of fury. Just so you know.
HOW IS IT THAT THE CLIP WE SAW THE OTHER DAY IS IN THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES? OH ARTHUR, YOU’RE PROTECTING YOUR DEAREST LOVE, YOU CANNOT DENY IT. BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT ARTHUR KNEW EXACTLY WHERE MERLIN WAS, AND SENT ALL HIS GUARDS OFF TO WHERE MERLIN WOULDN’T BE. LIKE THE KITCHENS AND THE STABLES. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, AAAAAAAAAAAARTHUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111!!11!111 JUST ADMIT YOU LOVE HIM ALREADY, EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS!!
Right, so this establishes (rather well, I might add - Ben Vanstone, you need a raise, you are by far the most amazing writer on the team) that Catrina is undermining Arthur and his servant, and using her power over Uther to persuade him to do all sorts of terrible things. I mean, more terrible than usual, that is. I LOVED Anthony Head in this episode, he is fantastic all love-drugged, I laughed SO HARD. I nearly wet myself when he came into the room HORNY AS ALL FUCKING HELL and started kissing Catarina’s arm and *swooning* into her and looking like he wants to ravish her. OH SHOW. THIS IS WHAT WE CALL CRACK FOR THE SOUL.
Then we had Merlin being warned by Arthur, and I continue to FLAIL ABOUT LIKE A RETARD PERSON, because of Bradley James’ faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace after he told Merlin to go. Seriously, not gonna lie, it was JUST LIKE he had told Merlin to go and save himself, and that he would hold them off (referring to the guards). Does anyone see my correlation here? So yes, Merlin tries to convince Arthur again and Arthur’s all “I don’t care” in that voice that melts chocolate. He’s too busy worrying about Merlin’s wellbeing. The way that he tells Merlin to go, you just KNOW he wanted to kiss him goodbye. DON’T YOU KNOW IT. :D!!!!!!
After Merlin runs away Arthur confronts his father and MY SLASHIEST DREAMS COME TO LIFE. OH GOOD LORD, ARTHUR IS SO OBVIOUSLY SUPREMELY UNCONCERNED THAT HE HASN’T CAUGHT MERLIN, OF COURSE ANYONE WOULD BE SUSPICIOUS. THIS IS WHY THE WHOLE COURT THINKS YOUR SLEEPING WITH HIM ARTHUR.
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH ARTHUR EVEN SAID THAT “MERLIN’S NOT STUPID” EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? THAT EVEN THOUGH HE CALLS MERLIN AN IDIOT ALL THE TIME, HE DOESN’T REALLY MEAN IT. WE ALL KNEW THAT ANYWAY, BUT NOW ARTHUR HAS ACTUALLY ADMITTED TO IT. THEREFORE, ALL HIS PRETENCE IS JUST DENIAL NOW. A;LKFGJAL;KGJA;LFKJA;LKGJ;LFKJAL;GKJA;LKFJAL;FKJAL;KFJKJ
*DED*
Oh my god, Arthur fidgeting and rubbing his arm and eyes while talking with the King and Queen is SUCH a disrespectful thing to do, he could only have picked it up from Merlin. And then he got all ~indignant~ when Catarina basically told him he was a no-hoper. LOL, ARTHUR YOUR FACE IS PRICELESS. And Arthur like “bitch please, I wouldn’t hand my boyfriend over to you even if you tried to kill me” with his “don’t even know that Merlin’s still in Camelot” business and I am dying from the lulz that Bradley James is inducing. It is so obvious that Merlin is still in Camelot and Arthur is hiding him under his bed. OH SHOW ♥
Right, so we have this Troll moment where we find out that she loves Dung the most? Ewww. Could have done without that knowledge, thanks show. I find the troll kind of amusing when she’s in troll form - she does the same thing, really, all the time. I don’t just mean eating like a pig and farting, I meant by the things she says and the way she says it - it’s always very “dramatic” or using phrases like “Uther is but a puppet on a string” or “My plan to undermine Arthur is underway”. LOL so robotic, so automated, I dunno. Just something I found amusing.
