(no subject)
Discussions and various posts on my f-list are reminding me of several posts for which I have stored-up content in my head waiting for the time when I also have enough stored-up mental organisation to write them properly. They include:
* Racism from the inside: my response to RaceFail09 and why I'm still not sure if I'm entitled to say anything on the subject
* A reflection on my personal experiences with body image disorders, sparked off by reading about Mischa Barton's reaction to critics saying she had cellulite
* Why I am trying (with varying degrees of success) to be Properly Vegetarian
But since those aren't written yet and this is (thanks largely to a series of communications in a different medium), here is a slightly more in-depth explanation of what I was whinging about some days ago:
We are inculcated from an early age with expectations of what "normal" life should entail, by media, literature, society, our own families etc.
On the personal front, these tend to include hetero-mono-normative assumptions: that you will form a long-term partnership with one member of the opposite sex, that eventually you will move in together, get married, have children etc. Various aspects of this paradigm are being challenged, for example homosexuality and couples who are childless by choice are now relatively accepted (though I'm sure if you ask anyone who is in one of the above situations, they'll tell you that they've been confronted with inappropriate paradigmatic assumptions on many occasions). Some aspects are less accepted, for example polyamory is still fairly new and considered "weird" or "kinky" by many people. I have said in the past that poly is now where gay was twenty years ago, in terms of where we are up to with social acceptance. And people who are single by choice, or couples who choose not to live together, are even more marginalised in terms of acceptance of their lifestyle.
Consider whether any of these questions sound familiar -- to singles: "When are you going to get a boyfriend/girlfriend?"; to couples who have been together for a while: "So when are you going to move in together/get married"; to couples who are already married or co-habiting: "So are you going to have kids any time soon?" Or a comment someone made to me a while ago, about moving in with his girlfriend: "We figured after nearly four years, if we still weren't living together then something was wrong".
Currently I am surrounded by friends who are moving in together, getting married, having children, buying houses etc. Of course I am delighted for all my friends who are doing what makes them happy... but. But. While I'm far from sure that I want ANY of these things right now, or possibly ever (I've done three out of four and none of them have worked out yet!), the expectations which have surrounded me all my life tell me that I am "missing the boat" somehow.
In the same way as people have complained about not seeing black, gay or female persons represented in all walks of life (in books, on TV, in various careers etc), I wish there were more strong representations of people who are single, to remind us that it is a valid and worthwhile way to live in itself, rather than just a precursor to coupling up and settling down.
And that, my friends, is why I hate chick-lit.
* Racism from the inside: my response to RaceFail09 and why I'm still not sure if I'm entitled to say anything on the subject
* A reflection on my personal experiences with body image disorders, sparked off by reading about Mischa Barton's reaction to critics saying she had cellulite
* Why I am trying (with varying degrees of success) to be Properly Vegetarian
But since those aren't written yet and this is (thanks largely to a series of communications in a different medium), here is a slightly more in-depth explanation of what I was whinging about some days ago:
We are inculcated from an early age with expectations of what "normal" life should entail, by media, literature, society, our own families etc.
On the personal front, these tend to include hetero-mono-normative assumptions: that you will form a long-term partnership with one member of the opposite sex, that eventually you will move in together, get married, have children etc. Various aspects of this paradigm are being challenged, for example homosexuality and couples who are childless by choice are now relatively accepted (though I'm sure if you ask anyone who is in one of the above situations, they'll tell you that they've been confronted with inappropriate paradigmatic assumptions on many occasions). Some aspects are less accepted, for example polyamory is still fairly new and considered "weird" or "kinky" by many people. I have said in the past that poly is now where gay was twenty years ago, in terms of where we are up to with social acceptance. And people who are single by choice, or couples who choose not to live together, are even more marginalised in terms of acceptance of their lifestyle.
Consider whether any of these questions sound familiar -- to singles: "When are you going to get a boyfriend/girlfriend?"; to couples who have been together for a while: "So when are you going to move in together/get married"; to couples who are already married or co-habiting: "So are you going to have kids any time soon?" Or a comment someone made to me a while ago, about moving in with his girlfriend: "We figured after nearly four years, if we still weren't living together then something was wrong".
Currently I am surrounded by friends who are moving in together, getting married, having children, buying houses etc. Of course I am delighted for all my friends who are doing what makes them happy... but. But. While I'm far from sure that I want ANY of these things right now, or possibly ever (I've done three out of four and none of them have worked out yet!), the expectations which have surrounded me all my life tell me that I am "missing the boat" somehow.
In the same way as people have complained about not seeing black, gay or female persons represented in all walks of life (in books, on TV, in various careers etc), I wish there were more strong representations of people who are single, to remind us that it is a valid and worthwhile way to live in itself, rather than just a precursor to coupling up and settling down.
And that, my friends, is why I hate chick-lit.