(no subject)
1) fuck Rainbow... Serriously... Or rather, fuck Kelly. I feel like everyone just becomes horrible around her. I just really have the urge to break things now. Rip, tear, smash, twist, stomp, etc. Joseph thinks it a laughing matter that our flyers aren't getting hung up until the DAY of the event, like... litterally between 10-5 hours BEFORE the fucking event. You're the president. You shouldn't be thinking that it's funny that our advertising is failing this year. I take the advertising personally because I held hte possition before and got voted out because lil-miss-drug-lord ran against me. If I had known free weed, acid, etc. was all it took to get a guarenteed vote then I wouldn't have even bothered... And then he fucking tells me it's MY fault numbers are low because my emails are "too long." No... They are within the one page limit when you give me 4 things to write about. I throw in jokes to make the email pleasant to read. If they don't want to read I've included a thing at the top and bottom to include just the what-where-when. And don't patronize me when I ask about what you're planning for the group. It'd be rather nice to have a PLAN rather than coming out with it the FUCKING DAY BEFORE! Fuck you guys... This is why I hate feeling happy. As soon as I do shit like this happens. Oh yay, I got a 100% on my test! Ooo, got out of class early! Tonight I'm getting a meal for $3! -BOOM- I get ignored, I get laughed at, I get physically pushed aside, I get abandonded... It's just so much easier staying down. Makes it hurt less, ya know? Maybe I should get those mood altering drugs... Supposed to just flatline all your emotions.
2) OMG, Sims 3?! I had alot of tiffs with Sims 2. I felt like there was too many limits. and it made my computer SLOW-AS-FUCK! But OMG... This. Just... Just LOOK at it! I can make them INSANE?! EVIL?! I can have a job goal that starts when I'm a child? Maybe the job will actually be a FUN option now rather than an annoying chore that inturupts the game play. Annoyed the fuck out of me when everyone went off and I just sat there with the house or maybe like 1 person... I just cheated and got the money and made them all stay home. And I can change the appearance SO much. Now it's not 3 set weights. I can give the women REAL curves without them having to be labeled fat. I can make them hate the outdoors as much as I do. Beautiful. I don't think I can even fathom what is to come of Sims 4... Maybe let you import photos and it automatically creates an exact Sim of that photo? Dog with a cute heart shaped spot? Got it. Weird colored eyes and a scar on your chin from when you fell off the monkey bars? No problem. That'd be wicked cool...
3) So pretty much I just need to have better control of myself. I need to stop being so dependant on others for my mood. I should be able to be happy with being alone and not be bothered when I'm laughed at for "worrying my pretty little head" just because I want to get the paper work done and submitted before the last fucking minute. Breathing techniques. Music. Aroma therapy. Mind displacement. Pressure points. Chants. Visualizing. Just need to remember to practice what I preach, haha.
4) Just kind of rambling here, don't expect sense... I need to tell him. I'm afraid, but I need to. I'm almost in tears, but I need to. I set up a date and I told someone that date so that they can pressure me into it if I try to back out. Like I said above, I need to stop depending on others so much. =/ Bleh.
So hopefully I won't kill people by the end of the day... Just a few more hours and I can lock myself back in my room and get lost in fiction and sleep. All else fails, just sleep. don't have to worry about emotions, expectations, lonliness, etc. Just drift off and refuse to get out of bed except under the threat of wetting it.
Speaking of sleep, had an odd dream last night... Kid that I had a crush on when I was in like 1-3 grade was in it. It started out with him just passing me by a few times in teh dream as I went about my business. He'd have a gang of girls around him and he'd say hi to me. Weirded me out because we never talked. Then close to the end of it, it started to seem like he had a thing for me now. And I was just like 'uh... WTF... I haven't even TALKED to you since 5th grade... We completely ignored each other ever since then, even when we shared classes! WTF?!?! Then he gave me this cute note and it was all shy and shit... And I just thought to myself 'wow... someone actually LIKES me?' Then my alarm went off. And I have this weird thing where I can hear the alarm in the dream and react too it. It's usually the point in the dream that I accept that it's a dream. How depressing... Finally get a semi-love-letter and I get the ear-splitting announcement that it's all made up. I just kept screaming upwards 'NO NO NO!' Bleh... Maybe it's a sign I'm gonna get some? Or maybe it's a guarentee of, just like all the other years, my V-day is going to be horrible depressing and lonely...
2) OMG, Sims 3?! I had alot of tiffs with Sims 2. I felt like there was too many limits. and it made my computer SLOW-AS-FUCK! But OMG... This. Just... Just LOOK at it! I can make them INSANE?! EVIL?! I can have a job goal that starts when I'm a child? Maybe the job will actually be a FUN option now rather than an annoying chore that inturupts the game play. Annoyed the fuck out of me when everyone went off and I just sat there with the house or maybe like 1 person... I just cheated and got the money and made them all stay home. And I can change the appearance SO much. Now it's not 3 set weights. I can give the women REAL curves without them having to be labeled fat. I can make them hate the outdoors as much as I do. Beautiful. I don't think I can even fathom what is to come of Sims 4... Maybe let you import photos and it automatically creates an exact Sim of that photo? Dog with a cute heart shaped spot? Got it. Weird colored eyes and a scar on your chin from when you fell off the monkey bars? No problem. That'd be wicked cool...
3) So pretty much I just need to have better control of myself. I need to stop being so dependant on others for my mood. I should be able to be happy with being alone and not be bothered when I'm laughed at for "worrying my pretty little head" just because I want to get the paper work done and submitted before the last fucking minute. Breathing techniques. Music. Aroma therapy. Mind displacement. Pressure points. Chants. Visualizing. Just need to remember to practice what I preach, haha.
4) Just kind of rambling here, don't expect sense... I need to tell him. I'm afraid, but I need to. I'm almost in tears, but I need to. I set up a date and I told someone that date so that they can pressure me into it if I try to back out. Like I said above, I need to stop depending on others so much. =/ Bleh.
So hopefully I won't kill people by the end of the day... Just a few more hours and I can lock myself back in my room and get lost in fiction and sleep. All else fails, just sleep. don't have to worry about emotions, expectations, lonliness, etc. Just drift off and refuse to get out of bed except under the threat of wetting it.
Speaking of sleep, had an odd dream last night... Kid that I had a crush on when I was in like 1-3 grade was in it. It started out with him just passing me by a few times in teh dream as I went about my business. He'd have a gang of girls around him and he'd say hi to me. Weirded me out because we never talked. Then close to the end of it, it started to seem like he had a thing for me now. And I was just like 'uh... WTF... I haven't even TALKED to you since 5th grade... We completely ignored each other ever since then, even when we shared classes! WTF?!?! Then he gave me this cute note and it was all shy and shit... And I just thought to myself 'wow... someone actually LIKES me?' Then my alarm went off. And I have this weird thing where I can hear the alarm in the dream and react too it. It's usually the point in the dream that I accept that it's a dream. How depressing... Finally get a semi-love-letter and I get the ear-splitting announcement that it's all made up. I just kept screaming upwards 'NO NO NO!' Bleh... Maybe it's a sign I'm gonna get some? Or maybe it's a guarentee of, just like all the other years, my V-day is going to be horrible depressing and lonely...