Anyway, we have a shot of Arthur’s useless Knights searching for Merlin and I am dying on the inside, because they have about 30 Knights looking on horseback and all in the same area, not scouring the ground properly or anything. And then they ~CONVENIENTLY~ find Merlin’s neckerchief lying on a log (LOL OBVIOUSNESS IS SO OBVIOUS) and a fire that’s ACTUALLY BEEN STONE WALLED *LOLOLOLOL* and I am totally convinced that Arthur was involved with that plan. Though the whole time I couldn’t help but think the show is taking the piss, almost like a parody of the third episode where Merlin’s failure at concealment lead him to be followed right to the Druids. LOL, AND GAIUS WAS IN ON IT. *LOL*
Oh Gwen, this scene really makes me love you. And I think that maybe the writers didn’t forget that Gwen once had a crush on Merlin after all. She looks so scared for Merlin and sounds like she’s about to cry as she’s worrying to Gaius! She knows firsthand how ruthless Uther can be (hello, when she was arrested and her father ordered to be executed?) Gaius is such an arse, just looks smug about it and it’s totally obvious he’s the one harbouring Merlin. -_-;
OH LOOK, I WAS RIGHT. THERE HE IS, MERLIN IN A BARREL. LOL THAT’S FILLED WITH WHEAT. OH HEART. Merlin really doesn’t have any survival instinct whatsoever, because as soon as he gets out of the barrel, RIGHT AFTER GAIUS SAID THAT THE FAKE TRIAL WON’T FOOL THEM FOR LONG, AND WARNED THAT HE WAS STILL A WANTED MAN, he runs off to Queen Catrina’s room. LIKE AN IDIOT. Though I’ll admit it’s pretty brave, he’s being such a good guy in all of this - saving everyone from her when it’s entirely possible he could be killed for it. Oh Merlin, you steal my heart. And the way he looks down at that window? Unf, I would do that. I can just imagine that’s how he much look when he has to kiss someone, because the boy’s got height. *daydreams*
………. What was I talking about again? Oh right, the troll. Apparently she hates being clean all the time and when she’s partially transformed back she gets all itchy? IDEK, it leads to an awesome camera shot though, where Sarah Parish swings her head up over the table, and I lul forever, even though I can’t quite figure out why it’s so funny.
Oh, the CGI in this bit made me giggle as well. The troll’s warts just waver and vanish after she’s taken the potion, they don’t even shrink or nothing fancy like that. LOLOLOLOLOL
We see more evidence of Merlin being totally UNSTEAHTLY, but because everyone in this show is an idiot, they don’t notice him just LURKING IN A CORNER. OR BEHIND A CUPBOARD. Yes, I am talking about the time when he just hid in a corner, behind something jutting out when Arthur told him to run, and the guards walked straight past him. Then you have this, where Catrina herself walks past and doesn’t even notice him standing there. And god, later it’s even worse, when Merlin is walking RIGHT BEHIND QUEEN CATRINA, NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE SNEAKY. Yet somehow he doesn’t get caught. THERE IS A LOGIC FAIL HERE, DO YOU SEE IT, WRITERS? PRODUCERS? DIRECTOR? NOBODY??
Oh heart, if I had any lingering doubts on my lost love of Arthur, let me just tell you now that this next scene had me swooning and aching for Arthur to the Nth degree. He stands up to his father and new step-mother when they propose to decree a new tax. He comes to the defence of his people and it’s so obvious that he doesn’t understand what’s come over his father! \o/ he said it - they’ve lived that way for years and he can’t understand why Uther would raise taxes when there is no need, and when the people can barely survive as it is. OH ARTHUR, MY OVARIES WANT YOU. YOUR CHILVARY - JUST - PWARR!!!
