(no subject)
PART 1: THE BASICS
1. What is your full name? Gas Snake. ((Alternately, Ilya Grigorovich Sergievsky.))
2. Where and when were you born? 1968, in a little Russian village you haven’t heard of.
3. Who are/were your parents? Did/do they have occupations? Being dead, and being dead but showing up to string monosyllabic words together in futile attempt to come up with an insult.
4. Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? No, thank Christ.
5. Where do you live now, and with whom? In hell, with Spooky and a tribble
6. What is your occupation? Listening to the entire goddamn world fantasize about humping, apparently.
7. Write a full physical description of the character. (Third Person) Fuck third person. I look like Brad Pitt, three months after he starved to death.
8. To which social class do you belong? Whichever one supplies me with a top-of-the-line sound system in my room but does not include any money. Except that time I found five dollars.
9. Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? I’m strong as a friggin’ ox.
10. Are you right- or left-handed? Right-handed.
11. What does your voice sound like? No, it’s not Nathan Lane, you jackasses.
12. What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? Ask George Carlin.
13. What do you have in your pockets? Do I look like I have pockets?
14. Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? No.
PART 2: GROWING UP
15. How would you describe your childhood in general? Gee, I don’t know, it kind of became a blur after I set my town on fire.
16. What is your earliest memory? Trying to read the newspaper. It went as well as Diquid pretending he was literate enough to read Harry Potter.
17. How much schooling have you had? Formally, high school.
18. Did you enjoy school? By the time my teachers gave up and just assigned me my own goddamn lessons, yeah.
19. Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? In the KGB.
20. While growing up, did you have any role models? No.
21. While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? Just peachy.
22. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? A soldier.
23. As a child, what were your favorite activities? Dreaming about setting my classmates on fire with my mind.
24. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? Same ones I do now, minus most of the sociopathy.
25. As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like? Oh, yeah, I was just the life of the party.
26. When and with whom was your first kiss? Since I’m writing this thing for stalker fangirls, apparently, I’m sure you slutbuckets know.
27. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? To the prom king in the backseat of a limo.
28. If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today. Oh, go look up Psycho Mantis on YouTube. Even if that version of me’s a drama queen.
PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES
29. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? Discovering my powers.
30. Who has had the most influence on you? No one.
31. What do you consider your greatest achievement? Getting Ocelot’s arm cut off.
32. What is your greatest regret? Not getting Ocelot’s head cut off.
33. What is the most evil thing you have ever done? Hold on, let me look it up in my scrapbook.
34. Do you have a criminal record of any kind? You think?
35. When was the time you were the most frightened? I’m sure I was scared of loud noises or something stupid as a crotchdropping.
36. What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? There was this one time I tripped in front of the whole cafeteria and everybody laughed at me.
37. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? Nothing.
38. What is your best memory?. Insert something sappy with Spooky here.
39. What is your worst memory? Pretty much every time I see Ocelot alive.
PART 4: BELIEFS AND OPINIONS
40. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? I’m basically right.
41. What is your greatest fear? Don’t have any.
42. What are your religious views? None.
43. What are your political views? Anything that discourages spawning gets my vote.
44. What are your views on sex? JUST STOP ALREADY Spooky doesn’t count
45. Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? I’m a pacifist.
46. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? Be Revolver Ocelot.
47. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? What, that “destined to be together” bullshit? No.
48. What do you believe makes a successful life? Preventing everyone else from having a successful life.
49. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)? Oh, believe me, everyone knows what I think of them.
50. Do you have any biases or prejudices? Never!
51. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it? …oh, fuck it all, I can’t even put humping.
52. Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? Spooky’s gonna be sappy at me if I answer this.
PART 5: RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS
53. In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how? The more I know someone, the more they do to piss me off. Minus the obvious exceptions.
