Hi there. It's been a while. I've been good, and you?
It certainly has been a while.
I think Katie said 2 years? Yikes.
Well then.
I looked through a few of my old posts and they're all about girls.
Jesus. Thank you Testosterone. Thank you SOOOOO much.
Is that really where my thought process lies? In girls? Fuck.
I'm just upset I wasn't consciously aware of it.
.....
I don't want to be alone.
I mean, I have a lot of weird thoughts that run rampart through my head. All kinds of things. Some of them worries, desires, or just thoughts.
But... I REALLY hate hearing my thoughts. Like, if I could NOT listen to my thoughts, I think I'd be a better off.
I know it's a crazy thing to say. But being alone is just... I just get too much time to think, you know? And ever since I had that ONE successful relationship, I know what it's like to have someone to talk to, HONESTLY, about my thoughts and feelings.
It's nice to see, hear, and talk to someone who honestly wants to be around you. Know your opinions and laugh at your crazy. It puts me at ease. Lets me focus.
It's hard to want to do things for myself. I had a mother who went to 4 years of College to do absolutely nothing with it.
To drown herself in less than desirable aspects of the scum and villainy that surrounds us as a culture.
But... I know I should go to College. For SOMETHING. Life keeps poking me to. I need money. It's not free.
I need to get my shit together. I 'm doing it slowly. License was the first one. I need to get my school crap in order and stop being such a loser.
Just... not being alone with thoughts inspires me to better things.
Like a hundred years ago with Drusella. We just talked about art and music and video-games... and I just felt better all the time. I felt excited to get up, to go to school.
I really wonder how much I don't like myself.
I wish I could've lived a different life. With different family and different friends. A better childhood, more specifically.
*sigh* I just.... lack motivation. It's hard to care. I WANT to care. I 'm DRIVEN to want to care.
Isn't that fucking IRONY!? I'm IMPRESSED by the amount of irony.
I don't feel I have a reason. I know there's SOMETHING. Something that keeps me waking up and putting on clothes and brushing my teeth.
Maybe I'm waiting for opportunity. Waiting for a good thing to come along and go right along with it.
Oh geeez.
WHY IS CONNECTING WITH SOMEONE TO FUGGIN HARD AMG.
I 'm zoning in on it better though. I need to understand that deep in my heart of hearts, I'm so freakishly nerdy it's unbelievable. I need to come to terms with it. I think I want to stray away from it, but I need to just accept it. I like watching cult movies. I like liking Dark City. I enjoy sitting around and clack-clicking on my computer. I'm a fan of any video-game I can get my grubby, little hands on. I like knowing Trivia about Video-games. I like forgetting more about Warcraft than most people will ever know. I like watching cosplay and wishing I wasn't scared to do it. I like reading comic book! I like Manga. Even the horrible, terrible kind. I like watching Samurai showdowns.
I mean, if someone said, "Hey, would you like to go out and get dinner?" or "Let's get some Tacos and fucking beat Brave Fencer Musashi."
Guess which one I would opt for.
-wqa[psojglkdspjgsadhodspjhdsl
dpogdsjgpodsjgsdopg
Goddamn do I love Brave Fencer Musashi.
Anyways. I'm a nerd! I love to chill and hang out. To argue about who could win in a fight, Batman or Superman.
I like making up scenarios in my head that no one will ever get to know about. Long scenarios with deeply feeling characters. I like making up personas to write about. to THINK about writing about.
It's just all so... awesome.
I should work at a comic book store.
Or Video-game store.
MAN.
HOW AWESOME WOULD THAT BE.
I would sing and catagorize video-games.
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Sing! SING!
Oh my. I'm getting ahead of myself.
It's late! I should sleep! Thank you Katie for getting me to look at this again!
......
I kinda wanna mention Katie, because it's kinda relative.
But she IS a girl. And I'm trying to obstain from using the whole blog to talk about girls.
Which I mostly spent half of explaining why I'm always TALKING about girls, or, moreso the opportunites that have come my way INVOLVING girls.
I have to say, I'm a JERK when it comes to chasing girls or telling them how I feel.
And by jerk, I mean bad.
I'm like.... a venus-fly-trap. I just try and look interesting enough to get attention.
That's a horrible analogy. I do not eat them.
Anyways. I still retain a LOT of the shyness from when I was younger. I still get all nervous and fluttery when girls like me.
You'd think at 21 that shit would stop.
No.
FUCK.
In any case, Katie!
Katie is awesome and I love her.
I actually met her room before I met her.
HOW CREEPY IS THAT AMG.
No, my friend Megan was house-sitting and since I live nearby, I came down to hang out and keep her company.
And annoucing that Katie's house was perfect for Zombie attack, I set out to get ahold of the layout.
And I saw Katie's room. AMAZING.
I don't remember the specifics too well, it was a while ago. BUT I REMEMBER IT WAS AWESOME.
I told Megan I wanted to marry her room, and she said, "You mean her?" and I was like, "yeahokaywhatever."
But! Very recently we've been talking and it's very cool.
SHE LOVES ALL THE STUPID NERDY THINGS I DO.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
ACCCCCCCEEEEEEEEPPPPPTTTTTAAAAANNNCCCCEEEEEEEEEEE!
Hehehehehe. It's fun though. I have a great time talking to her about stuff.
Makes me actually wanna be on AIM again.
Anyways. I'm tired. Work was cool. Getting paid late. W/e.
I'll try to look at this more than once every two years.
Later.
-D.