Merlin manages to stealthy sneak in Jonas’s room and actually manages to steal the potion without waking Jonas up. Can you believe it. *giggles at Jonas’s flailing in the bed XDD*
He takes it back to Gaius to see if he can’t make a copy of it, because LO AND BEHOLD. Merlin actually has a plan! And a very, very good plan! One that doesn’t involve magic and will actually do the job of exposing the bad guy. I am very impressed with Merlin’s intelligence this week. :D
Gaius sets to work finding out what is in the potion (aww, poor Gaius having to work through the night) and Merlin … goes off to sleep? Whatever, next morning we have the best moment in the history of Merlin/Gaius.
BUT FIRST. WE HAVE UTHER, SKULKING IN THE SHADOWS LIKE A CREEPY CREEP, WHO COMES BEARING FLOWERS. HE’S ALL ~SWAUVE~ TRYING TO BED HIS QUEEN, AND SHE’S ALL EEWWWWWWWWW, GTFO CREEPSTER. SO TO AVOID HAVING TO GO TO BED WITH HIM, SHE BREATHS ON HIM. HER STINKY BREATH KNOCKS HIM OUT AND I AM STILL LAUGHING, TWENTY MINUTES LATER. OH UTHER, YOUR LOVE~STRUCK FACE IS THE BEST THING SINCE ARTHUR/MERLIN. XDD
AND NOW, WE HAVE COLIN MORGAN’S TONGUE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AS HE TASTES THE MOST DISGUSTING POTION I’VE EVER HEARD. OMG, I AM NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT I DIDN’T EVEN PAY ATTENTION FIRST TIME ROUND, I WAS TOO BUSY STARING AT COLIN’S CHEEK’S AND HIS RIDICULOUSLY GOREGOUS FACE AS HE REACTS TO ALL THE HORRIBLE INGREDIENTS. MERLIN, YOU WALKED RIGHT INTO THAT ONE WITH YOUR SASSY, SARCASTIC “SOUNDS DELICIOUS” - GAIUS WAS EVER SO SMUG, TELLING YOU TO TASTE IT. LOLOLOLOLOL BRB, DYING.
;ALGKJ;ALFKJGA;LKFKJG;LAKFJLAKJ
COLIN’S RELUCTANT, SQUICKY FACE IS JUST … UUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNFFFFFFFF. AND THEN, THE FANGIRL GODS BLESSED US TODAY WITH A PROLONGED SHOT OF COLIN WITH HIS TONGUE OUT, LICKING HIS FINGER. AND HE WIPES IT ON HIS SLEEVE. ALKFJGAL;FKJAL;KGJFA;LKJJ
I CAN’T TELL YOU ALL OF THE PERVERTED PLACES MY MIND WENT. THOUGH THEY WERE NAMELY INVOLVING ARTHUR, HIS BEDS AND BETWEEN HIS SHEETS.
Ahhhhh haaaaaaa haaaaaaa …… right, still brain dead. Though Merlin manages to sneak past some more guards back into Catrina’s room and deposits the fake potion, BUT FORGETS TO CLOSE THE DOOR. YOU IDIOT. I’M TELLIN’ YA, NO SURVIVAL SKILLS WHATSOEVER. OF COURSE JONAS IS GOING TO HEAR THE SOUND OF YOUR MAGICING IT CLOSED, DUMMY. Thankfully he doesn’t get caught though. I love the actor playing Jonas, btw. He is really quite amazing, all the weird quirks he gave his character. XD
Now we have more amazing Arthur! Apparently the Crown Prince regularly strolls down the streets of Camelot without a guard or even an escort, despite the fact that everyone and everything has been trying to kill him since the show started. But no matter, he comes across his Knights or Guards carrying out the King’s bidding of robbing the people collecting taxes, and demands to see the money. Arthur then proceeds to order all of the villagers have their money returned, and I melt and *AWWWWWWW* because he did it all of his own goodwill (i.e., not having to be guided by Gwen or Merlin). And did anyone else notice the extras/villagers bowing quickly to Arthur as he left? LOL THAT’S WHAT REAL COMMONERS ARE MEANT TO DO, TAKE NOTE MERLIN. But I thought it was really adorable, because they still did it and it showed how much respect the townspeople have for Arthur. ♥
Merlin extras = AWESOME
Arthur stands up to his father and step-mother again (though mostly his step-mother), and tells her, basically, that she’s a cunt. LOL ARTHUR, YOUR SASS IS BARELY HIDDEN THERE. I C U.