54. Who is the most important person in your life, and why? Spooky, and no, I’m not giving the goddamn speech again.
55. Who is the person you respect the most, and why? Spooky and the Boss. I’m continuing to not give the speech.
56. Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people. Spooky, the floaty dead guy that keeps following me around. Alexei, that floaty dead guy that doesn’t follow me around. Snake, that guy with a box fetish.
57. Do you have a spouse or significant other? That floaty dead guy who keeps following me around.
58. Have you ever been in love? Obviously.
59. What do you look for in a potential lover? I don’t.
60. How close are you to your family? They’re dead. Not very.
61. Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not? Oh Jesus god no
62. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? Spooky.
63. Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? Well, I don’t know, maybe that psychic I know.
64. If you died or went missing, who would miss you? Spooky (despite the fact that he talks to the dead). Snake. Those annoying little humplings that keep following me around.
65. Who is the person you despise the most, and why? Revolver fucking Ocelot, and if you’ve ever seen him, you’ll know why.
66. Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? They started it.
67. Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations? No, because everyone’s too stupid to listen to me.
68. Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not? As much as everyone else in the goddamn world would like to hear the teeming masses’ constant thoughts of sex, I’ll pass.
69. Do you care what others think of you? I cry myself to sleep every night because of all the people who don’t like me.
PART 6: LIKES AND DISLIKES
70. What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? Setting people on fire, reading, listening to music, setting people on fire, singing talking to Spooky, setting people on fire.
71. What is your most treasured possession? The one that keeps me from spending my entire life curled up on the floor in the fetal position.
72. What is your favorite color? Look, just because I wear green doesn’t mean it’s my favorite color.
73. What is your favorite food? My coffee.
74. What, if anything, do you like to read? Non-fiction that doesn’t involve humping and Sherlock Holmes.
75. What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)? Things that don’t involve humping and don’t suck.
76. Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit? Yeah, uh, I’m pretty sure consuming nothing but caffeine isn’t technically healthy.
77. How do you spend a typical Saturday night? With Spooky and/or avoiding rooms.
78. What makes you laugh? Schadenfreude.
79. What, if anything, shocks or offends you? Oh I’m not writing down the whole friggin’ list.
80. What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?. I don’t know, maybe the things I already listed in question 70?
81. How do you deal with stress? You mean like my entire goddamn life?
82. Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? Plans with leeway.
83. What are your pet peeves? I’m still not writing down the whole friggin’ list.
PART 7: SELF-IMAGE AND ETC.
84. Describe the routine of a normal day for you. Wake up. Have fucking annoying things happen to me when I, for some reason, decide to leave my room. Go to sleep as a trilobite or robot or something.
85. What is your greatest strength as a person? I’m good at what I do.
86. What is your greatest weakness? Yes, let’s advertise it! Ass.
87. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Nothing.
88. Are you generally introverted or extroverted?. Introverted.
89. Are you generally organized or messy?. When you can move things with your mind, neatness comes easy.
90. Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. Telepathy, psychokinesis, and actually producing a goddamn logical thought. Avoiding people thinking about humping, not being surrounded by idiots, cooking.
91. Do you like yourself? I’m fucking awesome. The other versions of me are humping-obsessed jackasses.
92. What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons...) I don’t “adventure” or do anything heroic, unless not setting crotchdroppings on fire every goddamn second is heroic. Anything strange is because this goddamn building hates me.
93. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? Yeah, uh, that’s pretty much been put on hold.
94. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Hopefully not in this hellhole unless Spooky’s still here.
95. If you could choose, how would you want to die? Considering I’ll just come back to life in three days, let’s go with fighting someone who isn’t a complete moron.
96. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. Same thing I always do, especially considering the whole talking to ghosts and not remaining dead thing.
97. What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? If it involves having a heart of gold, somebody dies.
98. What three words best describe your personality? Go, away, and fuckers.
99. What three words would others probably use to describe you? Ow, my, and brain.
100. If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? Oh, probably some shit about treating girls like human beings or treating human beings like human beings or not setting humplings on fire. ((Can I talk?)) No.
