what you did

[foxfireash]

one year ago, you and i skipped work to spend the day together. we drove to the blood bank and i thought it was so sweet that we were sharing ourselves with the world, i felt like i had changed you for the better. we bought some beers and went home to watch tv and smoke out. we had sex on the couch and then i went into the front room to get the cat. something snapped, the paradise turned ugly again, and you locked me in. when you let me out, after i screamed and pounded on the door, i locked you out of the house, my house, in retaliation. so you just got angrier and kicked down the door, and you wouldnt let me leave, you held me down on the same couch we had just copulated on. i was not scared when i beat you with my car keys, i was just as mad as you were. so you grabbed them from me and threw them into the street and then you called the cops on me. my life fell apart and 22 hours later, you were gone from my life.

looking back on it now, i am amazed at how little my world has changed. i see myself as stronger now, and the memory of you just makes me wince. you are somewhere miserable and unfortunate, and i can only shrug and say i tried my best with you. i cant even remember how you sounded anymore.

yes, its over, and i wish i could get really fucked up in commemoration tonite, but im trapped in a condo in FLA.

i feel like everything is falling down around me and theres no reason to stay.