AND ARTHUR WANTS TO BE FRIENDS WITH THE COMMON PEOPLE. THAT MEANS MERLIN PEOPLE, NEVER FORGET. HE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS WITH HIS SERVANT - I COULDN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP.
AS IF I COULD LOVE ARTHUR ANYMORE THIS EPISODE, HE TELLS HIS FATHER WHERE TO STICK IT. HE TELLS UTHER THAT HE’S WRONG AND THERE IS NO CAMELOT WITHOUT THE PEOPLE. OH HEART, ARTHUR, HOW CAN YOU BE SO FANTASTIC. ♥
Can I just take a moment here to say that Bradley is looking mighty fucking fine in those brown clothes of his. Are those pants/trousers leather? Because I want in those. Or off those, whatever. THEY MAKE HIM LOOK HOT, OK.
Uther is all ~indignant~ that his son is being disrespectful and Catrina gives him a shoulder rub. Almost rubbing his shoulders off in the process. LOL UTHER, YOUR PAIN!FACE IS AWESOME. LOVE THAT, GIMME MORE. PLEASE TELL ME I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE THINKING DIRTY THOUGHTS WHEN HIS VOICE SHUDDERS LIKE IT DOES, AND HE’S BREATHING SO HARD? NO? JUST ME? OK THEN.
*wants to ravish his sprawled body, in that throne*
Catrina goes back to her room to get more potion, and I lol at the obviously bad attempt at suspense, when you think Merlin might get caught (but you know he won’t). Instead Catrina just checks herself out in the mirror, going on about how lovely the crown will look on her head with those fluttery eyes of her. XD *LOL*
We have a sort of sweet moment between Gwen and Arthur, and I was kind of sad that it wasn’t Merlin who came in the door, especially after the last scene (with Merlin’s michevious giggling face, obviously up to something). I can actually stomach this Gwen/Arthur scene, because it’s like the last seasons interactions and it’s Ben Vanstone, so he likes to tone down the het. XD; I especially loved the “don’t ever change, not for anyone” remark, since it’s in such contradiction to the Gwen we knew of episode 2, where she was trying to stop him from being a prat. LOLWUT. *ignores that fact in favour of Bradley’s smiling face*
D: ARTHUR IS BEING DISINHERITED. OMG, WTF. BBQ!!! ARTHUR’S DEVASTATED FACE!! D: OH NOES, YOU POOR BABY!! D: OH, MY HEART!! HE EVEN STOPS GAIUS FROM INTERFERRING. D: AND THE WAY THE CAMERA IS ANGLED, SO THAT ARTHUR IS LOOKING UP AT UTHER, EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE THAT CLOSE. OH I C WOT U DID THAR SHOW, ALL YOUR SYMBOLOGY AND UTHER BEING ON HIS HIGH HORSE HERE.
Oh god, I can’t handle Bradley’s devastated face in this. My heart is bleeding for him, it really is. D: Though I’m glad to see everyone else in the room is like WTF at the news. Especially when everyone starts clapping belatedly at the news of Queen Catrina being the new Crown, but only after Hunky Knight performs what he sees to be his duty. XD Oh show
Merlin bursts into Gaius’s room looking all SQUEEEEEEEEEEE I DID IT!!!! :D!! looking like a child who wants a treat. I even see tears of happiness in his eyes!! *dies* Dammit Colin, you know I can’t resist your tear-eyes! Anyway, he realises something’s wrong and Gaius explains that Arthur has been disinherited. He also manages to realise what this means - that if Uther dies, Catrina will be ruler of Camelot. OH NOES, thinks Merlin. His Great Big Gay Destiny is in jeopardy!