1. What is your full name? Gas Snake. ((Alternately, Ilya Grigorovich Sergievsky.))
2. Where and when were you born? 1968, in a little Russian village you haven’t heard of.
3. Who are/were your parents? Did/do they have occupations? Being dead, and being dead but showing up to string monosyllabic words together in futile attempt to come up with an insult.
4. Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? No, thank Christ.
5. Where do you live now, and with whom? In hell, with Spooky and a tribble
6. What is your occupation? Listening to the entire goddamn world fantasize about humping, apparently.
7. Write a full physical description of the character. (Third Person) Fuck third person. I look like Brad Pitt, three months after he starved to death.
8. To which social class do you belong? Whichever one supplies me with a top-of-the-line sound system in my room but does not include any money. Except that time I found five dollars.
9. Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? I’m strong as a friggin’ ox.
10. Are you right- or left-handed? Right-handed.
11. What does your voice sound like? No, it’s not Nathan Lane, you jackasses.
12. What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? Ask George Carlin.
13. What do you have in your pockets? Do I look like I have pockets?
14. Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? No.
PART 2: GROWING UP
15. How would you describe your childhood in general? Gee, I don’t know, it kind of became a blur after I set my town on fire.
16. What is your earliest memory? Trying to read the newspaper. It went as well as Diquid pretending he was literate enough to read Harry Potter.
17. How much schooling have you had? Formally, high school.
18. Did you enjoy school? By the time my teachers gave up and just assigned me my own goddamn lessons, yeah.
19. Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? In the KGB.
20. While growing up, did you have any role models? No.
21. While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? Just peachy.
22. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? A soldier.
23. As a child, what were your favorite activities? Dreaming about setting my classmates on fire with my mind.
24. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? Same ones I do now, minus most of the sociopathy.
25. As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like? Oh, yeah, I was just the life of the party.
26. When and with whom was your first kiss? Since I’m writing this thing for stalker fangirls, apparently, I’m sure you slutbuckets know.
27. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? To the prom king in the backseat of a limo.
28. If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today. Oh, go look up Psycho Mantis on YouTube. Even if that version of me’s a drama queen.
PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES
29. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? Discovering my powers.
30. Who has had the most influence on you? No one.
31. What do you consider your greatest achievement? Getting Ocelot’s arm cut off.
32. What is your greatest regret? Not getting Ocelot’s head cut off.
33. What is the most evil thing you have ever done? Hold on, let me look it up in my scrapbook.
34. Do you have a criminal record of any kind? You think?
35. When was the time you were the most frightened? I’m sure I was scared of loud noises or something stupid as a crotchdropping.
36. What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? There was this one time I tripped in front of the whole cafeteria and everybody laughed at me.
37. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? Nothing.
38. What is your best memory?. Insert something sappy with Spooky here.
39. What is your worst memory? Pretty much every time I see Ocelot alive.
PART 4: BELIEFS AND OPINIONS
40. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? I’m basically right.
41. What is your greatest fear? Don’t have any.
42. What are your religious views? None.
43. What are your political views? Anything that discourages spawning gets my vote.
44. What are your views on sex? JUST STOP ALREADY Spooky doesn’t count
45. Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? I’m a pacifist.
46. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? Be Revolver Ocelot.
47. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? What, that “destined to be together” bullshit? No.
48. What do you believe makes a successful life? Preventing everyone else from having a successful life.
49. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)? Oh, believe me, everyone knows what I think of them.
50. Do you have any biases or prejudices? Never!
51. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it? …oh, fuck it all, I can’t even put humping.
52. Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? Spooky’s gonna be sappy at me if I answer this.
PART 5: RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS
53. In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how? The more I know someone, the more they do to piss me off. Minus the obvious exceptions.