At the Crowning of Queen Catrina, I want to cuddle Arthur so much. Even Morgana wants to cuddle him, he looks so helpless. Merlin’s skulking on a balcony, looking mighty pleased when Catrina starts scratching and he realises that his plan has worked. Catrina is rather uncomfortable, and I’m LOLing forever at her discomfort!face XDD; GAIUS’S SMUG GRIN, OMG TIS EPIC. And everyone is all ZOMGWTFBBQ when she’s quite rude to poor Geoffrey, Morgana’s :O face was made of pure WIN and Arthur is ONTO YOU. LOL AT UTHER’S BESOTTED, SMILING FACE AT HIS WIFE WHILE THE REST OF THE COURT GASPS AT HER RUDENESS. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL NO ONE KNOWS WHAT TO DO WHEN SHE RUNS OUT. LOLING FOREVER, HALF OF THEM BOW BELATEDLY, GWEN LOOKS AROUND BEMUSED AND ARTHUR AND MORGANA RUN AFTER THEM. AHAHAHA, THIS SHIT IS EPIC.
LOL @ THE GUARDS POINTING AFTER CATRINA. THE INNUENDO IS BLANTANT. DYING HERE GUYS, DYING.
Now isn’t this interesting that Merlin can suddenly run down some stairs and around corners without being seen, AND THEN CAN DO MAGIC WITHOUT SPEAKING? REALLY MERLIN, THIS WOULD BE SUCH A USEFUL TRICK AT OTHER TIMES. LIKE FIVE SECONDS LATER, WHEN YOU NEED TO LOCK THE DOORS. WTF, HOW DOES MERLIN’S MAGIC WORK ANYWAY?
Whatever, WE HAVE ARTHUR’S BITCH FACE. OMG HE LOOKS LIKE HE’S ABOUT TO SAY “BITCH, YOU CAN’T EVEN OPEN A DOOR?? PLEASE!” AND THEN SEES THE HAND. AT LEAST, THE PENNY DROPS. LOLOLOL AT ARTHUR’S REACTION TO SEEING THE HAND. BWAHAHAHA, BACKTRACK LIKE WHOA. MORGANA JUST THINKS SOMETHING GOING WRONG, BUT OH NO - ARTHUR KNOWS WHAT THIS BUSINESS IS ALL ABOUT. AND MERLIN IS RIGHT THERE, GIGGLING SMUGLY IN THE CORNER.
BRADLEY DISBELIEVING LOOK WHEN CATRINA IS ACTUALLY A TROLL. OMG, AND UTHER’S LOVE STRUCK LOOK CHANGING INTO ONE OF INDIGNATION ON HIS WIFE’S PART. OMGOMGOMG LOLOLOLOLOLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!11 XDDDDDD
“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.” INDEED ARTHUR, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR FATHER. OH MY GOD, PLEASE SAY THAT AGAIN. EVERY EPISODE, I INSIST. AND MORGANA/ARTHUR JUMPING IN FRIGHT FROM THE DOOR BEING RIPPED OFF.
“SHE JUST RIPPED A DOOR, OFF IT’S HINGES. DOESN’T THAT TELL YOU SOMETHING” INDEED ARTHUR, INDEED. LOLING AT YOUR FACE, FOREVER AND A DAY. ILU BB, SFM.
MORGANA/ARTHUR INSULTING TEAMWORK FTW. WHY ARE THEY NOT HAVING SEX, I DON’T UNDERSTAND. THEIR BABIES WOULD RULE THE WORLD WITH THEIR COMBINED AWESOMENESS.
Erm, right. We go from one epic scene to another, where I want to curl up in a ball and die, because I can’t quite figure out if I should love it or be repulsed. UTHER!TROLL LOVING, OMG. THEY EVEN GET ON THE BED, ALL INNUENDO AND SEXUAL LIKE. HOLY FUCKING SHIT, DON’T YOU DARE TELL ME THIS IS A KIDS SHOW. BBC, YOU HAVE NO FUCKING EXCUSE NOW WHY I CAN’T HAVE MY MERLIN/ARTHUR CANON.
OH GOD, SLOW MO LOVING MAKING WITH A TROLL. I CAN’T EVEN.
AND THEN THE COUNCIL COME IN TO TELL UTHER HIS WIFE IS A TROLL. LOL AND INSULT HIS WIFE AND UTHER IS ALL PISSY AGAIN. XDDDDDD “IN CASE IT HAS ESCAPED YOUR NOTICE … YOU’RE WIFE IS A TROLL, SIRE. WHAT WITH THE WARTS … SMELL … TUSKS … NOT THAT WE’RE SAYING IT’S NECESSSARILY A BAD THING, JUST THOUGHT WE’D POINT IT OUT TO YOU, IN CASE IT HAD PASSED YOU BY” LOL GAIUS, YOU WIN AT LIFE!!! THOUGH, UTHER DIDN’T LIKE THAT. XDDDDDD NOT ONCE BIT. XDDD
Merlin is busy studying up on trying to find a spell to break Catrina’s troll magic spell over Uther …when Gaius says they have no other option but to go to the Slash Dragon. OMG YAY, IT’S BEEN TOO LONG SLASH DRAGON!! ;D I wondered when he was going to show up again, and I am so fucking happy he’s here again, even if Merlin looks like he’d rather drink the rats gusts/sheep brain/ground toad Troll Transforming Potion than go down and ask for the Slash Dragon’s help.
Lets ignore the Catrina/Uther eating moment of eww, for the much more epic, much more awesome, moment that follows.
THE SLASH DRAGON’S LAUGHING AT YOU MERLIN. OH MY GOD, HE IS LAUGHING RIGHT AT YOUR FACE. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, MERLIN IS SO NOT AMUSED, DRAGON, BUT WE ALSO ARE DYING LAUGHING. XDDDDD I MUST AGREE WITH THE DRAGON WHEN HE SAYS IT IS INDEED, QUITE HILARIOUS. XDD
DRAGON’S LAUGH, JUST OHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOD. HIS SMILING FAAAAAAAACE!!!
*DEAD FROM AWESOME*
Slash Dragon calms himself down enough once Merlin mentions Arthur not becoming King and uniting Albion. Hmm, but I was under the impression that Merlin didn’t know this? Just that Arthur would be a great King and it was his destiny to rule Camelot? I could have sworn the Slash Dragon never said anything about Arthur actually uniting the lands. Though, maybe he worked it out on his own then?
BUT ANYWAY, WHO CARES ABOUT THAT. SLASH DRAGON SAID UTHER HAS TO CRY. THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS.
The Dragon reminds us that Merlin was there forever ago and he made a promise to free the Dragon. So Merlin aint getting help for free these days. And Merlin’s annoyed because the Dragon’s too cryptic and less helpful than he would like. XD
Anyway, back in the eating chamber, there is a Royal Council being held (I’m guessing) with Troll Catrina feasting on dung while being surrounded by the Royal Council. I’d say see looks happy as a pig in shit … but she is quite literally, a pig in shit. O_o;
But Uther/Catrina plan to introduce new taxes, and this time Knight Hunky-pants [Leroy? Was that his name?] objects on behalf of the absent Arthur, since the people are destitute anyway. Uther’s an arse and still enchanted, so he forces them to access his dumb new law. Knight Hunky-Pants also tells Uther it’s a bad idea for King Behard (sp?), from last season, to come visit and honour their marriage. Obviously its for the obvious Troll In The Room, but he says instead that it’s because you can’t trust him. BECAUSE HELLO, LAST TIME YOU THOUGHT HE TRIED TO POSION YOU SON. DUH.
CLEARLY MERLIN NEVER THINKS OF ANYONE BUT ARTHUR. Evidently Uther is going to be mindful of his son - probably the only person he allows his heart to be opened up to - but I still squee a little bit because I’m a slash fangirl. XD;
But yes, Gaius tells Merlin that Uther has to see his son die and I go \o/ OMGWTFBBQ!!!