54. Who is the most important person in your life, and why? Spooky, and no, I’m not giving the goddamn speech again.
55. Who is the person you respect the most, and why? Spooky and the Boss. I’m continuing to not give the speech.
56. Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people. Spooky, the floaty dead guy that keeps following me around. Alexei, that floaty dead guy that doesn’t follow me around. Snake, that guy with a box fetish.
57. Do you have a spouse or significant other? That floaty dead guy who keeps following me around.
58. Have you ever been in love? Obviously.
59. What do you look for in a potential lover? I don’t.
60. How close are you to your family? They’re dead. Not very.
61. Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not? Oh Jesus god no
62. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? Spooky.
63. Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? Well, I don’t know, maybe that psychic I know.
64. If you died or went missing, who would miss you? Spooky (despite the fact that he talks to the dead). Snake. Those annoying little humplings that keep following me around.
65. Who is the person you despise the most, and why? Revolver fucking Ocelot, and if you’ve ever seen him, you’ll know why.
66. Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? They started it.
67. Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations? No, because everyone’s too stupid to listen to me.
68. Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not? As much as everyone else in the goddamn world would like to hear the teeming masses’ constant thoughts of sex, I’ll pass.
69. Do you care what others think of you? I cry myself to sleep every night because of all the people who don’t like me.
PART 6: LIKES AND DISLIKES
70. What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? Setting people on fire, reading, listening to music, setting people on fire, singing talking to Spooky, setting people on fire.
71. What is your most treasured possession? The one that keeps me from spending my entire life curled up on the floor in the fetal position.
72. What is your favorite color? Look, just because I wear green doesn’t mean it’s my favorite color.
73. What is your favorite food? My coffee.
74. What, if anything, do you like to read? Non-fiction that doesn’t involve humping and Sherlock Holmes.
75. What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)? Things that don’t involve humping and don’t suck.
76. Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit? Yeah, uh, I’m pretty sure consuming nothing but caffeine isn’t technically healthy.
77. How do you spend a typical Saturday night? With Spooky and/or avoiding rooms.
78. What makes you laugh? Schadenfreude.
79. What, if anything, shocks or offends you? Oh I’m not writing down the whole friggin’ list.
80. What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?. I don’t know, maybe the things I already listed in question 70?
81. How do you deal with stress? You mean like my entire goddamn life?
82. Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? Plans with leeway.
83. What are your pet peeves? I’m still not writing down the whole friggin’ list.
PART 7: SELF-IMAGE AND ETC.
84. Describe the routine of a normal day for you. Wake up. Have fucking annoying things happen to me when I, for some reason, decide to leave my room. Go to sleep as a trilobite or robot or something.
85. What is your greatest strength as a person? I’m good at what I do.
86. What is your greatest weakness? Yes, let’s advertise it! Ass.
87. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Nothing.
88. Are you generally introverted or extroverted?. Introverted.
89. Are you generally organized or messy?. When you can move things with your mind, neatness comes easy.
90. Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. Telepathy, psychokinesis, and actually producing a goddamn logical thought. Avoiding people thinking about humping, not being surrounded by idiots, cooking.
91. Do you like yourself? I’m fucking awesome. The other versions of me are humping-obsessed jackasses.
92. What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons...) I don’t “adventure” or do anything heroic, unless not setting crotchdroppings on fire every goddamn second is heroic. Anything strange is because this goddamn building hates me.
93. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? Yeah, uh, that’s pretty much been put on hold.
94. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Hopefully not in this hellhole unless Spooky’s still here.
95. If you could choose, how would you want to die? Considering I’ll just come back to life in three days, let’s go with fighting someone who isn’t a complete moron.
96. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. Same thing I always do, especially considering the whole talking to ghosts and not remaining dead thing.
97. What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? If it involves having a heart of gold, somebody dies.
98. What three words best describe your personality? Go, away, and fuckers.
99. What three words would others probably use to describe you? Ow, my, and brain.
100. If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? Oh, probably some shit about treating girls like human beings or treating human beings like human beings or not setting humplings on fire. ((Can I talk?)) No.