NOW IS THE BEST PART OF THIS EPISODE SO FAR. ARTHUR IS CLIMBING INTO BED (LOL, HE’S WEARING A SHIRT I SEE) AND THEN MERLIN WHISPERS HIS NAAAAAAAAAAME IN AN ENTIRELY INAPPROPRIATE WAY FOR A CHILDRENS PROGRAMME, AND ALREADY THE SLASH GOGGLES ARE SPARKLING. PWAR, I DID SEE THAT FLASH OF HIP FLESH FROM UNDER BRADLEY SHIRT. BUT THEN MERLIN POPS OUT FROM UNDER ARTHUR’S BED AND ZOMG, MY BRAIN IS DEAD EVEN WITH THE FAKE SURPRISE GASP OF ARTHUR’S (YOU TOTALLY KNOW THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE~!), I AM DYING, UTTERLY DYING AT MERLIN’S GIGGLING, SQUEEFUL FACE.
ARTHUR IS WORRIED THAT MERLIN’S BEEN HIDING UNDER HIS BED THE WHOLE TIME. OH MY FUCKING GOD, MY BRAIN CAN’T EVEN DEAL. OH WHY SO WORRIED ARTHUR, WHAT NAUGHTINESS HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO, I WONDER. 8D EVEN MERLIN’S WONDERING WHAT’S YOUR DEAL.
WE HAVE A REPEAT PERFORMANCE OF “I TOLD YOU SO” PLEASE COLIN, DO THE MOUTH/LIPS THING. ARTHUR COULD NOT RESIST THOSE LIPS AND MOST DEFINITELY NOT IN THAT PURSUED WAY, SO JUST GET ON WITH IT ALREADY.
AND MERLIN REPAYS THE FAVOUR TO ARTHUR, OF NOT MAKING HIM WORRY ABOUT POTENTIAL UPCOMING DEATH SCENE BY FAILING TO MENTION THE POTION IS A POISION (*LOL*) AND THAT WITHOUT THE ANTIDOTE, HE COULD DIE. LOL, WAY TO MAKE YOUR LOVER WORRY, MERLIN.
ARTHUR’S DADDY ISSUES ARE BACK IN FULL FORCE, BECAUSE HE’S CONVINCED DADDY ~DOESN’T LOVE ME ANYMORE~ A;FKGJALGJALKJGA;LKJ
MERLIN HAS BEEN ENTRUSTED WITH ARTHUR’S LIFE, MAKING SURE HE GETS TO HIM WITH THE ANTIDOTE IN TIME. OMG, MERLIN DIDN’T WANT TO WORRY HIM SO HE DIDN’T TELL HIM ABOUT THE ANTIDOTE, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS ACTUALLY QUITE IMPORTANT. I AM SEEING GIANT BABY RATS HERE PEOPLE, WHAT ABOUT YOU?
THE EYESEX, I CAN’T EVEN.
AND THEN ARTHUR TAKES ONE LAST LOOK AT MERLIN, DRINKS THE POSION POTION AND FALLS INTO MERLIN’S ARMS.
MERLIN CRADDLING ARTHUR’S HEAD.
*DIES AN EPIC, FLAILING, FANGIRL DEATH*
Oh god, I can’t even deal after that scene. Thankfully they put some rather stupid bit about Merlin leaving the room here (why didn’t he just hide in a corner???) and getting a vase dropped on his head *LOL* by Jonas as revenge for last week. But oh noes, the potion has smashed!! D: D: D:!!
Uther rushes to Arthur’s “dead” body and I am NGL, I was checking out his manpackage. I mean, I was wibbling at Uther’s devastated face. Yes, that’s it. Yes, yes. Elsewhere Merlin wakes up and desperately tries to mop up the antidote with his neckerchief (now aren’t you glad he had one!). Troll!Catrina tries to stop Uther from crying - but OHMYGOD, UTHER’S CRYING FACE!! \O/ I am melting, I’m not gonna lie. SUCH AMAZING ACTING while still crying but scared out of his wits that he’s now seeing that his wife’s a troll. \o/ Anthony Head, you are amazing. His repulsed, disgusted look as the troll describes all the naughty things that happened over the last few weeks. XDDDDD DYING FROM LULZ HERE.
AND NOW WE HAVE A CLOSE UP OF ARTHUR’S LIPS. AS MERLIN’S DROPS A SINGLE DROP OF POTION INTO HIS MOUTH. TELL ME YOU WEREN’T THINKING NAUGHTY THOUGHTS. I KNOW MY MIND WENT STRAIGHT TO FANFIC
Merlin helps Arthur up (*squee*) and Arthur decides to take on the Troll that manages to beat up Uther’s guards with relative ease. He runs into her and I expect it’s like running into a train. LOL BRADLEY’S FACE. And ZOMG, see that shot of Merlin, with tears in his eyes! I’m willing to bet everything I own that they’re from before, when he was really worried about whether he would be able to administer that one drop of antidote. IT’S LOVE PEOPLE, ON EPIC SCALE.
AND THEN BRADLEY JAMES IS THROWN AGAINST A WALL, AND THAT FACE HE MAKES GETS ME ALL HOT AND BOTHERED. I DON’T KNOW WHY, IT JUST DOES.
*CREAMS PANTS*
When Jonas comes in to help his mistress fight, I was so certain that just before he goes to stab Arthur, that Merlin would use magic to protect Arthur. I was like OMG WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU CAN’T USE MAGIC IN FRONT OF THE KING. Though I don’t really know if the King is knocked out or not … one would think so, but MERLIN, YOU IDIOT, DO YOU WANT TO DIE?
TROLL AND JONAS DEATH SCENE = MADE OF WIN. LOL @ JONAS’S DEATH FACE. LOLING @ ARTHUR’S DISGUSTED FACE. LOLING AT TROLL DYING. XDD
AWKWARD DINING MOMENT, FTW. UTHER APOLOGIES AND THEN GROSSES ARTHUR OUT TO THE NTH DEGREE, WHILE EVERYONE AT HOME DIES A LITTLE INSIDE. OMG, THE SEXUAL INNENDO - YOU TOTALLY KNOW THE TROLL AND UTHER *DID IT*. CLEARLY ARTHUR FINDS IT HIGHLY AMUSING. DID YOU CHECK OUT THAT LAUGH?!?!?!?! XDDD
AND AS IF THE EPISODE COULD GET NO FUCKING BETTER, WE HAVE THE LAST 60 SECONDS WITH PURE, SLASH GOLD.
ARTHUR ADMITS TO MERLIN BEING RIGHT.
ARTHUR SAYS THERE IS SOMETHING SHIFTY ABOUT MERLIN. THAT HE HAS A SECRET.
YEA, ARTHUR. IT’S A GAY SECRET. YOU SHARE IT.
MERLIN RESPONDS THAT “HE IS AN OPEN BOOK” AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT “I HAVE OPEN LEGS” BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT SLASH GOGGLES DO TO YOU.
THEY HAVE AN AWKWARD SILENT MOMENT OF SQUEALABLE FABULOUSNESS, BECAUSE YOU JUST KNOW SOMETHING AWESOME IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
AND IT DOES. MERLIN GOES TO HUG ARTHUR. A;LFGJALGKJALJA
BUT ARTHUR IS ALL “WHOOOOOOOOOOA NOW, NOT SO FAST. GOTTA TAKE THESE THINGS SLOW”
AAAAAAAAAH, ARTHUR’S FACE WHEN HE SAYS “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo”
THEY HAVE SYNCONISED HAND LOWERING, AND ARTHUR ALMOST LOOKS LIKE HE WANTS TO DO IT ANYWAY, BUT EVENTUALLY STALKS OFF.
MERLIN TOTALLY KNOWS YOU WANTED IT, STOP BEING SUCH A BITCH AND JUST GIVE HIM THE HUG DAMMIT. BY THAT LOOK, EVEN MERLIN’S FIGURED OUT YOU LOVES HIM BY NOW.
I.
AM.
DEAD.